Caleb: Fireworks

So, after a couple more run ins with Kaitlyn while we were going in and out of the Inn, I worked up the courage to ask if she was up for going to the 4^th of July festivities together. Nothing super serious, of course, just, you know, hangout, get some food, see the fireworks. Will I claim I did so with perfect game? No, not really. I’ll be the first to admit that dating isn’t exactly a thing I do a lot of. It isn’t like I’m not into girls or anything, but I’m not into them, if you get what I mean.

…ok, reading it as I write I realize that probably sounds a lot different than I thought, but just wait, you’ll probably figure it out. Point is, I can appreciate when a girl’s cute and easy to talk to so, hey, why not take a shot? Or at least that was the idea.

“Sooooo,” I said, the two of us walking towards the beach after grabbing something to go from some food trucks. “What got you interested in psychology?”

“I don’t know, I guess I just always thought the human mind was interesting. All the weird little quirks and things that make people different. Like, for example, how you keep rubbing at your arm every time you’re nervous,” she says, grinning as she glances down at me doing exactly that.

“What, nooo, I don’t do that,” I say in a halfhearted denial.

“Hey, don’t sweat it. We all got our little anxieties. Studying up just kind of helped me learn some ways on how to deal with them.”

“Is that what lead you to the whole counseling thing?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Kind of a mix of wanting to help people and curiosity.”

And that’s pretty much how things went for the rest of the chat. Things eventually turned towards me and what drove me to data analytics. Didn’t really have any special reason to give. I just always had a knack for numbers and thinking about patterns, so it just felt like a pretty natural career path to fall into. Even if it was rough in tech right now, plenty of other fields need people who can think quantitatively so employment seemed stable.

I took the nods and “hmmms” from her as a good sign, of curiosity if anything else, and soon we wound up by the beach for the fireworks. The show was exactly what you’d expect: loud and colorful. But let’s be honest, I’m guessing most of you reading this are more interested in what happened after the show.

We had made our way back to the Inn, and when I thought we were about to separate our ways to our adjacent rooms she instead starts pulling me towards hers.

“Did you want to stay up and talk more?” I asked.

I kind of figured what she was about to say.

“Well, I figured maybe something a little more than that…”

So, circling back to the “not into them” thing, I had meant that in the sense of not really being into the idea of sex. And I don’t mean that in a “oh you’re just nervous” or whatever way you’re probably thinking, I mean that in that I’m pretty confident I’m ace.

Whenever other guys talked about girls and the things they wanted to do with them, I just kind of nodded along, not quite getting it. Sure, I could look at a girl and think “Hey, they’re cute/pretty/etc.”, but anything beyond that kind of aesthetic appreciation didn’t really click. Thing is, being asexual doesn’t always go with being aromantic, so while I still could get crushes and take the occasional shot, most people you interact with aren’t going to be ace, so it’s usually just a matter of time till that difference in desire causes problems.

Like, you know, right then and there.

“Oh, uhm, yeah, I get it. We can just circle back to that later, take things slow.”

“Yeah, yeah, totally. For now, I’m just going to head to bed.”

There was a brief step forward, as if both us thought of trying something, and then it was back off to our rooms.

So yeah, sorry for anyone who was reading this hoping the title was euphemistic. Doubt I’ll be able to provide any sort of explosive stories for you all while I’m here, so hopefully you can settle for cute and awkward.

- Caleb