Saturday, March 19, 2011

Tori: Regrets of a fifth wheel

Ah, uh, ok.

My social life has jostled around a bit since Buddy went down to Houston. It was one thing when I could go to New York and see him every weekend, I didn't need to worry about going out and doing stuff without him. Now, I try to stay in, and when I want to go out I have to play wingwoman to Raine (and avoid being hit on) or bring Danny along to be my gay shield.

I was determined to make St. Patrick's Day work, because that was supposed to be where my plan to fix up Raine and Alex came together. I made sure to let them know it was a fix up (I mean, what was I gonna do, trick them into hitting it off?) or at any rate an "introduction." To make sure I didn't become a third wheel, I invited Danny along. Problem was, he had a date for the night, so I became a fifth wheel. But I was determined to have a good night, so I pulled on a green top and hit the town.

This worked fine at the beginning, when I was helping Raine and Alex get into a groove while Danny had his date, and we were outside the bar waiting to get in. Once we were in and the drinks started flowing, I let myself get shut out while two dates happened around me. One was Raine desperately trying to find common ground with Alex, and the other was Danny and his boy getting really drunk really quickly, and then getting really handsy.

It's weird: I was a straight guy, and now I'm a straight girl, I guess... so the sight of two guys kissing is really weird for me. Yes, I kiss guys now, but I guess I'm still really "hetero," so seeing two guys kissing is... well not wrong, but still unusual. Maybe I was gawking. Actually, I know, as I got drunker, I was pretty much just staring. They didn't seem to mind. I had nothing else to do and no desire to talk to anybody else.

When I excused myself to the restroom, I met a waitress who told me she was getting weary of being hit on. I told her that since I'd been in a long-distance relationship, I was missing the attention I'd gotten when I was single. This was unthinkable just months ago... when I was turning guys away all the time, because the idea of any man showing interest in me was just too odd. Now I would've killed for something casual just for the night. And I felt super-guilty about that.

When I got out, Raine and Alex were gone, which I took as a good sign. Danny and his boy were on the dancefloor, and it was nearly 1 AM and I had class the next day, so I excused myself.

When I got home, I made sure Raine and Alex weren't around (I deduced they'd gone to his place,) I went to my room. But I was restless (and friggin' horny, I'm sure you won't mind me saying) and desperate for contact, so I turned on my cam and made a video of pleasuring myself and sent it to Buddy.

Now, if I had ever been a teenage girl, I probably would've learned by now that sending out naked videos of yourself via the internet is not a smart idea, so when I woke up the next morning, it was all I could think of. I felt so stupid and embarrassed and frantically wrote up an e-mail explaining myself. But not before getting his response: a polite "thank you" and a photo of his erect cock.

And I mean, it was a nice gesture, but what am I supposed to do with a picture of a cock? I mean, I know it's his, but his face isn't even in the photo. It's just a dick. As comfortable as I've gotten handling the equipment (and being handled by it!!) just the sight of one isn't enough to get me wet in the panties. All I could do was laugh nervously.

I'm really a silly stupid girl sometimes when it comes to stuff like this. Not feeling like a credit to either my current gender or my old one.

Then the next day, I asked Alex about it. He was pretty sketchy on the details, saying they fooled around a bit but it ended when she got a bit sick (ugh, that green dye, I think) and he let her sleep on his couch. (The gentlemanly thing to do would've been to let her take the bed, but WHATEVER.) I pressed him for more, his opinions on her and prospects of seeing her again, but he was shy about it. I guess I've forgotten guys don't really talk about this stuff the way girls do. Huh.

Raine gave the same account, with an equal amount of weariness. I'm not sensing a lot of enthusiasm from either of them, which is sad, since I like them both a lot, and I think they'd make a nice couple.

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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Tori: Someone around here needs to get laid

And for once I'm not talking about myself.

Don't get me wrong, it's absolutely frustrating having your boyfriend halfway across the country, but at least I have someone to talk to (slash show my girly parts to via webcam) but Raine has been moping around the house for weeks after a few really negative experience with the opposite sex. When I was a guy, I was of the belief that it wasn't hard for a woman to find sexual attention -- and that's not wrong -- but it's about finding the right guy.

I feel bad, since Raine was pretty instrumental in getting me and Buddy together, so I'm thinking about paying her back. I'm doing something I would never have thought about until recently: I'm fixing her up.

Okay, this is where it gets tricky, since I haven't blogged in a while, you're not really up to speed. I started day classes in tech services last month. It's an 8-week course (I may have accidentally said 6-week in my earlier post) and it's pretty intensive. It's also almost all dudes -- some young guys, a few middle aged guys, and some middle-aged ladies. The reaction I got when I walked in was... well, it's the sort of thing I've got accustomed to over the last few years, but amplified since this is a crowd of computer enthusiasts. I'm striking, but in most contexts not unusually attractive. Here, they just did not know what to make of me.

They're pretty straightforward lessons, with hands-on assignments. Some people have been partnering up, but I'm mainly left to my own devices. It's the first time in a long while that my looks have made me feel like an outsider. It didn't help that the minute I got my hands on a harddrive, my introverted Cliff tendancies reactivated and suddenly I wasn't a pretty girl, but a skinny guy without a date.

For a while, I tried to make myself more accessible by dressing down, with plain white button-ups and cardigans, but I guess it was in vain. I don't know why I was so desperate to socialize with these folks, I just wanted them to accept the fact that someone who looks like me might be interested in computers.

Finally, in the middle of the second week, we were doing an exercise and I was having a bit of trouble. I used to be very good at my job when I did it, but it does require constant updating. I don't feel like I've lost knowledge, but I'm out of practice and much of what I know is a bit behind the times, even after only two years. This guy I'd noticeed with shaggy black hair and a hoodie -- heh, he kinds reminded me of the main guy from Questionable Content came over to me and asked if I needed help.

Embarrassed and self-conscious about seeming like a helpless girl, I declined and went back to studying the problem but he just stood there. "Look," he said, "I was having trouble with it at first, too. Let me show you what I did."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, help me out here."

He showed me what I was doing wrong and I felt a little flush because of how obvious it was. He introduced himself as Alex. I shook his hand and said "Tori." Suddenly I had made a new friend.

I was a bit wary, though, so when I saw him the next day, I was sure to work into conversation the fact that I have a boyfriend. "We use Skype a lot, I like computers, he's in Houston right now," blah blah. It probably came off as really forced, but I pushed it out there because I didn't want to mislead this guy. Maybe he wasn't even attracted to me, because he didn't seem very put off by all this.

He's funny, he's smart but not too smart, and not overly shy... he's got kind of a Paul Rudd level of jokey confidence, which I think most girls should like. So after a few weeks, when I decided he was still going to be my friend once we were done learning about computers, I began to hatch this scheme to fix him up with Raine. I haven't told either of them about it yet, so we'll see, but I feel good about helping. Raine's been such a good friend to me since I got here, it's time I do something for her.

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Thursday, March 03, 2011

Max: Affair

I never imagined I'd be the other man. I mean, I never imagined myself as a man until a short while ago anyway, but I always thought certain lines weren't meant to be breached. But as always, when you're dealing with Inn-folks, things get blurred, lines cease to exist.

It was just after the holidays, after all the chaos and putting out fires of feuds between Tanya and Melanie, that I got the message. "Hey!! Coming 2 canada. wanna c u." The e-mail was attributed to one "Beatrice Tran." I felt a lump in my throat of nervousness and fear when I realized "Beatrice" was the current identity of the man I'd known as Fletcher, the sketchy drifter -- I'm sorry, "Traveler" -- that wound up as guardian of a Roger, a guy who thought that by staying at the Inn, he might get a chance to be in my panties. I wasn't going to let him, and he ended up in a pair of panties of his own as Beatrice's daughter Lily. I didn't mean to lead him astray, and it's something I've been carrying around with me ever since.

I was not happy about the idea of Beatrice coming to New Brunswick, and part of that was fear that she was bringing her daughter with her. Eventually I got the balls (love that expression) to get back to her, and she clarified her statement: she was coming to Canada alone. Apparently, her life as a housewife was boring, so she took it on herself to do some traveling between stays at the Inn. Whether I invited her over or not, I was going to have to see her.

In fact, she came into my restaurant on New Year's Eve. It was lunch, and I saw from my dishwashing station in the kitchen a statuesque Asian woman dressed in a dark suit with a short skirt. I recognized her, but did not remember thinking she looked that hot. She was, after all, much older than me (mentally, physically, everything,) but it looked like Bea had put in some real effort to make herself... sexy.

She was still here when my shift ended, so I approached her. "What are you doing here?" I immediately asked.

"I told you. I'm bored. I like to travel, whether it involves Maine or not. I know I'm not your favourite person, but we have to stick together."

"We don't have to do anything," I hissed, "I just want to live my life."

"Oh yeah?" she smirked, "And how is that going?"

I was about to say "fine," but paused myself, and, well, let a lot of it out. About how Tanya and Melanie were on bad terms and I was caught in the middle, and how I had a thing for Mel but she turned me down, and how I was sick of all the resentment and bitterness that was flying around the house.

She got a flicker in her eyes. "Sounds like you're thinking about running away."

That started me off. I told her in no way was I considering going back to the Inn again, after all the shit I've had to deal with. It tempts me every day to go back and start again, to wipe the slate clean, but sometimes in life you just need to take the hand you're dealt. Going to the Inn really is a curse... knowing it's there makes you question every moment of your life. But I told her I was determined to ride it all out and keep going with this life as long as I could.

"That's a shame," she rolled her eyes, "Because you know, I've been trying to help my daughter with something, and I was hoping you'd want to take part."

That struck me. She knew I was carrying some guilt for Roger being Lily and was using it against me. I had no choice but to hear her out. Damn my conscience.

"Well," she continued, "As you know, January will be the time to start making plans to go back to the Inn. I don't usually go on an annual basis, but this situation warrants it. Despite what those people reading your blog think, I'm not a monster" -- she sneered while saying this, and used a far less polite expression than "people" -- "They think I'm doing this for my own amusement. Believe me, I'd like nothing more than to be free of responsibility. And if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have a daughter whining about going back to his wife and kids."

"No, you'd have me."

"Exactly. And you could handle it. Being a little girl, having the childhood you never got, or else having to go back to a different body altogether, you're a pro. Look at you! I bet you're even dating. Come on, there's some hot waitresses around here."

I probably looked embarrassed as I muttered that the misadventure with Melanie was my only foray into romance. She smirked. "And here I thought you were all man now. Whatever. You're still pretty adaptable, but as you can guess, Roger isn't up to it. So I'm trying to help him."

My eyebrows perked up. "Is there a problem?"

She nodded. "They've got his body," she said, "Roger's."

I paused, "Who've got his body?"

She cleared her throat. "I don't know who they are. Maybe they're those Pygmalion people your blog friends are always babbling about. Maybe it's someone else. I tried to negotiate with them to get his body back, but he told me not to call anymore. What does that sound like to you?"

I said quietly, "So what now?"

"Like I said, I'm not a monster. I don't want a daughter who's going to spend the rest of her life complaining about how she used to have a dick. And I'm not going to go through the guilt of leaving her behind when I make my next trip. So what I want is assurance that she can get a male body."

I said flatly, "You want me to give Roger my body?"

"If necessary, yes. Please. Consider it a favour to me. Consider it a way to ease your guilt. Look, there's something else I want to give you. Come by my hotel room tonight around 9." She wrote her room number on a napkin, then paid her bill and left.

Against my better judgment, I went. She answered the door in a lacy red bra and panties. I was... surprised. She pulled me in.

When I asked her what the hell she was up to, she made her pitch quickly. "Look, it's sad. If you can't get your little girlfriend to feel the same way, that sucks, but you shouldn't let it stop you from enjoying yourself. So consider this a freebie."

"What if I politely decline?"

"Then you're the biggest pussy I know. Come on. I'm gorgeous. I don't like my husband very much. I want this. Go on and tell me you don't." She had her hands all over me.

I got an immense headache just trying to deal with the mental whiplash. I was still somewhat thinking of this person as the scumbag who had come onto me in Maine. In effect, she still was, but in a body I liked more. God help me, I couldn't resist. At the first sight of her, my dick made it perfectly clear of its opinion.

I began to disrobe. When I was down to my boxers, I sato n the bed next to her and began to kiss her.

"Uh uh," she stopped me between pleasure moans, "This isn't high school, Maxy. I'm not your girlfriend. If you're gonna kiss me, it's not gonna be on my mouth." Jesus, who talks like that?

So I laid her back on the bed and began to run my hands all over her as sensually as I could,. I wanted to savor the sensation because, as eager as I was to get down to business, I hadn't felt a woman's body since well before I realized I had the desire for one. She grunted and moaned with pleasure, and it was music to my ears. Soon she began to speed up, and I upped my pace to match. She thrust her legs open and dared me to "show her what I've got."

We had hot, sweaty, illicit sex for about ten minutes or so, and then suddenly she stopped and said "Okay, okay, just finish up already." I swear, this woman. She didn't even seem like she'd had an orgasm, and I like to think I would've noticed.

It was really mercenary and frankly gross, and after it was over I remembered exactly what sort of person I was with. I asked her what all this was really about.

Re-clasping her bra, she told me that in this body, she felt sexy, and wanted that acknowledged, if just this one time. She had had sex with her new husband, but they apparently didn't click. I asked her whether we "clicked."

She flashed that evil smile of hers and said "If you have to ask, you have your answer. Still, it was quite nice. And I consider it a favour to you, and if you want more, you know how to get it."

"I'm not going all the way out to find you just for a booty call," I said flatly.

"I wasn't talking about me. I'm just helping you take a step in a direction you were already looking. now put your pants on, I have an early flight and need my beauty rest."

Women.

She was right, of course. I'd been yearning for female companionship, and was really starting to get a bit down on myself after Melanie's (quite justifiable) rejection. It didn't mean I couldn't look elsewhere.

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