My last post generated a lot of feedback. Well, more than usual. 5 comments is a lot for a little blog like this. I got a lot of people offering encouragement and a few saying they wouldn't judge me no matter what I decided. A lot of the advice was helpful and some of it came a little too late.
Friday evening I was reading a comment telling me that unemployment wouldn't be so bad. That I could avoid eviction and go on government assistance and not have to have sex with Latherman to keep a job. I was all set to formulate a plan and take things in a whole new direction. I was going to fill out the proper paperwork and fix up a resume and face the world. That determination lasted an hour, maybe less.
I started reading Kari's lease and while eviction is, as one commenter put it, a "slow process", it isn't without penalties in the interim. There's only a 5 day grace period for late rent before the eviction papers are filed. During the process a 20 dollar per day late fee applies on top of the rent, as well as any and all court fees from the process of filing. This would quickly add up in to the hundreds of dollars and put me further behind than before.
Then there's government assistance. I've never been one of those rich bankers who looks down on the lower classes and people who had to get help from the state. I lived in New York City, I've seen poverty and realize that some people can't do it all on their own. Sadly a lot of other people DO feel that way and because of the way they vote, getting these programs is a long and extensive process.
For one thing, you can't just get cash assistance for being poor anymore. In the 90s they changed it so that you can get 5 years of a very small amount of money...lifetime. And Kari had used her 5 years up right after she turned 18 and was struggling with a 4 year old. Food stamps require a mountain of paperwork and a long and extensive interview and a drug test. Section 8 is even worse, and not only is there a wait list but our current apartment isn't qualified, I'd have to move and uproot Ashley from all of her friends to a neighborhood that is most likely not the best environment for her. The whole rigmarole was intimidating and seemed like so much effort for a life I was only going to live for a few more months, turning it back to it's rightful owner upside down and in some ways much worse.
I don't know if this line of thinking is sound, or if it's just something I told myself, but I thought about what would make things worse overall for Kari...and Ashley. Me personally, Lane, hated the idea of it want and would consider it the worst option. Kari...the real Kari...didn't share that sentiment. From my conversation with her it didn't appear that she minded having sex with Latherman, in fact she might even like the situation. I don't think she's only sleeping with him to keep her job, from what I understand they were having sex before she was hired, the job was a favor.
The more I thought along those lines, the more I considered it. I probably talked myself into it sometime that night but I didn't officially make my decision until Saturday afternoon when I took a second shower in the middle of the afternoon. I picked out a simple black dress, tight fitting but not too tight. I did my hair the best I could, which involved a nice headband. I put on my makeup, something I've picked up pretty well from various experimentation sessions with Rosita. I even sprung for a small gold necklace and matching earrings. I tried to not not to over do it, to not look like a hooker considering what I was about to do. I put the hotel key that Latherman had given me into my purse and headed towards the door.
Ashley was in the living room.
"Going out?" She asked
"Yep. Heading into the city" I said, more nervous than I should be
"Is Aunt Rosita going with you?"
"Nope, just me and some other friends"
"Don't drink and drive" She said with a face that was concerned but also trying to appear all teenage and nonchalant.
That's been something I've noticed from her. Apparently the Real Kari had a habit of driving home from parties and bars when she was in no condition to do so. She's never had an accident, as far as I know (Although I REALLY should look up my driving/criminal records) but it's the kind of thing that would make a kid worry. I've stopped doing that because I'm not going to continue ALL of Kari's bad habits, and she's noticed and quite proud of me.
"Staying overnight. I'll be back in the morning" I say. I don't know what came over me next but I went over and gave her a hug. Right then I knew I wasn't making a mistake. Unemployment would suck and be inconvenient for me for the next five months. Having and unemployed parent would suck and be inconvenient even more so for her for probably longer than that. I wasn't about to uproot this kid's entire life because I was too scared to do what Kari did. That's one less life that didn't need to be messed up by the Trading Post Inn, albeit indirectly.
The MGM Grand in Detroit is right off the interstate with a big enough property that it's far from anything else, making it seem like a bonafide tourist attraction rather than a mildly depressing casino. All the money that people pump into the slot machines make for a pretty nice hotel, and it even had Valet parking, something I didn't think I'd get to experience as Kari.
The key was for a room on the 4th floor and in the elevator I thought one last time about chickening out, but it wasn't that strong a feeling. I put the card into the lock and when it opened I found Latherman sitting on the bed, watching TV. He perked up and smiled when he saw me, not a smirk but a genuine "I'm glad to see you" look.
"I didn't think you'd make it" He said taking me into his arms. I winced a little despite actively trying not to but I played it off by saying
"It's good stuff" he said almost proudly "I'll pour you a glass. But first, a gift" he handed me a bag from Victoria's Secret "Put it on"
I took it into the bathroom and opened the box to pull out a lacy black teddy with matching thong. The material was soft and sheer and having shopped at Vicky's on Black Friday I can tell it wasn't cheap. I carefully put it on and then looked at myself in the mirror. He must have bought it based on what he knew Kari's size to be, not what it was not that I've put on 10 lbs because it was a little tight, but that made it hug my curves even more. I reached up and pulled the headband out of my hair, causing my dark locks to fall down on my shoulders and a little in front of my face, completing the look. I always look pretty. When I'm out dancing and partying I can look downright hot. But standing there, in the hotel bathroom wearing a small piece of lace, I looked sexy. I felt it too, it was empowering. A sense of pride that distracted from the whole situation.
When I opened the door Latherman took me in his arms and gave me a quick kiss and a champagne glass. I took a sip, it was decent stuff. I think that might be another reason Kari runs around with this guy, he does treat her nice when he isn't coercing her financially. Nice hotel, lingerie, champagne...these are things you can't really buy on a receptionist's salary. I missed them and I would be lying if I said I didn't sort of enjoy having them there.
I sat on the bed, sipping my champagne while Nick...I couldn't really think of him as "Mr. Latherman" in this context...and I talked. We gossiped about work, about his hobbies, where he was thinking of traveling on his next vacation. I sat and kept up as best I could while I downed two more glasses of champagne, which helped make the rest of the night easier.
Finally he sat down on the bed next to me and took me into his arms. As he kissed my neck I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and just sorta let instinct take over. Leading up to this I wondered if I'd be able to actually go through with IT. If I somehow wouldn't know how or be able to actually have sex with him. On that bed I found out that I already knew how, or rather Kari knew how, and I could just zone out and let my body react.
And react it did. Neck kissing and especially ear kissing feel REALLY good for girls, or at least they do for me and when he began working his hands lower I felt my nipples get hard and when he went even lower I felt myself getting wet. When he finally took off his clothes and stood in front of me I wasn't disgusted by a naked man, in fact quite the opposite.
Nick wasn't packing much, but it was ready for action as he took me in his arms and turned me around so that I was on my hands and knees on the bed facing the headboard. I guess this is their favorite position and it worked out for the best, because instead of lying and watching in anticipation for him to put it in it just kinda went in as a surprise.
It's a bit ironic that my post is going up right after Yuan-Wei's last one. The one where she describes in vivid detail just how great sex can be for a woman. Maybe she had a better partner than me and she definitely had better circumstances than me because I didn't really feel that same burst of ecstasy. It felt good, I'm not denying that...but it definitely could have felt better. I AM very glad that I'd experimented with Kari's vibrator these last few weeks, just so that the presence of something inside of me wasn't foreign.
I closed my eyes and planted my face into the pillow, letting the sensations hit me and fantasizing about other things than my boss. I was sort of getting into the rhythm and motion of my nipples rubbing against the bedspread when he broke the rhythm, let out a soft moan, and finished. I gasped at the hot feeling inside of me, instantly grateful that I'd taken birth control bills every day since getting this body despite not having a reason to. He pumped a few times before rolling over next to me and saying "I really missed that." And that was it. My first time as a woman. At least Round 1.
After cleaning up I put on the hotel robe and went back out to him ordering room service. I got the most expensive thing on the menu, some really delicious shrimp. Round 2 came a couple hours afterwards when I was watching TV on the bed. He was spooning me and after kissing my shoulder a few times he just kinda...slipped it in. He lasted longer this time, although I'm not certain how much longer, I was watching TV and moaning occasionally to make him think I was more into it than I was. I mean, it felt good, but really it was more of a background sensation. When he finished he was rolled over and was asleep. I stayed up a few more minutes before curling up beside him. At some point during the night he wrapped his arms around me.
He jostled me awake at around 6 Sunday morning, saying he had to get home and spend the day with the family. I tried not to throw up in my mouth a little but got dressed and headed out of the hotel wearing a short dress with messed up hair and runny makeup.
That all happened Saturday night, it's Wednesday night as I'm typing this. I've had four days to process what I've done, three of them I've seen him at work. The strangest thing is, I don't feel bad.
When I wrote my last post I made it seem like I would be selling my dignity and soul for a crappy receptionist job. And yet during and after I don't feel like some cheap woman off of a TV movie. I don't feel like my self worth is lowered. I don't really feel...anything. I've had meaningless sex before. I've slept with women who I had no intention of calling again. I've been with girls where we both knew there wasn't any love involved, just lust.
What I did this weekend was just part of what it meant to live Kari's life. I don't get to pick what that means, I'm not the one who made that decision. But I DID make the decision to continue doing it. Having sex with Latherman was something I decided to do as a consenting adult and people can judge me how they want. Maybe it's not the best way to live your life, but hey, it's only temporary.