This is way out routine for me, I usually only update this once a week, or at least I try to. But something happened to me today and I'm trying to wrap my head around and nobody in my life would understand because they don't know I'm not who I appear to be and writing is cathartic so I'm putting it here.
It has been well documented here that Kari's boss, Nick Latherman, is a creep. Every day at work has come with leering, flirting, and occasional touching that he seems to think are perfectly fine because he was having an affair with the real Kari. Heck, the only reason she was in Maine in the first place is because they were having a weekend away together.
Since I became Kari, the rendevous have stopped and he's not pleased. I thought when I started dressing sexier at work at his "request" during my performance review that he'd be satisfied, but he called me into his office this afternoon right as the work day was ending.
He was sitting behind the desk, looking serious and not his usually perv self. "Sit down, Karina" he said using a name that only strangers really use "We need to talk about your job performance again. Several weeks ago we had a discussion about your drop-off, and you said you'd work to improve it but I haven't seen much effort on your part."
I rolled my eyes and pushed my breasts together slightly with my shoulders. I was wearing a low-cut top with a matching red lacy bra underneath "You said I wasn't dressing 'professionally enough'. Is this still too casual? Would a tank top be more work appropriate?"
"There's no need to get snippy" He said in a tone that I hear from men who don't take me seriously "But there's more than just your attire. You used to stay late at work, work through lunch assisting me, go on business trips. Now you're in at 9, out at 5, and you don't do any of the extras that we agreed would be part of your job description when you were hired?"
It bothered me a bit that he wouldn't just out and say it. Maybe he thought I was taping him, maybe he was taping us. Somehow he managed to seem even slimier by dancing around the subject instead of just saying that I wasn't putting out and that was a problem for him.
"Extras." I repeated "Like our trip to Maine" I mentioned to get indirect confirmation from him.
"Precisely" he said "In fact I don't think we've worked closely together since then." His face and voice softened "Listen, if it was about me leaving you there, I'm sorry. I had family issue and I couldn't escape it. You don't have to freeze me out over it. I would have loved to stay there all weekend with you."
I would have loved that too. He would have wound up with his life turned upside down and if there is any karma in the world he'd have been someone truly physically undesirable. Of course that would also mean there was a 50 percent chance I'd have become him instead, and the idea of looking at his face in the mirror makes me retch a bit.
"Well that trip was a bit of an eye opening experience" I told him despite the fact he could never truly understand why "I re-evaluated a lot of things in my life that weekend"
"Is that so" He said switching back to boss tone. "Well things are tight around here and there might have to be a bit of downsizing. A receptionist is a nice touch but we might be forced to go with an electronic answering service to save money. That would make your main duties redundant and you'd have to show your value to the company in other ways, and I don't think you'd be able to handle an account" He had a smarmy chuckle at that last remark and I wanted to claw his eyes out. Not just because he thought I wasn't qualified for something that I was, but because in this body I wasn't qualified and people looked down on me for it.
"I've got a major client proposal to work on this weekend and they're doing construction on the office this weekend. I've rented a suite at the MGM Grand to work out of." He slid a hotel key across the desk to me "I would really appreciate your help. If you can't make it or decide you no longer want to go the extra mile for this company, then don't bother coming in Monday." He stood up, got his coat, and walked out the door.
I was the last person in the office and my mouth was agape. I was about to be fired for not having sex with my boss. This is the kind of thing that only happens in bad lifetime movies. I took a few deep breaths, fighting back the tears. This was the most undignified moment in my life but I'd be damned if I cried over it.
I made my way outside and instead of going directly to my car I went straight across the street to a small bar. I ordered a shot of whiskey and had to down it in 2 drinks because my tastebuds aren't used to it. I stood there for a few minutes, staring ahead in anger and shock when some guy came up and started hitting on me. That was the last thing I needed so I told him to fuck off, paid, and headed to my car.
Once I was inside I told Ashely to order pizza and locked myself in the bedroom. I pulled my cellphone out of my purse and sent a text to the real Kari. "911. Call immediately", that way she'd interrupt her work day to help me deal with this. 10 minutes later the phone rang.
"What's going on? Did something happen? Is it Ashley?" A frantic female voice asked in hushed tones, clearly at work still.
"Why didn't you ever mention your boss would fire me if I didn't sleep with him?" I said as loud as angrily as I could without Ashely hearing in the next room.
A pause. "I didn't know you had stopped."
"I never fucking started" I sat "Are you crazy? You think I'd just hop into bed with him."
"I dunno, you hopped into all other parts of my life" she said "I thought you just kept that part off of your blog. Although you didn't seem to have a problem telling everyone you played with yourself"
"He says I don't go to a hotel with him Saturday night I'm fired" I said getting the conversation back on topic "What the hell am I supposed to do?"
"I mean, we did have an arrangement" She told me slowly "It's kinda how I got the job."
"So I'm supposed to fuck this guy for employment, like some sort of whore"
"Hey FUCK. YOU." She said in a tone that wasn't so hushed "You don't get to fucking judge me or what I did for money. Look, you're the one who acted all high and mighty about your obligation to live my life and talked shit on my on your fucking website because I didn't leave you a fucking note. Sleep with him or don't, I don't give a shit but the rents due on the 15th and I doubt you'll write a stupid blog entry about how you got me and my daughter kicked out into the cold Michigan winter."
With that she hung up. I had touched a nerve. I could tell she wasn't exactly proud of her situation but she wasn't too proud to fix it. As if she could do anything to fix it, she didn't even have her GED. Latherman apparently found her working as a hostess at a restaurant two years ago and offered her a job after they had begun their tryst.
I broke down crying, not sure what I was going to do. I finally sat down to write this blog post either looking for feedback or to clear my head. She was right about one thing, the rent was due this week. And then the electric after that. And then Christmas. And then in January I need to make a reservation for a trip to Maine.
It's never really a good time to be an unemployed woman with no education, but now is especially a bad time.