Saturday, September 10, 2016

Simon/Joy: Two weird moments

Maybe they're not weird weird, but for a guy in a girl's body what does that even mean, right?

First off, I've been busy lately. My little "project" from my last post has had to go on hold because I GOT A JOB!!!! I've been working as a newbie agent for Safmore and Penney Real Estate for about two weeks and I have to say, aside from the lack of leads to get myself on the map, I'm liking it. It's almost all guys, and I can tell they're at least a little charmed by me because they always make sure to smile and stand a little straighter when I'm around. Makes me feel good.

After work this past Thursday was when these events both happened. I felt like a coffee yesterday and I'm not really sure where to find one in the neighborhood around the office, so I went all the way to my usual destination from when I was out of work.

I get to the front of the line and, lo and behold, this guy who has served me a few times already has my order ready, and says with a suggestive smile, "I haven't seen you around lately!"

It's only been a couple weeks (and I've only been going there since July) so I was surprised that my absence was noted. I smiled, flattered, and told him I had found a job on the other side of town. He told me he was excited for me and hoped I would still stop by. I told him I'd do my best, then took a seat and started reading the news on my phone... checking back up every so often to see if he was glancing my way. (He didn't, but there were a lot of customers so he was probably just focused.) Still, I felt this tingle of pride that for once I wasn't just "noticed" but remembered, thought of, by someone that I've met here... someone whose life I've come into without even realizing I had. It was a good feeling. I liked it. And yet I realized afterward, that if I had been a man, that conversation never would have happened, let alone had such a... dare I say flirty tone.

I mean, I've flirted with Joey, but that was more a game to me, pushing his buttons for my own amusement. This was... like, going out of my way a little bit. Then I realized this wasn't exactly an isolated incident. It's feeling more and more like every conversation I have with a guy is carrying this extra twang of... friendliness, subtle testing of interest. From both sides.

And that's weird, weird that I like it... but that's kind of the female experience I was looking forward to, being treated good because of my looks. I was walking on air a little bit for the rest of the day.

Then later, something even stranger happened. I was walking back to the bus stop when I was a woman sitting on a bench, reading. She was very pretty... looked a lot like me, actually, with a skinny frame and long blonde hair. And she was wearing this eye-catching sundress with a low neckline. I almost didn't even take notice of her, but I got a few steps past her before I stopped and turned around and went back.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt..." I said, putting a similar lilt into my voice as when I was talking with Coffee Guy, "But I couldn't help notice your dress. Where did you get it?"

As soon as I said the words I could hardly believe they came out of my mouth. I spend a lot of time thinking about wardrobe, sure, but I haven't bought any new clothes for myself yet, just making do with Joy's old stuff... lack of money will do that. But now that I'm employed I thought maybe adding to the closet would be a fun way to treat myself. After all, I'm taking my appearance very seriously lately. I want to look good, and feel good and comfortable about it. Wearing someone else's hand-me-downs doesn't always allow that.

She smiled back and told me about this little boutique three blocks down, and I said oh, I've been by there but never inside (again, since I had no money, what's the point in actually shopping? I'm not that much of a chick... I thought.) I made a note to check it out later, though.

And there was another example of a conversation I would never have had as a man. First I would probably have spent more time admiring the girl than what she was wearing. And I never would have asked a random woman where she bought her clothes. Plus, in my experience when you try to talk to a woman on the street like that she's likely to tell you to buzz off. But instead we were gabbing like old friends. I didn't even get any contact info for her, we just parted ways once the conversation ended.

It was crazy to me. It's like my whole psyche has been flipped upside down. I was a little excited to be noticed by a guy... but somehow even more excited to bond with this girl over fashion? Maybe my last post was wrong, and I could do without sex as long as I have the thrill of playing dress-up. Does that make me a dress-sexual?

Just... wow. Who am I? Hah... crazy... yeah...

-Simon (I think.)

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