It's been awhile since I've written anything here. I guess between school, a job, friends, and trying to enjoy life... I just really never made the time to keep writing - Not that there was really anything to write about anyhow.
Back in April I took a trip with Pete (the former owner of my body) to Las Vegas. I think it was partly the always-on "electricity" but mostly the anonymity of the city that prompted me to stay and try to find myself.
I found a nice little apartment, got a job, and started some online college courses.
I thought if I jumped right into the girl role, that I'd eventually feel more comfortable around guys. So I got a job at a club off of the strip - the pay isn't great, but it has a "safer" feel than the bigger clubs. They wanted me to be a dancer, you know, an exotic dancer... a stripper - but there was no way I could do that. So much for jumping into the fire. I stood my ground and let them know that I wasn't comfortable with that offer, but that I was more than capable of filling a waitress or bartender position they were advertising. I remember the look in the owner's eye as he stalled, seemingly testing my resolve... or my desperation, as I smiled, thanked him, and turned to walk out the door. I was flattered to hear later that some of the patrons gave him hell for not hiring me on the spot. Personally, I'm glad he didn't - I got an extra $1.50 an hour out of him to start.
Anyhow, enough gloating. I did find out that even after months of dealing with being a girl around guys, I still feel like prey being hunted by all those hungry eyes - it's still a little disconcerting, sometimes creepy, and occasionally downright scary. I'm afraid to ask any other girls if they feel the same thing... or if it ever goes away. I'm just very happy that I'm not a dancer. I have great respect for them being able to tolerate... or ignore, what I can only imagine they must feel and endure.
I have found a bit of solace... or maybe it's a comradarie... sisterhood when in the company of other women. I just feel safe. Or maybe it's just that the men are absent.
4 comments:
Wait...you were worried about being objectified by men so you left the farm and got a job at a strip club?
Yes.
I thought that if I jumped in head-first, that it'd help me to get over the feeling of weirdness... or at least help a little.
Even with that, I still couldn't go as far as becoming a dancer. Maybe that's where I failed at this plan... or maybe it's just going to take a bit more time. I hope that it's just going to take a bit more time.
Hey! It's good to hear from you again! I'm glad to see that you're making the effort to carve out your own identity and direction as "Kat" -- and by that, I mean not only the job but the college courses.
BTW, what classes are you taking? Are you planning to follow the programmer route like you were as "Trip", or are you looking to try a completely new career path?
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