I honestly never planned on writing in this blog ever again. My last post 2 months ago seemed like a perfect goodbye letter not only to my old life, but to the Trading Post Inn and the craziness that surrounds it and it's victims. My plan was to go back to Michigan, raise my daughter, and let the curse protect me from having to talk about or think about that place or what it did to me ever again. That was hopeful and naive of me.
It's my own fault, really. I could have just taken this life and lived it, but I got greedy. I wanted to have my cake and eat it to. I had to go back to the inn to get Kari's boss transformed so I wouldn't have to continue that damn workplace affair.
I don't know where the real Nick Latherman is now. I haven't asked and haven't been contacted. I don't know if that's the circumstances of his transformation or the deliberate machinations of those who arranged it but I try not to think about it. I don't feel guilty about it but thinking about it and not feeling that way makes me wonder if I'm kind of a bad person.
My issue isn't with the original Latherman. It's with the new one. I spent almost two weeks wondering if and when someone would show up back at the office in his body to claim his life. Towards the end I thought maybe that someone just it and his bank account and ran away to some island somewhere. I was sitting at reception playing freecell on the computer when he strolled in with a smirk on his face. You could tell whoever it was had never been there before if you looked hard enough, since he was nonchalantly checking the place out. He gave a few "good mornings" and responded to a few "welcome backs" before heading to his new office and closing the door with his new name on it.
A few moments later the door opened and he called "Kari, could you see me in my office for a moment?"
I don't know why I was nervous, but I was. What if the transformation didn't happen? What if this was the old Latherman? What if someone tipped him off? Was I about to get fired? Or worse? I walked in, shut the door behind me, and sat down.
"So you're Kari Cruz" he said sizing me up "I suppose you're the one I should thank for this new life of mine. I'd say that Inn gave you a pretty nice upgrade yourself" he leered. He could sense my discomfort and backed off. "Oops, forgot. One of the rules they gave me. No screwing the secretary. I hadn't planned on it but after getting a look at you that's a damn shame. The wife, she isn't to bad for her age, but nothing on her is built like you are."
"Umm...thanks?" I said as I shifted in my seat.
"Sorry, that was a bit forward. I'm still getting used to this male sex drive. I didn't think it would be that different, especially at this age but it's insane. I feel like a god damn animal sometimes having to strain to keep myself from pouncing."
The word "pounce" bothered me. "So you were a woman before?"
"Bizzare, right?" he said extending a hand "Arianna Pescatelli. At least that's how I was born. And no, this isn't some weird reverse Caitlin Jenner thing. If I had my choice I'd have stayed female. I just wanted a job that got me back into finance, even it meant being male, a little older, and have to live in fucking Detroit. Don't get me wrong, it isn't as bad as I expected, but it's nothing compared to Manhattan.
"You worked on Wall Street?" I asked, my old life peeking out briefly "Which firm?"
"They don't exist anymore" She then told me the name and I nodded. My old firm had swallowed them up in the aftermath of 2008. A fact which I then told her as some sort of petty point of pride.
"You worked there?" She said raising an eyebrow "That's such a small world. So at least you can understand me a bit, knowing just how hard it is for a woman in this industry."
I didn't actually, at least not first hand. Sure financial services was a male dominated industry but we always had talented and successful female brokers. I hesitated telling her that and she must have read it on my face.
"Unless..." she started chuckling "So your the opposite, then? You were a guy? Jeez! You turned into THAT and found your self blowing the boss? I don't blame you for sending the creep to Maine, but still. It's not like hundreds of women at finance firms don't find themselves coping with the same situation."
I took that as a dig at my inner strength. One of the things I've found in communicating with women as a woman is that there's a lot of passive aggressive, underhanded, and subtle ways to get under someone's skin without officially saying any thing wrong. Words don't have to explicitly insult someone to make them feel bad. It's almost like an art. The art of bitchyness. And I'm damn good at it.
"So what brings you to Detroit?" I asked casually, opening up what had to be an old wound.
to
"This" She said motioning down her new body "Or rather the licenses that come with it. You see when my old firm was going down the toilet they started looking for scapegoats to save face with investors and the media. Who better to blame than the woman in her mid 30s who was no longer eye candy and starting to make some noise with HR. I'll admit, I wasn't completely innocent. But the charges weren't anything anyone in the entire organization wasn't doing. Still, malfeasance and crimes of moral turpitude. Only a few thousand and fines and no jail time once I plead out, but the SEC and New York DFS banned me from any sort of brokering for life."
She had a sense of sadness when she said that. I knew why. Being a stock broker is a stressful job that eats up your entire life, but it also gets in your blood and it's hard to let go. If I didn't have Ashley to focus on I'd tear my hair out. (Which, btw is actually pretty long these days).
"I was working administrative for a fucking Primerica affiliate in New England when I spent the night at that hotel last year. During my whole year as that chubby grad student all I could think about was how I could use that curse to get back on top. Luckily I stayed connected to enough people that I was able to cash in the rest of Ms. Trust Fund's remaining tuition to bribe my way into this life."
"That's...impressive" I said after looking for a way to say moderately evil and failing.
I spent the rest of the afternoon briefing her on everyone in the office. When I got to some of the gossipy ladies she grinned.
"So they think we're screwing?" She asked "Like you've been in here more than an hour, they totally think we're fucking."
I nodded through my teeth and moved on.
*************
It's been like that for the past 6 weeks or so. Ariana has stayed true to her promise and not tried to sleep with me. She does stare. Like I'll bend over to change the tone cartridge and she'll stare. I don't know if she doesn't know what it looks like because she's new to being a man, or she's just kind of sleazy by nature. Still, I'll take being eye fucked over having to fuck to keep my job anyway.
The thing is, she's great at the job. Ever since she's taken over profits and productivity are way up. She's getting the most out of her resources and people and I actually kind of admire that. Even though as the secretary my pay stays the same.
Anyway if Ariana is going to keep reminding me of the fact the inn exists, I might as well keep posting here. It remains cathartic and I get the feeling life is going to stay interesting for me in the near future.
Plus I wanted to be around for Tyler. I saw that he mentioned me in one of his earliest Judith posts and I want to support him in what I can promise will be most challenging and rewarding year of his life.
Showing posts with label Latherman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Latherman. Show all posts
Sunday, August 28, 2016
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Lane/Kari: Justifying Myself
It's late Thursday night or early Friday morning. I'm sitting in the corner table of the Greyhound station in Buffalo on my laptop utilizing their free wi-fi. Not an ideal place to write but I need to get this all out now or I might never get it out at all. I'm currently on a more than 24 hour bus ride to Detroit, still in the body of Karina Cruz. Presumably the transformation in Old Orchard Beach happened hours ago and there will be a new Lane Van Hoekstra, who that will be I don't know. All I know is that my opportunity is gone and I will be in this body for the rest of my life, and I chose that.
Perhaps it seemed like I decided at the last minute just to walk away from it all and head back, but it wasn't that instant. My fate was officially sealed Sunday night when I booked an extra plane ticket and took a guest with me to the Inn. That was the point of no return, but in reality I decided this much sooner than I admitted it to myself.
I might have decided when I heard that Kari wasn't returning to her old life and unfairly leaving Ashley at the mercy of the Inn's twisted fate. Honestly, I don't really fault her for that. I'm still pissed, but I can understand her reasoning. She had a daughter at 14 and had her entire life hijacked. She had to drop out of high school, not go to college, have all of her friends pass her by, and work a series of low level jobs and do unspeakable things to keep a roof over her head. It's wrong to resent your child but I understand that underlying unhappiness that Ashley picked up from her true mother. Kari found herself in a great position in California with a chance at the type of life she never had a chance to get. It would be hard for anyone in her situation to turn that down if a magical hotel drops it in your lap. I don't forgive her, but I understand. But my decision came earlier than that.
I might have decided on Mother's Day, when Ashley went out of her way to make things special for me. This girl who was so unhappy and caustic to me when I first met her made a special effort to show me how important I was in her life and how much she appreciated that. The pride and accomplishment I felt that day was literally more than any other day in my life. I've graduated college, worked a high level job, made millions for others and six figure bonuses for myself but none of those gave me the feeling inside that I got from knowing that I made that much of a difference in one person's life. Ashley is going to go to college next year, and it's because I made her join a team, work on her grades, and study for the ACT. If the Trading Post Inn hadn't sent me to Detroit, she might be a waitress for the rest of her life or turn to drugs. But I had decided even before that.
I might have decided when I was dating Darius. When I realized that being a woman wasn't a curse in and of itself. That having to live Kari's life as she did was what was awful, not simply having her body. When I realized that my body wasn't something to be afraid of but something that could be embraced and enjoyed. When I learned that sex in a woman's body could be more than just something you do to keep your job, but a profound way to connect with another person. When I had feelings for Darius that I hadn't had for anyone in years, and how I knew he liked me for me and not have to worry about him being after my money like I did when I was Lane. How the breakup which was caused by my own lack of honesty rocked me to the core and caused me to be a hermit for weeks. But I had decided before that.
The moment I subconsciously sealed my fate came when I first got a good look at Ashley. Not just observing her but standing face to face with her. Eyes identical to the ones that I saw in the mirror every morning. Same color hair. The same smile. When I looked at her the familiarity triggered something deep inside me that I can't explain. Like some sort of primordial voice that says "This is the most important thing in the world. Don't let anything bad ever happen to it." I'm convinced it's some sort of genetic "mother's intuition" that I acquired with the rest of this body. I could also just be lying to myself when I think that, since Todd never described feeling anything similar in his writings about his time as Anne Marie. Although perhaps he felt that way but never put it to words. Either way, as time went on that voice grew stronger until there was no way I would be able to leave Ashley's future in the hands of someone I didn't know could be trusted. The simple way to describe it is that I love her. It's odd to write that I love a teenage girl but there isn't another word in the English language for how I feel about her. It's a different level of affection than with a girlfriend or a family member. It's profound and amazing that perhaps Kari having that feeling severed by the Inn is what led her to be able to walk away from Ashley. The only way to ensure her protection was to be her protector for good. It meant throwing away my old life and family but I haven't wavered once this week.
So why go to the Inn at all? Why bother going all the way out to Maine? To get rid of Latherman. If I'm going to be spending the rest of my life in this body, I won't spend another day being the mistress of such a disgusting pig of a man who uses fear of poverty and his position of power to extract sexual favors from me. I shouldn't have to look for a new job because he's the one who behaves unethically. I don't have the means or strength or even mindset to kill him, but I did have an untraceable magical inn.
I got in touch with some people. I don't know if they're "Pygmalion", or if they're "The Agency" or "Travellers" or some other cadre of criminals who abuse the power of the Inn. It's logical to assume that over the course of a century several similar groups would have come to be. My offer to them was my life. Lane's life. It turns out there's quite a demand for the life a young healthy white man with 7 figure earning potential and an apartment in New York City. In exchange I would have a guarantee that Latherman would change and I wouldnt be around for it. They were more than happy to oblige, saying that Latherman's life would be greatly valued by someone they knew. I didn't dig any deeper.
We switched rooms around so I wasn't staying in the same room that Jennifer had two weeks ago. Nobody went into "Lane's Room" so I assume that the 13th person who would have trigger the change was sleeping in there tonight. Latherman and I stayed in single bed room. I was tempted to look at the luggage that was left behind to see who he would turn into but I decided agaisnt it. If I found out he was getting a life upgrade I might try to back out of this. Whoever it was, he's probably him now.
I don't feel a single pang of guilt for what I've done to him. To make sure he stayed in the room and slept there I did every disgusting thing I could think of to keep his attention and wear him out. One last degrading act before my freedom from it all. I do feel bad for his wife and children. Their father who cheated on them will soon be replaced by someone , and they'll have no way of ever knowing. Mrs. Latherman will share a bed with a stranger just so I don't ever have to share one with her real husband.
The scariest thing about all this isn't that I'm going to be Kari for the rest of my life. I've done it for a year and I can handle it and in some ways it's given me great happiness. The scariest thing is that after tonight I have no excuses. I chose this. I am forever and always Karina Cruz and any consequences that come with that are a direct result of the choice I made this weekend. I chose to deal with her past, I chose to live her present, and I chose to shape her future.
-Lane/Kari
Perhaps it seemed like I decided at the last minute just to walk away from it all and head back, but it wasn't that instant. My fate was officially sealed Sunday night when I booked an extra plane ticket and took a guest with me to the Inn. That was the point of no return, but in reality I decided this much sooner than I admitted it to myself.
I might have decided when I heard that Kari wasn't returning to her old life and unfairly leaving Ashley at the mercy of the Inn's twisted fate. Honestly, I don't really fault her for that. I'm still pissed, but I can understand her reasoning. She had a daughter at 14 and had her entire life hijacked. She had to drop out of high school, not go to college, have all of her friends pass her by, and work a series of low level jobs and do unspeakable things to keep a roof over her head. It's wrong to resent your child but I understand that underlying unhappiness that Ashley picked up from her true mother. Kari found herself in a great position in California with a chance at the type of life she never had a chance to get. It would be hard for anyone in her situation to turn that down if a magical hotel drops it in your lap. I don't forgive her, but I understand. But my decision came earlier than that.
I might have decided on Mother's Day, when Ashley went out of her way to make things special for me. This girl who was so unhappy and caustic to me when I first met her made a special effort to show me how important I was in her life and how much she appreciated that. The pride and accomplishment I felt that day was literally more than any other day in my life. I've graduated college, worked a high level job, made millions for others and six figure bonuses for myself but none of those gave me the feeling inside that I got from knowing that I made that much of a difference in one person's life. Ashley is going to go to college next year, and it's because I made her join a team, work on her grades, and study for the ACT. If the Trading Post Inn hadn't sent me to Detroit, she might be a waitress for the rest of her life or turn to drugs. But I had decided even before that.
I might have decided when I was dating Darius. When I realized that being a woman wasn't a curse in and of itself. That having to live Kari's life as she did was what was awful, not simply having her body. When I realized that my body wasn't something to be afraid of but something that could be embraced and enjoyed. When I learned that sex in a woman's body could be more than just something you do to keep your job, but a profound way to connect with another person. When I had feelings for Darius that I hadn't had for anyone in years, and how I knew he liked me for me and not have to worry about him being after my money like I did when I was Lane. How the breakup which was caused by my own lack of honesty rocked me to the core and caused me to be a hermit for weeks. But I had decided before that.
The moment I subconsciously sealed my fate came when I first got a good look at Ashley. Not just observing her but standing face to face with her. Eyes identical to the ones that I saw in the mirror every morning. Same color hair. The same smile. When I looked at her the familiarity triggered something deep inside me that I can't explain. Like some sort of primordial voice that says "This is the most important thing in the world. Don't let anything bad ever happen to it." I'm convinced it's some sort of genetic "mother's intuition" that I acquired with the rest of this body. I could also just be lying to myself when I think that, since Todd never described feeling anything similar in his writings about his time as Anne Marie. Although perhaps he felt that way but never put it to words. Either way, as time went on that voice grew stronger until there was no way I would be able to leave Ashley's future in the hands of someone I didn't know could be trusted. The simple way to describe it is that I love her. It's odd to write that I love a teenage girl but there isn't another word in the English language for how I feel about her. It's a different level of affection than with a girlfriend or a family member. It's profound and amazing that perhaps Kari having that feeling severed by the Inn is what led her to be able to walk away from Ashley. The only way to ensure her protection was to be her protector for good. It meant throwing away my old life and family but I haven't wavered once this week.
So why go to the Inn at all? Why bother going all the way out to Maine? To get rid of Latherman. If I'm going to be spending the rest of my life in this body, I won't spend another day being the mistress of such a disgusting pig of a man who uses fear of poverty and his position of power to extract sexual favors from me. I shouldn't have to look for a new job because he's the one who behaves unethically. I don't have the means or strength or even mindset to kill him, but I did have an untraceable magical inn.
I got in touch with some people. I don't know if they're "Pygmalion", or if they're "The Agency" or "Travellers" or some other cadre of criminals who abuse the power of the Inn. It's logical to assume that over the course of a century several similar groups would have come to be. My offer to them was my life. Lane's life. It turns out there's quite a demand for the life a young healthy white man with 7 figure earning potential and an apartment in New York City. In exchange I would have a guarantee that Latherman would change and I wouldnt be around for it. They were more than happy to oblige, saying that Latherman's life would be greatly valued by someone they knew. I didn't dig any deeper.
We switched rooms around so I wasn't staying in the same room that Jennifer had two weeks ago. Nobody went into "Lane's Room" so I assume that the 13th person who would have trigger the change was sleeping in there tonight. Latherman and I stayed in single bed room. I was tempted to look at the luggage that was left behind to see who he would turn into but I decided agaisnt it. If I found out he was getting a life upgrade I might try to back out of this. Whoever it was, he's probably him now.
I don't feel a single pang of guilt for what I've done to him. To make sure he stayed in the room and slept there I did every disgusting thing I could think of to keep his attention and wear him out. One last degrading act before my freedom from it all. I do feel bad for his wife and children. Their father who cheated on them will soon be replaced by someone , and they'll have no way of ever knowing. Mrs. Latherman will share a bed with a stranger just so I don't ever have to share one with her real husband.
The scariest thing about all this isn't that I'm going to be Kari for the rest of my life. I've done it for a year and I can handle it and in some ways it's given me great happiness. The scariest thing is that after tonight I have no excuses. I chose this. I am forever and always Karina Cruz and any consequences that come with that are a direct result of the choice I made this weekend. I chose to deal with her past, I chose to live her present, and I chose to shape her future.
-Lane/Kari
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Lane/Kari: The Easy Way Out
My last post generated a lot of feedback. Well, more than usual. 5 comments is a lot for a little blog like this. I got a lot of people offering encouragement and a few saying they wouldn't judge me no matter what I decided. A lot of the advice was helpful and some of it came a little too late.
Friday evening I was reading a comment telling me that unemployment wouldn't be so bad. That I could avoid eviction and go on government assistance and not have to have sex with Latherman to keep a job. I was all set to formulate a plan and take things in a whole new direction. I was going to fill out the proper paperwork and fix up a resume and face the world. That determination lasted an hour, maybe less.
I started reading Kari's lease and while eviction is, as one commenter put it, a "slow process", it isn't without penalties in the interim. There's only a 5 day grace period for late rent before the eviction papers are filed. During the process a 20 dollar per day late fee applies on top of the rent, as well as any and all court fees from the process of filing. This would quickly add up in to the hundreds of dollars and put me further behind than before.
Then there's government assistance. I've never been one of those rich bankers who looks down on the lower classes and people who had to get help from the state. I lived in New York City, I've seen poverty and realize that some people can't do it all on their own. Sadly a lot of other people DO feel that way and because of the way they vote, getting these programs is a long and extensive process.
For one thing, you can't just get cash assistance for being poor anymore. In the 90s they changed it so that you can get 5 years of a very small amount of money...lifetime. And Kari had used her 5 years up right after she turned 18 and was struggling with a 4 year old. Food stamps require a mountain of paperwork and a long and extensive interview and a drug test. Section 8 is even worse, and not only is there a wait list but our current apartment isn't qualified, I'd have to move and uproot Ashley from all of her friends to a neighborhood that is most likely not the best environment for her. The whole rigmarole was intimidating and seemed like so much effort for a life I was only going to live for a few more months, turning it back to it's rightful owner upside down and in some ways much worse.
I don't know if this line of thinking is sound, or if it's just something I told myself, but I thought about what would make things worse overall for Kari...and Ashley. Me personally, Lane, hated the idea of it want and would consider it the worst option. Kari...the real Kari...didn't share that sentiment. From my conversation with her it didn't appear that she minded having sex with Latherman, in fact she might even like the situation. I don't think she's only sleeping with him to keep her job, from what I understand they were having sex before she was hired, the job was a favor.
The more I thought along those lines, the more I considered it. I probably talked myself into it sometime that night but I didn't officially make my decision until Saturday afternoon when I took a second shower in the middle of the afternoon. I picked out a simple black dress, tight fitting but not too tight. I did my hair the best I could, which involved a nice headband. I put on my makeup, something I've picked up pretty well from various experimentation sessions with Rosita. I even sprung for a small gold necklace and matching earrings. I tried to not not to over do it, to not look like a hooker considering what I was about to do. I put the hotel key that Latherman had given me into my purse and headed towards the door.
Ashley was in the living room.
"Going out?" She asked
"Yep. Heading into the city" I said, more nervous than I should be
"Is Aunt Rosita going with you?"
"Nope, just me and some other friends"
"Don't drink and drive" She said with a face that was concerned but also trying to appear all teenage and nonchalant.
That's been something I've noticed from her. Apparently the Real Kari had a habit of driving home from parties and bars when she was in no condition to do so. She's never had an accident, as far as I know (Although I REALLY should look up my driving/criminal records) but it's the kind of thing that would make a kid worry. I've stopped doing that because I'm not going to continue ALL of Kari's bad habits, and she's noticed and quite proud of me.
"Staying overnight. I'll be back in the morning" I say. I don't know what came over me next but I went over and gave her a hug. Right then I knew I wasn't making a mistake. Unemployment would suck and be inconvenient for me for the next five months. Having and unemployed parent would suck and be inconvenient even more so for her for probably longer than that. I wasn't about to uproot this kid's entire life because I was too scared to do what Kari did. That's one less life that didn't need to be messed up by the Trading Post Inn, albeit indirectly.
****************
The MGM Grand in Detroit is right off the interstate with a big enough property that it's far from anything else, making it seem like a bonafide tourist attraction rather than a mildly depressing casino. All the money that people pump into the slot machines make for a pretty nice hotel, and it even had Valet parking, something I didn't think I'd get to experience as Kari.
The key was for a room on the 4th floor and in the elevator I thought one last time about chickening out, but it wasn't that strong a feeling. I put the card into the lock and when it opened I found Latherman sitting on the bed, watching TV. He perked up and smiled when he saw me, not a smirk but a genuine "I'm glad to see you" look.
"I didn't think you'd make it" He said taking me into his arms. I winced a little despite actively trying not to but I played it off by saying
"Ooh, Champagne"
"It's good stuff" he said almost proudly "I'll pour you a glass. But first, a gift" he handed me a bag from Victoria's Secret "Put it on"
I took it into the bathroom and opened the box to pull out a lacy black teddy with matching thong. The material was soft and sheer and having shopped at Vicky's on Black Friday I can tell it wasn't cheap. I carefully put it on and then looked at myself in the mirror. He must have bought it based on what he knew Kari's size to be, not what it was not that I've put on 10 lbs because it was a little tight, but that made it hug my curves even more. I reached up and pulled the headband out of my hair, causing my dark locks to fall down on my shoulders and a little in front of my face, completing the look. I always look pretty. When I'm out dancing and partying I can look downright hot. But standing there, in the hotel bathroom wearing a small piece of lace, I looked sexy. I felt it too, it was empowering. A sense of pride that distracted from the whole situation.
When I opened the door Latherman took me in his arms and gave me a quick kiss and a champagne glass. I took a sip, it was decent stuff. I think that might be another reason Kari runs around with this guy, he does treat her nice when he isn't coercing her financially. Nice hotel, lingerie, champagne...these are things you can't really buy on a receptionist's salary. I missed them and I would be lying if I said I didn't sort of enjoy having them there.
I sat on the bed, sipping my champagne while Nick...I couldn't really think of him as "Mr. Latherman" in this context...and I talked. We gossiped about work, about his hobbies, where he was thinking of traveling on his next vacation. I sat and kept up as best I could while I downed two more glasses of champagne, which helped make the rest of the night easier.
Finally he sat down on the bed next to me and took me into his arms. As he kissed my neck I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and just sorta let instinct take over. Leading up to this I wondered if I'd be able to actually go through with IT. If I somehow wouldn't know how or be able to actually have sex with him. On that bed I found out that I already knew how, or rather Kari knew how, and I could just zone out and let my body react.
And react it did. Neck kissing and especially ear kissing feel REALLY good for girls, or at least they do for me and when he began working his hands lower I felt my nipples get hard and when he went even lower I felt myself getting wet. When he finally took off his clothes and stood in front of me I wasn't disgusted by a naked man, in fact quite the opposite.
Nick wasn't packing much, but it was ready for action as he took me in his arms and turned me around so that I was on my hands and knees on the bed facing the headboard. I guess this is their favorite position and it worked out for the best, because instead of lying and watching in anticipation for him to put it in it just kinda went in as a surprise.
It's a bit ironic that my post is going up right after Yuan-Wei's last one. The one where she describes in vivid detail just how great sex can be for a woman. Maybe she had a better partner than me and she definitely had better circumstances than me because I didn't really feel that same burst of ecstasy. It felt good, I'm not denying that...but it definitely could have felt better. I AM very glad that I'd experimented with Kari's vibrator these last few weeks, just so that the presence of something inside of me wasn't foreign.
I closed my eyes and planted my face into the pillow, letting the sensations hit me and fantasizing about other things than my boss. I was sort of getting into the rhythm and motion of my nipples rubbing against the bedspread when he broke the rhythm, let out a soft moan, and finished. I gasped at the hot feeling inside of me, instantly grateful that I'd taken birth control bills every day since getting this body despite not having a reason to. He pumped a few times before rolling over next to me and saying "I really missed that." And that was it. My first time as a woman. At least Round 1.
After cleaning up I put on the hotel robe and went back out to him ordering room service. I got the most expensive thing on the menu, some really delicious shrimp. Round 2 came a couple hours afterwards when I was watching TV on the bed. He was spooning me and after kissing my shoulder a few times he just kinda...slipped it in. He lasted longer this time, although I'm not certain how much longer, I was watching TV and moaning occasionally to make him think I was more into it than I was. I mean, it felt good, but really it was more of a background sensation. When he finished he was rolled over and was asleep. I stayed up a few more minutes before curling up beside him. At some point during the night he wrapped his arms around me.
He jostled me awake at around 6 Sunday morning, saying he had to get home and spend the day with the family. I tried not to throw up in my mouth a little but got dressed and headed out of the hotel wearing a short dress with messed up hair and runny makeup.
********************
That all happened Saturday night, it's Wednesday night as I'm typing this. I've had four days to process what I've done, three of them I've seen him at work. The strangest thing is, I don't feel bad.
When I wrote my last post I made it seem like I would be selling my dignity and soul for a crappy receptionist job. And yet during and after I don't feel like some cheap woman off of a TV movie. I don't feel like my self worth is lowered. I don't really feel...anything. I've had meaningless sex before. I've slept with women who I had no intention of calling again. I've been with girls where we both knew there wasn't any love involved, just lust.
What I did this weekend was just part of what it meant to live Kari's life. I don't get to pick what that means, I'm not the one who made that decision. But I DID make the decision to continue doing it. Having sex with Latherman was something I decided to do as a consenting adult and people can judge me how they want. Maybe it's not the best way to live your life, but hey, it's only temporary.
-Lane
Friday evening I was reading a comment telling me that unemployment wouldn't be so bad. That I could avoid eviction and go on government assistance and not have to have sex with Latherman to keep a job. I was all set to formulate a plan and take things in a whole new direction. I was going to fill out the proper paperwork and fix up a resume and face the world. That determination lasted an hour, maybe less.
I started reading Kari's lease and while eviction is, as one commenter put it, a "slow process", it isn't without penalties in the interim. There's only a 5 day grace period for late rent before the eviction papers are filed. During the process a 20 dollar per day late fee applies on top of the rent, as well as any and all court fees from the process of filing. This would quickly add up in to the hundreds of dollars and put me further behind than before.
Then there's government assistance. I've never been one of those rich bankers who looks down on the lower classes and people who had to get help from the state. I lived in New York City, I've seen poverty and realize that some people can't do it all on their own. Sadly a lot of other people DO feel that way and because of the way they vote, getting these programs is a long and extensive process.
For one thing, you can't just get cash assistance for being poor anymore. In the 90s they changed it so that you can get 5 years of a very small amount of money...lifetime. And Kari had used her 5 years up right after she turned 18 and was struggling with a 4 year old. Food stamps require a mountain of paperwork and a long and extensive interview and a drug test. Section 8 is even worse, and not only is there a wait list but our current apartment isn't qualified, I'd have to move and uproot Ashley from all of her friends to a neighborhood that is most likely not the best environment for her. The whole rigmarole was intimidating and seemed like so much effort for a life I was only going to live for a few more months, turning it back to it's rightful owner upside down and in some ways much worse.
I don't know if this line of thinking is sound, or if it's just something I told myself, but I thought about what would make things worse overall for Kari...and Ashley. Me personally, Lane, hated the idea of it want and would consider it the worst option. Kari...the real Kari...didn't share that sentiment. From my conversation with her it didn't appear that she minded having sex with Latherman, in fact she might even like the situation. I don't think she's only sleeping with him to keep her job, from what I understand they were having sex before she was hired, the job was a favor.
The more I thought along those lines, the more I considered it. I probably talked myself into it sometime that night but I didn't officially make my decision until Saturday afternoon when I took a second shower in the middle of the afternoon. I picked out a simple black dress, tight fitting but not too tight. I did my hair the best I could, which involved a nice headband. I put on my makeup, something I've picked up pretty well from various experimentation sessions with Rosita. I even sprung for a small gold necklace and matching earrings. I tried to not not to over do it, to not look like a hooker considering what I was about to do. I put the hotel key that Latherman had given me into my purse and headed towards the door.
Ashley was in the living room.
"Going out?" She asked
"Yep. Heading into the city" I said, more nervous than I should be
"Is Aunt Rosita going with you?"
"Nope, just me and some other friends"
"Don't drink and drive" She said with a face that was concerned but also trying to appear all teenage and nonchalant.
That's been something I've noticed from her. Apparently the Real Kari had a habit of driving home from parties and bars when she was in no condition to do so. She's never had an accident, as far as I know (Although I REALLY should look up my driving/criminal records) but it's the kind of thing that would make a kid worry. I've stopped doing that because I'm not going to continue ALL of Kari's bad habits, and she's noticed and quite proud of me.
"Staying overnight. I'll be back in the morning" I say. I don't know what came over me next but I went over and gave her a hug. Right then I knew I wasn't making a mistake. Unemployment would suck and be inconvenient for me for the next five months. Having and unemployed parent would suck and be inconvenient even more so for her for probably longer than that. I wasn't about to uproot this kid's entire life because I was too scared to do what Kari did. That's one less life that didn't need to be messed up by the Trading Post Inn, albeit indirectly.
****************
The MGM Grand in Detroit is right off the interstate with a big enough property that it's far from anything else, making it seem like a bonafide tourist attraction rather than a mildly depressing casino. All the money that people pump into the slot machines make for a pretty nice hotel, and it even had Valet parking, something I didn't think I'd get to experience as Kari.
The key was for a room on the 4th floor and in the elevator I thought one last time about chickening out, but it wasn't that strong a feeling. I put the card into the lock and when it opened I found Latherman sitting on the bed, watching TV. He perked up and smiled when he saw me, not a smirk but a genuine "I'm glad to see you" look.
"I didn't think you'd make it" He said taking me into his arms. I winced a little despite actively trying not to but I played it off by saying
"Ooh, Champagne"
"It's good stuff" he said almost proudly "I'll pour you a glass. But first, a gift" he handed me a bag from Victoria's Secret "Put it on"
I took it into the bathroom and opened the box to pull out a lacy black teddy with matching thong. The material was soft and sheer and having shopped at Vicky's on Black Friday I can tell it wasn't cheap. I carefully put it on and then looked at myself in the mirror. He must have bought it based on what he knew Kari's size to be, not what it was not that I've put on 10 lbs because it was a little tight, but that made it hug my curves even more. I reached up and pulled the headband out of my hair, causing my dark locks to fall down on my shoulders and a little in front of my face, completing the look. I always look pretty. When I'm out dancing and partying I can look downright hot. But standing there, in the hotel bathroom wearing a small piece of lace, I looked sexy. I felt it too, it was empowering. A sense of pride that distracted from the whole situation.
When I opened the door Latherman took me in his arms and gave me a quick kiss and a champagne glass. I took a sip, it was decent stuff. I think that might be another reason Kari runs around with this guy, he does treat her nice when he isn't coercing her financially. Nice hotel, lingerie, champagne...these are things you can't really buy on a receptionist's salary. I missed them and I would be lying if I said I didn't sort of enjoy having them there.
I sat on the bed, sipping my champagne while Nick...I couldn't really think of him as "Mr. Latherman" in this context...and I talked. We gossiped about work, about his hobbies, where he was thinking of traveling on his next vacation. I sat and kept up as best I could while I downed two more glasses of champagne, which helped make the rest of the night easier.
Finally he sat down on the bed next to me and took me into his arms. As he kissed my neck I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and just sorta let instinct take over. Leading up to this I wondered if I'd be able to actually go through with IT. If I somehow wouldn't know how or be able to actually have sex with him. On that bed I found out that I already knew how, or rather Kari knew how, and I could just zone out and let my body react.
And react it did. Neck kissing and especially ear kissing feel REALLY good for girls, or at least they do for me and when he began working his hands lower I felt my nipples get hard and when he went even lower I felt myself getting wet. When he finally took off his clothes and stood in front of me I wasn't disgusted by a naked man, in fact quite the opposite.
Nick wasn't packing much, but it was ready for action as he took me in his arms and turned me around so that I was on my hands and knees on the bed facing the headboard. I guess this is their favorite position and it worked out for the best, because instead of lying and watching in anticipation for him to put it in it just kinda went in as a surprise.
It's a bit ironic that my post is going up right after Yuan-Wei's last one. The one where she describes in vivid detail just how great sex can be for a woman. Maybe she had a better partner than me and she definitely had better circumstances than me because I didn't really feel that same burst of ecstasy. It felt good, I'm not denying that...but it definitely could have felt better. I AM very glad that I'd experimented with Kari's vibrator these last few weeks, just so that the presence of something inside of me wasn't foreign.
I closed my eyes and planted my face into the pillow, letting the sensations hit me and fantasizing about other things than my boss. I was sort of getting into the rhythm and motion of my nipples rubbing against the bedspread when he broke the rhythm, let out a soft moan, and finished. I gasped at the hot feeling inside of me, instantly grateful that I'd taken birth control bills every day since getting this body despite not having a reason to. He pumped a few times before rolling over next to me and saying "I really missed that." And that was it. My first time as a woman. At least Round 1.
After cleaning up I put on the hotel robe and went back out to him ordering room service. I got the most expensive thing on the menu, some really delicious shrimp. Round 2 came a couple hours afterwards when I was watching TV on the bed. He was spooning me and after kissing my shoulder a few times he just kinda...slipped it in. He lasted longer this time, although I'm not certain how much longer, I was watching TV and moaning occasionally to make him think I was more into it than I was. I mean, it felt good, but really it was more of a background sensation. When he finished he was rolled over and was asleep. I stayed up a few more minutes before curling up beside him. At some point during the night he wrapped his arms around me.
He jostled me awake at around 6 Sunday morning, saying he had to get home and spend the day with the family. I tried not to throw up in my mouth a little but got dressed and headed out of the hotel wearing a short dress with messed up hair and runny makeup.
********************
That all happened Saturday night, it's Wednesday night as I'm typing this. I've had four days to process what I've done, three of them I've seen him at work. The strangest thing is, I don't feel bad.
When I wrote my last post I made it seem like I would be selling my dignity and soul for a crappy receptionist job. And yet during and after I don't feel like some cheap woman off of a TV movie. I don't feel like my self worth is lowered. I don't really feel...anything. I've had meaningless sex before. I've slept with women who I had no intention of calling again. I've been with girls where we both knew there wasn't any love involved, just lust.
What I did this weekend was just part of what it meant to live Kari's life. I don't get to pick what that means, I'm not the one who made that decision. But I DID make the decision to continue doing it. Having sex with Latherman was something I decided to do as a consenting adult and people can judge me how they want. Maybe it's not the best way to live your life, but hey, it's only temporary.
-Lane
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Lane/Kari: Given Notice
This is way out routine for me, I usually only update this once a week, or at least I try to. But something happened to me today and I'm trying to wrap my head around and nobody in my life would understand because they don't know I'm not who I appear to be and writing is cathartic so I'm putting it here.
It has been well documented here that Kari's boss, Nick Latherman, is a creep. Every day at work has come with leering, flirting, and occasional touching that he seems to think are perfectly fine because he was having an affair with the real Kari. Heck, the only reason she was in Maine in the first place is because they were having a weekend away together.
Since I became Kari, the rendevous have stopped and he's not pleased. I thought when I started dressing sexier at work at his "request" during my performance review that he'd be satisfied, but he called me into his office this afternoon right as the work day was ending.
He was sitting behind the desk, looking serious and not his usually perv self. "Sit down, Karina" he said using a name that only strangers really use "We need to talk about your job performance again. Several weeks ago we had a discussion about your drop-off, and you said you'd work to improve it but I haven't seen much effort on your part."
I rolled my eyes and pushed my breasts together slightly with my shoulders. I was wearing a low-cut top with a matching red lacy bra underneath "You said I wasn't dressing 'professionally enough'. Is this still too casual? Would a tank top be more work appropriate?"
"There's no need to get snippy" He said in a tone that I hear from men who don't take me seriously "But there's more than just your attire. You used to stay late at work, work through lunch assisting me, go on business trips. Now you're in at 9, out at 5, and you don't do any of the extras that we agreed would be part of your job description when you were hired?"
It bothered me a bit that he wouldn't just out and say it. Maybe he thought I was taping him, maybe he was taping us. Somehow he managed to seem even slimier by dancing around the subject instead of just saying that I wasn't putting out and that was a problem for him.
"Extras." I repeated "Like our trip to Maine" I mentioned to get indirect confirmation from him.
"Precisely" he said "In fact I don't think we've worked closely together since then." His face and voice softened "Listen, if it was about me leaving you there, I'm sorry. I had family issue and I couldn't escape it. You don't have to freeze me out over it. I would have loved to stay there all weekend with you."
I would have loved that too. He would have wound up with his life turned upside down and if there is any karma in the world he'd have been someone truly physically undesirable. Of course that would also mean there was a 50 percent chance I'd have become him instead, and the idea of looking at his face in the mirror makes me retch a bit.
"Well that trip was a bit of an eye opening experience" I told him despite the fact he could never truly understand why "I re-evaluated a lot of things in my life that weekend"
"Is that so" He said switching back to boss tone. "Well things are tight around here and there might have to be a bit of downsizing. A receptionist is a nice touch but we might be forced to go with an electronic answering service to save money. That would make your main duties redundant and you'd have to show your value to the company in other ways, and I don't think you'd be able to handle an account" He had a smarmy chuckle at that last remark and I wanted to claw his eyes out. Not just because he thought I wasn't qualified for something that I was, but because in this body I wasn't qualified and people looked down on me for it.
"I've got a major client proposal to work on this weekend and they're doing construction on the office this weekend. I've rented a suite at the MGM Grand to work out of." He slid a hotel key across the desk to me "I would really appreciate your help. If you can't make it or decide you no longer want to go the extra mile for this company, then don't bother coming in Monday." He stood up, got his coat, and walked out the door.
I was the last person in the office and my mouth was agape. I was about to be fired for not having sex with my boss. This is the kind of thing that only happens in bad lifetime movies. I took a few deep breaths, fighting back the tears. This was the most undignified moment in my life but I'd be damned if I cried over it.
I made my way outside and instead of going directly to my car I went straight across the street to a small bar. I ordered a shot of whiskey and had to down it in 2 drinks because my tastebuds aren't used to it. I stood there for a few minutes, staring ahead in anger and shock when some guy came up and started hitting on me. That was the last thing I needed so I told him to fuck off, paid, and headed to my car.
Once I was inside I told Ashely to order pizza and locked myself in the bedroom. I pulled my cellphone out of my purse and sent a text to the real Kari. "911. Call immediately", that way she'd interrupt her work day to help me deal with this. 10 minutes later the phone rang.
"What's going on? Did something happen? Is it Ashley?" A frantic female voice asked in hushed tones, clearly at work still.
"Why didn't you ever mention your boss would fire me if I didn't sleep with him?" I said as loud as angrily as I could without Ashely hearing in the next room.
A pause. "I didn't know you had stopped."
"I never fucking started" I sat "Are you crazy? You think I'd just hop into bed with him."
"I dunno, you hopped into all other parts of my life" she said "I thought you just kept that part off of your blog. Although you didn't seem to have a problem telling everyone you played with yourself"
"He says I don't go to a hotel with him Saturday night I'm fired" I said getting the conversation back on topic "What the hell am I supposed to do?"
"I mean, we did have an arrangement" She told me slowly "It's kinda how I got the job."
"So I'm supposed to fuck this guy for employment, like some sort of whore"
"Hey FUCK. YOU." She said in a tone that wasn't so hushed "You don't get to fucking judge me or what I did for money. Look, you're the one who acted all high and mighty about your obligation to live my life and talked shit on my on your fucking website because I didn't leave you a fucking note. Sleep with him or don't, I don't give a shit but the rents due on the 15th and I doubt you'll write a stupid blog entry about how you got me and my daughter kicked out into the cold Michigan winter."
With that she hung up. I had touched a nerve. I could tell she wasn't exactly proud of her situation but she wasn't too proud to fix it. As if she could do anything to fix it, she didn't even have her GED. Latherman apparently found her working as a hostess at a restaurant two years ago and offered her a job after they had begun their tryst.
I broke down crying, not sure what I was going to do. I finally sat down to write this blog post either looking for feedback or to clear my head. She was right about one thing, the rent was due this week. And then the electric after that. And then Christmas. And then in January I need to make a reservation for a trip to Maine.
It's never really a good time to be an unemployed woman with no education, but now is especially a bad time.
-Lane
It has been well documented here that Kari's boss, Nick Latherman, is a creep. Every day at work has come with leering, flirting, and occasional touching that he seems to think are perfectly fine because he was having an affair with the real Kari. Heck, the only reason she was in Maine in the first place is because they were having a weekend away together.
Since I became Kari, the rendevous have stopped and he's not pleased. I thought when I started dressing sexier at work at his "request" during my performance review that he'd be satisfied, but he called me into his office this afternoon right as the work day was ending.
He was sitting behind the desk, looking serious and not his usually perv self. "Sit down, Karina" he said using a name that only strangers really use "We need to talk about your job performance again. Several weeks ago we had a discussion about your drop-off, and you said you'd work to improve it but I haven't seen much effort on your part."
I rolled my eyes and pushed my breasts together slightly with my shoulders. I was wearing a low-cut top with a matching red lacy bra underneath "You said I wasn't dressing 'professionally enough'. Is this still too casual? Would a tank top be more work appropriate?"
"There's no need to get snippy" He said in a tone that I hear from men who don't take me seriously "But there's more than just your attire. You used to stay late at work, work through lunch assisting me, go on business trips. Now you're in at 9, out at 5, and you don't do any of the extras that we agreed would be part of your job description when you were hired?"
It bothered me a bit that he wouldn't just out and say it. Maybe he thought I was taping him, maybe he was taping us. Somehow he managed to seem even slimier by dancing around the subject instead of just saying that I wasn't putting out and that was a problem for him.
"Extras." I repeated "Like our trip to Maine" I mentioned to get indirect confirmation from him.
"Precisely" he said "In fact I don't think we've worked closely together since then." His face and voice softened "Listen, if it was about me leaving you there, I'm sorry. I had family issue and I couldn't escape it. You don't have to freeze me out over it. I would have loved to stay there all weekend with you."
I would have loved that too. He would have wound up with his life turned upside down and if there is any karma in the world he'd have been someone truly physically undesirable. Of course that would also mean there was a 50 percent chance I'd have become him instead, and the idea of looking at his face in the mirror makes me retch a bit.
"Well that trip was a bit of an eye opening experience" I told him despite the fact he could never truly understand why "I re-evaluated a lot of things in my life that weekend"
"Is that so" He said switching back to boss tone. "Well things are tight around here and there might have to be a bit of downsizing. A receptionist is a nice touch but we might be forced to go with an electronic answering service to save money. That would make your main duties redundant and you'd have to show your value to the company in other ways, and I don't think you'd be able to handle an account" He had a smarmy chuckle at that last remark and I wanted to claw his eyes out. Not just because he thought I wasn't qualified for something that I was, but because in this body I wasn't qualified and people looked down on me for it.
"I've got a major client proposal to work on this weekend and they're doing construction on the office this weekend. I've rented a suite at the MGM Grand to work out of." He slid a hotel key across the desk to me "I would really appreciate your help. If you can't make it or decide you no longer want to go the extra mile for this company, then don't bother coming in Monday." He stood up, got his coat, and walked out the door.
I was the last person in the office and my mouth was agape. I was about to be fired for not having sex with my boss. This is the kind of thing that only happens in bad lifetime movies. I took a few deep breaths, fighting back the tears. This was the most undignified moment in my life but I'd be damned if I cried over it.
I made my way outside and instead of going directly to my car I went straight across the street to a small bar. I ordered a shot of whiskey and had to down it in 2 drinks because my tastebuds aren't used to it. I stood there for a few minutes, staring ahead in anger and shock when some guy came up and started hitting on me. That was the last thing I needed so I told him to fuck off, paid, and headed to my car.
Once I was inside I told Ashely to order pizza and locked myself in the bedroom. I pulled my cellphone out of my purse and sent a text to the real Kari. "911. Call immediately", that way she'd interrupt her work day to help me deal with this. 10 minutes later the phone rang.
"What's going on? Did something happen? Is it Ashley?" A frantic female voice asked in hushed tones, clearly at work still.
"Why didn't you ever mention your boss would fire me if I didn't sleep with him?" I said as loud as angrily as I could without Ashely hearing in the next room.
A pause. "I didn't know you had stopped."
"I never fucking started" I sat "Are you crazy? You think I'd just hop into bed with him."
"I dunno, you hopped into all other parts of my life" she said "I thought you just kept that part off of your blog. Although you didn't seem to have a problem telling everyone you played with yourself"
"He says I don't go to a hotel with him Saturday night I'm fired" I said getting the conversation back on topic "What the hell am I supposed to do?"
"I mean, we did have an arrangement" She told me slowly "It's kinda how I got the job."
"So I'm supposed to fuck this guy for employment, like some sort of whore"
"Hey FUCK. YOU." She said in a tone that wasn't so hushed "You don't get to fucking judge me or what I did for money. Look, you're the one who acted all high and mighty about your obligation to live my life and talked shit on my on your fucking website because I didn't leave you a fucking note. Sleep with him or don't, I don't give a shit but the rents due on the 15th and I doubt you'll write a stupid blog entry about how you got me and my daughter kicked out into the cold Michigan winter."
With that she hung up. I had touched a nerve. I could tell she wasn't exactly proud of her situation but she wasn't too proud to fix it. As if she could do anything to fix it, she didn't even have her GED. Latherman apparently found her working as a hostess at a restaurant two years ago and offered her a job after they had begun their tryst.
I broke down crying, not sure what I was going to do. I finally sat down to write this blog post either looking for feedback or to clear my head. She was right about one thing, the rent was due this week. And then the electric after that. And then Christmas. And then in January I need to make a reservation for a trip to Maine.
It's never really a good time to be an unemployed woman with no education, but now is especially a bad time.
-Lane
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