Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Greg: Directed by M. Night Shamalayan

I think I spelled his name right. For someone who was Indian for a year I can't spell Hindi worth a damn. Anyway the title refers to the massive twist that my current Inn caper took last week. I waited a few days to tell you because 1. I had to organize my thoughts, and 2. Tori was working on a big sensitive post and I didnt want to steal her thunder.

Anyway, I didnt find the elusive Alex that first day, even after I asked every male I saw. Which made me worried he had left already. Resigned to the fact I was going to be here awhile and didnt have any clothes that fit me, I headed into town wearing baggy sweatpants tied with a belt and an oversized tshirt. I looked ridiculous but a tourist town like Old Orchard beach sees all sorts of people who need clothes for whatever reason.

I headed to one of the shops and picked out a few shirts, panties, bras and shorts after trying them on. (Size 6, 36B in case you were all curious) as well as a pair of flip flops and made my way back to the inn and did vacation stuff, keeping an eye out for any newcomers.

I chatted up the girl who had been helping the other guests out that first night. She was in her early 20s and had just gotten her correct body back. Her name was Helena and she headed back to California on Friday. When I explained my situation she was like "Oh, Youre Greg!" because she apparently is a lurker on this blog. I told her she shouldve added to it but she said she wasnt much of a writer. She offered me condolences over all that happened and asked me a few questions. I almost feel like I shouldve autographed something for her.

Everyone else was slowly coming to grips with what happened and were leaving for their new lives. I told everyone about the blog because apparently it offers a blueprint on how to get your life back. After a few days of vacationing still no Alex.

On Sunday morning It was nothing but me and Malinda, my neighbor who was a total bitch to me and had turned into an even prettier girl than before. She didnt have a note to go on and seemed really upset about the whole thing. I went to my room to blog about the whole lack of Alex thing when I read the comment on my last post.


I had never thought of that. I ran outside and persuaded a grumpy Malinda to come into my room and try her thumb on the locked laptop. She rolled her eyes and looked annoyed when her thumbprint didnt work.

But mine did.

I know, I shouldve tried it sooner, but its hard to be logical around here sometimes.

The laptop opened turned on and the desktop background was a photo of my body and Malinda's body at an amusement park. "So I guess were sisters or something" Malinda remarked.

The only file on the desktop was a video labeled "Inn instructions for new Alex and Sharon"

When it opened there was a webcam vlog style video of a woman in her 30s and a big hairy man in his 40s. The woman did most of the talking because the man was crying and sobbing off and on, being hugged and consoled.

Apparently Malinda and I are now Sharon and Alexis Barco (Respectively) of Burlington Vermont. And they are not sisters, they're married.

Ill pause a moment while you all react. A little part of me that was still male geeked out at a strange teenage fantasy come true. Lesbians! Yay!

Malinda, however did NOT have a similar reaction. I had to pause the video because she got up, screamed, looked at me and kept saying "ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. Im not some (D word for lesbian thats not polite to repeat)"

She went into her room and I finished the video for more details. They Barco's had been married for about 6 years, been together for 10. Alexis was the head of IT at an ice cream company (not that one) and Sharon was an artist. Apparently Alexis, or Alex as she went by was a big techno nerd and thats why she had something like a biometric locked laptop. (Thank god she's not a spy)

They had stayed in the same room but it had only been single occupied the previous time, meaning they wound up in separate lives. Alex became a stay at home Mom in Minneapolis who had been given a Mother's Day vacation to Maine. Sharon had turned into a big burly trucker who was staying at the Inn while his truck got fixed, and from her body language she hated everything about her new body and life.

I pitied them, but soon got the luggage combos unlocked my clohtes, which were pretty tomboyish. I wheeled the suitcase for Sharon into Malinda's room and sat down on the bed next to her. She seemed wary of my touch so I didnt put my arm around her.

"It's OK, its only temporary, its easy to get your body back"

"How do you know" she snapped "And why would you go back to your old body, this one is so much better"

I then proceed to come clean about my history. How I was a guy who turned into his fiancee's best friend. How I then lost said fiancee' when the person in my body ran off with my secretary. How I spent the last year in the body of that person, and now how I was playing musical bodies for the forseeable future.

Malinda couldnt get past two things. First that I used to be a man and second that I knew what the Inn was going to do and didnt tell her. I tried to explain the curse but she was pretty upset.

Apparently Malinda was from a rich conservative family out of Highland Park, Texas. (Suburb of Dallas) Fresh with her degree from SMU she had decided to take a year off and travel America, and she landed in the wrong place at the wrong time. I left her to go through Sharon's things and started formulating our exit from the Inn.

Burllington isnt far from Old Orchard Beach but it's a long drive without a lot of Insterstate. The Barcos had driven up in their Range Rover and it was parked outside, ready to be driven home. I packed up all my Dee clothes and wrote my note. I then turned in, waiting for the long ride home.

The next morning found Malinda very much in denial. She seemed to be of the impression that she was going to just assume her old life. It took a lot of convincing and a lot swearing and a lot of crying to get her to write a note and get into the car.

We rode home in silence, mostly because she saw me as her captor or something. She did read the blog though, on her new body's Droid (I think she misses her iPhone). I didnt receive much feedback because she started from the beginning and read through the first year or so. She did let out a grossed out gasp when she read about Arthur having sex in Liz's body.

Finally, exhausted we made it to Burlington at about 9pm. The Barco's had a pretty nice condo that they owned. We put our stuff away in the bedroom and I began to take my clothes off and crash on the bed when Malinda looked at me like I was crazy.

"Uh uh, just because the real Sharon is some deviant doesnt mean I am, now get your butt on the couch"

I hadnt planned on trying anything, but I'm not gonna start fights with this person. She's still in a fragile state and I dont want her throwing anything at me.

The couch was comfy enough anyway. After this blog post I'm gonna get more familiar with the new life.



Todd said...

What a twist!

Anonymous said...

...and the new wife!

Kiai said...

From prior posts here it's clear that brain-patterning trumps prior preferences, big-time. Your new wife is in for a rough landing as that soaks in. Be ready to catch; maybe even ready to get her on a 72-hour watch. Anybody know of a counselor or therapist who's been through the Inn? She might need somebody who can discuss the true issues with her. I suggest getting in contact with the original Alex first thing; she'll be a lot more knowledgeable about BLGT resources in the hometown.

Working marriages are inclined to be person-to-person, not type-to-type. Check your premises: is her original hardcore-lesbian, or 'bi and married for love'? How about the original Alex? You need to know so you know what to expect.