Daryl/Zee: Letting you all know about Cary

I know the news about Cary's heart attack has been going up and down some group texts, but a lot of Inn folks lurk here to keep up with what's going on and might not find out otherwise.  I just want to let everyone know that it was mild, though they'll be keeping him in the hospital for observation for a couple of days.  We're not sure if it was triggered by the heatwave or something else.

The timing is especially lousy, not that there's ever a particularly good time for something like this, because Mackenzie is actually abroad right now.  She was down in Boston for a show while Scotland's Tartan Army was swarming the city, hit it off with a kilted fellow whose hair is an even brighter red than hers, and she said that, yeah, she thinks she's Scottish but she's adopted so she's not really in touch with that part of her heritage when asked.  Which sounds better than "under this pale exterior, I'm actually a Black woman ten or fifteen years older than I look".  He impulsively asks to let him show her Glasgow, she says yes, and Cory's cool with it because, as mentioned, the former Krystle has more than enough experience to deal with anything this guy might pull.  It does mean that she's been spending all day trying to pull together a flight back home and dealing with delays that messed with her transfer.

I'm second on his "in case of emergency" call list after Mack, so I left work, rented a car, and drove up as soon as I could.  Happily, there's been relatively little bullshit about a Black woman half his age being his girlfriend rather than a caretaker; Southern Maine can be lily-white at times but often pretty live-and-let-live, even if I've been getting some sideways glances.

Thankfully, Cary was awake for a couple hours tonight, and was in pretty good spirits, but tired.  I've taken work off through the holiday and I'll probably be sleeping in an uncomfortable chair next to him, waiting for Mack to show up.

It's hitting me kind of hard, harder than I expected.  We kept telling ourselves that our thing was kind of casual, friends with benefits and a unique shared experience, and maybe that's why it his so hard, because lovers come and go but people you've shared lives with are incredibly rare.  Elaine gets it; she's been texting me for updates ever since I called her.

Anyway, even though the doctors say he's going to be fine, spare Cary a moment if you can.

-Zee

Krystle Marie Kamen Potts, née Jonah Glass

As a teenage boy, I used to roll my eyes at women talking about their weddings being the best days of their lives, but oh my god, they might have been onto something.  I mean, the day my daughter was born is right up there, but that hurt!

Like I said yesterday, I was up early, because if a regular woman has regular wedding day jitters, I was tripling down with how this is a day when people might believe the story of the Inn even without a seemingly-friendly Mackenzie there.  Then I made a coffee because edgy isn't exactly the same thing as energetic, and, oh boy, I was wired when everybody - Momma Kamen, the bridesmaids, Little Moira, the wedding planner - showed up.

Because imagine every joke about waiting for a girl to get ready before a date, and then being thrown into a situation where they're not only real, but they don't go half far enough, because not only is this the date, but you're a gym girl who can do casually sexy but has to take advice from everybody else about "pretty".  So I'm trying to brush the perm I got Thursday back into shape and Karla is like girl, come on, you know you're going to need product for that, and then I'm sitting still so she can put it in and do whatever she does to give it body while Momma Kamen is exfoliating my feet because I'm gonna be barefoot at some point and it wouldn't do to be the slightest bit ashy.  Once that's done, folks are painting my nails white to match my dress, really concentrating so it looks perfect, which makes me feel kind of silly because I'm wearing the camisole and pajama shorts I put on after I showered.

Then the dress.  Did I mention there's a corset?  There's a corset.  Unlike the first dress I tried with one, it's not the torture device guys tend to think it is - it's just a way to get your boobs riding high, and if it hurts it's too tight - but the first time someone tightens those laces it's like, damn, what did I get myself into?  There's garters and stockings and tiny little buttons on the back, and it's all made of lace, so you feel like any sort of movement will tear it.  I'm sure folks who were born ladies will laugh, saying it's tougher than it looks, but it's also pure white, which means you're afraid to touch anything, including the daughter whose namesake decided to give her chocolate when she was saying she was bored and hungry!

Then there's makeup, and I don't know about anyone else, but sitting still while someone fusses about your face or tells you to close your eyes so they can paint the lids blue feels unnatural, especially when it's being done by a "sister" who has issues with her sibling that extend long past the point where you became that sibling.  Somehow, during all this, all my friends and family have changed into their own fancy dresses which are not nearly so complicated.  Jordan puts my four-inch heels on my feet, and I kind of wobble as I stand up, because even though I've gotten to the point where heels don't embarrass me very often, but I'm still pretty wary about a whole day in them. 

I gasp when I finally looked in the mirror.  I looked amazing, the absolute best version of Krystle Kamen, and after the previous night, I didn't feel terribly guilty saying that, and not just because it was an army of women getting me glammed up.  Even the parts that were unmistakably me, the climber's arms and legs that I sometimes feel make me look mannish, just seemed like the way they were supposed to be. 

Moira agreed.  "You look so pretty, mommy!"

Jordan leaned in.  "Kind of defies belief sometimes, doesn't it?"

I nodded, and we got in the limo.  I barely had time to enjoy that I was in a limousine before we got to the church and were ushered into a side room. 

My father was waiting there; with Krystle's out of the picture, Momma Kamen had agreed to let him give me away.  I'd initially kind of bristled at the idea of being "given away", and not just for feminist "I'm not property" or Inn-girl "I'm really a man" reasons. I'd struck out on my own to make a life for myself years ago, and wasn't moving from my father's house to my husband's.  On the other hand, it was a way to involve my dad, whose eyes bugged when he saw me. 

"My God."

"I know!  It's crazy!  But here we are!"

"Here we are."  He stiffly offered an arm, and I pulled my veil down before taking it.

The organ started, and my bridesmaids filled out after Gabriel's little cousins who were serving as ring beater and flower girl.  They paired off with the groomsmen, except for Little Moira, who I gather was a little ham, directing her glance all over the church and waving at everyone she knew.

Then the music changed and it was our turn.  The aisle seemed miles long with everyone looking at us, and I did almost stumble a couple times.  As I mentioned last week, there were a lot more of Gabe's folks in the church than mine, which did maybe make me feel a bit more like I was being "given away".  Eventually, we got to the altar, and my dad presented me to Gabe, saying he couldn't have any idea what "this girl" meant to him, before going back a couple rows to sit with Mom. 

I'd meet the minister a couple days earlier, and he was a nice older man, formally retired a couple years ago but occasionally officiating for folks like Gabe who had attended his church when they were younger but who didn't have any connection to his replacement.  He didn't make me feel diminished or like an interloper, which I would occasionally see happen in our church back home. Our vows were pretty close to the standard (no "obey"); I had made a go at writing my own but as you might imagine, I always felt like I was leaving important pieces out when telling our love story.  Even saying we re-connected during the pandemic when others were coming apart seemed like too big a lie to speak in church, to me. 

At last the "I Do" bit came and I said it with surprisingly little hesitation.  When he slipped the wedding band onto my finger, it felt different from the engagement ring, a tiny handshake that doesn't let go rather than a weight.  I'd wear jewelry more often if it felt like that. 

Then came "You may kiss the bride", and, folks, have you ever been kissed on the mouth in a spot made for everyone to be looking at you?  Not just in public where you don't care if people see you, but where people seeing you is the whole point?  It's pretty heady; I don't think I even heard everyone cheering and stomping their feet until I came up for air! 

There were pictures, then, and then the reception, and I've got to admit, last night is sort of a blur.  Gabe's best man made a really nice speech, and Karla did not feel the need to list all the ways this life had been self-sabotaged before I inherited it, which was nice for Mackenzie, I imagine.  Gabe did wonder who the white girl in Dominic's seat was, and I don't even remember what sort of explanation I gave.  His cousins liked her, though, especially when they discovered the redhead could dance. 

So much dancing!  One of the groomsmen said I had dancers' legs from all my time in the gym, but even those start to get sore after a couple of hours where everyone wants to dance with the bride.  It went on well past my daughter being ready to drop, but apparently the kids being brought up to their rooms and being put to bed is the point where everyone can leave their heels on their seats and bop around in stockings or bare feet. 

Eventually, even Mackenzie and Gabe's best man were ready to give up.  Gabe came to the bridal site with me and waited on the bed while I touched up my makeup and got out of my dress to reveal the lingerie underneath.  I walked out to display myself to him and he gave a big, relaxed smile.  I crawled on top of him and we started undressing each other, kissing and caressing until we were making love. 

I'm pretty sure I haven't had sex without a condom since that first time - immediately getting pregnant while you still think of yourself as a guy makes an impression! - and while it wasn't night and day, it felt a bit different, especially when we came and I could really feel it inside.  It felt so good, and it just generally feels good to feel safe doing it because I trust him to be there for me no matter what.

After that, we slept practically until check-out time, barely having time to dress (in t-shirt, yoga pants, and slip-on sneakers) and pack before heading down for brunch.  That was nice, but chaotic, though it was kind of nice that it was mostly my friends and family, since they were in the hotel and Gabe's folks were all home or at church.  That meant there was some of what Zee might call "Inn-uendo" floating around, but not too much - Mom and Dad really aren't great with being reminded that Jordan was also a guy once upon a time, and Mackenzie flew home without saying goodbye - and it was fun to kind of hold court for a while, saying hi to everyone before they got on their flights and headed home or, like Jordan and Momma Kamen and us, to their next stops.

Indeed, I'm writing this from mid-air, on our way to our honeymoon in Cape Verde!  Gabe's made a plan for being up and on the right time when we arrive that involves sleeping pills and caffeine, and maybe it will work, but Jordan's got more experience with international travel and she says to power through until you are exhausted enough to fall asleep as soon as your head hits a pillow at 10pm local time and then wake up refreshed at a reasonable hour the next day.  Momma Kamen will be staying at the house and making sure Moira gets to school for a week, probably spoiling her rotten, but I'm really looking forward to just being with Gabe for that time.

-Krystle Marie Kamen Potts!

Jonah/Krystle: Unexpected Guest

Well, that was unexpected. 

There was a rehearsal dinner last night, which is a tradition that gets kind of weirder the more you think about it, because at some point it was probably the first time the two families met and they were feeling each other out, but, you know. pleasant enough.  My parents weren't there, just Momma Kamen, and that felt kind of wrong, but they told be a few weeks ago not to worry about this, although I still did.  It ended with us being told to rest up and we mostly did, though Jordan and Moira chose to hang around the hotel bar.

I had one drink with them after sending Little Moira upstairs with Karla and her kids - she was really excited to see her cousins and they were having a kind of slumber party - and when I was headed up myself, I caught some hotel employees trying to rouse a girl who had fallen asleep in one of the chairs in the lobby.  I was about to turn away, minding my own business, when something clicked and I ran over.  I motioned for them to stand back and then whispered "it's Krystle" in her ear.

She bolted upright, pushing her red hair back from the front of her face, and shook her head looking at me.  "This is still so weird!"

I nodded.  "Sure is, Mackenzie.  What are you doing here?"

"Not causing trouble, I promise!  I, uh..."  She looked at the other folks around us and I shooed them away, which made her a lot less tense.  "Okay, I, um, was trying to pay attention in class today, like, really trying, to distract myself, and after second period I decided I just couldn't do it, and called Cory to tell him I had to get down here, just to be here and see it and wish you well.  Mackenzie's too young to rent a car or even buy train tickets, but it turns out it's not just faster but way cheaper to fly from Portland to Atlanta, so Cory got me on the last seat on the plane."

"And you found my hotel how?"

"Cory called Zee who called Ashlyn who knew where Moira was staying.  She wasn't sure about telling him, but since I was already on my way..."  She half-smiled.  "It sounds absolutely insane, I know, but how could I not be at my own wedding?"

I had a funny feeling looking at her just then.  Inside, I know Mackenzie, the original Krystle, is the exact age I appear to be, obviously, while I often think of myself as the teenager i was when I checked into the Inn.  At that moment, though, she seemed genuinely 17, and it was my responsibility as a more mature adult to understand the big emotions she was feeling, and to give her some grace. 

So I did.  "I'd actually be really glad to have you there.  After all, even if you barely remember Gabe, I probably don't meet him without him remembering you."

She smirked.  "You owe me so much."

"I really do.  Can I start with dinner?  Or a room?  You weren't planning to hang around the lobby all night were you?"

She shook her head.  "Da-- Cory booked me a room here too, but--"  Her stomach growls on cue.  "Maybe a snack."

We got some calamari for her and a white wine for me, and then found it awkward at the table, so we wound up texting across from each other.  Initially I was telling Jordan not to look in an obvious way but that Mackenzie was at the table with me, and would she make sure she got to the right place the next morning?  Also, if Dominic wasn't coming, was it okay if she took his place at the reception?  When she said yes, I sent texts to the wedding planner about the change.  Eventually, though, we found few folks up that late, and just kind of staring at each other.

She chuckled when she noticed my breasts resting on the table a bit as I leaned forward.  "You know, it's been so long I can barely remember what it was like lugging that rack around.  Like, I was happy when my boobs finally came in, and jealous of some of the girls who got bigger, but I kind of love dancing more now that it's not all about them swinging around and guys staring at them.  Is that weird?"

"Nah.  I mean, I kind of hated them until I was nursing Moira and they finally seemed useful rather than just in the way.  Although, man, when they were pregnancy/nursing-sized... Ugh!"  We laughed as I sat back up straight.  "Okay, if we're going to talk about this stuff...  What's it like being white?"

She blushed a bit, then started nervously twirling a bit of hair.  "It's weird.  Like, you've had to deal with how I didn't finish high school, and I kind of brought the same attitude the second time around, but people didn't give up on me.  I don't know how much of that is a better-funded school and how much of it is people seeing me as having potential rather than being a lost cause.  It's not easy or anything, because people shit on girls and foster kids and it's not like Cory is rich enough that I can have everything my classmates do, but I kind of feel like I'm fighting one less thing."  She shrugged.  "It's not like I'm some sort of big Swiftie or anything, though.  Might be easier if I was, because liking the music and movies I like and doing hip-hop dance marks me too.  And sometimes I forget that this isn't what I grew up thinking of as normal, the first time.  At least until the crazy-hot guy on the basketball team doesn't even think redheads are cute!"

She yawned then, and stood.  "Well, I guess we should get to bed.  You've got a busy day tomorrow!"

I nodded and rode the elevator with her awkwardly, getting off first.  I have to admit, I gave myself a closer look than usual as I undressed and did my evening skin-care routine, wondering if she'd seen anything that she decided she didn't want back from how civil and friendly that had all been.  Or maybe we'd just both been who we were for long enough that being someone else felt like a lot of effort.

I slept pretty fitfully, which is why I'm up and at my laptop so early.  But I think that's just wedding-day jitters - "I dos" are only a few hours away, and I'm probably going to spend most of that time getting ready.

-Jonah/Krystle

(Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, she's asked me to call her Mackenzie when I talk about her, even though I try to use everyone's original given names and like that Jordan writes about me as "Jonah".  She says she doesn't want me to doubt myself, and certainly seems sincere enough about that.)

Ande: Shipping Down to Boston?

Is seeing Dropkick Murphys at Fenway Park (well, the connected music hall) on St. Patrick's Day weekend the most stereotypical college male thing imaginable?  Maybe.  But my roommate Griff bought four tickets last fall, but that turned out to be super-optimistic:  We actually lost a roommate over winter break - not lost like "dead", but like "his grades were terrible and he figured maybe he'd be happier as an electrician than an electrical engineer" - who was going to use his second pair, and asked me if I'd be interested.  I wasn't, at first, but Hildy thought it would be a lot of fun.  So we said we'd take them a couple weeks ago, and he put the other one up (purchased for the girl who got back with her high school boyfriend over Christmas) on SutbHub or something, and I didn't think a lot of it.

Then, at around noon on Saturday, I get a text from Mack, saying she's at Alewife, and was I up to anything?  Hildy was doing something with lab partners, and while I had figured on studying all afternoon myself, I was already looking for excuses not to, since it was kind of a surprisingly nice day, so I said why not; we'll meet up at the Common.

I was scrolling on my phone when I heard her call out and looked up and did a little blink.  It's been almost a year and a half since I've seen her in person, and she sure hit me different now that she's seventeen and I've kind of accepted that I'm probably going to live out my life as a man who likes women.  She was wearing blue jeans that had rips up and down the legs from how tight they were, high-top sneakers, a white crop-top and a full-zip hoodie tied around her waist.  Maybe a bit too much makeup, but her short haircut was cute.  "That's not a college-visiting outfit."

She laughed.  "Yeah, like I'm getting into some fancy Boston college!  Nah, just down for a concert tonight."  She grinned for a second like she wanted me to ask what before blurting it out.  "Don't laugh, but I'm seeing the Dropkick Murphys."

I folded my arms, kind of suspicious.  "Really."

"I know, it is so white it has bagpipes, but look at me.  I am in fact just that white, as far as anybody can tell, and not only did a guy in my class put them on a playlist for me, but I should probably make some effort to get in touch with the Irish hooligan roots everyone will assume I have when I go off to Springfield on my own."  She shrugged.  "Besides, Jonah is getting married to a great guy i would have met if I'd been staying with Momma during quarantine, and every once in a while the invitation on the fridge makes me want to scream.  It's good screaming-at-injustice music."

"And you didn't know I was going to the same concert?"

She started to open her mouth to reply, but held it like that for a while.  "I think you might actually have put it on my radar by putting it in the group text, but aren't they playing all weekend?  Anyway, we're probably on opposite sides of the building."  Without it needing to be said, we pulled our phones out and brought out the ticket apps.  She started laughing even harder when she saw we were two seats apart.  "Oh my god, what are the motherfucking odds?"

"Yeah, my girlfriend's going to find this hilarious."

She gave me a look that seemed to be trying to imply she was wiser than her years.  "C'mon, Ande.  I may have been that kind of bitch before, but I haven't been in a long time.  And you're still a kid to me."

"Is that what you thought when you offered to, you know..."

Her eyes went as big as they could, and then she shook her head.  "Damn, I did offer that, didn't I?  I mean, mostly it was about making sure you didn't miss out, but, let's be honest, the teenage part of me did have a crush on you.  You are good-looking and it would be nice to be with someone who knows, but, honestly, I've had three high school boyfriends and it's great fun until they do something that makes me go 'that's so cute', and you're kind of doing that right now."  She folded her arms and smirked.

I raised my hands in surrender, we declared a truce, and then went to find ice cream before hitting Newbury Comics and other places around Quincy Market for the afternoon.

I guess I'm not supposed to find shopping that much fun as a guy, and I know that when I'm getting stuff for myself, I'm kind of happy to just see what's got a good price at Marshall's (when I'm not at home), but i don't know if that's all I need as a straight guy or if I know how much fun I could be having and don't want it to bring me down.  I haven't really had a chance to be "dragged along" with Lindy yet, but I had a good time with Mack, and I don't think that because she was giving me some sort of treat.

Somewhere around or four I texted Lindy that I'd run into a friend who was also going to the concert, so maybe we could grab dinner.  Mack suggested a Mongolian barbecue place after seeing that all of her other go-to places from when she lived in the area were gone.  She was starting to say something about that when Lindy arrived and gave us the look I'd been dreading.  "I didn't realize 'Mack' was a high-school girl."

"Oh, yeah, my family wound up vacationing in her hometown for a couple summers in a row and we wound up hanging out."  It didn't sound weird to me, and Lindy shrugged it off.  Eventually, Griff showed up, we ate, and wound up at the show

Which was a lot of fun!  I'm not sure I would have been into the band as Andi, but Mack's right in that it's the sort of punk you can yell with but still be having fun because, like, the first song of the concert was some sort of Revolutionary War-era thing about making out in the servants' quarters or something like that and they've also done deep-cut baseball songs, although Griff said they didn't do either of the big ones that night (unless you count "Shipping Up to Boston", which, I guess became a pitcher's entrance music because it's about dismemberment).

Griff and Mack hit it off, at least, although I didn't realize how well until I realized Mack was still heading to our apartment while I turned off to head to Hildy's because her roommates were still on spring break.  She had an early morning call with some overseas classmates, so I went back to my place in the morning, where I found Mack making coffee in her crop-top and panties.

"Fun night?"

She smiled.  "Let me tell you, 19-year-old boys don't really know what they're doing, but they can do it all night!  Trust me, I know from both sides of this!  Anyway, want a cup?"  I nodded, and she poured two.

"Cary going to be worried?"

"Nah, he knew I'd be staying over somewhere, probably here, although he'll tell anyone who asks that I found a hotel room when the concert didn't finish before midnight."  She smirked.  "Kind of hoped it would be with you, but you really like your girlfriend."

I stopped drinking my coffee but still held the mug in front of my face.  "What?"

She sighed.  "I'm awful.  I told you, I get frustrated about my boyfriends being kids, but I tell myself that the real problem is I hate lying to them - which, let me tell you, is kind of new, because I absolutely was that bitch the first time I was in high school - and I figured, hey, maybe Ande will get me.  But, no, you're really into Hildy, which is sweet, but, annoying."  She took a sip.  "How do you do it?  Like, ever since that first time at the Inn, I've always been with people who knew I wasn't really the person they see, but now I'm looking at college in Springfield, and while I'm kind of psyched to be the first person in my family to go, even if it's the long way around and Momma and Karla will never know..."  She held out her arm.  "I mean, look how pale I am at the end of the winter.  Am I just going to start thinking of myself as a white chick once I've got nobody who remembers me being otherwise?"

"There's worse things to be."

"Oh, you know I don't mean it like that and you're my favorite white girl!"

"Whose dick you were after."

"Right!  Where am I gonna be if I don't have people bringing me back down to Earth?"

I laugh.  "I know.  Maybe you could come to First Thursdays, after you graduate?"  I told her about the regular meet-ups at the Changeling.

She seemed about to say something when Griff came out of his room, and we looked at each other a bit disappointed that we were going to have to start talking like normal people, improvising together on the fly when he asked why we'd never hooked up.  Girff asked if we wanted to do brunch, but Mack said she kind of wanted to drive, so she got her pants on, let me walk her to the Hynes station, and gave me a little peck before heading to Park then Alewife then points north.

I've got to admit, it's been hanging with me the past week, especially when I looked at Andie's pictures of herself in a bikini at spring break and thinking how she really doesn't have much reminding her of her old life when Mom and Dad aren't around, and maybe that's better that feeling I'm lying to Hildy.  It doesn't happen very much - although I kind of wonder how she parses me being happy to talk about my family but not really telling any stories from more than a couple years ago - but it does, occasionally, and, heck, sometimes I wonder what Mack thinks of me always calling her "Mack" when I know she's Krystle, and whether I'll wind up somewhere where I'm just this guy and nothing else to anyone else in a couple years, to the point where I might try and do something I know is wrong to not entirely disappear inside being "Andrew".

-Ande/Andy/Andi

Cary: The Home Stretch

Even though the birthday on Krystle's driver's license isn't for another couple of months, we had the usual party celebrating her real birthday last week, and I'm not going to lie, this period tends to mess us up a bit.  It's been especially confusing for her this year, because Jonah has been hitting milestones - her sister's wedding, getting engaged herself, buying a house - while Krys is still grinding her way through high school a second time, and the fact that it's not familiar is both exciting and confusing.

And part of the "confusing" part is on me.

When Elaine showed up as Mackenzie eight years ago, it felt temporary, even as I took her in and arranged for custody.  It took two years for her to get her own life back and for Krystle to become the new Mackenzie, looking 11 but actually 25, having grown up one way and then spent some time another.  Even though she had arranged to become Mackenzie deliberately, we don't live far away from the Inn and Krys can be impulsive.  I'm kind of shocked that she never decided to take a short-cut back to adulthood, especially back when she was a lot younger.  Given her previous history and the idea that she might not stick it out, we really didn't plan for college.

And here we are, visiting schools, trying to figure out which ones with dance majors will take a girl who was pretty good as a cheerleader and has some impressive TikToks but nothing really formal, so it's also hard to find scholarships.  It's also not likely that what she did before arriving at the Inn would impress admissions boards too much.  She tells me it's not my responsibility, and she'll just take out loans, but, well, it sounds like something she's really worked hard to make not sound like a guilt trip.  Or maybe I'm hoping it is.

Maybe it's not.  Maybe she'll get accepted into college, find an apartment, and never come back here.  We're heading into what seems like a year of lasts right now.  Last birthday together.  Last Halloween, and all the holidays coming up.

The thing that brings this up was that I couldn't get to sleep the other night - Krys laughs at my caffeine-free Diet Coke ("what even is the point of that?") but when I have a can of the regular stuff with supper I am off for the next day and a half - which meant I was still up and watching TV when her date dropped her off at 12:30am Saturday night.  As she was taking off her shoes in the mud room, she looked into the den at me.  "Are you waiting up for your daughter like a real dad?"

I snorted, and she walked in, not terribly shy about putting one foot up on the coffee table so she could give her foot a massage after an evening in three-inch heels despite her wearing a skirt.  "Why, should I?"

She shrugged.  "Hell if I know.  My dad was in jail when I was born and who knows where he wound up after that?  Probably no need with Clay, though.  He's a horny little nerd but nothing I can't handle."  She leaned back and laughed.

I tilted my head at her.  "You been drinking?"

She shook her head.  "Nah, just got into his Dad's edibles."  That made her giggle more.  "God, what a thing to say!"

"I suppose it is.  Good thing Elaine didn't want me going out with anyone even if I did stay as her long enough for it to seem appealing.  Can you imagine that?"

"You bet your ass I can!  You would have been nervous and sweet and made great conversation and then screeeeeeamed when he found your g-spot!"  She sighed.  "I kinda wish I could have had that.  Like, the first time I f---ed a girl as Jonah, I knew I was a guy at his sexual peak who knew what women liked and I was going to be the best lover this b---- who wasn't as hot as the real me had ever had.  Then, y'know, I held off for a while because I was surrounded by babies, but I figured that maybe Jimmy would be exciting, because he was my first as Mac and he was a big ol' football player, but nah.  It was just like riding a bike."

"You sound disappointed."

"I'm not.  Jimmy was fun and Clay's a nice kid and, like, I don't feel like I've been some kind of pedo with either of them, really, because I did kind of grow up with them, but I spent a lot of the last few years thinking I was getting a fresh start and maybe I've just taken the long way 'round to where I've been."  Satisfied that she'd done all she could with her feet, she turned ninety degrees and rested her head on my leg, her feet up on the sofa's arm.  "What do you think?"

I laid a hand on her belly.  "I think you apparently don't give yourself nearly as much credit when you're high as when you're not.  You get pretty good grades, you've got a bunch of friends - you never tell me about any old friends you miss - and you're making plans for the future.  Sounds like a new start to me."

She grunted.  "I dunno.  Maybe; I mean, you are the man I've had the longest relationship with in my life."  Then she started laughing.  "Oh my god, Cory, can you imagine my little girlfriends talking about this stuff with their dads and stepdads?  They'd die, just be like 'I'm dead'."

I helped her to her feet.  "You know what, let's get you to bed."

She laughed again.  "That is probably a really good idea!"

She skipped brushing her teeth or even wiping off her makeup and crawled into bed, sticking her hands out from under the covers to drop her top and skirt to the floor, then was asleep almost before she asked me if I could close the door.  I did, trying not to linger too long on the sight of her.

I've been thinking of that sight for the past few days.  She's really almost an adult on the outside again now, and from what I hear from the Dads and Moms I meet around town, girls the age she looks do their damnedest to not let people see them as vulnerable.  It may be the last time I see her like that.

I imagine it doesn't mean as much to me as it does to a real father, but I'll miss it.

-Cary

Andi/Andy : Freshman Year Down, Summer Starting

So I just realized that there's nobody who might come in and look over my shoulder as I post something here, two weeks after getting home, and I guess this means that I'm just used to this?  That I'm going to be Andy for life and maybe going back would be harder than staying this way.

The funny thing is, Andy probably could have updated the blog with his/her adventures as a freshman girl all year without it being a big deal; his roommate was a cool lesbian who is really into writing slash fanfic for some detective series and even if she didn't believe "Andrea" used to be "Andrew" before visiting a magical inn, she would absolutely have been into someone writing about their life as if they were really someone else dropped into it.  Me, I got a jock who gave me a hard time every time I said I'd been to the museum or streamed a movie that was not built on explosions.  So much more testosterone in the room than I wanted!

The whole floor was guys, which was some crazy immersion therapy, even after having been Andy for the previous couple years, because we could always come home and have each other and our parents know who we really were, or really had been after Andy unilaterally decided he wasn't going to saddle me with his long covid by switching back.  Now it was 24/7, and it was kind of either be Andy or go nuts.  Not that most of the guys on the floor were like my roommate, or I was at some boys' boarding school where you could go weeks without seeing anyone else or anything like that, but when you're surrounded by guys during your just kicking back/studying hours, it starts to mess with what you think is normal for at least that part of your life, it can kind of bleed over into the rest.  I wasn't quite a complete idiot in less than two weeks, but I did kind of notice the way I was talking about girls with other guys after a while.  Not disrespectful, I hoped, but much more "them" than "us".

Plus, I spent less time with folks who knew me.  I thought I'd see Mack occasionally, but the day in September when she came down for the Janelle Monae concert was kind of uncomfortable.  She looked more grown-up than she had before - she'd gotten her hair curled, put on some makeup, and padded her bra a bit - but even though I'm just a year and a half older than she is, officially, folks looked at the college freshman hanging around with the high school junior kind of weird.  Not much, but she pointed out that I'd just get to know more people who would wonder what our deal was if she kept coming down for stuff.

Cindi and I thought we'd be seeing more of each other, too - she's going to school in New York, and that didn't seem quite so far, but apparently it is in the Northeast, especially since we left our cars back home.  Even with regular buses and trains between the cities, you're still maybe looking at leaving later than you would and coming back earlier, her roommate was not going to let me crash in her dorm room (and that's reasonable! I wouldn't want her trying to sleep around my roommate!), plus you often can't just go straight there, but there's stops in Providence or Hartford or New Haven or whatever.  It's a huge hassle, but whenever one of us implied it was a huge hassle, the other felt slighted, we found we had less to talk about at Thanksgiving, and...  Well, not sure exactly when we broke up, but we did.  Not like Andy and Len - we're still following each other on Instagram and stuff - but it got weird for a while.  She's blossoming, but I kind of had a bit of a "I shouldn't even be dating anyway, because it's all a lie" funk.  I haven't seen her since coming home.  I hope it's not too weird.

What is weird is how much Andy has committed to my life/his life/her life.  I was still mad at her when I went off to Boston, and Thanksgiving was kind of weird, but by Christmas I'd sort of settled into the whole guy's dorm thing, and started talking about changing my major and looking at other parts of the class catalog.  It still kind of felt like giving up, but Andy's recovery has been kind of slow, and I kind of think about the number of hills I walk around campus or the time I spend on public transportation and I'm not sure I'd swap good lungs for ovaries.

Spring semester was more fun, though - I knew the city and campus better, the classes were more interesting, and making Andy's life my own has made things a little smoother.  I do, occasionally, wonder if this electrical engineering major would have been more difficult as myself.  I haven't been a jerk, I hope, but Andy and I have been noticing the way teachers and classmates have been treating us a bit differently for the past few years, and while this isn't entirely easy mode, I do sometimes wonder if I'd be on track to getting frustrated as myself and even wind up reverting to some more traditionally-feminine major.

(Looks at all those "myself"s and sighs)

I'm going to have a real hard time with the whole "I'm a guy going forward" thing, aren't I?  I've kind of got to, because Andy is doing more to embrace his - her! - feminine side.  It's getting warm, and I can't miss that she's shaving her legs more, letting her hair grow out, and hasn't made any comments about clothes or makeup or anything being weird since I got back for the summer, aside from wearing wedges most of the time and saying she misses being taller.  Heck, she wears actual heels at work.

(But more about that later!)

-Still kind of Andi-with-an-i in my heart.

Jonah/Krystle: Well, I've got news

Sorry I haven't been posting much.  It's the usual deal:  I've been just being a regular single mom for the past few months, and this is kind of a blog about people finding themselves in new lives, and that hasn't been me in a while.  I've been pretty confident, doing okay as Krystle, to the point where it kind of seems right.  I kind of think I remember more of my life like this than being Jonah, and wonder if I should stop using that name even here.  This is me.

Or, you know, until last weekend.

Gabriel was in town.  He shows up for a long weekend every couple months, and the nature of it sort of changes depending what our lives are like.  Sometimes he comes with a friend, often that friend comes with a girlfriend, sometimes we hit the sights and restaurants, one time it was mostly a Pelicans-Knicks game, sometimes we spend a lot of time in bed, sometimes it's just two pals hanging out.  When anyone asks, I say it's a great friends with benefits relationship, and a lot of my girlfriends say they couldn't do it.  I sometimes wonder about that, because sometimes I think about how uptight I was about sex even as a horny teenage boy and also wonder if having been a guy just lets me just be buddies more easily.

I haven't really been keeping track of which weekends are like what or anything, but this past one was just us.  Well, not just us - Moira is playing tee ball and had a game Saturday morning and they we did a trip to the zoo - but the nights were ours, and the plan was to spend them at his hotel while Moira slept over at a friend's.  And that's how it went; we went to one of the zillion nice restaurants in town and had some time to kill before the jazz show he'd purchased tickets to, so we started walking along the beach.  I had taken my heels off and was enjoying walking barefoot, and had just pulled out my bag to put a wrap on, because I've kind of acclimated to what people here call "chilly" even though I spent most of my life in New England, but as I was saying that, he coughed and I was about to turn around and ask what his excuse was.

And then he got down on one knee.

I don't remember exactly what he said - it wasn't any sort of "never met a girl like me" thing, but that he'd never been drawn to someone so much, even when we weren't nearby, and that I always seemed to know how things should be even when he was drifting or I said that I felt overwhelmed, and he'd been kind of afraid to move forward because I was so independent, but, well, we hadn't seemed to just be friends for months, and it was time to make it official.  Would I marry him?

My legs went weak.  Like, weaker than when I woke up as a grown up woman after going to bed a teenage boy, weaker than when I slept with the creep wearing my old face because it seemed like the only thing I could offer him to become myself again, weaker than when I found out I was pregnant, weaker than after I'd just given birth.  Why?  I mean, why?  My life had changed so much in a moment before, and this wasn't close to the same category, was it?  But then, when had it really changed in a way that made things feel more solid?  Like, all of that was ways in which I was going to have to adapt in a way where I would have to rely on myself more despite not having any idea of what I was doing, and this was being told I was good at my life and made someone else's better and I wasn't prepared to hear that.

All that went through my head in a second, and I said yes.  He took the ring out of the box that, quite frankly, I hadn't paid any attention to, we kissed, and some of the other folks on the beach applauded.  

The rest of the night was kind of a daze - there was music, there was sex - and then the next morning he checked out of the hotel and we went to pick up Moira, together, because his flight wasn't for hours.  On the way, we talked about just what we do at this point, because while Moira really likes Gabe, she's a kid, and would this be too big for her to take in?  Like, what if she said she didn't want Gabe to be her daddy, or even to be around all the time?

That didn't happen, thank God.  I sort of turned the ring around, kind of hiding the diamond so that it didn't become a whole topic of conversation with the other adults until we got back to our place, and then tried to explain to her like she was a big girl that Gabe and I had decided that we should all be one family, and we really hoped that she liked the idea.  She had a lot of questions - was Gabe going to be around all the time now?  Where would he sleep and put his things?  When were we getting married?

We'd talked about some of them - Gabe could work remotely from anywhere, so we would probably look for a house over the next few weeks and he would move in when we found one, although that might take some time.  We'd probably get married next summer, which seemed like a ridiculously long time to her, but I pointed out that we had to make sure we could find a date that worked for Momma K and maybe her daddy Jonah and definitely Grammy and Grampa Glass, and Big Moira and Auntie Karla and maybe even my friend Jordan, and that meant planning a long time in advance.  But what if we changed our minds before then, and I told her that a man doesn't buy this kind of expensive ring unless he was really sure we wouldn't change our minds.

She said it was pretty, especially since Mommy almost never wore jewelry besides earrings.  I said it really was, although to myself, I was kind of thinking it was heavy, this weird and unfamiliar weight on my hand.  Not, like, in a way that meant more than that, I don't think - not like my breasts did when I first turned into a girl! - but I do feel it and my brain is doing its level best to treat it as a reminder that Gabe loves me that much.  Although sometimes I kind of freak out when I bang it into something.

It's really new, and while the reactions have been mostly good.  I almost think that this might be the thing that gets Mom to be okay with all this, even more than Moira, like I'd passed some sort of girl test.  Jordan kind of can't believe it.  When I sent Moira's namesake a photo she called me up immediately to screech into the phone.  Klara and Momma Kamen are really proud of me, which is weird.

Krystle/Mackenzie...  That's complicated.  She barely remembers Gabe from when they were kids, but kind of wishes I had found someone who had never met her at all.  She's never going to forgive me, I know, but we're a little more cordial these days (I think finally being old enough to date without it being too weird and starting to look at colleges has her treating my life less as what she should be rather than what she could have been).  She's not going to say "good job", but she's not automatically going to "why are you fucking my life up so much" anymore.  Gabe seems like a good guy to her.  Probably the best I can hope for from that end.

So all that happens, and I kind of feel like my feet are just now touching the ground again.  And while I don't exactly have a lot of fantasies about a fancy wedding that have been in my head since childhood, Penny tells me that I should prepare for the next year to be insane anyway!

-Jonah/Krystle

L.J. Porter/Leda Holbrook: Parents

So, I guess you've met Mom & Dad, or Juliana & Cora as I guess I've got to call them.  Things are going about as well as can be expected, I suppose, although that's not exactly great.

Don't take that the wrong way - for as much as this has got to be as weird for them as it is for me, they've put me first at every chance over the past couple of weeks, from making sure I knew what to do with a bra to where to wipe, and doing their level best to get me up to speed after skipping a grade.  "Juliana", especially, is always ready to jump in when I look like I may flounder talking to Leda's friends at the lunch table or something.  I appreciate it.

But, well, like Dad mentioned, things weren't great before all this, to the extent that maybe I should have known it was falling apart.  Sometimes, when I get back to our suite or they think they're alone in the bathroom or something, I'll hear them snapping at each other more, like Dad thinks Mom is trying to make him look foolish or only helping him half as much as me, and apparently the trip to Old Orchard or getting rooms at the Trading Post was the other person's idea.

And on top of that, Lena's got her own parents, and they apparently were worried sick about her being stuck in Maine, supposedly sick with Covid, and only texting rather than answering the phone.  The first time I picked up, they scolded me and asked a million questions, and it was really weird talking to these two people I really didn't know for like forty-five minutes, trying to remember what details would throw them off.  They've actually called every night this past week, and while I kind of appreciate that, too, it's also sort of intense?  Like, they're trying to be nice, and I'm scared that I'll say something that makes them even more worried.  Which maybe they should be, but according to everyone who's ever been at the Inn, they'll never believe why.  For instance, when Krystal/Mackenzie told me about how her own mother didn't believe her, even though it would explain a lot...?

Fortunately, the real Leda seems pretty cool; we text a lot, although she doesn't always respond right away and is kind of quiet about what sort of situation she's landed in.  She's doing her best to at least help be with running, to the extent that she can via text from wherever.  I need it - for all that cross-country looks like it's just running, and making sure you stretch beforehand, you've kind of got to know the road and have a plan for when you're going to give yourself a little more time for deep breaths and the like.  I did badly enough on my first practice day that the coach took me aside to tell me to let her know if there was any long-covid related shortness of breath or stuff like that, but also warning me that I could lose "my" scholarship if I can't run, so, no pressure.

The guy living my life seems okay.  He mentioned that he was going to have to break up with my girlfriend, which is a bummer, but he's like 40 and apparently not a creep, so what can you say?  We weren't actually doing anything, really, but it would still be gross.

Well, just thought I'd check in the way Mom & Dad have.  Now I've got homework - is it still homework at a boarding school? - and kind of glad to have stuff to fill me time.

-L.J./Leda

Andi/Andy: Back Here for Probably the Last Time

Krys was waiting for me at the train station, looking annoyed that I was late, like I controlled Amtrak (although, yeah, it was a hot day to be that close to the beach and not on it). She gave me a hug and then asked if I would please call my folks so that they would stop texting her.

"No!  They want me to stay like this!"

"Andi, no.  They want you to not become a stranger and get into something you maybe can't handle.  They want to avoid having some series of randos that they have to introduce as their son in their house!"

I pulled away and started walking toward the Inn.  "I thought you'd be on my side!  Someone took your life, too!"

"I am on your side!  I'm fucking pissed for you!  I just--"  She groaned.  "Can we please go see Cary?  He's much better at this than I am!"

I kept stomping even though I knew Krys was right.  But I figured I was, too.  "Don't you get it?  If I change into someone, Andy will have to come and get his life back, and then i can get back to normal!"

Krys was running at this point.  "And what if it doesn't work out?  Look at us, we're both living proof that this shit does not go according to fucking plan!"  She caught up and got in front of me.  "Godfuckingdammit, Andi, will you tell me what is going on so that I can maybe help?  I'm not entirely a fucking kid, you know!"

There was a bench nearby and people were starting to stare, so I reluctantly sat down and put my head in my hands.  Krys exhaled and dropped down next to me. "Thank you!  So why is Andy doing this?  He didn't get knocked up too, did he?"

"No, and even if he did, I'm pretty sure he'd get it taken care of.  That's not illegal back home yet."  I looked over at Krys and reminded myself not to talk down to her, that she is really about 30 even if she feels like she's about my age.  "It's...  I mean, you remember Andy getting sick while we were out here last year, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, he never got better.  He and I and our parents all thought that all his lack of energy and not being able to focus and stuff was depression, just the grind of living someone else's life for a couple years and finding out your best friend is a real dick to women and stuff."

"Right.  Cary and me see a lot of folks like that passing through.  And you said he was doing better since graduation."

"He was, or so we thought, but then he collapsed during a hike, so they took X-rays and..."  I took a deep breath.  "It's long covid.  He's got, like, diminished lung capacity and mild brain fog and a couple other symptoms that don't explain everything, at least if you don't know everything else that's been going on in our lives."

"Oh."  Krys went from looking at my face to the ground. "Well, shit."

"Yeah, and once he realized, he said there was no way he could give me damaged lungs and make me take medicine for my heartbeat--"

"What?"  Apparently Krys hadn't heard the full list of what Covid could do before.

"It's mild, the doctors think it'll clear up within a year.  But, yeah, Andy wasn't sticking me with that, let alone the brain fog.  I said from all we could tell, the Inn would make your brain better but not worse, but he didn't want to bet on that for me."  I pounded my first on the bench's armrest.  "Just where does he get off deciding that for me?  And Mom and Dad are acting like he's doing such a good, unselfish thing.  Which he is, but...  Ugh!"

She grabbed my other hand.  "Hey, I get it.  I get it maybe more than anybody else.  It sucks so much!  It's been like ten years since I talked to Momma or my sister, but I have to hear about how proud they are of Jonah and Moira, and sometimes I just wanna scream.  And I didn't even get along with Karla!"

"I know, and I know I'm lucky, but...  I was really looking forward to being me again!"

"Yeah, I get it."  She leaned her head on my arm.  "You're cute like this, though."

"Thanks."  I kissed the top of her head.  "I guess I've still got a girlfriend, though."  I half-chuckled.  "God, I could wind up marrying Cindi, couldn't I?"

"You sure could.  Although, I may not be the ho I once was any more, but I still wouldn't recommend tying yourself down to the first person who sleeps with you.  Like I said, you're cute.  You could have options."

I sighed.  "I guess.  And we're just starting college so I can aim this life in a different direction."

She punched my shoulder.  "That's the spirit!"  Then she seemed to get an idea.  "Hey, I've got to ask Cary, but we've got a fold-out bed, so why don't you stay with us for a couple days?"

Cary, it turned out, was all right with that.  Mom and Dad weren't particularly happy when I said I wanted to stay here for a few days, promising that I wouldn't go near the Inn, but it's been nice hanging out with Krys's friends and going to the amusement park and stuff.

I overheard Cary talking on the phone to my folks last night, though, and he said that I just needed some time away from my family because I felt betrayed, and that word stung.  So I guess it's time to go back home, although Krys and I are going to spend a day in Boston first tomorrow.  She's joking about showing me all the places new students don't learn about, although we'll probably have more time for that once I'm actually enrolled in school there.

-Andi with an I (in my heart) 

Daryl/Zee: What a Wedding!

Not mine, although I was wondering if maybe J.T. would do something romantic and get down on one knee at some point.  Not in a way that would upstage Elaine and new-Daryl, but maybe back at the hotel, so that I could show a ring off at the Inn-people-only breakfast the next morning.  You would think he'd be ready, given that we've been dating each other in multiple shapes since before the pandemic, so it's pretty clear we're compatible and can weather a lot.  But, then again, I suppose there's nothing that would stop me from proposing, considering I was the guy in this relationship when it started.  Not sure how that would work, though - do I go out, buy a ring, and then kneel to pop the question, holding out the little box so he can take it out and put it on my finger?  Maybe there's stuff about girls proposing on YouTube or something.

But, hey, this past weekend was not about me - it was Elaine and "Dareleanor", who has done pretty well with my life even without landing Elaine.  They coincidentally wound up taking contracts with the same company, Elaine asked him if he recognized her, and she explained how the original Daryl (me) lived her life for a while and they both started gushing, excited to have someone to talk to.  That Eleanor didn't even blink about staying in her new life once she realized that nobody wanted it back even though she'd been a white woman says something about just how completely they clicked, and they apparently didn't feel the need to wait once they figured that out.

I came out to Chicago a few days before J.T., in part because Dareleanor wanted some help with the more far-flung relatives that he hadn't met but whom my mother said had to be invited.  Someday I'll talk about how it wasn't just falling for J.T. that convinced me to leave my life behind - there are a lot of complicated feelings there, so Dareleanor and I decided not to try and do a "major life event lets you tell the truth" thing with them while things were going well - but he just needed a whole lot of information supplied on short notice, which I was able to help with.

He looked good in his tux, and Elaine looked amazing in her dress.  She found some time to hang out with me, although it was kind of weird:  I've been both of them, but only barely met either.  I'm important to them, because without me they would never have met, but I'm kind of like a storm that shut down the airport while they were in the bar waiting for different flights or something like that, an outside force-of-nature that you're glad happened but don't necessarily think well of.

It was also kind of fun to have some other Inn folks around as part of the wedding.  J.T. looked damn good in his tux, and he's famous enough that there were some murmurs running through the reception:  How do Elaine and Daryl know him?  Oh, they don't, he's with Zee.  Well, who is this Zee - I've never met her!  Although, they thought, maybe I did at some point, because she seems to know all our names!  I met most of them in my original life, when I was dating J.T./Elaine, and then in the brief time I was Elaine (I went to Marisa's wedding!), but none of them knew Zee.  They probably just assumed I had a better memory than average for casual acquaintances, which is actually true and helpful when you're parachuting into other people's lives.

Aside from that, Cary came with Krystle/Mackenzie (who gave me a look when I called her "Mackrystle" that suggests I not call her that to her face again), and the hug Elaine gave him must have made the actual father of the bride jealous.  She also gushed over how much Krystle had grown in the past few years and winked at what a pretty young woman she'd become, laughing when the apparent red-headed teen said it was a relief that she could pull off the dress she was wearing.  Some of my younger cousins danced with her and it was kind of funny because Krystle hasn't forgotten her first life and they were not expecting a 16-year-old white girl with freckles from Maine to have the moves she does.  There must be some fun videos where she is just this crazy white-and-red spot in the middle of all the Black teenagers.

I mentioned that to her when we all got together for a Sunday Inn Veterans brunch, and she laughed, saying she hoped nobody was watching that and asking whether she'd ever been on a pole.  Surprisingly, that was kind of the highlight of the thing, because we didn't actually have that much to talk about.  It wasn't a waste of time, because even if you've been in a life long enough to make it yours and not think about going back or worry about screwing something up, it's kind of a relief to know you won't have to come up with a weird explanation or remember a previous lie in a conversation.

J.T. and I stayed in Chicago for another couple days after the wedding, revisiting places we knew from our own time here, whether as Daryl or Elaine. which was fun if kind of surreal.  One restaurant was just as good as I remembered it, but that the owner who always knew everybody's name had never met me was sad.

Then, in a crazy coincidence, Harmon/Alisha was our flight attendant on the way back to New York!  It's not entirely surprising - (s)he's relocated there, back to crashing with the new Magda, who is apparently more willing to act the mother while asking little of her "daughter", and this is apparently a better place to be part of influencer/YouTube/Instagram culture than Oakland (on top of there not being much chance to transfer to L.A.) - but definitely a bit surreal to know that the woman with the short skirt and tight top who was assigned to making sure the folks in first class were satisfied used to be a top economist.

-Zee

Andi/Andy: "Vacation" Cut Short

Getting back home after Andy's positive test was an odd experience.  We wound up staying in the same hotel suite but different rooms, me running errands as quickly as I could but not interacting directly,trying not to get me infected.  Mom and Dad did what they cold to try and see if we could add some more time at the Inn, but apparently our room was booked for the "block" after our stay.  Much as I hoped we might be able to fit another change into the time we had, it was dead quiet when Krys and I went to check it out Tuesday evening.  I guess it's usually that way - when people get changed, they're "behind" in their new lives by a couple of weeks, they're suddenly under pressure to jump into their new life rather than lose someone their job or whatever.  It strikes me that if all thirteen folks at the Inn got together and decided to stay for the rest of their booking, they'd be able to get back to their lives a fair chunk of the time, even if the curse needs a few days to "reset", but either it doesn't occur to them, or there's someone who was trying to game the system like us to get their real life back.

That pretty much clinches that we're going to be stuck like this until we can get three changes lined up at some point, which doesn't seem likely this summer.  That's when Mom and Dad start making plans and making a comment about how it would be a lot easier if we were both sick.  As it works out, Mom is the one who is able to get off work and drive up to Maine to pick Andy up.  It takes a day or two, and she gives me a big hug when she arrives, saying she knows I'm disappointed, but it's better not to take chances.  I try to say the right things - that I'm actually more worried about Andy, because none of the folks we know who have tested positive really got sick like he has - and I do mean them, but trying to be the good sister or brother just makes it worse.

Mom recognizes that, because I've apparently got a tendency to let my brain run away with things compared to Andy.  Like, I'm good at math because I can focus on an immediate problem, while Andy does a better job of stepping back and figuring out what he can and can't deal with.  That's why he's good in history class and enjoys sports even when he's not very good at it, while I really only get that sort of focus in Drama Club and stuff like that.  It's why I'm the one blogging even though he's actually a better writer and is dealing with way more crap as a girl than I am as a guy.  He's just better at taking a deep breath and dealing with things, and I've apparently still got enough of my brain to react like myself, for better or worse.

Anyway, the plan our parents hatched was that Mom would drive Andy back home, and so long as I was still testing negative, I could fly back on my own, to try and minimize exposure.  It probably sounds like we're being over-cautious, but Dad's a doctor and Mom manages a restaurant, so they both take Covid really seriously.  The timing was weird - I think Mom would have liked to wait until I got on the train for Boston to leave, but between flights and the reduced Amtrak schedule, that would have meant them staying an extra night, so they left me to check out on my own the next morning.

I didn't get too down that night, though - Krys's "dad" Cary took us out for dinner, which made Mom feel better, and even if he makes a living selling hot dogs, he knows a couple good restaurants in Portland, and I had some really good swordfish.  He could see I was down and did a pretty good job of saying it was going to be okay; he got his old life back, as did his friend Elaine, and they were better for the experience, and it would be like that for me and Andy, too.  They meet a lot of people who go through the Inn, and a lot more make their way back home than you'd think from the blog, and even those that don't eventually make peace with where they wind up.

He dropped me off at the hotel and told Krys to try and be home by midnight, leaving her bike there.  We walked over to the beach and sat there as it got dark.

"So...  Wanna try out that dick of yours?"

I recoiled, shocked.  "What?  No!  Wait - have you..."

She laughed.  "No, not as Mackenzie, but I figured we might as well.  I can reset my expectations and you can have your first time - or at least your first time as a guy - be without judgment.  I mean, you don't think you're going to get through senior year without losing Andy's virginity, do you?"

"Yeah, I mean, I made it through junior year, and, you know..."

She laughed, but it was a little off.  "Hey, your choice.  But, uh, you like me, don't you?  Like, I thought I felt something, but maybe I'm so out of practice.  I mean, I was really looking forward to being hot again, but it's weird, especially when I feel like I've still got a little girl's ass and all the guys I know will suddenly start talking about English class.  I mean, you do too, but we've got that other connection, so I at least don't entirely feel like I'm being a creep."  She hugged her legs.  "Do you see me as a creep?  A grown-up hitting on kids?  Because, when am I not going to be that?  Senior year?  College?  When I'm 30 and he's 50?"  From her face, that sounded pretty gross.

"No, I like you!  I feel that sort of connection, it's just...  I mean, you have no idea how long I'll hold it to put off using that thing to pee!"

She laughed, and laughed big, big enough that it was easy to believe there was a Black woman in there, if that's not too big a stereotype.  "Okay, that's fair.  I remember that feeling, although I got over it!"  She stuck out a pinky.  "But if we're both single when your senior prom rolls around, I get to be your date, okay?"

I twisted my finger around hers, suddenly kind of wary just how much taller and less streamlined I am even at that extreme.  "Deal.  Mark it on your calendar."

"I dunno, girl - that Cindi girl is hot and sounds like she doesn't give up easily!"

We laughed and got up.  Her phone buzzed and she gave it a quick look.  "Okay, I'm gonna head home - I'm not getting in trouble if you miss your train!" She hugged me and then stood on tiptoe to give me a quick peck on the cheek.  "You're a good dude, Andrea, and a great gal.  Remember that, and have fun with the next year."

I said I would, and then went back to the hotel room, set the alarm on my phone, and stared at the ceiling for a while, not realizing I'd fallen asleep when it woke me up.  Then I checked out, got to the train station, took the Downeaster to Boston, managed that subway which has way too many transfers before you get to the airport from North Station, and got on the plane for home.

Despite the nearly day-long head start, I got to the airport well before Mom and Andy arrived home, and Dad was waiting.  He gave me an awkward hug - they'd all been awkward since puberty and the last year had made it worse - and seemed a little surprised when I hugged him tight, patting me on the back.

"I'm so sorry, kid."

"Me too, Dad."  I paused.  "Andy's going to be okay, right?"

"I'm sure he will.  You guys are young and it sounds like he wasn't carrying enough of a load to spread it to you.  Besides, from what he tells me, it hit him the same time as, well, you know.  Just a double whammy, that's all."

I smiled a bit.  "Can't say I've missed the cramps."

He skipped the opportunity to make a joke about going through menopause last year.  "I bet you haven't."

I loaded my bag in the trunk of the car without asking him to help.  "So...  Mom and Andy aren't going to be back until late.  What do fathers and sons do?"

He chuckled.  "You want to go fishing?  Because I don't fish.  Or maybe play some golf?"

"Sure!"  I made a big grin.  "Then finish the day off by grilling a couple big ol' steaks."

He looked at me, not quite sure what to make of what I was suggesting, then shrugged.  "Okay by me; I've got the rest of the afternoon, and..."  He was about to say something but didn't, instead getting in the driver's seat and asking the phone for directions to the country club.

The golf - well, I kind of sucked.  The steaks were good, though, and when Mom and Andy got back, they looked tired, but there was color in Andy's face - my face - and he generally looked like Dad was right, and it was more my period than Covid that had him feeling awful.

I'm not really looking forward to another year as Andy.  But maybe it won't be as bad as I feared.

-Andi-with-an-i

Andi/Andy: I Don't Believe This!

I'm trying not to be too mad at Andy, because it's not really his fault, but I can't help it.  It's just so frustrating!

We decided to spend the weekend hanging out with Krys and her friends (who call her Mac because Inn), having a beach day while we both had the bodies for it.  Krys's friends are a grade or two behind us, but whatever; it would be a lot weirder when Andy looked like some guy in his thirties.  It wound up being a little chillier than expected - New England basically decided to remind folks that it's not officially spring for another few days - so it wasn't really great weather for walking about shirtless, which I'd been weirdly excited about and scared of.  Like, yeah, I haven't had breasts for months, but even doing track & field, I've kind of had the tendency to change quickly and not take my t-shirt off during practice even when I'm getting really sweaty, because who knows, forces I don't understand are involved, and I could just suddenly change back, or I don't want to get into the habit for when we turn back.

Anyway, Andy was happy, because I guess he associates Len slipping him some tongue during prom with wearing a dress that showed a bit of cleavage, and he wasn't really looking forward to wearing a swimsuit, even a one-piece.  He was pretty glad to be able to have shorts and a t-shirt over it the whole time.  He kind of wasn't in the mood for much Saturday, and then yesterday he kind of waved us off and went back to the hotel room early in the afternoon, leaving me alone with Krys.

Which was fun, but weird - she was flirting with me pretty hard, and I kind of didn't know whether she was teasing or if she was trying to make something happen before I turned back.  And there's part of me that would kind of like that - like, what's the point of being a guy for the better part of a year if I don't get to try at least making out with someone, especially someone like Krys who has some experience.  A lot of experience, to hear folks tell it.  As both a girl and a guy.  I mean, I could learn some stuff.  But then I also get freaked out by just how Krys has been able to get all that experience and still look younger than me.

So I said good night after we got some pizza at Lisa's and headed back to the hotel room.  There was no answer when I knocked on Andy's door, so I figured he had already left so he could be at the Inn if the change happened overnight.

He wasn't, though - I heard groaning from the bathroom when I woke up this morning, and then a thunk as he fell.  I rushed in and saw him him struggling to sit up.  I helped him to the next room and got him on a chair - yay for being bigger, I guess - and asked if he'd been drinking or something and didn't realize how it would affect him at my size.  He said no, he just felt like he got hit with a truck the afternoon before, came back to the hotel suite to have a nap before heading to the Inn, and didn't wake up until morning.

A light went on in my head, and I said to stay right there while I ran to the nearest drug store and bought a couple of Covid tests.  We both took one, and I tested negative while he was positive.  Crazy; we've been together most of the past week or so, and it's not like I was that much better about wearing a mask than he was.  I got him back into his room right away, opened all the windows, and then headed out to the sidewalk myself.

I was about to call home when Krys rode up on her bike and asked how Andy was.  I asked how she knew and she shrugged, saying that ever since Cary started leaving coupons, a lot of people would come to the hot dog stand for explanations and such after they changed, and I looked at her in horror.  "Andy wasn't there - Covid knocked him flat yesterday afternoon!"

She looked at me wide-eyed and moved back a step.  "Are you...?"

I shook my head.  "Negative, for now, but you should probably get a test, too."

"Yeah, of course, but what about the curse?  You've lost a window!"

I hadn't even thought of that, really - seeing Andy with my face looking so sick didn't leave room for much else in my head.  I said I'd have to figure out what to do about that, and then called Dad and told him what had happened.

He gasped but managed to get me calmed down a little when I started talking fast and frantic.  He wanted to know first and foremost whether Andy was all right, and I said he seemed really tired and weak, and shouldn't it all be more mild because we're vaccinated?  He said nothing was 100%, which is why they still told us to wear masks and get outside as much as we could, but that Mom would call him right away to see how he was doing first-hand.

That's when I brought up that the Inn had done its thing without him, so what were we going to do?  I said I figured maybe I could head over there starting tonight, and then he would probably be well enough to take over after I changed, and that would gave us plenty of time to arrange to stay an extra couple weeks or hope that maybe we could squeeze another change in - it's not unheard of for enough people to hang around the Inn during peak vacation time long even after they change so that they change back before the next two-week block - but he said to stop and slow down and think about it a little more.  I wouldn't know who I was turning into, and if we couldn't finagle that extra change somehow, it would be a whole year in a life I knew nothing about.  That as much as me and Andy switching places was weird and uncomfortable, it was sort of a best-case scenario for us.

Then he said to hold on, that Mom just got off the phone with Andy, and that we were to isolate in separate rooms, wear masks indoors, all that, and not to mess with the Inn until we were sure we could extend stays a couple of weeks.

I don't have a good feeling about this, and the fact that I may have more chances to go shirtless doesn't exactly help.

-Andi-with-an-i

Andi/Andy: Back!

Well, back in Old Orchard, at least, although we should be back to ourselves soon enough.  Since the luggage we found in the room belongs to a guy, the plan is for Andy to stay at the Inn first, and then when he turns into this "Arnold" person, I take over the room, turning back into myself as soon as there are 13 guests (which seems to be how it works), then having him take the room, and become himself again when the curse hits again.  Kind of sucks for Arnold, who's going to have like two months of his life being out of circulation and a lot to explain when he eventually gets it back, but you can only plan so much where there's a cursed inn involved.

While one of us is at the inn, the other is staying at a place a mile or so down the road.  It's a suite, but most of the time, only one room will be occupied for the most part, because Mom and Dad can't get enough time off between them to have one of them there all the time.  Mom flew out with us to check us in, but both she and Dad have in-person commitments for their work today, so we've been on our own since she got into the Lyft for the airport this morning.

Are we excited?  Hell, yes!  Mom and Dad aren't exactly over-protective, at least not when we're ourselves, although they've been keeping a closer eye on us this year than they might have otherwise, although once they saw that we didn't need help or excuses and weren't going to screw up each other's lives just because we got mad about something, they stepped back a bit.  Still, when we got back to the hotel room after dinner, she sat us down and pointed out that she and Dad were putting a lot of trust in us, even though they knew how important this was to us.  She said they were going to be checking the activity on our debit cards and to call immediately if there was any problem.  But when she left, we seemed to be in a different world.

We spent the morning sort of looking for stuff to do on our phones - there's an amusement park and the beach, but what were we going to do here for six weeks?

Our first stop on our own was the hot dog truck, and we waited until the line was finished before we walked up.  Krys was working, and she looked at us for a few seconds before her eyes lit up.  "Andy and Andi!  You made it back!"  Before we could even consider ordering, she was out the back door and hooking her elbows around our necks, even if it meant pulling my head down.  Then she looked back and forth.  "Your folks?"

Andy said they had to work so we were on our own.  She was like "really?", then whipped out her phone, took a selfie with the three of us, and sent it off to Cary, saying some people have guardians who trust them, although she also said he wasn't really that bad.

We all looked each other over.  She'd gotten taller than Andy was/I should be, especially with her shorts cut off about as high as they could be.  She still had the freckles, and had a red ponytail coming out the back of her baseball cap.  And then there was the way her t-shirt hung.

She caught me looking and laughed.  "Hey, I'm not gonna be mad - a spent a while with a dick, too, ya know!"  Andy and I blushed, which just seemed to encourage her, clasping her hands and twisting them so that her arms pushed her breasts out.  "I don't think they're done growing yet, but even if this is as big as they get, it's such a relief!  So many redhead white girls wind up 'petite' and 'slender', by which they mean 'flat', and that wasn't me!"

Someone walked up to get a hot dog, so she ran back into the truck, served the customer, and came back out.  I had to admit, I was kind of amazed at how loose she seemed.  We'd met her last year, while we were stuck in Old Orchard while waiting to get our bodies back, and while Mom and Dad weren't entirely comfortable with us hanging out with someone who was really in her late 20s, she was also the only person we could hang around with who would believe who we are.  It was kind of weird spending time with her - it must have been like sitting at the kiddie table and being expected to have something in common with the pre-teens for her, except that when she forgot she should look at us as kids, she and I had actually did a lot of the same things in school.  Andy, not so much, but he found her super-cute, even if she scared him.

We lost touch after the Inn screwed us up and we went home; most of what we wanted to text each other about was weirdo transformation stuff and neither of us were really good at explaining the messages when the phone notified us - and, again, Mom and Dad thought me having a friend twice my age was weird.  So I hadn't really seen any pictures or talked much until we got there, and was kind of surprised at how everything seemed to be coming so natural to her now.

I told her that and she laughed.  "Well, Cary says I never really grew up the first time, which pisses me off sometimes, but I dunno, I did go through a bunch of men and never lasted at a job and spent a lot of time drinking and smoking weed and never settled down.  Maybe he's right, and I just needed my body to get to where my head is at.  I dunno.  It's funny, though - I decided to become Mackenzie after Jonah stole my life so I could have a sort of second chance, but it really feels like I'm just getting that second chance now, y'know?"

I didn't, really, but I was glad things were starting to work out well for her.  It got busy for her again soon, but she gave us some tips for what to do with the afternoon and said we should hang out with her and her friends tomorrow.

I really hadn't realized how badly I'd wanted someone I could talk to about this that wasn't Mom and Dad.  I've gotta remember not to fall out of touch with her when we're just two girls who had some weird experiences.

-Andi-with-an-I

Andi/Andy: Help!

Do I have the order right for my names?  I was born Andrea, but now I've got to be my brother Andrew, and since we're twins, our folks always made the effort not to elevate one of us over the other, but it always trips me up in stuff where order is important.

I don't know if I'm going to become a regular poster here, but I lost contact with Krystle-slash-Mackenzie when I changed "back", and I'm hoping that she reads it or her foster dad does or something, or maybe someone who has been in a situation close to mine, because I need some advice and Mom and Dad are being no help whatsoever.

So let's start from the top:  My family went to the Trading Post Inn at the start of summer - me, my brother Andy, my mom and my dad - and you know the drill; we got changed into new people, another family like us, who I guess were locals who had stayed at the Inn while some repairs were done on their house.  It was weird - Mom and Dad became Dad and Mom, and we had to get used to new faces - but mostly I was a year older and Andy a year younger, so I got to do some bonus college visits, but Winona's life was enough like mine that I could handle it, and Krystle was around if we wanted to talk to someone who wouldn't think we were crazy.  And since there weren't a whole lot of people making long trips and stuff because of Covid, we were able to do the backwards-reservation thing during the same summer, meaning we could put it all behind us, although we had to tell the school we'd gotten positive tests while we waited to switch back.

That should have been it, but SOMEONE put mine and Andy's luggage on the wrong sides of the room, and we woke up as each other!

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my brother.  We used to say that we were best friends even before we were born, although we've each got our own friends now and don't even have a lot of the same classes because he's weirdly good at social studies while I'm better at math and stuff like that.  He's also almost a foot taller than me - or I guess I'm a foot taller than him now - so I woke up with my panties digging into my hips and everything else that goes with it, and we both really freaked out when we looked under our shirts and pajamas and stuff.  But we instantly knew we were each in the same boat, so I wasn't mad at him or the other way around.

So, we went to our parents and said this had to get fixed, but they pointed out that there wasn't enough time to do it before the Inn closed for the season, so we'd have to spend our junior year like this.  Which sounded gross, although they said that experiencing life as the opposite sex had been good for them, which sounded REALLY gross, but we at least kind of understood what they were saying in theory.  Still, that's a whole year!

We made it kind of a game for a while.  We may have each had our own friends, but we all still knew each other, so we didn't trip up, and the fact that we have different strengths made it a bit easier to make excuses, because we each had to work a little harder at school to keep up, so not a whole lot of extracurriculars, and neither of us were stars anyway.  If I kind of suck at soccer, whatever, Andy was only on the JV team and wasn't counting on a scholarship or anything.  He bombed my audition for the fall play, but I've never had a big role, and he likes doing tech anyway.  We kept busy.

Somewhere in there, we started having to deal with health-class stuff, which was nasty, but we handled it pretty well, if we do say so ourselves.

Which kind of gets us in the general area of what I'm writing about.  Last week was our birthday, and though we hadn't really had joint parties for the past few years because that feels like kid stuff, Mom and Dad suggested we do it this year, and we liked the idea.  It winds up being kind of lame - it's cold and even though we see each other at school all the time and know that we're all vaccinated, folks get nervous in basements when we're not masked and it's weird when we are.  It breaks up kind of early, with just me and Andy's best friend Len hanging around playing some video game while he's giving my friend Shawna a ride home.

"Hey," he says, "I'm gonna ask you something and you don't have to answer if it's weird."

"Trust me," I say, "I'm okay with weird."

"So, I never thought of your sister this way, but for the past couple of months, there's been something different about her, and I was wondering if you'd freak if I asked her out."

I dropped the controller, obviously.

I don't want to make it sound like I've got a crush or anything - Len's been just Andy's friend for as long as I can remember, and I got so used to him as Andy's friend that I never started looking at him that way even when our bodies changed.  And his sure did change - he got tall quick, he's kind of got a perfect physique for the swim team, and he has to shave about twice as often as I do now.  He dated girls a year or two older than him freshman and sophomore years.  Even if I wasn't Andy's twin sister, he'd be out of my league.

Not that I'm unappealing as myself or anything.  I always figured I was average, but I could be a bit more if I put a little work in - my skin and hair were good and I wasn't totally flat or anything.  A little makeup, a lot of brushing, etc., etc.  Andy hasn't been one of those guys you read about on this blog who dives into girly shit or anything and hasn't really developed in a way I hadn't yet - he's maybe in a little better shape than I was before because he enjoys running, but it's not like he's wearing shorts and belly-shirts to show it off, just wedges and chunky-heeled boots on occasion because he feels short - so it's not like he's suddenly the sort of girl that Len notices.

I stalled, saying that "Andi" was her own person and all that, the kind of thing I'd say to Shawna if she suddenly decided my brother was hot, but it kind of felt like it wasn't me talking.  Len left soon after, saying not to tell anyone, but obviously I grabbed Andy when he got back and told him everything.

At first, he looked like he was going to puke, and we laughed at it, him eventually saying it was a terrible idea.  We decided that we'd play it cool - I'd say I was okay with it as him, he'd say it was too weird for him as me, and nobody gets hurt.  We just made one stupid assumption, that Len would ask him one-on-one.

He didn't.  Len asked my brother out in front of all my friends, who of course all said he had to say yes, so he did, and now they're out having dinner before seeing West Side Story (that he's seeing it before me despite me being the real theater girl would be so annoying even if Len wasn't involved!).

I don't really feel like I should be too worried about anything happening tonight, but are we doing the right thing here?  Is this the start of a slippery slope, or something that just messes with our heads even after we change back?

-Andi-with-an-I

Cary: Shh! It's her birthday

Just saw Jonah's post about celebrating Krys's birthday and wondered if maybe people might be a bit curious about how it was going on the other side.  It was, as you might expect, kind of a low-key event.  I took her into Portland for a nice meal just like last year, but it got a bit uncomfortable; the distanced tables and relatively quiet room has a way of letting you know you're doing something wrong.  Not that it really bothers Krys - as much as she kind of enjoyed the initial harder lockdown because it meant very little time pretending to be 13, she pushes hard against people who tell her what to do almost by reflex, and sometimes I've got to be the dad and remind her that it's not the world trying to make her feel like a powerless kid.  You can imagine how that goes.

That said, she's in a better place right now than she has been in a while.  You've probably never seen a young girl so happy to find her body changing - she whooped when she had her first period, she's grown fairly tall for her age, not quite the girl who's a head-and-a-half taller than every boy in her class but not far off, and she is already wanting to know when she'll outgrow her first training bra, only half-kidding when she says she's been researching which brands of chicken use the most growth hormones and to please buy that.  I tell her that her genes make it unlikely she'll ever get near what she had before, and she grumbles about stupid white-girl genes and how it's bad enough that she needs insane amounts of sunblock to go to the beach, and I generally avoid pointing out that they are also responsible for her red hair, which she kind of loves:  It's straight, long, curls easy, and makes her the center of attention wherever she goes.  I apparently got off very light in terms of black-woman hair care as Elaine, both by having her around and having it be fairly straight.

Aside from that, though, she's also reached a point in school where she's starting to find herself challenged, a bit.  You don't necessarily get amazed that someone who previously graduated high school finds themselves no longer able to coast when returning to junior high some fifteen years later, because the world moves and changes so fast these days, but it's been interesting to watch Krys grapple with it.  She's not really one for regrets, but she's smart enough to know that a lot of things could have gone differently for her.  I don't really know what her high school years were like at all, but I'm thinking she got the idea that she'd be able to get by on sex appeal early, and never really had someone make a case for other things being just as exciting.  You gather she also notices that even now, there aren't that many people like the real her in the books she's assigned to read, although it's getting better.

We're still trying to find something she really loves, though.  She took piano lessons for long enough to learn to play well enough that she can tap something out, and sometimes you'll see her fingers moving when listening to music (not that she listens to a lot of stuff with keyboards, so far as I can tell), but her teacher stopped giving lessons in the spring because of the virus and Krys hasn't been interested in picking them back up.  She doesn't think she'll wind up doing it for a living, so why should she spend so much time practicing?

You don't really have an easy time finding an answer for that.  She doesn't really want me to be her dad beyond making appearances, so I can't really use myself as an example and say that I became a jack of all trades and master of none, because she seems to think I'm doing pretty well.  You try asking if she'd liked dancing or if she just did it for money (not a comfortable conversation with someone who looks 13), and she starts talking about maybe doing cheerleading, which kind of seems like a path back to trying to count on being pretty.

It's hard to know what to do so much of time time.  With Elaine, the job was just to help her do the things people wouldn't let her do for herself, letting her look like a kid and helping her escape when being an adult in a kid's body made her uncomfortable.  That's all Krys says she wants from me, most of the time, but I also know that she doesn't want to make the same decisions as before, which means starting over as a kid, and kids need parents, and I don't know if I can be that for her someone who may be half my age but is still 28.

-Cary

Cary: Bored Girl Makes for a Busy Dad

I knew back in August that Krystle was going to be a different sort of Mackenzie than Elaine was, and I probably shouldn't compare them much.  It wouldn't be fair or helpful to Krystle, it wouldn't do me much good, and it probably wouldn't help my friendship with Elaine to thinking of her as a pre-teen.  So I'm trying not to do it, especially since they've supposedly got different goals - Elaine was always looking to return to her real life, while Krystle, not seeing that as possible, is trying to start from scratch.

(And what of the original Mackenzie Mahoney?  I gather she gained a few years, and when her parents realized they would change back but she wouldn't, some sort of arrangement was made for new identities, which apparently involved a clean-enough break that we'll never hear from the Mahoney family again.  Makes me kind of paranoid sometimes, because it's sort of suspiciously convenient.)

Starting from scratch is a heck of a difficult thing if you don't have to, though, and Krystle can't help but be very aware that her old life is going on just a hundred miles away, and the magic hotel that can make her not a kid is only a few miles down the road.  And while being a kid again sounds like fun, the loss of freedom can be a tough pill to swallow, especially when you consider that just a few months ago, Krystle was traveling the world on her own, and while there were certainly parts where she was looked at with some suspicion for being a young black man, being 11 puts a lot of other bounds on her, from where she can ride her bike to what music she can have on her phone when she's around real kids, and that was before school started.

And that's where things got tricky, because it turns out Krystle is pretty bright.  As much as I received a first-person lesson in how people underestimate you when you're black, a woman, or both, I still let myself judge her a bit by my first impression, although I also think she doesn't necessarily know her own capabilities.  She didn't pay much attention at school her first time around, I guess, and she still doesn't seem to really like reading that much, although she doesn't have much trouble with anything she's given at school.  From what she tells me, the fact that she was pretty decent at math during Jonah's senior year of high school is what had her thinking that if she went through school again, she could get into college and maybe do something with numbers when she's an adult again.

But she's bored, which is not a good combination with being used to more freedom and not exactly being able to connect with her supposed peers.  She hasn't exactly gotten in trouble yet - no detentions or me being called to pick her up from school - but her teacher told me she was starting to be kind of disruptive.  Good marks, and often had an interesting perspective during discussions, although she can be kind of pushy with them, but one student with a lousy attitude can derail an entire class.

Folks, it is not easy to have a talk with a 26-year-old woman to encourage her to behave better in the sixth grade.  She wasn't expecting anything like it when I got back, in part because Elaine told her that I more or less just showed up to maintain cover, and just looking at her, I have to guard against the 11-year-old I see dictate how I speak, even after two-plus years of knowing there was an adult in there.  When I said her teachers were worried about her attitude, she kind of laughed at first.

"Don't do that, Krystle.  I've seen bad reputations hang onto people for a long time."

"I know, it's just, when does this get worth the time?  I'm tryna pay attention, but it's so boring!  How did Elaine manage it?"

I told her that Elaine found things easier to accept when she had plans in place to return to her old life and could treat the year as a sort of learning experience, and that she also made a project out of helping me with the hot dog truck.  "Maybe you should just not worry about beyond this year; growing up again is quite a commitment."

She grunted, saying she would try harder, but looked kind of defeated the next few days.  I racked my brains trying to figure some way to help out, until I saw something on the bulletin board at the supermarket and dropped a card in front of her during dinner.  "What do you think of this?"

She read it and gave me a look.  "Piano lessons?  Ain't I little-white-girl enough for you?"

I'd actually looked up Alicia Keys' name to drop, but it didn't seem to much impress her.  "I just figured it was something you could start now that didn't involve other kids, and maybe give you something to look forward to.  I dunno, I'm trying to figure out what I'd do in your position.  Maybe try it for a week and if you don't like it, we'll try and find something else. "

She was skeptical, but she was kind of sick of going straight home after school and not really doing much until it was time to catch the bus in the morning.  I don't want to say she loves it, but she's at least busier now, and has something to look forward to a couple times a week.

It costs a bit, though, not just in terms of money, but time - it's a little bit too far to ride her bike, especially now that the days are getting shorter, and there's no buses or trains here.  So I've got to build my day around getting her to and from, which I can do.  The money's a bit trickier - Elaine and J.T. had an arrangement about her dipping into her bank account when she needed some cash, but Krystle doesn't have that with Jonah.  She has a bit of a college fund from selling someone the chance to be the new Jonah, but we haven't really figured out rules about dipping into that.

So I'm paying for this, and the new keyboard, and maybe a nicer one if she sticks with this through Christmas, but if I don't find a way to earn more money than usual this off-season, things could get tight.

I guess, in some respects, I'm going to have to be more of a parent than I figured on.

-Cary