Arthur/Penny: You can't go home again
Although maybe you can; it's just a matter of deciding what home is.
I did my last bit for CalSports last night. After the Stealth were eliminated from the playoffs, I told George that I wasn't going to sign a new contract to cover the Dragons, and gave two weeks' notice on the scorecasts. He was kind of surprised, but he could also see it's been something I've wanted to do for a while. He threw me a great going-away party last night, and had enough respect for me that he didn't spend a lot of time trying to convince me to stay.
Rick didn't take it quite so well. He couldn't believe I'd make that kind of move without consulting him. On a certain level, he does have a point; if you have a career where an agent makes sense, he needs to be in the loop on your career choices. Still, I said, the fact that he said "consulting" rather than "informing" was part of the reason I didn't. There'd be no point.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means..." We were at a restaurant, and I probably did some awkward thing then - reaching for my glass, deciding I didn't want to use that as a delaying technique for what I had to say, deciding I really was thirsty... "It means that this isn't that kind of career move. It's not about wanting to change jobs because I'm not getting paid enough, or the
cheerleader thing made me feel uncomfortable, or I've got another option. I just don't want to do TV sports any more. If I'd consulted you, you'd have tried to talk me out of it, because to do otherwise would be arguing against your own interests."
He said that wasn't completely true; this would be a challenge, but we could work together on the next phase of my career. That's when I told him that I wasn't just quitting this job, but his agency. There were a bunch of reasons; it felt weird to have that kind of working relationship with someone I'd slept with, I wanted to write and his agency was more set up for in front of the camera talent (and media where there was a camera!). Besides, I was going to be leaving California--
"Without telling your boyfriend?"
"Come on, Rick, we haven't been that in... I don't know if we were ever that. We were just convenient and safe; it was easier having someone we could talk to about everything. But you don't need that any more. You've... assimilated, I guess. You like the life you're in. I'm probably all that's keeping you from packing up shop and moving to Los Angeles to take it to the next level. And don't think I don't know about the pretty young things you've been seeing on the side."
"You could..."
"I don't
want to! I don't want to live where I have a chance of running into the jerk calling himself Arthur Milligan on the street, let alone at work, even if I'll miss my home town. I don't want to spend years trying to fake knowledge of lacrosse or really concentrate on learning that, or just being a pretty face that reads sports scores. I want to research, and learn, and create."
"And you'll be doing that...?"
"Back in Boston. I've got a friend there, and know some in New York, and... Well, you may be content with what the Inn made you, and figure your time worrying about it is at an end, but I want to know more. I
need to know more, and I'm going to have to be near it to do that."
It went downhill after that; I think in a while he'll accept that this is best, but that was pretty much like being fired for him, and nobody likes that.
I do think everyone should try quitting their job at least once in their life, though - the next two weeks can be some of the most enjoyable you can imagine, if you still get along with your co-workers, because none of the annoying crap touches you. You can really look at and think about what you're doing objectively.
And if you're in my position - which you're probably not - there is something quite liberating about selling everything you inherited from the person whose appearance you took. All the bulky exercise equipment, furniture, books, movies (I'm keeping some of the electronics) - gone. I'd sell the car, too, but I figured I'd wait and see how useful it is back in Boston before going that far. I've had Lyn scouting out apartments for me, and I've got a few job interviews lined up. It's going to be exciting.
I am tempted to stay here, but it's not what I want and really need right now. And it will be great to see Lyn regularly again, especially after not having seen her for a year.
-Art/Penny
Labels: Arthur, Ashlyn, CalSports, Drew, George, lacrosse, Penny, Rick
Darren / Jaime - Fleet Week!
Fleet Week is here! Honestly I’ve been looking forward to this week almost as much as going back to the Inn. I love seeing the ships sail up the Hudson. When I was a kid my dad would take me out to city. We’d always try to see a tour or watch one of the aerial demonstrations. Seeing all the sailors in their uniforms always made me feel proud for some reason. That memory has always been with me.
As happy as I am now I’m already feeling a little down. This year as Jaime feels like a lost year. Of course no one will be the wiser once I switch back into my own body; but I’ll still have missed out on over a year of the life I wanted. I know for one thing my career is not where I wanted it to be.
Alicia and I have been able to stay in relatively good contact now. Stills its been weeks since we last spoke. She says she can’t wait to get out my body. When she first found her self living my life she said it was hard adjusting to being in the military. So much so that she eventually ended up flunking out of the advanced course I was in. She’s spent the past four months repeating the course.
Sure I was upset, but it’s perfectly understandable. Its just not fair to expect Alicia to just go from civilian to military life and alone adjusting to be a guy too without any problems. Lord knows I’ve had my own problems adjusting to being a girl. I know she wanted to be thrown into my life just as much as I had wanted to be thrown out of it. Besides I’m sure if the real Jaime showed up right now she wouldn’t be happy with how I’m living her life. She’d think I was screwing it up somehow.
Anyway not only will I be getting to see all the ships come in this week I’ll also get to see Alicia. She will be here on leave this week. We’re planning to spend most of the week together. I want to be caught up on everything that’s been going on before we switch back. July is so close yet so far away. I don’t want there to be any surprises. We’re so close!
I’m so excited! Maybe it’s the endorphins! Casey and I worked out pretty hard today. My stomach is so tight. The things I do to keep this girlish figure? Its amazing the results you can get from exercising. I mean Casey and I work out together, but we get totally different results. I’ve been telling her that I want to look more like her, which is more athletic. Instead I only tone up a little bit. I can’t really get the same physique as her and that kind of bothers me.
I know what I just wrote sounds weird. It does to me too. When I first realized that I really cared about how I look it was a very peculiar feeling. Yet, every day I run, do squats, cardio, and sit ups. Then as I’m heading to the shower I pass a mirror and can’t help but stop and feel proud of how I look. Its hard to describe it in words. There’s a part of me that really likes how healthy and fit I look; like this is what I’ve created after all my hard work. Yet, as I stand there naked I can’t help but notice how sexy I look too? My eyes still wander over me like any other man’s would. It starts out as admiration before I start feeling a little warm and then like a jolt it hits home that I’m getting a little turned on by looking at myself. Sometimes I make it to the shower to cool off; other times I’m just glad that I’m alone.
Oh, God this is so confusing! July can’t come soon enough before I’m back to normal!
Labels: Alica, exercise, Fleet Week
Darren / Jaime - What a Race!
I’m sitting in my apartment right now watching cable news coverage of the election. I’ve always been a very politically interested person. Becoming Jaime didn’t stop me from trying to vote. I was pissed when I showed up at the polling station and they told me I wasn’t registered, that is that Jaime wasn’t registered to vote. I didn’t even bother to register since I won’t even be in this body next November.
And even though I’m sure I know who I’m going to vote for its still pretty interesting to watch the Democratic race. I’m not going to get into politics or what I believe because this really isn’t the place to share those opinions. But, I want to say something that I probably would never have noticed had I not been changed into a girl.
This past year I’ve seen things from a COMPLETELY opposite perspective. People treat me like a girl and I really don’t like it. I’m not used to being stared at. I hate to admit it but it does get to me and I have become self conscious at times about how I look or what I say. Yet, people look at me and see a woman and expect me to carry myself a certain way. Vinessa and Casey are two prime examples of people who seem to wonder why I don’t behave a little more feminine. According to them, since I have a great body I should dress in a way that says “I’m a beautiful woman.” Or when I got to work to meet Elaine for my assignments she treats me like a “dumb blonde” always explaining the most mundane tasks to me as if I hadn’t passed the third grade.
I’m sick of it! Thank God its going to be over soon. Only two more months!
Anyway, back to my point. I’ve never thought much of Hillary Clinton, but given everything that’s happened during the campaign there is no denying that she has had to put up with a lot, in part because she is a woman. There are certain expectations for women that I never really paid any attention to until I became Jaime. Its hard enough to run for president with all the scrutiny that goes with it. Being the first woman do so must also bring her another measure of scrutiny the other candidates don’t have deal with. And for that I give her credit.
