In my old life I would refer to a woman who was being aggressive or whiny or mean about something as "being a bitch", which is something a lot of us do even though it is a pretty sexist thing to say. Having spent the last 3 years as three females, I try to refrain from saying it, matter of perspective and all that. And honestly I rarely deserved that title, because I'm rarely aggressive, whiny, or mean that's just the type of person I am, although when someone or something totally warrants it, I will go off and lose my temper, and Tuesday night I was a total bitch.
It all started when I got home from work and there was a message on the answering machine for the house phone. If someone left a message there it had to be important because they had that number and not a cell number. I pushed play and the message went something like this:
"This message is for Sharon Barco from Dr. Simon Taylor's office reminding you of your appointment for February 18th, please call back to confirm and please not that if you cant make it your deposit will not be refunded to you."
If theres one thing I've learned from being in another person's body is that you respect their medical histories and instructions, as Zane found out when he stopped taking Clara's meds. So despite our iciness I went upstairs to tell Malinda she had a doctor's appointment.
"For what? I'm not sick" she said
"I dunno, maybe the gynecologist?" I suggested
"Shouldnt be, I had that appointment in November and the Doctor was a lady" she replied.
I had had the same type of appointment with the same doctor, and it wasnt Simon Taylor, so thinking something might be wrong and not trusting Malinda to follow through, I called the real Sharon, who if you remember is now a truck driver.
When I told her about an appointment with Dr. Taylor her voice went soft and all she managed was a soft "Oh."
"What is it, she doesnt have cancer or anything, does she?"
"No," she said sounding very girl and almost on the verge of tears "It's a fertility clinic"
Ouch. My heart went out to her. Apparently she and Alex had been wanting to start a family and they were going to have her being insemination around this time, but the inn threw them a curveball.
"I'd love to help you, Sharon" I consoled her "But this sort of thing is probably best left till your in your right bodies"
"I know" she sniffled, obviously missing her life.
We hung up shortly after and Malinda was in the room. "So what is it?"
"Fertility Clinic" I said sadly "I guess we're gonna cancel that appointment"
"Ugh, Clearly" she said with marked disgust "Those kind of people probably shouldnt even have kids"
Now, I've never been much of an activist. Being born a white male I've always been anti discrimination but havent really been effected by it. Even my time as Priya I never really felt discriminated against for being a minority and I'm certainly not an active part of the gay community now, but something about that comment boiled me over and I lashed out at her.
"You know what? FUCK YOU" I yelled "BOTH of them would make a better mother than you because they at least seem to be capable of compassion and love and arent some lazy, ignorant, spoiled brat!"
She was clearly shocked because her mouth hung wide open but I continued
"Let me tell you something about 'those people'. They arent any different from anyone else and in case you havent noticed, YOU'RE ONE OF THEM! That's right, you're a great big DYKE. That's why that guy left early the other night, because you didn't want him. Because your gay. And guess what? NOBODY CARES. This isnt your stupid little hick home town where people judge, its an open society. So the sooner you get over your self loathing maybe you might stop being such an insufferable child"
My face was red at this point and Malinda's was a mixture of terror and anger, but mostly terror. She looked like she thought I was going to hit her. I wanted to hit her. I couldve hit her. I'm an athlete and she's an artist, I'd kick her butt. But i'm not an abusive wife. I didn't hit her.
"And one more thing. You can sleep on the couch tonight. I pay the fucking mortgage around here, I'm going to sleep in the big bed."
I stood there waiting for a response, but all she did was look at me with tears welling up in her eyes and before leaving the house.
She didnt come back until late that night, and I know this because I kept my promise and slept in the Master Bedroom and didnt hear her come in. She's been a lot more subdued the last couple of nights. Hopefully I scared some sense into her.
I'll keep you posted.