I had an invite to hang out with the girls (and guys) tonight, but I don't have the energy. Usually I'm all too happy to go out in the evening, get away from the family, blow off some steam. Granted, even after months living among them, spending too much time around teenage girls makes my head spin: they talk fast, they emote big, they have very extreme opinions about things I know aren't important. It's hard to keep up, but I usually put myself through it because based on what I'm going through right now, that's the closest thing I have to friends, besides Meghan of course. It's important for me to be around these people so that I don't feel like such an outcast among people "my own age" ... as if that phrase means anything anymore.
No, I needed a break, and while they called me a party pooper (well, not in those words: actually they said "weak-ass bitch" but, you know, lovingly) they didn't bug me too long. Only Mark has been texting me updates, and I've been giving him courtesy responses.
Mark. Despite what I said about selfishly keeping him to myself, I had no intention. I thought maybe I would be unenthusiastic about talking him up to Dana, assuming she would think she was too good for him. I'd suggest she give him a chance, but didn't expect to get far with it. I just think he's a good enough dude that he deserves to have, you know, a girlfriend in high school. I know guys who don't date in high school sometimes get, like, complexes about it later in life. I wanted to give him a push.
He had told me I was the first girl he felt comfortable around, that he felt like he could be himself. I told him there was nothing special about me (strictly speaking this is maybe not true) and that girls - the right girls for him if not every girl ever - would appreciate his goofy personality and smarts. If I was going to wingwoman him, I needed to make sure he was up to the task.
I brought him around our lunchtable a little bit. Once the girls had met him a bit, and I had coaxed a bit of group conversation time, let him ease his way out of his shell, I took Dana aside and asked her what she would think if Mark asked her out. She was iffy on the subject, saying she wasn't really into relationships. Fair enough. I expected that, and prepared to adjust my plans.
Then a day later, she amended her statement: "You know, I don't wanna date your friend Mark, but I'd blow him."
I'll never get used to that. I ain't old-fashioned or anything, I know girls who openly discuss sex, but to hear a girl that age flatly say that she'd be all too happy to engage in sexual acts outside of a relationship, without having to be coaxed into it somehow, just didn't add up in the part of my male brain that has always thought women were relationships first, sex later. This little vacation of mine has shattered plenty of stereotypes I hold about women and girls. What's more, it activated the "responsible adult" part of my brain that made me ask what they hell she was thinking offering that to a guy she barely knows. Shoot, I was thinking they could go for ice cream or something (bad example, this weather is not ice cream appropriate! Brr, how do northerners live?) Not third base!
I was going to tell her "Oh if that's all you want maybe I'll find him someone else" but what kind of friend would I be if I made that decision for Mark? 17-year-old Tyler Blake would have high-fived so hard if one of his friends got a no-strings-attached blower from a girl who looks like Dana. I was stuck.
So I excused myself, told him to pursue Dana because "there's potential there" and opted to spend the night in my room wrapped in three layers of blankets. I'm not sick or anything... I've just been grappling with some personal issues stemming from my "double life," and... I don't know, a night off from being "Lauren" seemed inviting.
Hiding from my problems isn't my usual tactic though so I don't wanna make it a habit.