The "Parents" have gone to the lake for the week, and I didn't think it would be possible, but I have actually been more bored without them than with. It's weird to think how things that frustrate me: the clashes of the 11-year-old twins, Susan and Paul's comings and goings, the general background thrum of activity in a full house, has completely disappeared, and I feel oddly... lonely. Privacy and aloneness is all I've wanted since I got here, and yet when I have it, I go even more nuts.
When they're around, I have an objective: pretend to be their daughter. I find it frustrating and stressful and exhausting and taxing. Take that away, though, and I feel like nobody. As weird as it is to sit around a dinner table with them and listen to the stories of how their day was, it's even weirder to be alone, eating a dinner I made myself, plate balanced on my lap in front of the TV. It feels normal for about half a minute, and then... something feels off and I remember where I am.
I hung out with Megan for three days in a row, to the point where I
started to feel guilty even texting her. She said she'd be there for me
anytime I needed it, and I've really taken her up on that, but I'm
starting to feel like maybe I should back off a bit. Besides, having a female best friend is just something I'm not used to, and after a while it makes me feel, well... feminized, in a way I'm not totally comfortable with. Sure, it's not like she's trying to take me shoe shopping or something (I have plenty to choose from as it is) but I get the sense at times that she maybe forgets who is behind these eyes. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
I wasn't doing anything scandalous with my freedom, until last night. I had spent the whole day alone, occasionally texting some of Lauren's friends to keep tabs, when I let slip that I had the house to myself this week, at which point it immediately became "OMG party at Lauren's!!!"
And I went along with this because... fuck, you need to spice up your life now and again, don't you?
By 9:00, I had Ginnifer, Jenna, Karlee and Dana over to my place, sharing the remains of a case of beer I had had Megan leave me for the week, as well as whatever liquor they could snag. It turns out teenage girls still really like vodka, and still don't really like beer that much.
I don't want to attempt to sum up their whole personalities in a brief sketch, especially since I've only known them a couple of months, but... Ginnifer's the gossip girl, Jenna is sporty, Dana is a wannabe popstar (she's actually in Lauren's/my singing class, and has real talent) and Karlee is... well, she's Karlee. She's very nondescript, doesn't appear to have ever had a boyfriend, short but cute, and has a personality that almost fades in and out. She's the one I've gravitated toward a bit more, because she seems a bit less like a frivolous teen girl than the others - I hesitate to say "old soul," just maybe a better head on her shoulders.
I felt a little odd hanging around with the group of them, because they had an ease and shorthand with each other than I lack. I feel very cut out, despite their attempts to include me. I felt like a total fake, and to boot, a complete sleaze for sitting and drinking with these underage teenagers of varying degrees of attractiveness. I must have seemed like a total flake, because at some point my opinion was asked about some guy or other, and I couldn't remember which one was being discussed, so I just said "Huh, him? Nothing special." But accidentally, this amused the hell out of them, so I guess they didn't notice. The curse works its magic.
It wasn't exactly your typical cliche'd Ouija-board/pillow fight teen girl slumber party, and there were times it was just like hanging out with the guys, except I was alienated by my lack of life experience and background with these girls. It was almost nice. Then one of them invited some guys over and things started spiraling out of control. I tried to curb it, but what would I have done when I was a teenager, and one of my friends tried to stop us from starting a party? Wouldn't have listened. Best to go along and try to keep a lid on things.
Not that the place became an orgy or anything, but at one point there was like 6 guys there for the five girls, and it felt very crowded - the most teens I've had to deal with outside of a school setting since I got here, and they were all in my house, drunkenly roaming around. I began to feel some real anxiety, like the situation was really getting away from me, futilely trying to be the grownup. Any time one of the guys tried to make conversation with me, I kept my distance, paying them the minimal amount of time. Not that I suspected them all of trying to put the moves on me, but... better to keep a buffer at this point.
Before they arrived, Dana turned to me and said "Uh oh Laur... Seann wants to know if he can come too."
"Um, sure," I said, nervously, "I think we're cool now." And honestly, I couldn't say for sure... for all I knew he was coming over to see if I wanted to get back with him and I began to mentally prepare for how to deal with him. But the truth was, he spent more time talking to Karlee, which both relieved and scared me. Something about the sight of Lauren's 6', broad-shouldered ex-boyfriend Seann looming over little 5'1 Karlee rang some alarm bells in my head, but I distracted myself by cleaning up the kitchen, which was being used for all manner of late night snack preparations.
I don't know. They're teens, and probably harmless, God knows kids get into all sorts of shit, but I'm a little protective of Karlee for whatever reason. I guess we bonded after prom when I spent the night at her house. They disappeared for a little while, and when they came back it was so obvious something had happened, you could just read it on their faces.
Thankfully, the night came to an end around 3 AM. The rowdier guys left, including Seann, and I reluctantly let a couple of them crash on the couch and floor while the girls and I all took the beds. I hardly slept a wink, though... the kids might think this was just a harmless night, but as an adult, I should have had more control over the situation, should have kept the guys away, should have limited the access to booze... I just wanted to have a nice relaxing night in, and I ended up nearly hosting the scene of a Very Special Dawson's Creek.
I started to remember what things were like when you were a kid and you had a bit more energy to raise hell. Sometimes things were disasters, but mostly, 17-year-olds know how to not totally destroy a place (merely do some superficial damage.) They saw themselves out early and left me to do the cleanup. How sweet.
I think I need to get out of here for a while. On the weekend, Meg and Wade are going visit Sue and Paul at the lake house. Maybe I'll join them. It couldn't be worse than my last vacation, could it...?
No comments:
Post a Comment