Trip / Kat - Shopping, and the road trip hits Iowa

Small towns are great most of the time. However, they're not so good for hosting meetings in a discrete manner. Everybody just has to know all the little details of who your guests are, how you met, why they're visiting, how long will they be staying... you get the idea.

It was for this reason that us Iowa victims chose to meet Jessica & Louisa somewhere else. After a short brain-storming session, we decided on Des Moines, as it was not too far out of the way for Jessica & Louisa, and provided the rest of us with a workable (and not too far from the truth) cover-story for the short trip. Des Moines happens to be a good place to get parts (for whatever piece of equipment Frank decides needs one), and for shopping for the fall and winter work clothes that Kat seems to be lacking, and for which, I am in need.

The plan was to meet Jessica and Louisa at Applebee's for lunch. Mainly because it was the most convenient for everyone - but also, because the menu wasn't as spicy, and it allowed us to be sociable without being rushed. Since this was supposed to be a parts-run for us, and we were actually in Des Moines before they were even in Iowa, we took the opportunity to run our errands before meeting them for lunch.

This was really my first shopping experience as a girl, and let me tell you - it was overwhelming! I've "been a girl" for months now, and that certainly helps - I'd hate to think of what it would have been like to try this those first few days... well, other than the fact that I would have, at first, been in heaven. Anyhow, I've just been trying to coordinate outfits from clothing that I didn't have to know the size of... shopping is that, plus having some idea of your own body's dimensions and shape... knowing what looks good on your body... and then trying it on to ensure proper fit and look... and the selections to choose from were much larger than the closet at home.

Dorris was a real trooper too. I wasn't sure she'd be any help at ensuring I didn't pick something out-of-style, but we both seemed to shy away from anything risky (or risque either) and stuck with some more traditional and timeless pieces. I really wish Jaci... Ja... I guess Jaci is probably the least confusing for everyone, she's been living as and going by "Jaci" now. And it's not looking like either one of those two are planning on changing things. I'm sorry, I guess I'm still just a bit bitter by Kat.. Pete's decision about my future. Even though it helps Frank, and makes... Pete happy... I'm still not sure I'm happy with it.

Anyhow, I should get back on topic here... I really wish that Jaci could have been able to make it down, she's been really good with fashion knowledge and general knowledge about how to not look out of place. I'm hoping that Dorris & I did okay. At least I had Dorris with me, more than a few times she was able to dispense some sage advice about making sure that I got the right size. Had I gone on my own, I'd certainly be in pain sooner or later. I'll have to try and get with Jaci later and see how bad Dorris & I did.

I was hoping that I'd recognize them when they arrived, but they had beaten us to the restaurant and a very perky Jessica called out and came down to lead us to our table. It was impossible to believe that she was anything but the super-charged, ambitious, teenage girl she appeared to be.

I hadn't been sure that we would have any useful information for our two sleuths, but it didn't seem to bother them at all. They seemed more interested in just having new friends with whom they had this whole unbelievable story in common. I can't disagree with that line of thinking at all. After ordering drinks, we took care of the business-end of things, by exchanging more detailed contact information - and information about Frank & Dorris' 'former' lives, and what information I had about 'Pete' & 'Chris'.

Louisa, Frank, Dorris, and I all discussed how we had been adjusting to our recent changes, and even prodded Jessica a little about how her recent changes in getting out of high-school were going. At first, a bit annoyed that we were poking-fun at her, she quickly shifted gears and shared her thoughts of relief and concern at moving on, to again another life. It was a bit reassuring to hear that and think that even without the changes the Inn effected, life has a way of changing in a very large way. I tried not to bring the mood of the meeting down when my turn came, but I think that they could all see the affect of my recent visit from 'Pete', and seemed to steer me around it. I could see in Jessica's eyes, that there was a glint of recognition... or familiarity... and once our meals arrived, I'd all but forgotten the moment.

Then again, I could be mistaken... and it was nothing at all.

After lunch we... well, more like Frank, decided to have some dessert and I became more of an observer as Frank, Dorris, Louisa, and sometimes even Jessica settled in on some menial topics of conversation. I think it was at that point, when I felt like a child who was lost to the conversation, that I realized just who the witty, geeky, brown-haired teen and the attractive, dark-haired woman with the big, brown eyes weren't the women I saw on the outside... They both possessed an air of wisdom that contradicted their apparent ages. I was awestruck, as if I'd seen proof supporting the old saying, "Never judge a book by its cover."

It seemed much too short that we had to part ways, and soon I watched as they drove off, heading North for their next stop and we had to head home to finish chores.

Trip / Kat - I like purple

Tonight, I just wanted to sit back and relax. I watched TV... and found myself bored out of my mind. As I was glancing around, trying to think of something to do - I noticed that the polish on my toenails was chipping a bit. The first thought to cross my mind was that I needed to re-polish them before someone saw how bad they looked.

It wasn't until I was choosing a new color that I realized that these thoughts were not normal for me... for the real me, Trip. I had to sit down. The realization that I was adapting to being a girl was disheartening.

As I thought back over the past few weeks I shook my head at how "normal" it's been to have to sit down every time I needed to pee, or to shave my legs when I shower (especially so, if I get dressed up to go to church or to a family function). These things should feel foreign to me - they're not things that I would normally do... if I were still myself.

Sure, I've always wondered what being a girl would be like... but for it all to be so real, and to feel so normal. I never expected that. I guess I still expected that it would feel different. Now that these things feel normal, will I have to re-adjust when... if, I get my old life back?

If I get my old life back... I'm not sure if I will - Frank has no body to return to now, and I can't bring myself to ask him his plans right now. Not to mention that Kat seems disinterested in her own life back here. I'm getting the distinct impression that she likes her new life too much to return to this one. I don't know what to do.

I do want my old life back. Being a girl isn't as much fun as I thought it would be. Still, it wouldn't be right of me to force anyone to visit that cursed inn just so I can get my own life back... I don't think I could do that to anyone. Besides, Frank doesn't have a body to return to. The thought crossed my mind to let him have Kat's body if she doesn't want to return to her own life too - but it's not my body to give away like that... and I don't really want to ask her and have her get mad at me just for thinking such a thing. Of course, I don't see Frank really being too enthusiastic to take that offer anyhow.

I guess there's one bright spot if I'm stuck in this body... I'm younger and healthier than I was.

I guess that's all I can do right now - try think of the positive things. Both Jadyn and Kat seem to be ignoring me and Frank's been spending most of his free time with Dorris. Leaving me much to my own devices.

Speaking of Frank and Dorris spending time together - that bothers me a bit - well, not so much that they're spending time together... but that the talk around town is that "Trip" and "Jadyn" make a great couple. I mean, Jadyn's been a friend for more years than I can remember, but we were never that close - and after reading her post... well, we are still two different people with different views on and values in life. I still love her (like a friend) and will continue to consider her my friend - even if she's not someone I would date... well, if we were still ourselves.

I feel very alone, even in a crowd, lately.

Anyhow, the purple looks good - I like purple... and right now, it's the small pleasures that keep me sane.

Trip / Kat - Empty celebrations...

This weekend is Rock Lake's little summer festival, AND Jaci's birthday. With the latest stuff going on with Frank and Dorris, I'm just not feeling all that festive or celebratory.

Frank told dad that he was going to be gone this afternoon, and that he wouldn't be back until Monday morning. Dad looked concerned, and I'm still surprised that he didn't question what and why, but he simple acknowledged with a nod of the head, then they both resumed what they were doing.

Frank assured me that he and Dorris will be coming back - that it wouldn't be fair to Jadyn and I if they didn't, but that they needed some time to say goodbye to their past, and to think about the future. I guess that's one less thing for me to worry about.

After I'm done with chores this morning - I'm going to have to visit Jadyn and discuss how we're going to pull this weekend off without anything looking out-of-place. With everyone coming home for the festival, I'm not looking forward to trying to pass myself off as Kat to all of her friends. I'd rather just stay in bed all weekend.

Trip / Kat - New Frank, Found

Frank approached me this morning, concerned about why he and Dorris hadn't heard from the people who had become them. Frank wanted to know if I could use the internet to find them. I told him I could try.

Little did I know how easy it would be to find them.

The articles I found online didn't provide many details. Just that the bodies were found washed-up on shore, and that the officials speculated that the couple had sailed out too far in the small boat they rented and capsized.

I couldn't tell if the new Frank & Dorris read the letters left for them, or why they hadn't contacted Frank and Dorris. I had no indication of when they were changed by the Inn, or how many days had elapsed from that point. There were just too many unanswered questions.

I know the news has to be bothering Frank - I, myself, am finding it difficult to sleep tonight. I'm kept awake by thoughts of now that Frank has lost his body permanently - what if it's too much for him and he wants to die... what if he commits suicide while he's got my body?

I don't think he'd do that - but... I mean, if you're faced with the loss of such an important part of yourself - and you know that you may have had some small part in "killing" another person - what would you do, what would you feel like. I can't put myself in his place, and I hope I never face the same fate. I can't imagine the guilt he must feel - even though none of it can really be blamed on him.

I just hope that all this does is delay my return to my life a bit, while he and Dorris figure out what they're going to do. I know that sounds crass and selfish, but it is my life, I don't want to be Kat forever... being a girl isn't all it's cracked-up to be.