Todd/Anne-Marie: Easter

Have I mentioned what a chore it is to put up with the Adkissons sometime? Not Hal, and not the kids, I mean, but... the family unit. Sure, as Todd I've had some family gatherings, but those were pretty tough to deal with and they were my actual family. With all the crap I deal with while playing Anne-Marie, my trip to Maine can't come soon enough.

Take Trudy (please.) Hal's judgmental sister, who has found every bit of incompetence I've shown to be more evidence Anne-Marie isn't right for her brother, even though they've been married for like 12 years and have two kids and everything, and all those mistakes have more to do with me having less than a year's worth of experience as a wife and mother. Like when she sees me and scoffs, "I swear it's like you don't even know how to dress yourself," it hurts more than it should, considering the circumstances (why should I be offended? I just am.) It's just a really bitchy thing to say.

This weekend involved more than the usual amount of family BS. Hal's and Trudy's (and Wayne, their other brother) father is in the hospital. He's in his 70's, has been undergoing chemotherapy, and had a stroke. Things do not look good. So we brought the kids over to see him, and he couldn't say much, and we wished him a quick recovery before being sent off. It was weird to me... I have never met this old man, he's just somebody's sick grandpa. And I feel bad, and I don't feel bad, and I feel bad for not feeling as bad as I should. The entire transformation has thrown my perception of life and death out of whack (and don't get my started on the way my mind wandered when we went to the Easter service... religion is so different when you've been part of a profoundly bizarre experience like this.)

So Trudy chastises me for not seeming concerned about her father, and I say of course I am (not really but she has no right to accuse me.) So, having had enough of it, I just close my eyes and let Todd out for one little moment.

"Trudy... you are such a bitch."

Okay, that's probably unfair of me to say considering we had just gotten back from the hospital where her father is lying, possibly on his deathbed. But I'd seriously had enough of her treatment toward me. I've tried being nice but she snipes at me at every opportunity. I've left it off the blog because it doesn't enter into the Inn-related things I tend to talk about, and I don't wanna remember her bitter old face when I'm back in Toronto, but this has really been getting to me lately. And all I ever wanted to know is why, and I guess I got a little closer to the answer when she retorted, "Oh, don't act like I'm the one who started this."

Not having Anne-Marie's backstory to draw on, I just sat there silently, while she smugly walked away. In a rather emotional state, I called up Anne-Marie to ask her what just happened, and she sighed and said she had some things to explain to me.

Apparently the animosity between Trudy and Anne-Marie has been there from the start, going back before Anne-Marie and Hal were married. Trudy and her husband were going through a rough patch in their young marriage and had a trial separation, during which time the husband, Chris (I think?) met Anne-Marie and began a fling with her. Then he reconciled with Trudy and somehow Anne-Marie fell in with Hal and eventually they got married. That would seem to be the end of it, but I guess Trudy has never come to grips with the fact that her brother's wife has had sex with her husband, and has always been suspicious of the two of us.

And here I thought this was all because Anne-Marie wanted to be Ellie's cool aunt.

So, the rest of the weekend proceeded like that. Bryan's getting weirdly aloof and I don't much like it, but I guess there's no problem so long as things get back to normal as soon as they can. After that confrontation - and finally learning what it was about - I just tuned it out. So, she doesn't like the way I cook the ham, or how I clean the dishes. Whatever. Just more impetus for me to leap back out of this life and forget it. It's not my fault she can't let go of grudges from over a decade ago. In fact, if there's one lesson I'm going to take with me from this profound experience, it's that life isn't worth holding on to stupid things like that for too long. It's hard to say, if you haven't spent a year in someone else's body, exactly how one reaches that conclusion. I used to think all of our experiences were what made us, what set us in stone, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's that nothing is so monumental it will always remain. Things change.

And of course, I'm ready to change back.

-Todd/AM