Darren/Jaime: Deja Vu But Worse
Today I finally got a hold of my laptop. My mind is still a jumble of thoughts and feelings. There are a number of half blurry memories bouncing around my head. Despite my confusion it is clear that everything has turned out so wrong. I feel as if I'm at my wit's end. The one thing that makes me feel better is just doing something familiar. Writing on this blog is the best that I can think of right now.The facts are that I'm still a girl. I'm still Jaime. If that wasn't bad enough I can hardly remember what went wrong. My memory is sketchy. I remember the day I arrived at Old Orchard Beach. I met up with Alicia who was still in my body. We were preparing for the switch. I gave her the reservation. I know we talked about other things but I just can't remember. Damn this is frustrating!
I remember staying the week at a "non-cursed" hotel waiting for the "new" Alicia to return. We had agreed that upon her transformation she would pick me up and drive me to the Inn. She did come back; and while I knew she would have a different body it was still hard to believe that the the stranger who had come for me was in fact Alica. Unfortunately for her she was still male. I don't remember much more beyond that except when started driving.
According to the doctor and Jaime's parents we were in a car accident. I sufferred head trauma and had been in a coma for several weeks. I asked about the man who was with me. Their faces became grave. They wouldn't tell me anything. They still havn't. I don't remember the crash, but they said I was lucky to be alive. Other than my head I had no other injuries.
Its been three days since I woke up. Its August now!!! Almost a month has passed since I was supposed to return to the Inn and reclaim my life. But that's not going to happen. I have no idea what's happened to my real body. I want to get out of here and start searching; but they won't release me. The doctors want to keep me under observation and apparently the authorities have questions for me.
Its just miserable confined to this hospital room. My only company has been Jaime's mother. She is a good person; but she is not my mother. I don't know how else to explain my feelings; I've never made a real effort at getting to know her; but at the same time I cannot deny the love and attention she has poured over me. She thinks I'm her daughter; how could she not act this way? But that doesn't change how I already feel. Its as if I'm stealing someone else's love.
I keep waiting for Casey to come through my door. According to Jaime's mother it was she who had retrieved my laptop for me. When she first heard about what had happend she immediately drove up here to see how I was doing. Jaime's mother said she was very helpful. Mark and Vinessa also visited. I guess they're all back in NYC; but it would be nice to see some familiar faces.
Well that felt better. Writing helps but I sill feel bad. I'm going to try and get some sleep now. I hope tomorrow is better; I'm trying to feel that way.
Labels: accident, Alica, Casey, coma
posted @ 2:25 AM
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