We were shopping because Katey and Omar are heading to Cabo San Lucas for a week and Katey wanted a few sexier swimsuits and outfits. She's been upgrading her wardrobe ever since her promotion, but a lot of it has been stuff for work or more casual, and she said she wants to look like a sexy woman instead of a sexy girl. It felt kind of funny to be shopping for that after work, in our blouses, pencil skirts, and heels, but I get it; I kind of feel like I'm cosplaying a real estate agent sometimes, and a lot of her co-workers aren't quite so worried about the impression they give, because we kind of overshoot the mark.
For a while, she didn't really seem to know exactly what she was looking for, which was why it was kind of funny to see her come out of a changing room in a red dress, grinning. "I like this one! It makes me look like I have tits!"
"What are you talking about? You've got really nice, perky breasts!"
"C'mon, Rusty, you know 'perky' means 'small'!" She took a look at her profile in the mirror. "Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being able to go without a bra some days, but it seems like all of Omar's buddies have girlfriends with bodies like Emilia's, and you know everyone's going to be flashing cleavage all the time in Cabo!" She gathered her hair up in her hand, trying to see how the dress would look with it up without actually making a bun. "You don't get it, you can just be the fun and naive girl when hanging out with friends, but every time I go quiet because I just don't have college or some other experience to talk about, it makes me look, I don't know, insubstantial. I know the way I dress doesn't change anything, but at least I don't double down on it."
"I suppose, although, don't you feel a bit weird going off to another country with someone?"
She shrugged. "Not really. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love you girls, but it feels really nice to be Omar's girlfriend first and foremost sometimes, you know? Just having someone accept you at face value and love you for it." She pulled me into the changing room, where she unceremoniously dropped the dress and started putting on a swimsuit. "You know what's weird? Emilia and Jonah. Like, they'll be out on a date with us and I know they're having a good time, because Em really can't fake anything after a couple drinks, but then by the time we're on the subway their demeanor totally changes, and then we get home and Emilia's popping a Bud Light and falling asleep on the couch watching some basketball game. Jonah's like that too, he's actually got a locked cabinet with romance novels, and, I mean, maybe I spend a lot of time with writers and editors, but the symbolism is kind of on the nose, right?"
"Hey, it works for them, right?"
She shrugged, and started trying on another swimsuit. "Does it? I mean, I kind of figure that you've got to figure out who you are now and commit to it. Be the chick who likes sports, or the guy who reads Nora Roberts, or whatever. Like, would they even be together under normal circumstances?"
After that, we were checking out and going to another store, so the subject kind of got dropped. She's been posting a lot of beach pics since Thursday, though, and really seems to be having a great time with just herself and Omar. Dad's making a good show of being cool with it, and she and Jonah are talking about maybe doing something like that once the academic year is over, although I can't tell whether they really want me along as a third wheel or not, even though they say so. And if they do, does that mean that maybe Katey has a point about them not really being into each other as opposed to being the best people they can fake it with, or maybe even the best people they can convince themselves that they're faking it with?
It might not matter; I'm not exactly established enough at the office to take two vacations this summer, and Monica's parents are talking about something in Europe in late June. I gather it's something the whole extended family does every summer, even when Monica was in college, with me begging off last summer because things were kind of tight understandable but unusual.
It's kind of tempting - I actually really like hanging out with Monica's cousins at holidays, and her family is actually really cool. I like going back and forth with them on social media, and they've actually been a supportive of all the crazy ways I've upended this life and come out as ace and stuff over the past couple years. It might actually be kind of fun to take a big vacation with them every year! It's just the idea of doing it with them instead of Dad and Katey that's kind of weird.
Well, not something I really have to worry about today, I guess.
-Rusty Monica
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