Toby: Dunia's Sex Life (Part 3)

So that last part got hit with a content warning for a bit, and, yeah, I did feel like I was oversharing like crazy there, but there were a couple reasons for it.  First, I figured that if I got too embarrassed when Dunia asked me how it went, I could just point her at the post, but as I was writing it, it felt kind of important to put down how Gerard treated me, kind of for myself.  Like, most of the time, he comes off as this guy who is not just way more open-minded about sex than I've always been, but kind of annoyingly pushy about it, like he just has to come up with the raciest story about why I was missing for all those months or that it's important to for people to know he's had a lot of casual sex with a lot of different types in people in a lot of ways, and I was kind of expecting him to be teasing me or pushing me, and I really wasn't expecting all the "Hey, are you okay with this?" that I got.  I mean, I don't think that I'm a bad or inconsiderate lover or anything, but what would my ex-girlfriends say?  Or did we just never do anything interesting enough to make it necessary?

That's kind of what I wanted to discuss with Dunia when we got a chance to be alone at work the next day, but she was way more interested in all the details, and, no, I wasn't going to say how big Gerard's dick was because that would be saying how big my dick was, and although she said that was hardly fair considering how I knew every inch of her body inside and out now, I said he would probably let her find out for herself.  She said I made it sound like she should, but I don't think she's going to.  A lot of guys, especially, might feel the need to balance the books, but Dunia doesn't seem like that.

Still, it was just a couple days later that I had agreed to get him to and from a doctor's appointment.  I've actually been behind the wheel surprisingly little since becoming Dunia, and it's kind of odd when I think about it, given that I never used transit before and her father is a mechanic, so she knows her cars.  There's no one reason, I don't think, but being afraid of getting caught in Lambert's Porsche, often needing a designated driver, the convenient bus to the airport, and the way all my proportions seem especially off behind the wheel (being shorter means pulling the seat forward and still feeling low, every clutch and stick seems to take extra effort, and though Dunia's closet is full of wedge sandals, working the pedals in them feels weird, and seat belts) all add up to me sort of avoiding it.  That's not very practical for Luis at the moment, though, so I asked her Dad if I could borrow the low-rider for the day, figuring it might be easier for Luis to get in and out of than Dunia's compact, put on some sandals, and headed out.

He must have been waiting by the door when I rang his bell, because he opened it almost immediately, and gave me a quick peck on the top of my head as he mostly concentrating on getting the door open and shut by himself.  It was kind of the same when we got to the car; he didn't seem to like me opening the passenger door for him or putting his crutches on the back seat, but not saying much out loud.  I leaned in for a kiss both at the door and when I got the driver's seat to make it seem less like an errand or an imposition, and he obliged.

The appointment itself was a fitting for a prosthetic leg, and I guess he still doesn't want his girlfriend seeing him like that, so I waited in the lobby and texted with Dunia, who seemed really amused when I asked her what she would do, specifically, if we went back to his place after the appointment.  "Like, you mean, choreography?"  I rolled my eyes and texted back, yeah, do you want me to be pinned underneath him naked and have him all "is that what you do with him, whoever "him" may be?"  She acknowledged that as not good and gave me some tips.

So, when he got out, I let him kind of fumble around more as he tried to do things by himself, at least until we got back to his house and I asked if he wanted me to get him a beer.  While I was doing that, he headed into a ground-floor room that had been quickly converted into a bedroom a couple days earlier, sitting on the edge of the bed when I got there to hand him the bottle and opener.  He drained it pretty quick, and after a bit of chit-chat sitting next to each other, I got on the bed behind him, kneeling and rubbing his shoulders, wondering if I should carry lotion in my bag as well.  He leaned back for a kiss, so I gave him one, and then let it linger as we used our tongues.  After a few minutes, he turned around, which involved a little more hopping and putting some extra weight on my shoulder with one hand than he seemed to want, but soon he was facing me on his own knees.  He kissed me hard and ran his hands all over my body before finally deciding stuff was in the way, undoing the knot behind my neck keeping my halter up, smiling in delight as it fell away to reveal my breasts, which he squeezed and pushed up so he could kiss them.  I weighed telling him to ease up when he was squishing a bit hard and started biting at my nipples, but what I saw when I looked down seemed more like a guy happy to see old friends more than something aggressive or angry, and, besides, it felt good in really new ways.  I kind of clumsily worked on his zipper while he did that, before remembering Dunia say he kind of liked her tongue on his ears and figuring that's about where my head was anyway.

He really liked that, moving his hands down my body and up my skirt.  One hand grabbed at my panties while the other playfully pushed at my chest.  I fell back kind of in slow motion so he'd see that he hadn't really shoved me, which gave him a straight shot to pull my panties down to my knees.  I kind of jackknifed my legs out from under myself so I could spread them a little as he crawled up over my body, kissing my pelvis, belly, boobs, neck and lips along the way as he got everything lined up.

He fucked me harder than Gerard had, and faster, enough that I really didn't have much trouble believing that there hadn't been another girl wherever he'd been deployed, and I didn't have to do much acting to make him believe it was my first time in a while from the intensity.  Just when I thought I was going to come, he slipped an arm under me and rolled over so I was on top of him, and as I braced myself he grabbed my butt and started pushing it so his dick would go in deeper, then I'd push and he'd push and so on.  At some point I saw him wincing a bit and thought, yeah, that does kind of put his dick at an unnatural angle, so I sat up straight and inched forward, starting to go up and down, trying to tuck my hair behind my ears every once in a while as he reached up to touch my breasts, and just as I really felt like I'd got the hang of it, his face twisted as he shot his load and I felt him go limp inside me.  I rolled off and collapsed on the bed next to him, and he kissed me gently on the lips and said he'd missed me.

I was glad to have a reason to look him in the eyes and respond, because seeing his pants down almost to his knees with his semi-limp dick in between was kind of freaking me out, like I'd been running on hormones and adrenaline for the last half hour or whatever, and then I was like, holy shit, Dunia's boyfriend just fucked me thinking I'm her, and that's all kinds of fucked up when you actually think about it rather than vaguely dreading it or trying to take control by making plans or getting caught up in the moment, and I was about to panic and find a reason to run when he kind of surprised me by just pulling his underwear up but pulling his pants down, and asking me if I could get a pair of sweats out of a drawer.  I said sure, trying not to stare at his stump (his left leg ended a couple inches below the knee), and not making any comment as he let me pull them up, and he leaned on me a bit so I could get them up around his butt.  He reached down and tied the empty leg in a loose double knot, explaining that he'd accidentally tripped on it a few times already and this kept it from dragging.

I put my hand on his other knee and asked if he was okay, and he said he didn't know, but he felt better than he had an hour ago. A smiled and made some more idle talk before looking at the time and realizing I was going to have to go straight to the airport.  He said it was okay and kissed me again, then I texted Dunia's father to say the car wouldn't be back until tomorrow before heading out. 

Dunia met me in the employees' changing room with an iced coffee, asking me how it went.  I sips good, she said just good, so I smiled and said real good and that she was a lucky girl.  She said I was the lucky one for the time being, and whether he was a better lover than I was. I said he and Gerard were kind of doing different things, and not just in terms of front or behind, because Gerard had been trying to do something for me, and this was kinda me doing something for Luis.  Not that I was complaining;  he'd been through a lot and deserved it.

"And you're okay?  Really okay, not just because you made a troop feel good?"

I shrugged.  "I just think of it as part of pretending to be you, you know?  I work on my Spanish for when your dad has family over, I learned the job, practiced walking in heels and dressing sexy for when your friends want to go clubbing, and I do this with Luis.  It's fun, don't get me wrong, but not as personal as when your dad says he's proud of you or anything."

I didn't tell her about Luis getting emotional at the end, and just let her punch me on the shoulder.  "Uh-huh.  I'm still giving you the highest rating for going above and beyond on your employee review, and not just because I'll get the benefit.  Now, c'mon, let's go fly. "

- Toby/Dunia

Toby: Dunia's Sex Life (Part 2)

Gerard got right down to it when he sat down across from me in the coffee shop:  "So, do you really want to get fucked with your own dick?  Not gonna lie, I've been thinking about it since the day we first met, but you really don't seem the type."

I gave him some sort of look and said "I mean, not really, but it wouldn't be cool if I freaked out the first time Luis touched me, and who else am I going to ask?"

He snorted.  "See, that's your type - obligation sex.  But is the obligation to Luis or Dunia?  So much drama!"

I rolled my eyes.  "Come on, man, don't make it weird.  Er.  Don't make it weirder."

"Hey, I'm sorry, I guess I'm kind of keyed-up too."  He took a drink from his coffee, looked at me, and decided there wasn't much point in messing around.  "Welp, no need to hang around here.  Let's go."

He'd chosen that Starbucks because it's close to a hotel that quietly rents rooms for the afternoon on an app.  It apparently markets itself as a way to find a spot to rest during a busy day in the city so that the app stores don't boot it out, but I guess everyone knows what it's really for.  The guy at the front desk didn't blink at us as he picked up the key and we went up a couple flights of stairs. 

As soon as we got to the room, he started stripping down right away, raising an eyebrow when I didn't.  Figuring that's what we were there for, I unzipped my skirt and unbuttoned my blouse, stepping out of my heels and standing there in my lacy red bra and panties. 

"Fancy", he says. 

I feel myself blushing as I see his hand already starting to work his dick, and I look away, saying it's weird seeing it from that angle.  He takes a step towards me so we're in close, and since he at least a few inches taller than me, I can feel him poking my belly as he puts a couple fingers under my chin and tilts my head up so we're looking in each other's eyes, and as he leaned in, I took a half step back.  "Sorry", I said, "it's your face."

"Right, right.  Okay, so how about we try it from behind the first time?  After all, I'm sure Luis talks about 'tapping that ass'."

"Yeah, he does."  I shuttered a bit.  "I guess that would work, so long as we're only talking about, you know--"

"Sure, sure.  Just lie face-down on the bed, close your eyes if you want."

I did, twitching a bit as he undid my bra, and then opening my eyes wide as I felt something wet on my back.  "Jesus Christ, did you just--"

I heard him snicker.  "It's just some oil!"  He stayed rubbing it on my back, kneading my shoulders as he straddled me.  "You've got to relax, be ready to enjoy yourself."  I tried, and it was a bit easier than I thought; he clearly knew what he was doing, massaging me from my shoulders down to my knees, doing something with his elbows to my back that felt surprisingly good, and caressing my bottom like he knew I needed a little reassurance there.  Soon, I was relaxed enough to not flinch when I heard a condom package being ripped open, followed by him touching at my panties with his fingers.  He must have seen me tense up as I saw him plant his hands on the bed on either side of my head, because he lowered his head to speak into my ear saying "don't worry, I'm good at this" before sliding into me. 

I gasped in surprise, even though it was what I was there for, I guess because it was so smooth; I don't know if Gerard got fancy condoms and lube or if he's just that good, but I feel like I've felt more resistance on the other end.  I let out a gasp as he started moving in and out with a rhythm, and after a couple times he gave me a peck on the cheek and whispered that I was doing great in my ear.   At some point I scooched my knees up so my butt would be in the air a bit, and he said thanks, and maybe he was waiting for it, but that's about when he found my g-spot and I squealed a bit as he started teasing it with the tip of his dick.  I found myself moaning and making fists with the sheets in my hands, and then something in me released, and I guess he was waiting for that, too, because he exhaled as he blew his load and pulled out.

I sort of collapsed on the bed and said Wow.  He flopped down next to me and said it wasn't all him, that he actually thought I was going to need more coaching.  "Thanks...  I think?"

"Hey, don't take it the wrong way.  Dunia's cis and straight, and I gather a lot of folks don't hold back for a year, or get pushed into something before they're ready.  You could wind in better shape than most when you turn back."  Then he kept it from getting too warm and fuzzy.  "Why don't you give me a hand job so we can try something else?"  I was like excuse me?, and he said just think of it as jerking off, but at half speed, and, hey, Luis is probably going to want you to use your mouth.

So he sat on the edge of the bed and I squatted in front of him and reached out, kind of imagining myself in his position a bit more than I had before.  It was really weird, but I got through it, and soon he was hard again.  He surprised me by spinning me around and pushing toward the wall, and I put my hands up to brace myself while he got his hands on my butt and started massaging.  "Hey!"

"Sorry, but Luis is probably gonna be kind of aggressive, after a year or two."  He got even closer to me and started kissing my shoulder and my neck, while one hand grabbed a breast and started squeezing.  "Is that too hard?  Remember, Luis might not ask, but you don't have to let any man hurt you.  If you don't like something, don't be afraid to say it."

"it's...  I guess it's okay."  He switched shoulders and then brought his other hand down to my pussy, sticking a finger in.  I bit my lip at feeling his hands in both places, and then a little jolt as I felt his thumb making its way into my ass.  "Hey!"

He immediately said sorry and moved his hand up, cradling my breasts and tickling the back of my neck with his tongue.  Then he was inside me again, more urgently, and this time he came a bit before I did, pulling out before I sank to the floor.  He pulled some tissues off the room's desk to wipe his hands before reaching out.  "You all right?"

"I guess."  Seeing him put his underwear on, I let him pull me up, finding my panties on the bed so I could start dressing, guessing there wasn't going to be a third time.  "Well, that was something."

"Hey, like I said, you handled being with a guy for the first time way better than I did.  You at least had an idea that you were supposed to like this; I was kind of trying to prove to myself that I didn't.  Mission not accomplished!"

I had to laugh at that.  "Well, you're a surprisingly good teacher."

He shrugged.  "You're not exactly the first guy I've been with who was nervous about being with another man for the first time and needed to be talked through it, though none of them had a pussy, or such a killer ass."  I blushed and fumbled with my bra, so he sat down next to me, leaned back, and did it up.  "So, what are you going to tell Dunia?"

I sighed.  "That I did it, I guess?  She's actually been on me about knowing I must be getting antsy and hormonal, and I guess she's not wrong.  I thought she was just saying that because she's nice and doesn't want to sound like she's bossing me around, but..."  I flopped back on the bed.  "I really do feel a load off my back, or something."

"Think you're ready for Luis?"

I picked myself up and started putting on my shoes.  "Well, we'll see.  Might need another lesson at some point, though.  I can't imagine Dunia's one to just lie back and let a guy just do stuff to her, you know?"

He laughed and said, no, that didn't really seem to be her style, but give him a call any time, because it will be way kinkier if I'm actually taking the lead more.

That kind of chased me out of the room, hotel, and neighborhood, and I didn't really want to talk to Dunia about what I'd done that afternoon when we got dressed for the flight back to Miami, though I suspect she guessed.  Probably gonna have to do it sometime, and not just because we've got an off-day coming up when I'll probably wind up hanging with Luis and both houses will be empty

-Toby/Dunia

Toby: Dunia's Sex Life (Part 1?)

As you might imagine, Dunia wanted a full report after my first time meeting Luis in person, and she was really encouraging saying I did really well, and that I shouldn't worry about his Mami, saying she actually likes her but is also big on people being on time and had a hair trigger on whether someone was disrespecting her son ever since he'd enlisted, which was funny because she used to call him lazy and good for nothing.

I sort of tried to skip the making-out stuff, and I thought she was going to let me, but she circled back around toward the end to press for details, seeming more wistful than jealous, laughing when I got to the part about how he smelled, saying she didn't really think about that most of the time, but it was true.  I thought we were done, but then she grabbed my hand across the airport Starbucks table, and looked me square in the eyes.  "What would you have done if Senora Hernandez had not slammed that door?"

"I... uh... probably would have said it's been so long and I'm not sure I'm ready?"

She half-smiled in a way Lambert hadn't when he was Alicia, and shook her head.  "Look, I'm not going to say I'm totally okay with you having sex with my boyfriend - it's a little more difficult for me to hear about last night than I thought it would be, but I can handle it - but if he's still going to be my boyfriend next spring, there's no avoiding it.  But it's not just that, it's...  Well, I love him, but you've got to be careful, okay?  I'm not saying he's every been a bad boyfriend or lifted a finger against me, and I never imagined he would, but he sounds kind of different.  Like, he went in for the kiss really fast, and that thing about not wanting you to help him up the stairs, it just, I dunno."

"Wait, do you think he's different like we're different?"

"What?  No!  I just mean--"  She changed her grip on my hand so she was holding it more lightly in both of hers.  "Look, Toby, you're a really good guy, and I've been really lucky to have you living my life rather than someone else, and I'll bet you've been a great boyfriend, but you've got to understand, Luis is Latino man, and some of those stereotypes about machismo are real, okay?  He's also been away from home, and losing part of his leg probably makes him feel like less than a whole man, and, I dunno, if it were anyone else I'd be all like 'girl, be careful', you know?"

I didn't, really, at least not until a couple nights when I got to "meet" some of Luis's friends, who I guess haven't seen me in a while.  It was a bit awkward - Dunia said he'd be disappointed if I didn't dress sexy, so I did, and there was a lot of squeezing and sending me to get stuff so he wouldn't have to mess with his crutches, which led to a lot of loud appreciation for what my ass does in the heels I was wearing.  After a while, I kind of played it up a little, because what else can you do but try to own it, right?  Luis spanked it a couple times and I ended up in his lap for a while, getting kissed more than once.  I probably should have initiated that more than I did, because by the end of the night I was a little worried that I looked reluctant, especially that time I squirmed when I felt something moving in his pants.  Being shown off is kind of weird, especially given that I'm sort of his girlfriend because of a bunch of really random circumstances.

The party went late, enough that we were looking at repeat of him getting drowsy from the midnight meds, so I was able to beg off by mentioning I had an early flight today.  He looked really disappointed, but it was true.

So, I guess I know what I've got to do next.

-Toby/Dunia

Arthur (formerly Penny): Lonnie & Della

I'm doing better now.  I do not like this thing where I need to get up and pee at 3:30AM seemingly every day, because it seems specifically designed so that I can't get a few more proper hours before Lonnie wakes up while also being way too early to talk to any of my East Coast friends, but I'm trying to adapt.  Get a little writing done while it's quiet and I won't be interrupted by calls, spend a little time making Lonnie a good lunch, occasionally boot up the Playstation.  I haven't gamed a lot the past few years, and the only place Germy's taste and mine really overlaps is sports games (would I like shooters more if I'd been a man at any point during the past 20 years?), but there are worse ways to make an hour or two disappear. 

Then Lonnie wakes up, and I don't know if I love him yet, but I'm getting fond of the little guy. 

I'm trying not to look at him and try to see signs that he's my kid, the way the whole last year kicked off because I sometimes worried that Millie was as much Nell's daughter as mine.  He likes books and Legos and doesn't much enjoy gym class the way I didn't before becoming Penny, but that's a lot of kids.  He's got a whole bunch of Pokémon memorized but didn't really know the Looney Tunes when we went to see Coyote vs Acme the other weekend.  He asks a lot more questions than Millie did at that age, and a lot of them have to do with Mommy coming back or going to see Grandma. 

That's a tricky one to navigate, because while I'm not religious, really - having been through the Inn experience makes it clear there is more going on in the world than we understand, it doesn't seem to match up with any specific belief system - his grandmother Della has apparently moved in that direction lately, and will tell Lonnie that Mommy's in Heaven . I don't know how the past few years she's had would lead one to believe in a benevolent God more, but maybe she needs it.  Things with her are shaky enough that I don't want to contradict her in the moment, and she's not pestering us about going to church, but it kind of feels like things are in flux.

I suspect I'd like Della under other circumstances, though.  She's mad about the A's being in Sacramento but doesn't want me to raise Lonnie to be a Giants fan.  She phone banks for Democrats and is always caught by surprise when I agree with her on something, as if she remembered Germy having bad opinions and was looking for a fight.  She's good at Scrabble and doesn't see why anyone needs more games in the house beyond that, Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, and Yahtzee, but her daughter enjoyed them and every once in a while something she helped crowdfunded shows up in the mail and Della tries to get the other seniors in the complex to try it out with her.

I'm kind of not sure how to tell her that I'm mostly looking for jobs in the Northeast, because it's clearly the highlight of the week for both her and Lonnie when we visit every weekend.  It's a little work; her complex is in the suburbs of Monterey, so there's no getting there other than driving, and sometimes it's hard to recall that I grew up in California for how much I've relied on the T living in Boston.  For about a month, Lonnie whined when I said we were taking the bus or the BART to get somewhere rather than the car, and I do sometimes feel like I should just give in, but lately he's started memorizing bus schedules the way he does Pokémon.

It's funny, sort of, that if not for Ray and Millie, I do think I could eventually be happy with this life, as opposed to feeling guilty every time it keeps me too busy to dwell on being apart from them or actively working to find a way back. 

- Arthur/Penny/Arthur

Caleb/Rylee: Time to Duel or Date?

So, I have a confession: I’m a bit of a nerd.

Don’t get me wrong, Rylee's passion for acting surpasses anything I've ever been into, but I do have my hobbies that I was into that I have not really gotten a chance to indulge in since turning into her. One thing in particular I invested a good amount of time and money into was the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game. While I didn’t grow up with any of the series, it was still in the periphery of other fandoms I was in and…I don’t know, something about it caught my attention. Maybe it was a mix of the artwork and gameplay that drew me in, and while it's a complex mess that could do a lot more work to not keep printing these $100 staples that come out every other set, it was something I was able to get into. Plus, going to local tournaments was one of the few regular bits of socialization I indulged in. 

Of course, I couldn’t exactly have the current me send my card collection to Rylee’s home address: trying to explain why an older guy I “met online” was sending me a couple hundred dollars' worth of stuff Rylee had never shown any interest in before would have been a little awkward to explain to Shannon. Fortunately, here at college I have a lot more freedom to let some of my real self slip out and no one be the wiser, and with a new core set coming out soon I figured it was as good excuse as any to indulge a little bit more in being "me".

The thing is, though, I'm not me, and the events that came out of just wanting to play a card game did a really good job of reminding me of that.

It all started on the way back from the campus post office. I had initially asked the current me to just send a couple of things, just the most recent deck I had been playing before my trip to the Inn and some staples I could use to switch around. In the spirit of being "helpful", however, he had sent my entire collection. For those of you who don't play these kind of things, you're probably wondering how bad could some slips of cardboards be? Well, shove a couple hundred cards into several good quality binders, plus some tins filled with bulk, a playmat, deck boxes, and other little accessories, and it starts to add up pretty quickly.

Admittedly, with all the workouts I've adopted to as Rylee I was in decent shape, but with having to carry several boxes halfway across campus, I could start to feel a little quiver in my arms. That was when he showed up.

“You, uh, want some help with those?”

It was Joshua, one of the guys from my theater courses. Generally speaking, I considered him a nice enough guy: friendly, helpful, kind of goofy. I wasn't ignorant to assume that every guy who had a musical theater concentration was also gay, however (though yes, most of the other guys I knew from class were), and recently I had started trying to keep my guard up around him because I suspected he might have a crush on me. Maybe it was just me being a little paranoid after the situation with Evan of any handsome guy with cropped, brunette hair and pearly white smile trying to get into my orbit, but it did feel like he was just a little quick to offer to pair up with me in class, meet up to do homework, and maybe let his hands linger just a little longer than needed if a scene required touching me. Then again, everyone in theater seems to damn touchy-feely - it wasn't a proper lesson till every part of me was poked and prodded by the professors critiquing my posture and positioning - so I just left my relationship with him at friendly but cautious, in case my calibration was just off compared to someone who was properly trained in all this acting stuff.

In that moment, however, I was willing to let that guard down just a little because hey, might as well let those arms that were capable lifting a full goddamn person in the air for a musical number carry my stuff for me.

“Oof, what exactly do you got in here?” he asks with a small, playful laugh.

“It’s, uhm, some trading cards," I say, brushing some hair out of my face, having had no chance to do so when my arms were full of boxes.

“Damn, did you order Pokémon cards? Trying to scalp your way through college?" he says, grinning.

“No, nothing like that. Actually, it’s Yu-Gi-Oh cards..."

“Oh, really? Huh, wouldn't have clocked you for someone into that kind of stuff."

Not a surprise he'd have thought that. Even if it had gotten better over time, the game kind of did have a "boy's club" vibe to it. At locals, if there was a girl around, they were either someone's girlfriend or sister, and I could probably count on one hand the number of times I actually played against a girl.

"Yeah, well, I saw that apparently a lot of the stuff these days got, like, lore in the card art and effects and stuff, and some of it sounded really neat that I kind of just kept digging and, I don't know, it seemed kind of fun. Did the digital sims for a bit, but saw a guy selling his collection online for cheap -" the excuse I had for how I got this collection "- and that there's a place near the campus that runs tournaments so, I don't know, figured why the hell not. Mean, worst case is I just sell it all again, right?"

"Uh, guess that sounds kind of cool, using card art and game mechanics to tell a story. Want some help getting this all unpacked?"

I probably should have said no, but the urge to nerd out with someone else was overriding my guard, or at least that was what I was telling myself at the time. So, I said it was fine if he wanted to hang out for a bit, and for the next couple of hours he had to listen to me yap about my deck of choice, what annoyed me about the current format, what I was excited was coming out in the future, and how I might need to get a campus job to help get some cash for it. 

In retrospect, the fact he was not only hanging around listening to all that but even trying to feign some interest really should have been the flag that "this guy is crushing hard" on you. Like I said, though, having had to be "Rylee" had been exhausting, and just getting to let some of the real me out was just such a relief I almost didn't really care if he was just motivated by wanting to bang me. Besides, to his credit, he was really good at showing interest, asking questions, commenting on the art, totally acting like he knew what I was talking about in regard to this or that mechanic.

Eventually I was done building something I was happy enough with and he had to head out, and I should have just left it to that, but...

“Hey, uhm, if you want to, want to tag along with me to the tournament?”

He was practically beaming, and I quickly get into damage control mode as I explained why exactly I was wanting him to tag along.

“It's just, not a lot of girls play this game, you know? Plus, the tournaments can run a little long so it'll probably be dark out by the time we leave so..."

"Oh, yeah, I totally get it. Need me around to play escort. That's cool."

Still, when we met up Saturday, he clearly still thought this was his opportunity. Fresh hair cut, recently laundered clothes, the faint scent of cologne. Standard dress up nicely kind of deal, way more than he needed just to go to a comic shop and sit around while I played some cards.

Of course, I didn't have much room to talk as I had upped my own outfit game just a tad. While on campus the classes kept me in t-shirts and jeans thrown over a workout outfit, going off campus felt like it required a little more effort. I didn’t exactly want to give out the wrong impression here, but it was a habit of mine that if I was going to go out anywhere around people, I usually tried to make myself presentable, and some of that was carrying over. Sure, I was still in pants, but a nicer pair, and had switched out the t-shirt for a light sweater and jacket combination with a pair of boots. Not super dressy, but at least a little step up from campus casual.

We took the bus to the downtown area near the college and headed to the shop. Being the pre-release event for a new set there were a lot of people, probably more than a regular Saturday would have brought. There were even a few other girls there, but like I said, I was expecting most of them to just be girlfriends or family members of the guys. Maybe a little biased against my current sex, but I'm just relaying my experiences, which meant when signups were called and like maybe one other girl stood in line to register it kind of made me standout. Not long after Joshua and I were getting approached by the regulars curious about the new blood, but at least at the start of things it seemed Joshua's presence kept things pretty courteous enough. There was, perhaps, some surprise that it was me was playing and not him, but at least no one was trying anything flirtatious as long as he was there as a ward.

Still, once the tournament commenced and he moved to the sidelines, the rest of the night was just an uncanny valley compared to my past experiences. Obviously, some of that was just the weirdness of being in a new place with new people, but I think word was finally getting around Joshua and I weren't an item, which meant that I was "available".  For some of the guys, that meant that a game match against me was, apparently, also the perfect time to fit in a speed date. Like yes, I know Fairy Tail is a cute archetype, but you aren't exactly slick in saying that therefore it was the "perfect" deck for me. The only relief came when I got paired up against that other girl who entered. It was a nice change of pace that the most frustrating part of that match was that Elfnote is a totally unfair deck that shouldn't have been printed and not having to try and determine the person across from me was trying to count the cards in my hand or just staring at my boobs.

Anyway, went 3-2 but didn’t bubble into the top cut so no prizing. With the whole night having just felt weird and no real reason to stay, I motioned for him I was ready to head out. He said goodbye to I guess some new friends of his, and we were off into the night.

“Well, it looked like you had fun,” Joshua said, apparently starting things off for the walk-home chatting.

“Eh, sort of. When I got to focus on the game it was fun, but I guess being the only single girl there meant I ended up with a target on my back," I said, frustrated I wasn't able to fully enjoy one of my favorite hobbies because of all this stupid Inn stuff.

He winced and sucked in some air.

“Yeah, I wasn’t going to mention it, but since you brought it up, lot of the guys were curious if you and me were, you know, a thing? I almost lied and said we were cause I thought that'd discourage them, but since we hadn't talked about any plans like that..."

"Eh, I actually thought of that, but didn't think things would be bad enough to need to do that. And I mean, it wasn't totally bad. Not a great first impression but, well, lot of guys into this stuff can just be a little awkward so, I don't know, I don't want to hold it against them too much."

That was talking from experience. Social anxiety was something I had always struggled with, and so having been on the other side of the table I was willing to cut a little slack. Just a little, though. After all, anxious or not, you really should work on making it so you're more focused on making sure you're remembering activation triggers than trying to talk up a pretty girl. I mean, sure, I was finding myself struggling a little with regulating my own emotions when it came to things, but I at least have the excuse of having been ace till a few months ago, so what was their excuse.

Take a moment to appreciate the pride before the fall here.

"Anyway, I still appreciate coming out. Think having you around even just as a friend probably helped keep things in check. Still, I don't want to make you come out here every single time."

"Hey, don't sweat it, I had fun too, in my own way. Besides, it was nice seeing another side of you. In class you always seem so awkward and stiff, but, like, the way you were just beaming while talking about, what was it, Fairy Tail?"

I nodded, feeling a bit of a flutter in my chest as he kept talking.

“Yeah, you were so passionate talking about those little guys, and then being just so in the zone you even did the whole tie your hair into a ponytail and scrunchie thing? It kind of almost makes me want to go and build up a deck. And hey, you wouldn't have to worry about those guys staring at your rack all night if I take them out first, right?"

Hey, allosexuals reading this, how the fuck do you deal with the hormones? 

Like, I hate to admit it, but when he ended that line with a cheesy little smile I couldn’t help but bust out a laugh, my whole body just rushing with this flushing heat as I heard him join in.

“No offense, but with this format, you’d probably get absolutely destroyed” I say, trying to steer things back to the card game instead of me.

“Oh, says the girl who this was her 'first time' at locals? I think if you offered me a little tutoring and training I could probably hold my own, and maybe in return I could take you out to dinner some time?"

Shit shit shit

There was the logical recognition, of course, that obviously this whole night out with me was a ploy to try and butter me up for a date. And I couldn’t blame him; he was just being a guy who liked a girl and was trying to do things right by taking an interest in her hobbies and sliding in some flirtatious banter. The whole issue was simply that right now I was that girl, and the rational parts of my brain were on red alert. Rylee’s body, on the other hand, was apparently an absolute sucker for all of this.

“Yeah, sure, I guess I can do that,” I squeak out nervously. 

I mean, I really did want someone who I could share some of my real interests and personality with, but was it worth the risk of getting entangled in something more than that when I was still trying to deal with all these signals this body was sending to my brain?

Thankfully the bus arrived and we were swiftly driven back to campus. Sharing the same dorm meant we had to huddle together just a little longer, sharing some chit chat about maybe what kind of deck would work for him, plus a few last-minute reminders of oh shit there was an assignment due Monday. I could feel myself calming down as we hit the point where we needed to part ways, but there was still just this incessant buzzing in my ear that was saying “Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him.”

Instead, I just wished him a good night as we went our different ways, quickly getting into my dorm room and taking a deep breath as I leaned up against the door.

“So, how'd the tournament go?” asked Sydney, glancing up from her desk.

“I, uh, think I might be dating Joshua now?"

Toby: Dunia's Big Day

I can't say yesterday was the craziest day of my life, because I've had one where I woke up as a Latina woman and others where I didn't get to become myself again because the police were questioning me about the whole thing, but, man, yesterday was something.  It kind of blows my mind that the only person back home who will ever believe me is Lambert, and it kind of makes me sad, even if there are some things I don't really want to explain to Mom.

Mostly, how a big part of the reason I was on edge to start was because I'd just found out the night before that Dunia's boyfriend Luis would be coming home that day.  I think he was kind of nervous about it, too, because he's not usually one to be low-key; most of his texts before the injury had swagger to them or were kind of over-the-top complimentary about some picture I'd sent or posted (dude really likes Dunia's ass!), although often in a way that makes it reflect well on him for being her boyfriend.  Instead he was like "hey, coming home tomorrow, the flight will be kind of late and my folks are getting me but if you're going to be at the airport anyway..."  I said of course I would be there, and then texted Dunia right away, saying the day had come.

We'd sort of come up with a plan from watching and participating in other military reunions in the airport, which are way less spontaneous than they look, between letting families meet returning soldiers at the gate, finding the best spots for someone to capture it on camera, and making sure that wheelchairs are treated a lot more carefully than usual (and having me roll them out of the plane, because the military girlfriend is a good look if folks decide to interview absolutely everyone around).  This wasn't a fancy, makes-the-news return, because Luis was not deployed to someplace active, so we could sort of scout things out and pick out a spot for Dunia to hang back and interrupt if I was really screwing things up or just overwhelmed. 

There was a round trip before that, though, and it was looking pretty uneventful for the first hour or so.  That's when I noticed a crowd forming around the restroom in the rear of the plane getting a little anxious, and they said someone had been in there for fifteen minutes and wasn't responding to knocks on the door, but they thought they'd just heard some sort of noise.  I told them to step back, knocked myself, and then when I got no response, unlocked the door. 

There was an older lady on the floor, with an open prescription bottle of heart medication spilled around her.  She wasn't breathing.  Someone who had been crowding the door screamed and I told her to get back while I laid her flat, checked her airway, and started performing CPR.

I barely noticed Dunia run down the aisle when she heard the noise, but she grabbed the intercom, informed the captain, and asked if I needed any help.  The lady took a well-timed shallow breath at that point, so I said no, and she started telling everyone to return to her seats.  A minute or two later, the captain made an announcement, and pretty soon we're descending. 

I don't know if any of you have ever had to do this before, but while I imagine it's scary as Hell at the best of times (you're starting out from someone who's technically dead and even if it's not an older person with brittle bones, you've probably gotta break their ribs because they're basically there to keep anything from outside having any impact on the heart), but with the plane banking and the angles changing, you've really gotta straddle the other person and tense up so you don't move.  I think Dunia or Allen was holding my shoulders at some point to keep me steady, but I was just trying to stay focused on the job at hand.

Eventually we stop and I vaguely hear Dunia and Allen telling everyone to stay in their seats so the EMTs can get through.  They lift the lady into a stretcher and roll her away.  Nobody else on the plane gets off with her, so I guess she was traveling alone.  I sit in the jump seat and try to catch my breath as the passengers leave the plane.

We're in North Carolina, I think, in a city our airline doesn't usually travel to, so I guess there's a lot of stuff to do, finding a window where we can take off again which would put the co-pilot above his allowed hours on the clock and, meaning they had to bring in a replacement.  It's a two-hour delay, which means when we get to DC, the rest of us are over time and have been reassigned to another flight in the morning.  Fortunately, I guess, when someone mentions Luis coming home, they make room for me to deadhead back, but between him being in the air and me being in the air, he doesn't get the message that I'll be a few hours late until after he arrives, and he went home with his mami.

I probably could have done the same, but it seemed like a shitty way to treat a disabled veteran, so I got a ride share and headed to their house.  It was eleven o'clock by then, but he'd said he'd be up a while.  I was incredibly nervous as I rang the doorbell, and was a bit relieved when Luis's mother answered it.  "Well, look who decided to show up!"

I was ready to say something about how I probably had more trouble with delays at the airport than you'd think, but she looked too tired for that.  "Long day."

She grunted.  "Well, come in.  Luis is in the living room."  I nodded, and took a step in what turned out to be the right direction.

He was sitting on the couch watching a horror movie, which he paused on seeing me.  "Well, look at us.  Didn't figure you'd be in uniform while I was in my civvies the next time we met."

I chuckled at that, and he started to reach for his crutches on the floor, but I could see from how the end of one leg of his pants was empty that this was going to be a production.  "Hey, no need to get up."  I walked over and was about to sit next to him when he put his arms around my waist and pulled me down.  Before I could squawk, his tongue was inside my mouth and one of his hands was on my bottom while the other held me close.

I was kind of surprised at how quickly I responded.  Sure, I'd been psyching myself up for this moment for the past two weeks, and it wasn't the first time a guy had kissed me, but this was different than that time at the club.  That man had been playing and exploring and having fun, but Luis had been waiting for this, so there was force behind it.  Not that I felt attacked, but you could feel the emotion.  And, besides, I had been waiting for it too.  I've been Dunia over a year, and while I tried to deny it for a while, it had been a long time since I felt desire in a women's changing room, and even longer since the first time I felt my head turn at a good-looking guy.  Not wanting to cheat on Luis was a good reason to not explore that, but now that I was in his grip, it melted away.

And he was pretty nice himself!  The army had been keeping him in good shape, he knew every curve of my body even better than I did, and he kind of smelled real good, like, the guys at the club tend to be wearing some sort of body spray or cologne and the folks at the bleach were usually sweaty and covering that up with Axe if anything.  Luis, and it feels weird to say it, smelled like a man, and something in my body was really responding to it.

Honestly, I might have been ready to let him have me right there, but his mami made sure to slam the door as she went to her bedroom, which gave us the giggles, and led to us sitting up and straightening our clothes.  I got my hair out of its bun to let him talk first, and he took the occasion to repeat that I really did look good in the uniform, and how my dream job was treating me.

"Really good, actually, even today!  It's still exciting to take off, and you meet a lot of interesting people, if only for a couple hours.  I've kind of been flying the same few routes for the past year, but it's really nifty to spend the afternoon in another city entirely before going home, and I'm gonna try and mix it up a little more from now on.  And sometimes, like today, you get a chance to really help someone."

He raised his eyebrow, because I'd only said a medical emergency made me late in my text, so I filled him in.  It was honestly kind of embarrassing telling that to a soldier whose leg had been amputated like I had done anything particularly brave or noteworthy, but he said he was proud of me.

Then his phone beeped, and he said it was time for his midnight meds.  I hadn't even noticed the pill bottle on the end table, but asked him if I could get him some water.  He said no and swallowed them dry before putting them back, turned around so I couldn't see the label.  Before I could ask how he was doing, he mentioned they made him pretty drowsy, resituating himself so he was lying down with he head on my lap.

We talked a little more, asking whether Ceci was still a trainwreck, or if I'd heard anything about some friend of his that Dunia had never mentioned to me.  After about fifteen minutes, he really did seem to be trailing off, so I asked if he needed help getting upstairs, and he said he figured he'd just sleep down there.  I said okay, and held his hand until he nodded off, which almost felt more intimate than the kissing:  His grip was tight until it was a little looser, and I felt a little guilty pulling away and catching a ride back to Dunia's house.

Fortunately, Dunia and I have a late flight today, so I could sleep in and won't have to tell her everything until then.  Because, wow, it's a lot, and I'm not sure if I'm up for things being this intense all the time!

Marc/Mary: Coming home

On the train ride home, we were quiet. Not coldly quiet, but comfortably. At least, that's my interpretation. I would look over at John, and he'd look back at me and flash me a quick smile, then go back to his book, and I'd think, okay, good, we don't need to constantly be chattering. Our relationship is pretty lived-in. That's comforting to know.

After my fourth trip to the bathroom he teased me by asking if I would rather just stay in there. I didn't say anything to that, and maybe slightly unintentionally said nothing for a long while. The silence must have been quite pointed, because he sneered, "What, are you going to freeze me out the whole trip over some wisecrack? You really are a woman now, huh?"

I just kind of sighed, annoyedly, and tried to gather my thoughts. "I'm not there yet, okay? I know I chose this -- more or less -- but I'm still coming to terms with that. Give me a little bit of a grace period, you know?"

"All right, all right," he said, kind of dismissively. "Sue me for thinking we'd be the same people we always were before."

He continued, "I don't see why you being the woman and me the man should mean our dynamic is any different from what it's always been."

"Well, for the time being, it is," I said coolly. I paused a bit before adding, "That doesn't mean I don't still like you or want you, but it is going to be different. You understand that, right?"

How could it not be? I already feel different. going from a testosterone-driven young man to a woman of somewhat advanced years, I feel the change. And I'm sure he does too even if he doesn't want to admit it. I think he wants to be hungry for me in the way that he was as Koti, but it's not the same, on my end or his.

He kind of pouted over this, so I decided to do him a favor and lean over to kiss him. It was... nice. Kissing men again. Different, but not unwelcome when it's someone you're attached to.

He accepted my peace offering and the rest of the ride was fine. Then we got to the house, and... well, it all hit me.

I mean, remember when I caught Mary crying over her decision, insisting she didn't feel bad about it but she needed time to process the decision we had made?

I suddenly felt it when I walked into the house. Even though the real Mary hadn't lived here in a year, this was the home that she had made for herself and her husband. It had her decorating sensibility, her spirit.

And it wasn't like walking into Chantelle's apartment, or Ryan's, or Ed's home or the place that Dustin and Koti and all of us lived. Those places, I was aware that I was transient and that I fully intended to give them back. I didn't particularly feel the weight of any of those places. But this home had roots. I looked at the hardwood floors and the area rugs and the lighting fixtures and the colors on the walls and the furniture layout and all of it, and something just struck me.

I have walked into a life. A life that somebody built and has now bequeathed to me, because under the surface it was no longer her.

That hit me hard, and it was days before I could even put a word to it. All I felt at first was the tears, the sobs, the overwhelm. This is a life, Marc -- it's your life now, and it's something you have not had in a long, long time.

I turned and buried my head in John's chest, and he stroked my hair and I don't think he really understood what I was feeling -- and I don't blame him -- but it really settled into my bones. It is up to me to build a life as this person.

To his credit, he asked what was going on, and I told him I'd tell him when I knew. And it was a few days later I was able to write it all out and kind of tell him how I was feeling. And it wasn't bad, just heavy.

John and I are going to build a life together. And if it doesn't work... I don't know what then.

-Marc/Mary