Sunday, September 02, 2018

Jenn: Not the getaway I wanted

It's been a few days and I still can't believe it. I wake up in the morning and I'm different. I keep expecting to find myself in my comfy cozy bed with my boyfriend next to me in the body I'm supposed to have but it only takes a second to remember that's not the case. Then depending on the day, it makes me either excited, or sad.

I'll start from the beginning. My name's Jenn Ryland, I'm 26 years old, from Denver, CO. My BF David and I wanted a getaway and I'd never seen the ocean so I thought Maine would be nice. You, reader of this blog, know what happens next.

There were signs that maybe we should have turned around as soon as we got there. The rustic little Inn was a little more run-down than I was hoping for. And from the moment we got there we were bickering like usual, especially because I caught him giving the look to a beautiful black girl we saw coming the opposite way. He tried to deny it, and say that she had nodded at him first, but I know a wandering eye when I see one.

Whatever. We were both on edge because he's been unemployed all year and it has put a strain on our relationship. Maybe we've gotten stale. That's what this vacay was supposed to fix. Either that or break us up. But I wasn't going down without a fight, so I made it my mission to make him forget about everyone else: get done up, dress sexy, take him out, cheer him up, and of course ply him with liquor. And so far it had been working.

Maybe too well - the night "it happened" we were so trashed we passed out and didn't even notice. I vaguely recall being awakened by someone (David) thrashing around beside me in bed, but other than that...

Well, it was a shock when I woke up. Because I could immediately tell I was not me anymore. No, those hairy forearms and big feet with the unkempt toenails were a surprise, as was the male equipment and flat chest.

So was the presence of the woman next to me: older, probably in her mid-40;s, although with good skin and probably some work done (including in the chest) and short blonde hair cropped to her shoulders. But I'm not a total dumdum, I could see she was wearing David's college tee, and I could see what had happened to me. The "stranger" in my bed was my man.

I got up and found that I had been transformed into a skinny, Adam Levine-looking guy. I breathlessly tried to explain to David what I had figured out - as he regarded his new figure with shock and disgust ("Boobs?!" he cried out in horror, whipping his top off to examine the goods and inadvertently giving me a "show.") But just as we were determining our next move, there came a knock at the door.

I opened it a crack and saw a pretty Asian woman standing there. She flashed a Driver's License that had my new face on it. "Hi, you must be... this person."

"I guess so?" I winced.

"Don't be alarmed," she said authoritatively, "It happened to everyone here... you've become the previous visitors to this room. Only your luggage was in my room, because we --" she gestured to herself and me, "Were a couple. Well, Zack Collins and April Hashimoto."

She extended her hand. "My name's Pete, but you may have seen me walking around as a black woman named Brigette."

I glanced back to David, who was otherwise occupied.

We talked a little longer, as she explained that she was a return visitor who was unable to get her original male body back, but that wasn't the case for everybody, and this could be temporary for us, if we are able to arrange it as such.

As if anticipating my next question, she explained that nobody not affected by the curse could believe it, although there was a blog where we could pour our hearts out if we so desired.

Circling back, I asked how she knew "Zack and April" were a couple, and she produced the letters left behind. They also explained who David had become... Lena Howard.

Maybe you've heard of her. She's the founder and CEO of a Homeward, a "popular lifestyle brand." I'm not familiar with it, although browsing their website I see tons of candles and decor ideas that I love. Only now, she's in the body of a 3-year-old kid, in the custody of the real April and Zack - not really in any condition to be running a business.

I could argue that she's still more qualified than David, but I mean that affectionately.

April is her personal assistant, which is handy... if the boss disappears for a few extra weeks, nobody's going to tell her not to, and if she's not around, her PA doesn't exactly have any work to do. And me, er, Zack, he's a professional photographer. I've taken a few pics in my life, so while I don't know if I can slip effortlessly into that role, it's... well, doable. Plus, all being based out of NYC doesn't sound so bad.

I mean, what choice have we got, right?

Well, that's me, and my experience so far...

-Jenn-Zack

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