Sunday, December 29, 2013

Keisha/James: Christmas and a bunch of other stuff

So I guess the last time I posted was right before my date with AJ.

I dunno what happened. I mean, I know what went on... we went out for drinks, it was kinda dumb, and at the end of the night he got a kiss and then I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to see him again. I just don't know what happened. I mean, I've seen this guy's penis, thanks to his very enthusiastic texting. And the part of me that's a chick could totally dseal with it, so I was ready. My idea going in was that I was gonna let this guy have it if he wanted it, and then I dunno... he didn't make much of a move and I was really okay with that.

It's weird. When I see guys now, I get this feeling... and it's not totally like when I would see hot girls when I was a guy. It's just this, like... warmth, and I don't mean downstairs, but inside. And then they start talking, and they're boring and dumb, and I'm just like "Dude, just be cool enough so that I can bring myself to nude up with you." But I think he blew it. It's hard to even say when. He just didn't do it for me.

So I ask myself, why do I bother? Because I'm bored of not being out there. That was how I lived, and it's how I still want to live. And I don't see myself getting into the girl-on-girl scene, so I tried to get okay with this real quick. I came this close and then something just totally deflated me. It's like... wanting to have sex with someone, and not wanting to have sex with them at the same time.

So I'm still on the lookout. Meanwhile, Derek and I are handling this apartment-switch thing, because they aren't seeing eye to eye over there after the robbery and Derek and I get along better anyway. Angie can have fun with my roommate, neat-freak Lindsay and her stupid boyfriend. She blew it.

She thinks it was some kinda conspiracy... maybe, but we can't figure it out. We figure it was probably the stolen keys, because there was no broken window or forced entry or anything, but we can't really get our heads around who is behind this or why. And I don't care. I'm just gonna watch my back from now on.

Then there was Christmas, which was a huge crazy thing. I avoided helping Keisha's mom cook anything, mainly babysitting and talking to some of the distant relatives. I mainly got gift cards for clothing stores because I want to choose more of my own clothes, because Keisha's wardrobe is frumpy as hell. I drank a whole bunch, which became a problem when I was helping Keisha's grandma get into the car, and we slipped on some ice... and I broke her fall. And that basically broke my wrist. Ow, fuck.

Trish/Robbie was there, and he offered to help, but I guess I thought hey, it's a one-man job, I can do it. I should've asked. But fuck it. I don't like feeling so weak. It was one moment.

All that's left now is to make some plans for new years. I was thinking of just doing a Lowell Crew thing, but things the way they are it could be awkward to get Derek and Cal together, plus I still kinda want to meet people. Maybe Sophie can hook me up.

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Saturday, December 21, 2013

Cal/Angie: Not what I needed a week before Christmas!!!

Thursday night both me and Derek were working late shifts. This isn't that unusual, in fact I kind of prefer it because by the time we both get home we're both too tired to snipe at each other and we just kinda peacefully coexist. That's good because I kind of needed my "home" such as it is to be a sanctuary now that I just don't feel like I gel with the people I'm working with and it's becoming more and more frustrating. I thought working with a bunch of easygoing hippie types would be no problems, but it turns out they can tell when you're not really one of them and... I dunno they judge me. Or I feel like they do.

So Thursday night, I was ready to come home and just flop down when I walk through the door and... the place has been ransacked. Like, okay, Derek and I aren't the two neatest guys-slash-chicks in the world, but shit was everywhere and I realized soon that someone had broken in and gone through our stuff. Dumped out drawers, stolen things out of our rooms... I had my computer with me at work, luckily, but Derek left Mona's laptop out in the open so that's gone. I wasn't even able to totally figure out what all they got, because I don't know everything in the apartment. A lot of jewelry, clothes, appliances, the TV, DVD player, DVDs... the gifts I was going to give my friends and family... all sorts of random items from around the apartment that I had no real understanding of.

As soon as I realized what happened I just stomped through the apartment screaming. It was the worst I've felt since waking up this way. Maybe even worse... that was a shock but it didn't all come to me at once. This was just immediate anxiety and fear and panic. I screamed myself hoarse and the neighbors came to see what happened and I was hysterical with tears when I explained that we got robbed... I couldn't even call the cops, I couldn't pull myself together. When the cops showed up they seemed mad at me for not being able to explain myself. Or maybe that was just my interpretation.

I was too embarrassed to call Angie and tell her. When Derek got home she said she'd figure out a way to explain it, but she was pissed at me.

She reminded me that I left our apartment keys in Maine. Even though they got sent back quickly, that was plenty of time of them to be copied.

Which means... one of the people in our bodies is a thief?

Like... how could they even get all the way to Vancouver from Boston, find the time when neither of us was home, get into our apartment and out with all that stuff?

Who are these people?

I've had the locks changed, but I still don't feel safe here. I can't exactly move, but James and I have talked about switching apartments at least for a little while. She hates her roommate and gets along better with Derek (who, again, fucking hates me now) so maybe it's for the best.

Here's the most upsetting part... they took my guy clothes.

I kept a few articles of clothing from my Cal wardrobe. It doesn't fit great, but girls wear their old boyfriends' clothes all the time, right? A pair of boxers, some shorts, a t-shirt. I slept in it sometimes, or wear it on laundry day. It made me feel connected to who I really am... and they fucking took them. Out of the laundry hamper.

I ask again... who are these people?

I'm so fucking scared right now.

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Friday, December 13, 2013

Keisha/James: My new hobby

There's nothing wrong with wanting a little action. But going out and getting it sometimes feels weird.

After meeting A.J. I put off texting him for a while. I know what it's like to be the guy in that situation... basically you're leaving it up to the girl, and if she texts you, she wants it. If she doesn't, no big loss. And I figured, if I didn't text him, I was no big loss to him. But me? If I didn't at least try this, I'd probably never get the balls to do something like that again.

So I texted him a friendly "Hey, it's Keisha, sorry I didn't text you sooner, things have just been crazy."

And he said "Cool what's up?"

And I had no fucking clue what to say. Like... what WAS up? I was just sitting on my ass trying to work up the nerve to text him. "Just unwinding after a long day at work."

"Yeah me too."

"What do you do again?"

"I fix cars."

"Oh cool."

And then a little later, I decided fuck it, and just went for it and texted him "I'm naked right now."

I wasn't... I wasn't even really turned on or anything. I just thought it would be funny. I was bored. And suddenly it was like I hit the on switch. The texts quickly got sexual, like "I wanna let u ride my cock, I'm so hard now." Like, it was scary how easy it was to get him to say shit like that.

And just to prove he wasn't kidding, he sent me a dick pic.

I never laughed so hard in my life! Like, yeah, I've seen an erect dick before in my life. I dunno what he thought it was gonna do for me, but okay. Sure. I was up for it. I was flattered, I guess? Like "Cool... I actually got this guy hard just by texting him some stuff."

And I guess I took a really long time to respond to that, because a while later he texted me "Do u like it? Where'd u go?"

And I just kinda lied and said "Yeah I'm so turned on, I started fingering myself."

And he texted back "Aw yeah, get wet 4 me hon"

And then I figured "Hell, I guess I could masturbate right now." Like, I wasn't actually hot for him or anything, but it's really just a matter of getting yourself into that mindspace.

Then he asked me to send him a picture for proof, and I did... but I didn't show my face.

Then he texted me he was keeping that "for future use." Sigh.

Anyway, that was like a month ago, and we've done that routine a few times since then, and he keeps asking when we're actually going to meet up. I keep getting out of it, because I guess I don't want to set his expectations too high... I mean it's good for a laugh, but I don't really like him that way. Every time I try to ignore him though, I end up getting bored and giving in. So we're meeting up tomorrow night. We'll see what happens. I doubt it will be much.

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