Thursday, September 13, 2007

Trip / Kat - Far Away

A few weeks ago, Nicole, one of Kat's classmates, stopped by to chat after hearing about my recent trip to the hospital. While we were chatting about that and other recent goings-on, she picked-up on my being a bit disinterested from the local news/gossip. She mentioned how it seemed that since Jaci & I... Jaci & Kat returned from our adventure "out East", that we've both changed... that it's almost as if we're new people. Her observation shook me a bit - I mean, that's not supposed to happen... people aren't supposed to be able to tell that there was a change, right?

I just shrugged my shoulders and told her that I was thinking the same thing... that I felt different and that I was having a bit of a tough time trying to decide who I was, who I wanted to be, and what it was that I wanted to do with my life. I conveniently left out all the weird stuff and just how much of a change I've been... and still am going through. She nodded her head and a moment of silence passed as she seemed to ponder on something.

I wasn't quite sure if I'd passed or failed some test of hers, or what thoughts her mind was processing - but I didn't have long to wait. Seconds later, she came out with what was likely the reason she stopped by in the first place - to invite me along as a replacement fourth person on an Canada/Alaska adventure with her, her brother Bill and her boyfriend Greg. As I understood it, Bill and his girlfriend were having some "issues". The idea of joining them was something that felt very much outside of my comfort level. If I was myself, I'd have jumped at the chance to go - but being in this non-outdoorsy body, on what should be a double-date type of adventure, with a guy that "I" have a history with (Kat and Bill dated a few years back)... I didn't have a good feeling about it. I'm still getting used to this new reality, and this body...

I told Nicole that I would have to see if dad could spare being without me for a month - knowing full-well that he'd veto the idea. Harvest time is fast approaching, we have to ready the equipment and bins... that and the idea of Kat being so far away and in the company of boys... there's no way he's going to go for it.

I was wrong.

I got back last night. I'm not sure if I found any answers to who I am, or what my future holds... save one thing. I'm pretty sure that my partner-preference is still hetero... just that I'm on the other side of the fence in this body.

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