So, I have a confession: I’m a bit of a nerd.
Don’t get me wrong, Rylee's passion for acting surpasses anything I've ever been into, but I do have my hobbies that I was into that I have not really gotten a chance to indulge in since turning into her. One thing in particular I invested a good amount of time and money into was the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game. While I didn’t grow up with any of the series, it was still in the periphery of other fandoms I was in and…I don’t know, something about it caught my
attention. Maybe it was a mix of the artwork and gameplay that drew me in, and while it's a complex mess that could do a lot more work to not keep printing these $100 staples that come out every other set, it was something I was able to get into. Plus, going to local tournaments was one of the few regular bits of socialization I indulged in.
Of course, I couldn’t exactly have the current me send my card collection to Rylee’s home address: trying to explain
why an older guy I “met online” was sending me a couple hundred dollars' worth of stuff Rylee had never shown any interest in before would have been a
little awkward to explain to Shannon. Fortunately, here at college I have a lot more freedom to let some of my real self slip out and no one be the wiser, and with a new core set coming out soon I figured it was as good excuse as any to indulge a little bit more in being "me".
The thing is, though, I'm not me, and the events that came out of just wanting to play a card game did a really good job of reminding me of that.
It all started on the way back from the campus post office. I had initially asked the current me to just send a couple of things, just the most recent deck I had been playing before my trip to the Inn and some staples I could use to switch around. In the spirit of being "helpful", however, he had sent my entire collection. For those of you who don't play these kind of things, you're probably wondering how bad could some slips of cardboards be? Well, shove a couple hundred cards into several good quality binders, plus some tins filled with bulk, a playmat, deck boxes, and other little accessories, and it starts to add up pretty quickly.
Admittedly, with all the workouts I've adopted to as Rylee I was in decent shape, but with having to carry several boxes halfway across campus, I could start to feel a little quiver in my arms. That was when he showed up.
“You, uh, want some help with those?”
It was Joshua, one of the guys from my theater courses. Generally speaking, I considered him a nice enough guy: friendly, helpful, kind of goofy. I wasn't ignorant to assume that every guy who had a musical theater concentration was also gay, however (though yes, most of the other guys I knew from class were), and recently I had started trying to keep my guard up around him because I suspected he might have a crush on me. Maybe it was just me being a little paranoid after the situation with Evan of any handsome guy with cropped, brunette hair and pearly white smile trying to get into my orbit, but it did feel like he was just a little quick to offer to pair up with me in class, meet up to do homework, and maybe let his hands linger just a little longer than needed if a scene required touching me. Then again, everyone in theater seems to damn touchy-feely - it wasn't a proper lesson till every part of me was poked and prodded by the professors critiquing my posture and positioning - so I just left my relationship with him at friendly but cautious, in case my calibration was just off compared to someone who was properly trained in all this acting stuff.
In that moment, however, I was willing to let that guard down just a little because hey, might as well let those arms that were capable lifting a full goddamn person in the air for a musical number carry my stuff for me.
“Oof, what exactly do you got in here?” he asks with a
small, playful laugh.
“It’s, uhm, some trading cards," I say, brushing some hair out of my face, having had no chance to do so when my arms were full of boxes.
“Damn, did you order Pokémon cards? Trying to scalp your way through college?" he says, grinning.
“No, nothing like that. Actually, it’s
Yu-Gi-Oh cards..."
“Oh, really? Huh, wouldn't have clocked you for someone into that kind of stuff."
Not a surprise he'd have thought that. Even if it had gotten better over time, the game kind of did have a "boy's club" vibe to it. At locals, if there was a girl around, they were either someone's girlfriend or sister, and I could probably count on one hand the number of times I actually played against a girl.
"Yeah, well, I saw that apparently a lot of the stuff these days got, like, lore in the card art and effects and stuff, and some of it sounded really neat that I kind of just kept digging and, I don't know, it seemed kind of fun. Did the digital sims for a bit, but saw a guy selling his collection online for cheap -" the excuse I had for how I got this collection "- and that there's a place near the campus that runs tournaments so, I don't know, figured why the hell not. Mean, worst case is I just sell it all again, right?"
"Uh, guess that sounds kind of cool, using card art and game mechanics to tell a story. Want some help getting this all unpacked?"
I probably should have said no, but the urge to nerd out with someone else was overriding my guard, or at least that was what I was telling myself at the time. So, I said it was fine if he wanted to hang out for a bit, and for the next couple of hours he had to listen to me yap about my deck of choice, what annoyed me about the current format, what I was excited was coming out in the future, and how I might need to get a campus job to help get some cash for it.
In retrospect, the fact he was not only hanging around listening to all that but even trying to feign some interest really should have been the flag that "this guy is crushing hard" on you. Like I said, though, having had to be "Rylee" had been exhausting, and just getting to let some of the real me out was just such a relief I almost didn't really care if he was just motivated by wanting to bang me. Besides, to his credit, he was really good at showing interest, asking questions, commenting on the art, totally acting like he knew what I was talking about in regard to this or that mechanic.
Eventually I was done building something I was happy enough with and he had to head out, and I should have just left it to that, but...
“Hey, uhm, if you want to, want to tag along with me to the tournament?”
He was practically beaming, and I quickly get into damage control mode as I explained why exactly I was wanting him to tag along.
“It's just, not a lot of girls play this game, you know? Plus, the tournaments can run a little long so it'll probably be dark out by the time we leave so..."
"Oh, yeah, I totally get it. Need me around to play escort. That's cool."
Still, when we met up Saturday, he clearly still thought this was his opportunity. Fresh hair cut, recently laundered clothes, the faint scent of cologne. Standard dress up nicely kind of deal, way more than he needed just to go to a comic shop and sit around while I played some cards.
Of course, I didn't have much room to talk as I had upped my own outfit game just a tad. While on campus the classes kept me in t-shirts and jeans thrown over a workout outfit, going off campus felt like it required a little more effort. I didn’t exactly
want to give out the wrong impression here, but it was a habit of mine that if I was going to go out anywhere around people, I usually tried to make myself presentable, and some of that was carrying over.
We took the bus to the downtown area near the college and headed to the shop. Being the pre-release event for a new set there were a lot of people, probably more than a regular Saturday would have brought. There were even a few other girls there, but like I said, I was expecting most of them to just be girlfriends or family members of the guys. Maybe a little biased against my current sex, but I'm just relaying my experiences, which meant when signups were called and like maybe one other girl stood in line to register it kind of made me standout. Not long after Joshua and I were getting approached by the regulars curious about the new blood, but at least at the start of things it seemed Joshua's presence kept things pretty courteous enough. There was, perhaps, some surprise that it was me was playing and not him, but at least no one was trying anything flirtatious as long as he was there as a ward.
Still, once the tournament commenced and he moved to the
sidelines, the rest of the night was just an uncanny valley compared to my past experiences. Obviously, some of that was just the
weirdness of being in a new place with new people, but I think word was finally getting around Joshua and I weren't an item, which meant that I was "available". For some of the guys, that meant that a game match against me was, apparently, also the perfect time to fit in a speed date. Like
yes, I know Fairy Tail is a cute archetype, but you aren't exactly slick in saying that therefore it was the "perfect" deck for me. The only relief came when I got paired
up against that other girl who entered. It was a nice change of pace that the most frustrating part of that match was that Elfnote is a totally unfair deck that shouldn't have been printed and not having to try and determine the person across from me was trying to count the cards in my hand or just staring at my boobs.
Anyway, went 3-2 but didn’t bubble into the top cut so
no prizing. With the whole night having just felt weird and no real reason to stay, I motioned for him I was ready to head out. He said goodbye to I guess some new friends of his, and we were off into the night.
“Well, it looked like you had fun,” Joshua said, apparently starting things off for the walk-home chatting.
“Eh, sort of. When I got to focus on the game it was fun, but I guess being the only single girl there meant I ended up with a target on my back," I said, frustrated I wasn't able to fully enjoy one of my favorite hobbies because of all this stupid Inn stuff.
He winced and sucked in some air.
“Yeah, I wasn’t going to mention it, but since you brought
it up, lot of the guys were curious if you and me were, you know, a thing? I almost lied and said we were cause I thought that'd discourage them, but since we hadn't talked about any plans like that..."
"Eh, I actually thought of that, but didn't think things would be bad enough to need to do that. And I mean, it wasn't totally bad. Not a great first impression but, well, lot of guys into this stuff can just be a little awkward so, I don't know, I don't want to hold it against them too much."
That was talking from experience. Social anxiety was something I had always struggled with, and so having been on the other side of the table I was willing to cut a little slack. Just a little, though. After all, anxious or not, you really should work on making it so you're more focused on making sure you're remembering activation triggers than trying to talk up a pretty girl. I mean, sure, I was finding myself struggling a little with regulating my own emotions when it came to things, but I at least have the excuse of having been ace till a few months ago, so what was their excuse.
Take a moment to appreciate the pride before the fall here.
"Anyway, I still appreciate coming out. Think having you around even just as a friend probably helped keep things in check. Still, I don't want to make you come out here every single time."
"Hey, don't sweat it, I had fun too, in my own way. Besides, it was nice seeing another side of you. In class you always seem so awkward and stiff, but, like, the way you were just beaming while talking about, what was it, Fairy Tail?"
I nodded, feeling a bit of a flutter in my chest as he kept talking.
“Yeah, you were so passionate talking about those little guys, and then being just so in the zone you even did the whole tie your hair into a ponytail and scrunchie thing? It kind of almost makes me want to go and build up a deck. And hey, you wouldn't have to worry about those guys staring at your rack all night if I take them out first, right?"
Hey, allosexuals reading this, how the fuck do you deal with the hormones?
Like, I hate to admit it, but when he ended that line with a cheesy little smile I couldn’t help but bust out a laugh, my whole body just rushing with this flushing heat as I heard him join in.
“No offense, but with this format, you’d probably get
absolutely destroyed” I say, trying
to steer things back to the card game instead of me.
“Oh, says the girl who this was her 'first time' at locals? I think if you offered me a little tutoring and training I could probably hold my own, and maybe in return I could take you out to dinner some time?"
Shit shit shit
There was the logical recognition, of course, that obviously
this whole night out with me was a ploy to try and butter me up for a date. And
I couldn’t blame him; he was just being a guy who liked a girl and was trying
to do things right by taking an interest in her hobbies and sliding in some flirtatious banter. The whole issue was simply that right now I was that
girl, and the rational parts of my brain were on red alert. Rylee’s body, on
the other hand, was apparently an absolute sucker for all of this.
“Yeah, sure, I guess I can do that,” I squeak out nervously.
I mean, I really did want someone who I could share some of my real interests and personality with, but was it worth the risk of getting entangled in something more than that when I was still trying to deal with all these signals this body was sending to my brain?
Thankfully the bus arrived and we were swiftly driven back to campus. Sharing the same dorm meant we had to huddle together
just a little longer, sharing some chit chat about maybe what kind of deck
would work for him, plus a few last-minute reminders of oh shit there was an assignment due Monday. I could feel myself calming down as we hit the point where we
needed to part ways, but there was still just this incessant buzzing in my ear that was
saying “Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him.”
Instead, I just wished him a good night as we went our different ways, quickly getting into my dorm room and taking a deep breath as I leaned up against the door.
“So, how'd the tournament go?” asked Sydney, glancing up from her desk.
“I, uh, think I might be dating Joshua now?"
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