This morning when I woke up I found a nondescript white box sitting on the floor outside my door. Inside was a strange-shaped item called a "Leaf." It has a little button on it that creates a pulsing, vibrating sensation, and has another setting that causes it to squirm like a tongue.
With a note: "This will help you stay out of trouble, I hope." Signed, "The Inanimate Object Fairy."
I felt like she was making fun of me at first. But I looked it up... it was not cheap. It was a real gift. I guess she actually wants me to be happy, and thinks that if I incorporate this into my life I will be.
But for now I'm just looking at this thing and thinking, how ridiculous. Chicks need this kinda stuff to get off? Things used to be so simple...
I don't know, with a device this advanced, I get the feeling you're not supposed to just be "quick and dirty" with it. You need to give yourself time and really make an evening of it. (That's probably why my personal results have been... mixed so far.)
What do you think, guys? Should I take the leaf for a spin sometime? Light some candles, pour myself some wine and see what happens...?
Sure beats the awkwardness of trying to date a guy...