Thursday, July 09, 2015

Tyler/Lauren: Last days

This could be the last post written by the hands of Lauren Sherman.

It's kinda weird, looking down at these dainty little fingers and realizing they'll be different soon. Maybe they'll be rougher, manlier... fatter? Older, I hope.

I don't want to be a kid anymore. I don't want to be told what to do or when to go to bed. Lauren doesn't even have a particularly bad life, but it clashed badly with my desire to be free. I don't want to get up and go to school in the mornings, I want to work, contribute to society, find my own path. I'd prefer it to be as a male, but honestly I could deal with being a chick for another year. Maybe not one who looks like Meg as Tasha, but who knows.

And yeah, as Meg said in her post, I have a lot of hopes for what might happen if the stars line up and I get a body that works for me (and her.) I'm aware it might not work out but I don't care. There's no sense fretting it, since this whole experience has taught me how much shit in the universe is beyond our control. I don't mind floating on the breeze a while.

Meg said that I've become zen in the last few moths. Sounds cool.

She can feel free to hole herself up in her room if she wants, but as it's all the same to me, I've been wandering around the town. I've thought about trying my luck in a bar despite my ID saying 18, but the idea of going in unaccompanied looking the way I do scares me stupid, even after all this time (a weird effect of my current persona contradicting my old one: sometimes forgetting to be afraid.) We've got some beers back at the Inn, but I feel the desire to be sociable. The weather's nice enough to take a walk but, predictably for Maine, not nice enough to spend all day in a bikini. I don't mind that, but I did bring one, and some sundresses if it gets hotter.

I strolled down the boardwalk, had a coffee and did some people-watching (and using the coffee shop wifi to write this post) but there wasn't much going on. I texted Meg to say I missed her presence, and she said she'd consider coming out for a few hours... tomorrow, if we still looked this way. Ok, great.

For now, though, I'm heading back to the Inn. There were some new arrivals yesterday, some girls who are close to Meg's and my real ages that I might be able to talk to, before we all become God-knows-what. Wish I could warn them, prepare them for what's ahead, but if I want to be taken seriously I'd best not.

Still, maybe if I direct them to this blog, tell them to log in the way I did at first... maybe you'll get some more new names to memorize soon.

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