Tori: Great Power/Great Responsibility
Sometimes I feel like I have power over half of the men on Earth, the power that comes from knowing they want me. The look, they chat me up, they let their eyes wander a little below my chin when I talk to them. I have something they want. And I have to be very responsible which of them I give it to.
Because I want it too. That's no secret to you, readers. I have a pretty damn healthy sexual appetite, and I've been starving myself for months -- almost a year! -- because I don't like the idea of having sex with someone I don't totally love. The last time I did that, with my first partner Leo, I felt pretty bad about it.
It's just that, if I hold out for someone who can be my everything, I might be waiting a long time, I might drive myself nuts with desperation, I might cling to them. I totally get why one-night stands are an option. They're just not one I feel good about.
Nameless Boy -- as he shall be called to protect him from embarrassment -- is a special case. He's told me that he likes me, that he's been carrying a torch for a while, unbeknownst to me, and that it was only at my farewell party that he got the nerve. I didn't see anything in him but an opportunity for some escape, some fun, some distraction. He was my attempt at a one-night stand. If I'd known he was a virgin, I might have slowed down a little, but we've all got to start somewhere.
I like him fine. As in, I can put up with him. I don't mind hanging out with him. I'm really not sure how I feel beyond that. I've been spoiled a little bit, with Buddy and Alex, but my memory of both of them is tainted somewhat, too. If I want to get laid, he would be my best option, although for obvious reasons I have not told him this. We've talked a bit, and I've played it a bit close to the chest as to whether I would see him again.
I just don't have the heart to reject him, the way I would reject some bozo in a club. Like, those guys take it on the chin, they don't know you, you're just a piece of ass to them. This guy knows
me. He thinks
about me. There are worse situations to be in, and I think of all the times when I was
him, when I wished
I could dance with the hot girl. Maybe he deserves a reward. Ugh, how egotistical-slash-shallow of me to think of myself that way. But it's a reward for me, too, because I like the attention.
I just spent twenty minutes staring at a blinking cursor trying to decide what to say, what to do... and I just finally decided to text him: Hey... feel like getting a drink?
Labels: Nameless Boy, relationship, sex, Tori
Tori: Something that happened
I sometimes avoid talking about what's going on with me. I like to wait and see how it turns out, if it's not so urgent that I need to put it out there. A lot of the time it ends up being nothing, so I don't say it. Sometimes I say it even if it is nothing.
Sometimes I take forever to get around to saying it.
I got laid on the weekend.
I know, I know, I'm a big girl, I shouldn't care too much about it when it happens. I'm getting better at making
it happen, I should say. My little misadventure with Irwin kind of reminded me just how much fun it is to be with someone, and it's his loss if he doesn't want another shot. I'm trying to be a take charge kind of gal.
It was a delayed farewell party with the guys (and one other girl, who I sadly didn't work with that often) from work. Most of them have girlfriends, it ended up being a shockingly big affair (all for little old me? No, it was a pretty regular occurrence, I just didn't always go) at this bar around the corner. The DJ was playing a lot of 90s jams and I had enough drinks that I couldn't resist getting up to dance... because believe me, these days, it takes quite a bit of liquid courage to get me shaking my booty. One of the guys, whose name I won't reveal, joined me on the dancefloor (really just the space between pool tables) and after a while we just sort of... forgot ourselves.
He reminds me a little of Alex and Buddy, except he's only a bit taller than me, really thin, with a chin beard. He's a bit younger than me, just out of college. I had hardly thought twice about him and he was kinda shy, the last person I would expect to join me in an impromptu dance party. So I was impressed, I never saw this bold side of him, tactfully placing his hands on my hips. Well, he did a little bit of hover hands, but I grabbed his wrists and planted his hands on my body. After that he didn't need me to lead him any further. He inched closer and closer, and everyone watched... I would've been embarrassed if I hadn't been enjoying myself so much.
I felt his crotch grinding on me through his pants.
After a few songs, I wrapped my arms around him. "Hey, sorry if I'm being too..."
I didn't hear the end of his sentence. I just told him "Let's go make out in your car."
I was not myself, but I liked being that girl.
We got in the backseat. I laid on my back and wrapped my legs around him. He hovered over me, kissing my lips, my face, my neck... he waited a respectable amount of time before pushing his hands gently up my shirt (hey, he's only human.) After a while, he asked if I'd mind going to my place, since his roommate was nosy. I told him I did not mind.
We drove recklessly, he kept his hand on my leg the whole time, which was sweet. We made out the entire elevator ride up, my back pinned up against the wall. Very hot. When we got into my place, we wasted no time.
And by that I mean, he finished within seconds.
Before I realized what had happened, he pulled out, and I let out a very instinctive, disappointed, "What the fuck?" and he got very red-faced and embarrassed, "I'm sorry, oh God, I'm sorry..."
I got my bearings and collected myself. I wanted to be reassuring, "It's okay, it's okay, it happens..." I mean, it's never happened to someone I was with, but I guess it does. "Got a bit too excited? Been a while?"
He rolled off me and sat up, with slumped shoulders - "It's my first time."
I had him lie down and we put our arms around each other. I just told him "It's okay, it's okay" over and over, like he was a lost puppy. He seemed mortified. It's a good thing we don't work together anymore. Finally I said "I'm sorry I rushed you through that."
"No, don't worry... I'm glad it finally happened. I've been picking up on some signals from you for a while, and I was just too chicken to make a move."
Signals? Oh... boy. I had not been sending this kid any signals. Not on purpose anyway.
This happens sometimes, I guess. If you look a certain way, and you're friendly and comfortable around guys, they take it as a signal. They see what they want to see. I'm aware of it, but it's more in the back of my mind, and it's really egotistical to assume every guy is thinking of you that way. But I guess I do have blinders on to the way guys can interpret my actions. Being in a steady relationship probably helped that. I had a natural shield.
I don't know, it's just a side-effect of being a reasonably attractive girl (wow, I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that three years ago I thought I was the hottest chick ever, and now I consider myself "reasonably attractive.") There are worse things to put up with in life. It's just never the ones you really want.
Kinda hypocritical of me, I guess, because I did
end up seducing this guy. After a little while, we started back up, making out, still nude, letting him run his hands up and down my body...I don't know, after the recent events of my life, it was nice to be with someone that seemed to at least want to be with me
The second time wasn't great
, but it lasted longer than the first. I took the opportunity to give him a few pointers when I could, but in the heat of the moment there's not much you want to say beyond "keep going with that!" and "slow down!"
He didn't stay the night, thank heavens. I think he was just too embarrassed, and I had to have a good long talk with myself about how lame that was. I really don't see myself as a one-night stand kind of girl, but instead of being ashamed, I was at least kind of proud that I made it happen. I mean somebody
had to be that guy's first, and it might as well have been someone forgiving. Believe me, the longer he went without it, the more self-conscious he would have gotten, I speak from experience. He'll survive.
I just don't know what's next for me.
Labels: Nameless Boy, sex, Tori
I guess it's been a really long time since I've written here.
Obviously there's been a lot of settling down... if Todd and Alia wanted
to talk about it, I figure they would, but basically things are status
quo around here with them and me.
We've even kept the
band, Somebody Else, relatively active. No more big tours lately, but
even Shelby is back drumming with us when we pull gigs around Toronto.
We needed some space and time apart, but in the end not only is she a
friend, she's a good drummer for us to work with.
been seeing this guy, Roman, for a while. He's this clean cut
business major, a really type-a kind of guy, my exact opposite. I'm just
a tad bitter about that, but if that's what she's into then I wish her
the best. They moved in together and held a
housewarming party last weekend, and invited me, Alia and Todd. I went, knowing I was
probably going to have a rough night. It was a lot of couples.
the party, I spotted a girl who appeared to be single, a pretty
brunette with a cute round face, going from conversation to
conversation. She must have seen me eyeing her, because she looked twice
and smiled, then came over.
She asked how my night was
going and I said I'd had worse. I asked how she knew the happy couple,
and she said she was Roman's ex, Traci. What a funny coincidence, I
said, because I'm Shelby's.
"What are we doing to
ourselves?" she laughed at herself a little, and me I guess. "No really,
I'm still friends with Roman, and I just needed to get out more. Exam
crunch, you know?"
"I remember that... I've been out
of University for a while now, been working and traveling." I told her
that Shelby and I were in a band and we'd recently toured the States. I
didn't mention that it was over a year ago. Still feels pretty recent.
funny coincidence," she said, "Because I'm from there." I could tell
she had kind of an accent. The difference between Canadians and
Americans is subtle, but you notice it when someone points it out. I
guessed based on her accent, "New York?"
she said. She'd moved here with Roman to go to school, and when they
broke up, they were both kind of, well, stuck. "But I love your country,
everything's so open and clean. I'm glad I stayed."
We made more
small talk, which had the tone of flirting, and we must have been noticed since I saw Roman giving us the evil eye once or twice. Around 11, she had to
go, she needed to call it an early night and her ride had arrived. I
walked her down to the lobby. She gave me her number and we agreed to
meet up eventually.
But here's the thing. I caught a glimpse of the person driving the car, a very familiar looking young woman. She rolled down her window to wave Traci over. I think, and I guess I can't be totally certain, but it looked exactly like Julia Di Francesco, the girl that Anne-Marie became while Todd was her and I was Ellie.
Maybe I'm just jumpy, after reading what Tori posted. Whoever's in that body didn't seem to care that I got a clear view of her - I was standing right there, and if they're part of the Agency or whatever, they'd know I would recognize that face. So maybe I'm lucky, and whatever's going on has nothing to do with me or Todd.
But I doubt it. All I know is that at this point in my life, I can't afford NOT to be suspicious of everybody out there. So while a small part of my body is saying to forget her and run away from this mess, I've never been good at listening to that voice. I want to investigate.
I contacted the current Ellie and asked her to tell me everything she knew about everyone involved with the Inn. I e-mailed Tori to tell me if there was anything left to know about these people, if she could find out. You guys, we're going to figure this out.
Labels: Alia, Bryan, Julia, Roman, Todd, Traci
Ellie: Casual encounters
I should post here more. I'm seeing a lot of Tori on this blog and I envy her ability to open up to you guys. Whenever I have a personal problem lately, which is always, I just hold it in. But hey, a lot of people have the password here and you don't see them, either. It makes me wonder.
I can't wait to be done high school. I don't fit in and I don't belong and I don't want to. But what comes afterward might be worse because I have to make decisions. If I decide to go to college, then that's it. I'm in it for the long haul. I AM Ellie thanks to a hefty student loan that I can't just dump on someone else, and a decision to move away and major. It would be so irresponsible to start down one path only to go back to the Inn later, which I don't trust myself not to do.
My only decisions in the past were just based on the need to survive. Being able to look at my options and choose a path... that's frightening to me.
So hopefully you won't blame me for needing to blow off a little steam.
I answered a Craig's List ad a few weeks ago. I don't think there's anyone at school I would want to date, any open-minded girls that I could introduce myself to at the end of my last semester. I wasn't really looking to date, anyway.
So I found this woman. 38 years old, never married, recently came out of the closet, looking to dip her toe in the water. Before she sent her pic I was expecting someone rough-looking, but she looked like a very proper lady, a realtor with her hair perfectly combed and make-up done well. I explained what I could about my situation, that I felt uncomfortable at school, that I needed someone who might understand me better. She said she felt like she did.
We arranged a meeting. I got my "dad" to drive me over, because I wanted the safety of knowing someone knew where I was, and he was the only one I could trust. If he disapproved at all, he didn't say.
When she let me in, she smelled like she had bathed in perfume and really spent time perfecting that hair and make-up. She had stuffed herself into a little black dress and nylons. I was wearing jeans and a cardigan. I didn't know which one of us should be embarrassed.
She was drinking wine, but didn't offer me any. Maybe she didn't want to offer alcohol to a minor, but considering the way the rest of the night went, it probably wouldn't matter.
She smiled at me. "I'm not sure how to begin this. I don't want it to be weird."
"It's not weird," I insisted, trying to convince myself. "I liked e-mailing with you. You seem like you get me."
"I do get you," she agreed, "You remind me a lot of myself at your age... lost and uncertain. God, if I'd known then what I know now, so much time I wasted."
"It's not important,." I said, "It's never too late to start again."
"I hope so." She stretched her arm out to put her hand on mine. "The real question is, what does a girl like you want with a woman like me?"
"We're both... new to this," I said, "We can both learn together."
She leaned in, and I leaned in, and eventually our lips touched. We started to move together, breathing in deep, letting our hands find differed parts on the other's body. I ran my hands up her hips, she placed hers on my back and leaned me back. Her legs straddled me as she lay on top - which didn't seem fair as she outweighed me by a lot, but I think that was the point. I could barely breathe, but I was so caught up in the moment I didn't think about it.
We made out for a while. Before long, her hands were everywhere, teasing the lining of my top and the button on my jeans, feeling out the soft flesh of my midsection. And I did the same, running my fingers over the flesh of her shoulders, under the strap of her bra and over the tops of her breasts.
She moaned. Throughout the whole thing she moaned theatrically, I could hardly take her seriously after a while. Before long, I was undressed, naked and frail beneath her and she still had her dress on. She kissed my breasts and I unzipped the back of her dress. I needed her help with her bra clasp - she had unfastened mine with a single motion, and I was gritting my teeth trying to get hers off. It almsot broke the mood. Almost.
She slipped her fingers powerfully into me. I moaned and again, she moaned with me, as if she was deriving as much pleasure. I wanted to tell her to shut up and just go through with it, but I didn't say anything. While she kissed and petted me, I played with her breasts and tried to ignore the excessive scent of her perfume.
She led me to her bedroom. Standing in the light, I saw her body in full for the first time, seeing the cellulite on her legs and ass, her saggy breasts... I thought to myself, "It's okay, she's a regular woman, she looks pretty good for her age!" I hate feeling shallow.
In the bedroom, she laid me down and it was back to the routine, pawing and tonguing at me. She had me use a vibrator on her, and she tried to get me to use it too but I declined. I watched her finish herself off, and I wondered if she was just putting on a show or if she really enjoyed it this much.
When it was over, she wrapped her arms around me and I rested my head on her breast. She asked if I had enjoyed myself, and I said yes, which was half-true. It was far from the best sexual experience I've had, but it was nice to at least be with someone. She asked if I was ready for another round soon, and I said I had to go home and sleep.
I walked through the living room, gathering up my clothes. She appeared in the doorway and sid "Stop... I just want to remember you this way." Naked, she meant. I paused for a moment before putting on my underwear.
I texted for "dad" to come pick me up, then she walked me down to the lobby. I stayed quiet while she talked about what a good partner I was and how she'd love to get together again soon. I said I had a lot of homework so it might be a few weeks. Inside, I felt embarrassed and frustrated that I hadn't enjoyed it more: she was attractive enough and eager enough. I wanted it to just be a primal satisfying of needs, not a complicated emotional thing.
She texted me a few times to see when I would be available again and I noncommittally texted her back, putting her off as long as I could. When we did meet up again, the results were as uncomfortable and I began to wonder what I was trying to do. I want to be with someone, but I don't think I'm up for tawdry affairs with women twice my (physical) age.
I think I'm just somebody who's not going to be able to find love, at least not for a very long while... I need someone who has had similar life experiences to me, which is nobody, really, but I think I'd at least like someone who is in my physical age group. Someone who's as uncertain about herself as I am.
She kept texting and I kept putting her off, and then she finally got the message. I have a lot of work to do for the end of the semester, anyway.
Labels: Ellie, sex
Tori: Fingers Crossed
I walked into my old employer very apprehensive. I had originally gotten hired with them through Alex, and we know he turned out not to be on the level. Whatever his objectives were, or the peopel he works for, he was trying to convince me to go along with him... in the time since, I sometimes wonder if my firing had something to do with that, maybe to help coerce me. Heaven knows I didn't stick it out in this body just to hawk cell phones at the mall. Maybe I'm seeing connections where there are none but I think anything is fair game.
I'm am SURE
, however, that this conspiracy, if you can call it that, has to do with getting called up out of the blue and being offered Alex's job. Supposedly, he was moving on, and recommended me - not
somebody who was still with the company - as his replacement. I was very unnerved that they would want me back, if they had anything to do with these mystery people, and particularly bothered that this new Alex would think of me at all.
So I went in to the manager's office, Alvin, and I sat across from him just kind of staring intently, trying to figure him out. I asked about the job, and it seemed to be exactly what he was describing, for in-hour IT services for the entire company. Okay, great, as long as my skills aren't too rusty. "Why had Alex recommended me?" Alex had made the argument that I was as qualified as him (true) and was familiar with the company structure (not as true, I was fired just after a merger, but hey.) Alvin basically reassured me that the job was mine if I wanted it.
I hesitated. I wanted to wring him for answers but if he had any he wasn't coming out with them. I told him that if there was anything else going on, he could tell me, I was in the know. He looked at me like I was a lunatic. He asked if I wanted the job, and I said I'd have to consider it.
That night, I went over to Alex's place, hoping I wasn't breaking their rules or putting myself in danger. I also hoped he hadn't moved: luckily, he hadn't. When I pushed the buzzer, and I heard his voice ask "Hello?" my heart lept out of my chest, and I squeaked the most awkward response: "Hi, um, my name is Tori, and..." he interrupted, "I know. I know. Come on up." He was expecting me. Gulp.
I nearly hyperventilated on my way up on the elevator. I hadn't seen Alex, that face, that man I had spent a year with, since he, well, stopped being himself (or George, rather.) And I knew that whatever this gentleman was going to say, whether I could trust him or not, was going to deal with some vry uncomfortable truths about my life, that I just don't want to deal with. But before I take this job, which I really wanted to do, I needed to know what was really going on.
As soon as I knocked on the door, he was there to open it, like he was waiting for me. I nearly fainted when I saw his face, I swear I just couldn't deal with seeing this person with all the baggage attached to that appearance, but I collected myself, and he had me take a seat and offered me a drink. I declined. He said, "I was hoping you'd stop by."
"We have a lot to discuss, but I didn't think you'd just come over if I asked you to. I felt sure that you wouldn't take that job without at least seeing me first."
"What do you know about me? About who and what I am?" I asked.
"I know plenty, Tori. I know you used to be John Henry Clifford, an IT technichian from Buffalo, New York. You've been here since the summer of 2009, and when you couldn't get your old body back, you stuck it out, got comfortable, sought happiness... that's admirable. I know you used to date the man who occupied this body, but when he left it, to go live as someone else, you declined to follow him. And here we are."
"Is this for real? The job? Or are you just playing a game with me?"
"You need to learn how to ask questions, no offense," he said, taking a sip of his water, "Because I wouldn't tell you if I was."
"I guess that makes sense, I just find it hard to believe you have my best interests at heart."
"If it helps, I'm really just looking out for my
best interests. Yours are incidental."
"How comforting," I rolled my eyes. "So what are your
"I want out."
"You asked me if I was playing a game. I'm not, but someone is. It's a lot bigger than you or me, but it's... sort of a con. They have a lot of influence over who goes where. There are a lot of favours owed. I got caught up in a while, but I'm ready to get out, and I thought, since I'm leaving anyway, I might as well do you this favour."
"Why do you care about me?"
"This isn't the first time we've met, Tori." He kind of chuckled to himself, "This is embarrassing, but I guess I wasn't going to win you over without mentioning this... I was Danny."
My eyes bulged out. "Danny? My friend Danny?"
"For a while, yeah. Believe me, that was a difficult couple of years to navigate."
"So... when Raine, and Danny... you were... That was you...?"
His face turned red, "I tried. She was willing to try, and for a little while it worked, but... Believe me, I am really sorry to her about that. She was really understanding. That's why I'm doing this, in a way. I care about her, but I can't be in her life like this. The Inn will be open for the summer soon, so I... I've lined up one last chance. Believe me, the Powers That Be are happy to have a life like mine that they can use to leverage people."
"So they just use people? Use their lives as incentives?"
"It's a carrot on a stick. You wind up in a body that is not to your liking - either by accident or because they put you there - they tempt you to work for them by offering a new body, or even your old one back. Holding you hostage. They've been at it for a long time, so they've got connections, money, power... but I guess there are limits. You need to take the bait, and you never did."
"No," I said, thinking about how close I was to going with George. "I never did."
"Tor, you need to know how badly I wanted to talk to you about this. Even going back to when it all started, watching you date him, while I was powerless on the sidelines trying to survive in my own situation, knowing you were going to get your heart broken. I'm sorry you got caught up in this."
"It's... it's all in the past," I said, still stunned. "Thanks for being honest."
"If it helps... don't trust anybody. Even me." He's right, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to go thorugh life looking at everything skeptically. I wish I could take him and everything else at face value.
I stayed a bit longer, rehashing old times, catching up on what was what... the whole meeting was really long and really therapeutic, and if I've muddled up the exact wording of the conversation here, I apologize to Alex.
I left feeling a lot better about life, in a way... if "taking the bait" with George was my only risk at being sucked into this, then taking the job was a smart decision and I might be safe now. Maybe somewhere down the line they'd try to get me again, but according to Alex, they may have moved on. I told him that I would do everything I could to help him with Raine, if he wanted it, when she comes back and he comes is in his new body.
I asked Alex if it was safe to blog about this, if openly discussing his identity, and mine, made us targets. He said it was fine, that the "Agency" people didn't really pay much attention... anything I was going to share on here that they needed to know, they would be able to find out anyway.
Not terrifying at all, sure.
It's a relief, after nearly 4 years, to feel like I know even more about the world I live in. The things people could do with that Inn... scary stuff.
But I've worked my last shift at the phone place, starting at the IT job tomorrow... this feels like a new chapter. At 26, I am back on track to living my life. Fingers crossed.
Labels: Agency, Alex, George, Tori
Tori: Woah hold on.
Here I am, complaining about boy troubles, and all of a sudden I get an e-mail.
It's from my old employer. Offering me a job.
Alex -- or whoever looks like him nowadays -- is leaving his job. And he's recommending me for his replacement.
I'm just... floored. I don't know what to think.
I would so love to go back there. Get out of my rut, get my life moving again. But I'm suspicious... whoever this person is, he's probably mixed up in the same stuff George/Alex was, and I dson't know if I can trust him. Can I just take this offer at face value? What does he know about me? What does he expect me to do?
Should I go talk to this person and find out if he's on the up and up? Could it possibly end well?
I'm suddenly very dizzy.
Labels: Alex, George, Tori, work
Tori: Let down
After our date, I waited for Irwin to get in contact with me. My experience with guys has usually been pretty positive, they've liked me when I've liked them. We didn't play head games and test each other. So I got a little irritated when a week flew by and Irwin was still pretty dodgy about when we were going to see each other again.
And then some more time went by and I realized we weren't
going to see each other again. That was it. I was a one-night stand to him.
I reminded myself that I wasn't that into him to begin with. All the chemistry we had at first completely disappeared when we actually tried to go out on a date. Yes, he was smart and handsome, and the sex was... good enough, I guess? I thought it was worth a try. Apparently he didn't. And I feel like an idiot.
When I was a guy, I didn't do that. I wasn't that guy. I was way too intimidated. But I wanted to be. I remember feebly trying to hit on Alia when we first met at the Inn. My friends maybe weren't pickup artists but they weren't doing badly with women. And since I've been a woman, I've been pretty good at sensing which guys were really interested in me, and staying away from guys who just wanted a night.
I don't know. I realize, it was sex, I got my end of the bargain too, and there were no promises, I just figured there was still some potential there or at the very least a second date so I could decide. But he made his decision, and fair enough. It's not like he lied to my face, he just took the easy way out after. And this is a pretty mild version of what a lot of women have to put up with.
Look, I don't want to have to go out and find a new guy every time I want some action. All I want is some consistent attention from a guy I actually want to be around. My last two relationships totally spoiled me. I'm really not a one-night stand type of gal.
Having said that... it's got my hormones worked up into a frenzy because suddenly my body remembers what I'm missing out on. I can't seem to win!
Tori problems. Thanks for listening.
Labels: dating, Irwin, sex, Tori
Tori: Good medicine
I'm no good at dating, I think.
I'm pretty good at being in a relationship. I think I'm so used to that that on a "date," I come on a bit strong and have overly high expectations on my date. My showing last night was pretty embarrassing, I can't even remember what I was babbling about. I don't think it went well.
I felt like a lot of the chemistry we had on our first meeting was suddenly gone, and I was talking to a different person (and don't think for a second that doesn't give me pause!) Yes, he's into some nerdy things like Doctor Who and Game of Thrones but he's not like the kind of "nerdy" guy I like, he's also really into sports and spent half the night talking about the Eagles and UFC.
I was going to make a joke about how it's a good thing I'm not a guy anymore, but I know for a fact that it's possible to be a charming, likeable, successful guy and not give a damn about football. Sorry, gents.
So I sat there, trying to nod along politely and remember what I liked about this guy. He's handsome, fills out a suit well, and pretty funny (when we're talking about a subject I understand.) I could do worse, and I hadn't been with anyone in six months...
So I went home with him.
It was pretty impulsive, I'm usually very guarded, especially lately, but I just needed to blow off some steam and remind myself what I was in this for. I still hadn't made up my mind as we were walking up to his apartment - I could've walked away at any point - but we got through the door and the place was neat and tidy and I figured, hey, this guy's got it pretty together. And in the light of day I'm thinking it's a little sad that that's my only criterion.
So I kissed him, and he wrapped his arms around my waist and guided me to the couch and I climbed on top and we started making out, and surprise, he started feeling me up... so I felt him up (and down) and well, you know how it goes.
I considered staying the night, but he said he gets up at 6 AM to go running, and it was OK if I wanted to put up with that, but I was also welcome to leave, so I did because I felt like I could use the sleep. I figure we'll work out our next steps from here. It's kind of nice to be back in the game. I hope I manage to get into the groove more, and we start to gel after this.
Labels: dating, Irwin, sex, Tori