So one of the coolest aspects about this blog thingy is that you guys respond to our posts. I like it because it gives me feedback on what are thoughts that not only are secret, but HAVE to be secret. I can't just go to a therapist and tell them that I'm a 20 something man in a middle aged woman's body. Although I'm sure they get things like that sometimes, but apparently the curse will prevent them from believing me. So apart from Lacey and the real Gabrielle, its good to get reactions/advice from people.
The real Gabrielle is doing just fine, relatively. She and Wesley wound up as a pair of sisters in California. So while Wesley will have similar adjustments as me Gabi won't have to adjust that much.
Anyway, while I LOVE hearing from you guys, the comment on my last post put it bluntly and suggested that I just give Dustin a blowjob. Maybe that person is a woman or gay and has sucked dick before, but for me personally the idea of doing that is just gross. I've read some of the posts from previous authors here, about how they finally came around to having sex as women, and all of them have one thing in common: at some point they were ready mentally. And I'm just not there.
I don't know if its being in a woman's body that makes me feel unsexy, or if it's being in this particular body that makes me feel that way, but when I look at myself in the mirror I don't think of sexual images. Some mornings I'll stare a little while longer, which is something I didn't do the first couple of weeks. I've got a pretty face, at least. Gabi's big brown eyes are far and away her best feature. Her hair is nice too, I suppose but such a chore to wash and try and deal with that I have a hard time appreciating it. I mostly put it back in a tight ponytail which shows the tiny bits of gray that are forming here and there on my scalp.
Below the neck things are more...jiggly. I wasn't an overly fit or muscular man, but I had a little tone. Now, its all flab and curves. I am completely devoid of muscle, I'd be surprised if I could lift 40 pounds, let alone do one pushup. I might be able to do a situp since even though I don't have any visible abs, I dont have a lot of belly fat. I don't know how much cardio or overall exercise Gabrielle does but it can't be a lot because I get winded and sore a lot. I dont even want to try running with all the jiggling that happens when I walk briskly or even up the stairs.
On a related note, I'd just like to say, on the record, that after having them for a few weeks that I officially hate boobs. Every guy says that if they had boobs they'd play with them all day. This is false. I can tell you that when they are attached to you that they stop being all that sexy. Especially the pair that I have. Even with the industrial strength bras that I have to squeeze into on a regular basis they still get in the way. Maybe its because I'm not used to them being there and I'll eventually learn to compensate for them, but it doesn't feel good when they bump into things.
Thats nothing compared to how big my butt is now. Its like sitting on a big pillow and I can feel it bounce everytime I walk. What makes it worse is that Dustin is apparently and "ass man" and will occasionally smack it when no one is looking. I've caught him staring a couple times. Its weird sharing a house with someone who looks at you like prey. It doesn't help that most of my wardrobe is designed to show it off, with tight jeans and knit pants.
I make an effort to dress unsexily. Or I just don't make an effort. This body is so much more high maintenance. So many things to clean and trim. Gabrielle's family is of Greek descent, and for whatever reason that makes her...hairier than normal. I didn't shave my legs, arms or armpits until a couple days ago when when the stubble was really itchy and Lacey caught me scratching it.
"Oh my god, when was the last time you shaved your legs, that is some seriously dark stubble"
"Um...never. I guess I didn't think to do it. Not something I've ever done before. Its not like I need to do it."
"Well, you do. Youre the one who said we have to live like were these people, so if I have to go to school, YOU have to shave your legs"
And so with a little extra prodding the next time we were alone in the house we found ourselves in the visibly awkward situation of me in the bathroom in a tank top and panties standing next to a teenage boy with a lady razor.
We started with the armpits. Lacey did the right one while giving me instructions before handing me the razor. I did the left one and managed not to get any cuts. It took a lot of shaving cream to get my legs covered but when they were she shaved my right one, giving me instructions and pretending not to notice when I gasped slightly when she got to my inner thigh. I nicked myself a little bit when I did the left, but when I was all toweled off they were silky smooth and not scratchy or itchy.
"Thanks a lot" I told Lacey
"Not done yet. Panties off" she commanded
"Your 'bikini area' its probably gonna need some maintenance too"
"I dont plan on wearing a bikini" I blushed "And that area is maintenance enough already"
"Suit yourself" she said with a shrug.
And with that we parted. I appreciated her help though. She seems like she wants me to figure out how to be as normal as a woman as I can be.
She was right about the leg shaving too, it helped. I didn't feel AS gross and the smoothness was pretty nice. I'd find myself rubbing them together when nobody was looking.
Dustin seemed to agree with me. Although he was perfectly patient with me and never said a word about my hairy legs, he put a hand on them that night in bed and moaned slightly in approval before putting his arms around me and spooning me. Normally I'd throw him off but he didn't try anything and it was kind of cold so I let him hold me while we slept.
This DOESNT mean I'm giving him a blowjob.