Parenting tip: At eighteen months, babies don't really care that mommy is also doing the thing that makes them cry. They just cry.
Today it was a trip to the hairdresser. I've been really casual about what I do with my hair ever since I first became Krystle - the original got it straightened every few weeks, but I really only did that once, when Joseph was released from serving out the end of Lamont's jail term, and you can't really say that went well. I'd been shaving my head for a couple years before going to the Inn, and then mostly just got a trim every couple weeks to keep myself from looking like I've decided to be someone from a 1970s movie for Halloween. It's comfortable and easier than a lot of options, but it's not exciting. And, for the most part, I'm cool with that, but...
Well, I am trying to date right now, uncomfortable as that is, so I should probably at least try to look attractive. But there's more; if I'm going to be Little Moira's mother, then there's a bunch of lady-stuff I should be good at before I've got to pass it down, and if I'm just going to be Krystle, I should know what to do with my appearance. I guess I spent a long time treating my appearance like something I didn't need to worry about, because I didn't want to be noticed and I figured I'd be giving this life back and Krystle could worry about how people had been looking at her. But now it's in my lap for good.
Anyway, that's why I went to the hair salon to get Moira's hair braided, which would get her baby afro under control and would be relatively easy on me - she can go swimming, we don't have to brush it after her bath, and she'll be ready to go first thing in the morning. But, oh, did she not like it. She didn't like having to sit still, she didn't like a stranger's hands pulling at her hair, she didn't like the smells and noise around her, and she let everyone know. My daughter is cute and funny most of the time, but she can cry when she doesn't like something, and every time she does, I feel like I am not cut out for any of this.
That I was also getting my hair braided at the same time, so it wasn't just something I was doing to her? She did not care. At all. Probably made no connection in her little baby brain whatsoever that Mommy was doing the same thing and not crying. Nope, she just saw that now I had little beads in my hair that she wanted to grab, which now has me worried how the ones in her hair will go over the next time she's playing with other babies.
And not that she's got a point, but... I kind of don't know if this is the hairstyle for me. I look okay, I guess, but I kind of freak out about looking too girly even if I do kind of want to look feminine enough to be attractive. I'm a mom, and I guess I should look a little more serious than I feel like I do with these.
It's dumb. I'm worrying about my hair. But I've got to make the right impression on people, and for all that I thought girls were silly for spending so much time and energy on it in high school, I guess it was good practice for them, getting it all down before landing a guy was really important.
-Jonah/Krystle
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