Sunday, July 29, 2007

Trip / Kat - I like purple

Tonight, I just wanted to sit back and relax. I watched TV... and found myself bored out of my mind. As I was glancing around, trying to think of something to do - I noticed that the polish on my toenails was chipping a bit. The first thought to cross my mind was that I needed to re-polish them before someone saw how bad they looked.

It wasn't until I was choosing a new color that I realized that these thoughts were not normal for me... for the real me, Trip. I had to sit down. The realization that I was adapting to being a girl was disheartening.

As I thought back over the past few weeks I shook my head at how "normal" it's been to have to sit down every time I needed to pee, or to shave my legs when I shower (especially so, if I get dressed up to go to church or to a family function). These things should feel foreign to me - they're not things that I would normally do... if I were still myself.

Sure, I've always wondered what being a girl would be like... but for it all to be so real, and to feel so normal. I never expected that. I guess I still expected that it would feel different. Now that these things feel normal, will I have to re-adjust when... if, I get my old life back?

If I get my old life back... I'm not sure if I will - Frank has no body to return to now, and I can't bring myself to ask him his plans right now. Not to mention that Kat seems disinterested in her own life back here. I'm getting the distinct impression that she likes her new life too much to return to this one. I don't know what to do.

I do want my old life back. Being a girl isn't as much fun as I thought it would be. Still, it wouldn't be right of me to force anyone to visit that cursed inn just so I can get my own life back... I don't think I could do that to anyone. Besides, Frank doesn't have a body to return to. The thought crossed my mind to let him have Kat's body if she doesn't want to return to her own life too - but it's not my body to give away like that... and I don't really want to ask her and have her get mad at me just for thinking such a thing. Of course, I don't see Frank really being too enthusiastic to take that offer anyhow.

I guess there's one bright spot if I'm stuck in this body... I'm younger and healthier than I was.

I guess that's all I can do right now - try think of the positive things. Both Jadyn and Kat seem to be ignoring me and Frank's been spending most of his free time with Dorris. Leaving me much to my own devices.

Speaking of Frank and Dorris spending time together - that bothers me a bit - well, not so much that they're spending time together... but that the talk around town is that "Trip" and "Jadyn" make a great couple. I mean, Jadyn's been a friend for more years than I can remember, but we were never that close - and after reading her post... well, we are still two different people with different views on and values in life. I still love her (like a friend) and will continue to consider her my friend - even if she's not someone I would date... well, if we were still ourselves.

I feel very alone, even in a crowd, lately.

Anyhow, the purple looks good - I like purple... and right now, it's the small pleasures that keep me sane.


Jaci said...

Now "Jadyn" isn't good enough for "Trip" huh? And you wonder why I'm not talking you. What a jerk!

Kat said...

I never said that! I'm sorry you understood it that way.

See? We really don't see things the same way. I wasn't trying to be a jerk.