This is probably not going to shock anyone, but I think I like sex.
Obviously, as a man I liked it. I always wanted to have more for it. I was desperate, in fact. I jacked off probably more than I should. And when I finally started to let myself open up to that side of my lie as Angie, I wasn't THAT surprised that it was fun. By myself, anyway. That way, I was in control. I could go on for hours and hours, uninterrupted, if I planned my day out correctly. It would start at work, just lightly teasing myself when nobody was around. By the time I was on the bus home, I was squirming in my seat. Disgusting, I know... looking around at all the strangers made me feel good, like I had a little secret. Well, I've got lots of secrets, obviously.
Then I'd get home and the fun would begin. It got to the point where I didn't even care if the roommates were around. I would bolt straight to my room and get straight to business, having had up to three hours (!!!) of foreplay with myself. It was like a damn oil slick down there sometimes.
I experimented. How to touch, where, what, if anything, to put in... and when. I started to get to know this body really, really well. Except I didn't know it. I was just playing around.
Then I started having sex with David, and I was sorry to say it wasn't as glorious as I hoped. He always leaves me wanting more, and I didn't have any way to tell him what exactly I wanted, because, well, I feel almost ashamed to speak for myself. Some of it's not in his control, like, I know a guy can't hold back his come any more than you can hold back a sneeze, I just wish we held off on that portion of the night longer. I should really just man up and tell him to go down on me until I tell him to stop, not until he feels like he's done. Well, I also wish the intercourse itself lasted longer. One time, we did it, and it was over in a few minutes, and we lay there for a while until he was ready to go, and the second time lasted a lot longer, but his heart didn't seem to be in it. It was pretty gentle.
That's the other weird thing. I think I'm starting to feel like I prefer the hard stuff? He's a man, I want him to use all his muscles and size, and leverage and just... fuck me, you know? Hard, and slow, and... oh God, is it getting how in here.
Sorry. I didn't expect to think about sex this much as a woman. I went from barely thinking about it at all to having this, like, awakening at the end of the "year" I've spent here. It makes me sad that I waited so long, but at the same time I know I wasn't ready. I still don't know if I was.
Mixed feelings, I'm saying. Positive ones are in there with the negative ones. We've got a date tomorrow night. Hopefully I'll be able to lay it out for him in a way that doesn't hurt his feelings.