Elias/Meadow: Tossing and turning

I guess I'm not real good with confrontation. When I graduated high school I was still dating my girlfriend Alice Min. I wasn't having a lot of fun, but I didn't want to break up with her because I was afraid I wouldn't meet another girl. Then my mom got sick and Alice went away to school and we just kind of agreed to end it.

I was thinking about her for two days straight as I awkwardly shuffled my way around Francis.

This guy thinks I'm his girlfriend. He knows something's wrong. I can see him kind of tilting his head just a bit when I do something non-Meadowy. But then the thought passes and he shakes it off. Of course I'm Meadow. I look just like her.

And if you were dating a 5'11 skinny blonde, you would probably need a really good reason to break up with her.

I should get it over with, I keep thinking. End it right here. Lay down the law. But every time I think about doing that, my stomach ties up in knots. What would I even say to convince him? What is that fight going to look like? What is my plan for afterward, when one of us has to move out? (It would be rude of me not to be the one to go.)

I kept telling Jennie -- who had to go back to her apartment, with her non-Inn-cursed-roommate -- that I had to do it sooner or later. And she kind of laughed. "Hey, if you don't want to date him, I will."

"What? Do you like him? Is he... hot?"

"Oh yeah, girl, he's fire."

I looked at him again. Well, he's not ugly.

True to his word, he got me a job waiting tables at the bistro. I was grateful and I even gave him a hug for it. But the job sucks. It's hot and noisy and I'm not very good at it. On my first day after shadowing, I got like three orders wrong.

Plus, while you don't have to show a lot of skin, all the other girls do have their low neck tops and short shorts on, so... yeah. I follow suit. But I don't even care about that. Really.

I'm actually surprised I'm not totally tired by the end of my shift but I guess Meadow's body is used to nursing where they really run you ragged. But I can pretend to be tired, which keeps Francis off my back. And my front.

I just keep sleeping on the couch, waking up with a crick in my neck, and thinking, I need to end this before it goes too far. But I just can't seem to bring myself to.