Today I ran into one of my old friends. It's weird, because here I was waiting in line to get unloaded and I wanted to go chat with him... to catch up on things. But I couldn't... not like this.
I'm Kat now, I'm not Trip... that life is no longer mine. I thought back to all the people I've met and all the friends I've made over the years. All the memories we share. Those memories betray me, for although they remain mine to recall at any time, they don't belong me... they belong to someone else's past now. The feeling of loss was overwhelming. I'm glad I was waiting in line - I couldn't see. I felt so damn stupid sitting there crying. I hope that nobody noticed - I don't know how I'd have explained it. Luckily, I didn't have to get out of the tractor for awhile and I was able to collect my composure again... barely. I checked myself with critical eye before stepping out of the comfort of that cab - I didn't want anyone to know that I'd been crying and start asking questions or trying to comfort me for something that I couldn't explain to them.
This is not going to be easy. Not easy at all.