Friday, March 25, 2016

Jordan/"Missy" Yuan-wei: Spring Break

Given the amount of "Jordo really likes being a sexy bitch" content I put up here, it might seem like my going on spring break was a given, but it was kind of a last-minute decision. That stuff is a lot more exciting than "Yuan-wei's classes are a bunch of things I didn't study the first time I was in college", but it's not all easy As because I've done it before and have a bunch of essays stored on my old laptop.  If anything, I was thinking of another trip to China - maybe not Hong Kong, but Beijing, because Yuan-wei did spend some time there and it might be smart to bone up on something that a young Chinese woman of means would be expected to be familiar with.

That was before I got an email from Chen Bingbing, one of the original Yuan-wei's best friends from Hong Kong, asking what I was doing for Spring Break. She's going to school at Columbia right now, and thought this would be a great way to hang out with me since neither of us has had time to take the train to the other's city over the weekend yet. So, with appropriately exaggerated sighing, I said fine, I'll fly south out of this cold and go party for a week, if you insist.

(Benjamin and Jonah would later tell me it got really nice in Boston while I was away, although not quite ''fearlessly walking around in a bikini" nice.)

The credit card I inherited along with my new passport is pretty nice - even though I booked my flight and hotel pretty late in the game and therefore had to deal with prices I would have considered gouging in my original life, it absorbed them like a champ and asked if I would like to use my points for an upgrade. Fuck yes!

The hotel I booked wasn't exactly five stars - as much as luxury is nice, being in some classy place far from where the other college kids were would have been missing out - it was pretty nice, with breakfast and laundry and a pool. Since Bingbing wasn't due to arrive until the next day, I decided to spend the afternoon by the pool.

After a New England winter, it was really nice to pull off my t-shirt, drop my shorts, and just feel the sun on my skin. I put on some lotion, pulled the music and Kindle apps up on my tablet, and just enjoyed the moment.

I've been starting to actively notice guys lately. I don't know how it works with other guys that the Inn turned to girls, but I didn't really find guys attractive visually until I started screwing them.  I've got a theory that it's about my brain building associations, but that's kind of beside the point, which is that I only noticed the skinny-but-not-bad-looking white dude who walked by me with his phone at a kind of weird angle after the third time he passed or so.  Then, my brain was still a little behind in processing that he had a bit of a chub and was kind of handsome - I was actually focused on the tech a bit.

''Hey, buddy, what kind of phone are you using to creepshot me?"

Probably not the way he usually hears that question. "What? I, uh--"

I made the "over here" motion with my hand.  "C'mon, dude, hand it over." Ashlyn told me later that this sort of confrontation was usually a pretty bad idea, but I sort of sensed that he'd fold. It's not any sort of former-male-nerd thing; it's more that he seemed to want to be caught, like the bikini pics were a consolation prize, and having me notice him was first.

He handed me the phone, I swiped through his pics, made a comment about the camera and how the hotel had free wi-fi and he didn't need to burn the data plan, and then started tapping away before handing it back. He was pretty shocked to see the pics still there. Doubly so when mine vibrated!

"What's so weird? You can't get the whole body in a selfie!"

He seemed all right, but he kind of beat a hasty retreat when some of his fraternity bothers showed up.  I didn't take it personal.

Bingbing showed up the next day and said to meet her at the beach, at that sounded like a great plan.  I put on another bikini, some flip-flops, sunglasses, and a purse just big enough to hold my phone and wallet and headed out.

Walking along the beach, it's kind of hard for me to believe how much I freaked out at going to the beach as Deirdre, and whether I would have been this cool with it if I'd wound up staying like that rather than becoming Yuan-wei.  I think so - she's a different kind of sexy but there's still a lot of reason to be self-confident there, and I think I just fucking like being attractive, and didn't realize just how angry people not having a good first reaction got me.  Not everybody likes being whistled at, but it makes me feel good.

Chen Bingbing didn't whistle at me - she's not into that so far as I know - but I was glad to see her.   She's awful cute, is really into fashion, and seems to really dig that I defer to her a lot on that now.   I never really liked chatty girls before, probably because I often just took it for granted that they didn't want much to do with me, but even if listening to her go on want filling me in on stuff I could do with knowing, she's actually really funny, especially since she'll occasionally drop thoroughly unexpected Cantonese swearing into something innocuous.

We hugged - is it weird to both enjoy feeling boobs pressing against you and also feel gratified that yours are bigger? - and she talked stuff off about how America was so much fun, especially New York, although she also got really homesick.  I told her it passes, trying to draw on becoming a stranger rather than moving away.  Ironic, that, because that when she decided to introduce me to he new boyfriend.

You know that thing where a girl will get caught less dressed than she probably should be and then suddenly starts trying to cover up with her hands, even if they're way too small and she's wearing something anyway, just in case?  I don't do that, because, like I said, I like people liking what they see and don't want to start things off by cowering - at least most of the time.  Still, I made an exception at that moment, crossing my arms in such a way add to make sure my nipples weren't showing and quickly glancing down to make sure that nothing was perking out from beyond my bikini bottom.  What can I say; Max's eyes went straight to my chest and I was suddenly really uncomfortable with my fucking kid brother staring at my tits.

I felt stupid right away, and reached out my hand.  "Hi, Max.  Small world, huh?"

Bingbing seeing her head between us in surprise.  "You two know each other?"

Max was silently trying to figure out where he knew that chest from - really fucking concentrating, if you get my drift - so I told Bingbing the story we used back in September about how "his brother Jordan" and I played Call of Duty together until he got in shape and found other hobbies.

That rang a bell with Max, or at least he put on a good show of it.  It gave me a chance to ask what Benny was doing with my life.  Apparently he disapproved of "Jordo" just tossing everything he'd always done away to work in a gym and date a Hindu girl much more than our parents, although Bingbing defended him, saying that love and happiness were the most important things.  Max kind of grunted, but didn't argue with the pretty girl.

It made for a kind of interesting week. It was kind of mortifying at first to not just have Max looking me up and down when he thought Bingbing wasn't looking, but he was also the one buying us drinks when we found a bartender who wasn't carding entire parties too diligently. Having the world think I'm younger than him is weird.

It also made one kind of a third wheel, and while I really didn't mind it - I was a whole hell of a lot more interested in what was going on with Max and Bingbing, together and separately, then whatever random guy got attached to us in order to even the numbers out. Some of them were Max's friends, which was kind of creepy. Not half as gross as Max clearly wanting to fuck me, but about a third of the way there. They probably thought I was a stuck-up bitch for how quickly I seemed to write them off, but whatever. I just can't see Max's friends as potential lovers.

Easy enough for me, but it leaves Bingbing with a friend who seemed way too interested in her boyfriend and Max with a hottie who is weirdly keen on just being friends. I'd be lying if I said it didn't create some friction, including this weird thing where Bingbing said she understood Max's attention, because as a Chinese-American he was raised with a lot of white standards of beauty, so his eye is drawn to girls with a few extra pounds, you know, in the chest and such. I try not to get too freaked out about being called fat - I know that's the most direct way to get at a girl's self-confidence and as much as I'd like to be immune to it because I have actually been flabby, I do worry about whether a New England winter has pushed me toward that.
I'm making this seem like a whole lot less fun than it actually was. I mean, it was a fucking blast! 

Bingbing is awesome, and I'm not going to lie - I enjoyed sharing a changing room with her a few times. My brother got damn lucky the day he stumbled on her having a bit of trouble communicating in the campus bookstore, and I'm happy for him. I know that most of what I've written about Max hasn't exactly been complimentary, but I do love the little brat.

And, you know, it was spring break!  Even considering that a huge chunk of the guys there were white fraternity assholes who might lose interest in Asian girls once they realize that their evening isn't going to turn into a fucking fetish video, there were still enough people worth a bit of attention that I want always bothering Max & Bingbing.  And while I don't go out of my way to be a bitch, it is kind of fun to identify the sort of guy who decided to treat me like shit in school, get them to but you an expensive drink, and then go off with my friends.

And, hey, I got laid a fair amount too.  It wasn't always great - I'd apparently been riding a lucky streak in terms of actually being brought to orgasm my first for times, and discovering what it's like to deal with a guy who just slurps at your tits before monotonously thrusting until he comes and then just rolls over isn't great.  But, hey, I certainly kept one phone number for if I happened to be in Los Angeles over the summer!

Anyway, I was really glad I did it, even if I did really find myself missing my real family when I got back to Boston.  Still, I did feel kind of refreshed when I got back here (just in time for the weather to sort of sick again), and it does kind of make me feel more like I am a college kid again rather than just playing one.

- Jordo/"Missy" Yuan-wei

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Jordan/"Missy" Yuan-wei: We made a movie!

It's not a feature or anything, and I don't really know what it will look like when all the past-production stuff is done, but that thing Ernesto asked me to work on was actually a ton of fun!

I have to admit, I was kind of thinking of backing out.  Ernesto is the first guy I've fucked where I would be seeing him again whether I liked it or not, and based upon how hook-ups with people I know went for me in my original life - usually terrible, both during and after - I want sure that spending that much time with him was something I wanted to do, especially since that last week or two of fall term was uncomfortable.  That time in Hong Kong was a good reset, though - the fun pays were crazy and intense enough to make me certain that I could handle anything friggin' Boston could throw at me, and the scary parts...  Well, shit, what's hanging out with a guy you've had sex with compared to that?

It was a fun thing to bring to life. Ernesto had written a script about a guy and a girl on a date that's not going well, so as things go on, Ernesto (he played the leading man) starts to see me as some sort of vampire succubus and I start to see him as a zombie.  Something seemed a bit off about it to me at first, so I asked Benjamin to take a look at it, and he said that the cynicism was too simple, that we should still see each other as tempting and desirable. We could still wind up fighting, but it would be more interesting.

Ernesto wound up liking the idea, although the director took some convincing, telling him something about not letting his little head do the thinking. Ernesto and Cesar have been friends since they were kids and I get the impression that I'm not the first girl whose opinions he's dismissed, especially when they arrived via Ernesto. That this advice was coming from a girl who used to be a man after consulting with a man who used to be a girl would probably melt his brain.

Once we got Cesar onboard, it was a lot of fun. Really hard work, though in a completely different way from the play:  Where that was a nerve-wracking marathon for me even though my part was tiny, this was an often-frustrating series of long nights and weekends and afternoons when enough of us didn't have class, doing the same thing until Cesar thought it was good enough, then doing it from another angle. Then, the next day, we do it with one or both of us wearing prosthetic makeup, then switch it up. There are folks on set making sure that all the little details match from day to day, right down to how tight the corset I had stupidly agreed to wear when I was supposed to be a complete sex demon by the end was.

I kind of loved it.

I fucking get the whole deal where you run something, get the bugs out when it fails, and then run it again. And the tech was so much damn fun - one of the producers somehow got a Red camera on loan, and while that made the shoot really tight - along with basically only being able to shoot the restaurant scenes from nine to midnight and the other restrictions - We could only shoot the restaurant scenes from nine to midnight along with other restrictions - it was amazing how good everything looked.

There's still a lot more work to do - Cesar and Ernesto are still editing a month or so later, someone's writing a score, and I've used some of Yuan-wei's money to buy a pretty killer graphics workstation so that we can add some more blood to a few scenes. I usually hate CGI blood, but it's kind of fun to work on, and apparently restaurant owners' charity only goes so far, and they don't like arterial spray all over the place.

Hopefully I can get that finished soon - Cesar was kind of upset that I didn't get it done by spring break, and now Ernesto is already teasing me about how Cesar's going to want to oversee the rest of the effects work personally, and use my new machine to work on the editing, saying he'd have to keep an eye on me to make sure I didn't fuck my way into a bigger role.  Not really bitter, but kind of poking at me to see just how much my brain runs in that direction.

Or maybe jealous.  Kind of neat, that.


Thursday, March 10, 2016

Jonah/Krystle: The Changeling

1. Ashlyn

Like Missy, I've been a little nervous about posting here, though for me it's more about someone getting the wrong idea of how okay I am with living Krystle's life, but I'm feeling fairly confident right now, and I want to make sure that I let everyone know how grateful I am.

As you might expect, the toy shop where I was working closed up after Christmas, and while I was given a very nice recommendation, looking for work is very difficult for someone with Krystle's history, even if she did keep it together for a couple of months. I don't know whether it's more than her history, but it certainly feels like it took me longer to find work than Benjanin did as a white man. Maybe I'm just impatient.

If so, I'm not the only one; as you might have guessed, Karla started talking a lot about me not pulling my weight about ten minutes after the store closed. I know Momma Kamen isn't going to throw me out, but it's stressful.

One night, I decided I had had enough, stormed out, and caught a bus to Arlington. I don't think I really wanted to drink, but that seems to be what people do when they're this frustrated, and The Changeling was the only bar I'd ever been to.

Fortunately, Ashlyn was working that night and recognized me, and while I was annoyed by that at first - I don't know whether it's me or being in Krystle's body, but I really wanted SOMETHING, and I could tell from the look on her face that she wasn't going to help me do something I would regret. Instead, she got me a plate of the Texas special - beef brisket and corn bread - and waited until I had filled my stomach (I thought I knew what feeling hungry was like before the Inn, but I didn't) and then let me spill.

"Okay," she said, "can you start tomorrow night?"

"Uh... Sure?"

She laughed at that. "Man, you are young! You do know that most adults would be 'just like that?' or something, right?"

I felt kind of embarrassed by that. "I guess. It's just... I don't know, I was feeling kind of desperate. I mean, why did you offer"?

''Hey, you heard that thing about how there's apparently a special place in Hell for women who don't help other women? I don't necessarily agree with the folks peddling it, but I figure it's double-plus true for men-who've-been-turned-into-women." She gave the bar a quick scan for anybody who might think we were nuts or, I don't know, "conventional" people who might say that, and continued. "You wouldn't be the first Inn person I gave a job since opening this place, okay? Heck, it's one of the reasons I wanted it, aside from missing being my own boss."

She briefly looked like an angel, until I thought about where I was sitting. "I can't tend bar! It's not even legal for me to drink, even if folks think it is!"

She said not to worry. "Either Moira or I will be here most nights, and we're good at tending bar. I just need someone to wait tables, especially during the busy periods."

"Oh." I said. "I guess I can do that."

Needless to say, I felt pretty good when I got back to Momma Kamen's apartment that night, especially since it seemed like she and Karla were expecting me to be drunk or worse.

2. Moira

I got to The Changeling early the next day, telling the guy behind the bar that I was the new waitress, only to be told that Moira would deal with me, and she was always late.  So, I sat around the bar for nearly an hour before the loud Irish girl from the first time I visited arrived, and cringed a little as she looked around and asked if the new girl was here yet, looking right at me a couple of times before I raised my hand, and then rolling her eyes. "Of course. C'mon, let's get ye set up."

She pulled me into the back room and pulled a box of t-shirts off a shelf. "'It'll be just like back home', she said! Well, so long as ye ignore the tacos on the menu and the darkie serving them!"

My jaw dropped. "Excuse me!?" I'm not entirely a stranger to people breaking out slurs to describe me, even before the Inn, but I wasn't expecting it that night. If nothing else, I feel like Ashlyn would have warned me.

"What? Oh, fuck." The girl - Moira - banged her head against the nearest wall. "I don't mean anything by it, I just grew up in a town where ev'ryone is this white--" she pointed at herself, the part of her chest above the neckline of her t-shirt, which was in fact pretty pale even for winter in New England, "--and they all say that shit so's you don't think it's a big deal, and then the new neighborhood in America was just like that except that people look both ways after." I must have looted kind of unimpressed because she looked down at the floor and then backup at me. "You know what? That's a feckin' shite apology." Then she reached out her hand. "Hi. I'm Moira Shelley, doing my absolute best not to be a horrible person."

I took it. "Krystle Kamen. So... Shelly? That's kind of a coincidence."

"Not really; Lyn's a distant cousin. Some of her cousins took me in a few years back, we got along, we went into business together." She finished rooting around in the bin and held a t-shirt up to my chest. "There, that looks about right."

I couldn't say I agreed, and asked if there were something without such a scoop neckline, maybe a size up.

She looked at me like I was nuts. "Ye do know that although Lyn pays a decent wage, ye'll mostly be workin' for tips, right? I do well enough off my charming personality, but if I were sportin' what you and my cousin have, I'd be in a higher tax bracket."  She got me the bigger shirt, though she smirked when I turned around to change.

That first night went all right, though. It was pretty quiet, and the other girl working was helpful whenever I found myself not knowing the menu or when I didn't know which table was which.

She was right about the tips, but I couldn't justify dressing or acting like some sort of slut just to make a little more money. I tried not to be to overt or preachy about it, but I guess Karla is hardly unique in not having a lot of patience with me when I don't live down to expectations. A lot of the ladies working at The Changeling - and it is almost entirely ladies upfront, though sometimes a man will tend bar when Ashlyn or Moira isn't there, and the cook is usually a guy - act like I'n being ostentatious for not showing cleavage, although Moira says it's all in my head.

And, somehow, Moira has become the person I trust on this.  I don't know if she's become my best friend here, but she's someone who looks at me and doesn't see the mess that Krystle is expected to be and doesn't feel sorry for me because I'm not in my right body. She sees someone who is about her age (she obviously doesn't know I'm actually 17) who is also kind of different. Aside from being an immigrant, she's actually the bar's co-owner, though that's a story for another time, and some of the others there resent her for it.

Maybe I've got a bit of a crush on her; Benjamin says that same-sex crushes are actually pretty common for us. I just know she's easily my favorite person to work with, especially after a day of dealing with Karla or visiting Joseph.  We at least enjoy working together, and we've hung out on days off when her boyfriend flakes on her. I kind of don't think he appreciates that she doesn't just work here and doesn't want to just leave everything to Ashlyn, but I can't exactly criticize her boyfriend when I'm visiting what everyone thinks is mine in jail.

3. "Jonah" & "Joseph"

I feel a little more confident actually putting this down because I've actually met the guy living my life, and I knew he doesn't want to keep it. Given the other stories I've read and heard, and even taking into account that they're not a perfect sample, that wasn't a given.

The current "Jonah" and "Joseph" came down for a visit over February vactation, and I met them for lunch at The Changeling. It was, as you might imagine, kind of weird, but seeing the guy living my life was kind of encouraging, because he hated it.

My first instinct is that he's wrong on that count, but I guess it makes sense considering where he was coming from. Without getting too specific on his name or other details about his real life, we're talking about a white stockbroker in his late twenties or early thirties who has made a fair chunk of money already, likes to party, and just finds something to dislike coming at him from every direction as me: He thinks Mom & Dad are too strict with curfews and church attendance, finds high school boring and unchallenging, and really doesn't like the guy on the next street over who apparently still greets my family with the n-word. He's pretty comfortable about not liking his skin color, too - he's shaved his head because he can't handle my hair (sure, I've done something similar, but I'm not acting like this is some sort of hardship), and after ''Joe" caught him staring at my chest, said he was sorry because he usually "doesn't like black chicks."

That got him a nudge from "Joe", who it turns out was his girlfriend. She seems to be having fun with the situation, flirting with her boyfriend in a way that made him squirm because she was now a guy a couple inches taller than he is.  That height has apparently helped the school's basketball team; she said she always thought she was pretty good for a short person - she was about 5'1" the first time through high school but still got minutes on the girls' JV team before being encouraged to switch to cheerleading - and it was kind of fun to be the surprise star.

Not that I got any impression that she wanted to stay "Joe"; she talked a lot about missing her sisters and how the closest she's gotten to really shopping properly was replacing the clothes she'd grown out of.  15-year-old girls trying to get her attention was kind of creeping her out, too. 

We went out to visit Joseph after lunch, and I have to admit, it was kind of the least nervous I've felt on one of those visits.  Lamont isn't considered a particularly dangerous criminal, especially since Joseph has been a model prisoner, so we get to visit in a fairly open room rather than on either side of a glass partition.  A lot of time, though, I kind of want the glass; "Lamont" may avoid looking directly at me, but a lot of other people there, whether inmates, guards, or other visitors, look hard, even though I don't do anything to provoke them.  Having a young man on either side of me makes me feel a bit safer, even if the one with my face could really stand to be a few inches further away. 

The two Josephs seemed to bond quickly, at least, with the one telling the other that she didn't think she could have handled jail time, and being able to share mostly good news.  I wonder what the guards thought about this nicely-dressed white teenager from a New Hampshire suburb telling Lamont about family stuff, but I suppose they've seen stranger things. 

They weren't completely on the same page, though, with "Joe" rolling her eyes and asking me if this was the first time Joseph said I got the rawest deal.  I said it wasn't, and I wasn't usually inclined to disagree with him, and she said she was sorry to hear that, but with all of us getting our rooms at the Inn booked, I should try to find ways to see that's not the case.

I don't think I'll be doing that, but I am thankful that at least one of us is finding the experience rewarding as well as educational.