You're probably going to think I'm crazy for saying this, but right now, the biggest problem with my life isn't that I'm a chick. I think under the circumstances I'm making do pretty well with that. I've learned the ins and outs, I've gotten used to the quirks and qualities... and more than a few times a day I take am moment to look myself in the mirror and say "Damn, buddy, you're looking good!"
No, my real problem is... I'm bored!
Seriously. I never thought of myself as a workaholic, but looking at the facts... I've worked consistently since I was 18. I hardly ever take vacations. I don't do "time off" very well, it makes me restless. I just always need a project on the go. It's actually been a factor in some of my relationships ending, but not one I used to agree with.
When I got here, as Joy, I had a set of problems in front of me: I didn't know what was what as far as living life as a chick. I didn't know Joy's social circle. I didn't know San Diego. And of course, I didn't have a job. I had a set of tasks ahead of me, and now three months later I've made a lot of progress on them. I may not be a fashionista, but I can dress myself for any occasion. I am frequently seeing Joy's friends for drinks, to the point where I'm starting to see them as my friends too. And I have toured the city well enough to have a good sense of up and down in SD.
The lack of a job is driving me crazy, though. It's disheartening... I haven't gotten so much s a call back about my resume, except one or two personal rejections. There's not much I can do except keep applying, but the bank account is draining and I'm starting to expand my search beyond Real Estate groups (I was hoping to get into that racket but I can always keep applying while I work elsewhere.) It would be a total waste of my abilities to sell phones at the mall, though. I feel like I should include a photo on my resume - tacky, I know, but if people see this face, how could they resist??
So while I work on that, I'm focusing on the social aspect. Like I said, I'm getting really friendly with Shayla, Milena and Courtnee, among others. I am a total extrovert, outgoing person. I need to be active and meeting people, and sitting on my butt watching Netflix all night is not my idea of a good time seven days a week. Yeah, I know - if I meet people, they're going to be meeting "Joy," this pretty, available, dare I say charming and sexy blonde babe. And they think very differently about her than they would about me as Simon. I'm okay with that. Playing this part is my life now. It doesn't have to mean anything.
Having the girls around me as a kind of shield doesn't hurt. I know I'm not the hottest in the group (I could be second on a good night, but I can't top Shayla's body) and I use that as my defense. Guys notice the others first, and by the time they realize I might be the only single one in the group (depending on the night) they might be too drunk or worn out to make much of an effort. I get to mingle, then go home consequence-free.
That said... well, this is where it gets a bit tough to admit, but what the hell, we're all friends here right?
I miss sex.
Ooh, boy. That's a hell of a can of worms to open up, but it needs to be said. Just like I haven't been unemployed since I was 18, I haven't gone three months without at least one roll in the hay since I was 16. Believe me, if any girl held me up that long I had no trouble finding someone else who was willing.
It's not just the physical effects of sex that I miss. It's the pursuit, the drama, the chase, the game. My life is distinctly lacking in that glorious drama that comes with it. The messy stuff that makes life worth living. You can't tell me you disagree that sex and romance and dating, for all the drama and frustration it brings, is the best part of life, the reason to live. And I'm supposed to just sit it out for a year just because I lost my dick? It's not like I died!
I just sit around sometimes thinking... I could stand to be open-minded about it. I'm a chick. Would it be so wrong to find out what it's like to go out with a dude? I mean, from what I understand, a guy would treat a girl like Joy like a princess, and hey, that sounds pretty good to me. Free meals, drinks, gifts...
Am I ready to give up what I have to give up in exchange for that? I stand to gain a lot just by giving a little. What am I afraid of... liking it? That's so stupid!
Looking at my phone, I've already got one solid candidate. Joey... He amuses me, but probably not intentionally, because he's a bit of a cocky bro and fancies himself quite a player. I don't think of myself as interested in him, but I can't help but keep egging him on. And if he goes a day without texting me to see what's up, I feel a little neglected. That could be a sign, right? The problem is, it feels so easy it's almost cheap. Like "break glass in case of emergency." I don't know if I'm at that point yet, but I also feel guilty looking elsewhere. And it while it does seem like I could throw a rock in a crowd and find a better guy... maybe he's put in so much time he deserves a chance?
I mean, I'm climbing up the walls here, otherwise. Getting a job would totally take my mind off of it but that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon!
Well... whatever I end up doing, nobody needs to know. We can keep it between you all and me. What happens in San Diego stays in San Diego.