Kat - Friends... part 2

After Friday's little revelation and sense of loss regarding my friends... my friends from my past as Trip - I started to think about all the friends I'd inherited, as it were, as Kat.

I have some idea of who her high-school classmates were... at least when she moved up here after her parents passed. I really don't know anything about her friends and classmates prior to that. Makes me wish I'd paid more attention to that stuff now.

I know that I've bumped into a few of her classmates this past summer, but the exchanges were always very casual... as if 'we' were just acquaintances and nothing more. From what I can tell this past summer, Kat didn't have as many friends... good friends, as I'd have thought. I haven't received any phone calls or email or texts or even snail-mail inviting me to any events, even though I know a couple of her classmates got married... and there is no way that more people Kat should know, didn't have a "gathering" of some sort.

I know that she and Jaci were... or seemed to be, best friends... something I'm not sure the 'new' Jaci and I have been able to maintain quite as well as the originals. It tough to try to pretend to be someone you're not - and being forced into that position doesn't make it any easier. Thank God the 'new' Jaci and I are at least close enough to be able to try now... without wanting to kill each other. Though, sometimes, I wonder if she's still bitter at me for being in this bizarre twist of life.

I sent an email off to 'Pete' regarding "Kat's friends", this afternoon. Some details about past interpersonal relationships could certainly come in handy should I actually encounter someone I'm supposed to know, and/or have shared some memorable experience with.

In a way, I hope I'm right and Kat doesn't have many friends. That would make it much easier for me to fit-in. It would also make me quite sad that my little cousin was so lonely. It sure would explain why she was so easily willing to give up this life to live another.

Maybe I'm just trying to read too much into things.

I better post this and get my butt down to the kitchen and help with supper.

Kat - Friends

Today I ran into one of my old friends. It's weird, because here I was waiting in line to get unloaded and I wanted to go chat with him... to catch up on things. But I couldn't... not like this.

I'm Kat now, I'm not Trip... that life is no longer mine. I thought back to all the people I've met and all the friends I've made over the years. All the memories we share. Those memories betray me, for although they remain mine to recall at any time, they don't belong me... they belong to someone else's past now. The feeling of loss was overwhelming. I'm glad I was waiting in line - I couldn't see. I felt so damn stupid sitting there crying. I hope that nobody noticed - I don't know how I'd have explained it. Luckily, I didn't have to get out of the tractor for awhile and I was able to collect my composure again... barely. I checked myself with critical eye before stepping out of the comfort of that cab - I didn't want anyone to know that I'd been crying and start asking questions or trying to comfort me for something that I couldn't explain to them.

This is not going to be easy. Not easy at all.