Friday, September 01, 2006

Vinny DeSantis - Fear

I feel like I've been in a state of catatonic shock for the lasdt two days. I feel like I'm in a dream and waiting to wake upm but I still haven';t.

Ugh. These nails are getting too much in my way. I should apoloogize in advance for any mistakes or misspellings or extra letters in this entry. Maybe I ought to just file them down, afther all why should I keep them? I don't want them!

Yesterday just feels like it didn't happen at allk. It's difficult to put into workds. I woke up in the early afternoon with this weight on my chest, that twas the first thing that I felt. Then I sat up and the weight didn't fall off like I expected it would, and shotrtly thereafter this blond hair fell down in my face. I think that was about the time I started screaming, and then it started kicking in - I'm a girl. A GIRL~!

Before long I foudn out that I wasn not the only one who this has happened too. Every other guy staying in this inn went through the exasct same transformation. There's now a short asian chick who says she was named Art, I don't think I met Art formally (at least I don't remember). That Texan dude now looks more like he - she is Irish. That guy Jeff that I met now looks likt a girl just going through puberty. Puberty is defintiltey not going to be a problem for me though. I don't know how old I am, but I'm sure this body has already made it thorugh that phase. I sure hope so anyway, because I wouldn't be able to take it if thse jugs sitting on my chuest got any bigger. They are starting to feel a little sore and I honestly dont' know what to do about it. I'm not rubbing them, that's for sure. I just want to pretende that thaey don't exust, but they're impossible to ignore.

I look like a typiucal coed. I don't feel like I've shrunk too much, I haven't measured it but I'm a tall girl. Ugh. I feel like I'm making an admission of guilt there or sometihng.

No more muscular arms. No more big feet. I even talk with an accent which I can't place - it shure as hell isn't Long Island. I look a bit like a bimbo aand I can't stand it. I look in the mirror and see a girl that I would have lovewd to take to bed with me, but now the thought kinda feels repulsive. That's scary too. I see a girl with shoultder length blond hair, blue eyes, wearing nothing but a tshirt and a pair of men's pants which are a bit too long for her and are constantly falling down. I had to put a new hole in my belt just to keep them on me.

And then there's all the little things. Like going to the bathroom, which I have avoided doing as much as possible over the last two days. Actually I'm not going to talk about that because it's going to lead me to have to talk about something that I don't want to even pretend I have. Not going to do it. Somehow this happened to us, so clearly there must be a way to reverse it. I refuse to give up hope.

But I'm so scared right now.

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