Friday, March 21, 2014

Cal/Angie: Preparations, stress and uncertainty

Maybe I'm just an anti-social person, but I wasn't really prepared for the amount of work that goes into being someone's girlfriend. After hanging out together for one night I'm usually satisfied and don't feel the need to see him much for the rest of the week. I think he's been taking this as me not being interested, and maybe that's true... I like him, but I think there's a limit to that. I'm just not willing to let myself get super close to him, because I know he'll only get hurt in the end.

I'm going back to the Inn in June. That's official. It has been for a while, but I thought I would clarify for those of you reading who never heard the news. Roy/Christine took care of all the arrangements, working with her counterpart and helping me corral all of the current occupants of our bodies for the correct arrangements. Knock on wood, everything should be lined up properly. Knowing that, it feels strange that I would even let David into my life.

But I know you understand and are encouraging... he likes me, and I like that he likes me. I think he expects things from me, and while part of me wants to see what it's like to give that, to be with someone that way, I wonder what the point of it is if I'm getting my body in. It's a "once in a lifetime" opportunity, but I'm not sure I feel comfortable, and it feels like a lose-lose situation. If I do it and I don't like it, I might hate myself (and maybe never look a woman in the eye again!) If I do it and I do like it, then how do I go back to being a man? How do I live with myself knowing what I know?

I guess that's going to be a problem anyway. I've kissed David. I've played with myself and enjoyed it. I also enjoyed having a dick of my own. Every argument against doing this feels flimsy. But the coolness between me and David makes me feel so awkward, like I shouldn't bother.


Anonymous said...

You have to do it, you will always regret the opportunity lost

Anonymous said...

You should go for it. It won't change who you are once you get your old body back. Certainly no more so than spending a year as a girl already has.