I had been putting off talking to Stephen every since Art came up with a plan to get everyone to their correct bodies. Every time I did a little online research about how my old life was doing, I found “Jake” was doing incredibly well. It made me nervous—would Stephen want to give up his new life? I was afraid of the answer.
I gave up the idea of traveling down to Dallas. If he turned me down it would be a huge waste of money—and the weather has been really bad down there lately, whole highways have been closed because of ice and snow.
So it came down to a phone call. I called “Jake” on Sunday.
Art’s post covered the basics of the conversation, so I won’t bother to post a repeat here.
What wasn’t in Art’s post was how abusive “Jake” was on the phone. No, Stephen made it very clear to me he had no desire to give up my old life. That door was closed.
So I’ve decided that if I can’t be Jake Mathews, I’m going to stay as Ashlyn Shelley.
This wasn’t an easy decision for me. Art’s right, I could go back to the Inn and roll the dice and see if I could be male again—but that’s a bad idea on so many levels. Sure, I could wake up a man again, but I could also wake up a guy in his sixties—or a guy who has a bad heart—or has a drug addition—or a million other scenarios. What are the odds that I’ll get the life of a guy in his mid twenties to mid thirties, who is in great physical health, makes good money at a job I know how to do, and has no wife or children?
There’s also the 50% chance I would wake up as another woman—and I have to tell you, if I have to be a woman, I’m happy with the body and life I have right now.
And what if I did get lucky and got a life of the kind of guy I was talking about--male, young and healthy--would we not tell this person there was a way back? That there was a way to reverse the curse? Or would I pull a Stephen and tell that unlucky soul that they can’t have their life back? I can’t do it—not after going through it myself.
For reasons I don’t understand, Ashlyn wants to stay Jean-Michel. That allows me to stay as Ashlyn without displacing anyone else. As Ashlyn I’m barely into my adult years, I have my whole life ahead of me. I’m extraordinarily attractive which is a big plus. Lastly, I now have two loving parents that I really don’t know how “Jean-Michel” can do without.
I’ve been a woman for five months now—and I have changed as a person in that time. I no longer view living as a woman as a lifetime jail sentence. It’s not what I wanted—but it’s something I can live with.