Yesterday was a gorgeous day. It was also my birthday - my 24th birthday, as Todd. I felt a little weird about it, like, I wanted people to acknowledge me in some way, and of course they weren't going to, except for a cursory note from Bry. The good thing is, Anne-Marie's birthday is early next month, (June 10? I should double-check that) so I can just pretend. I find it interesting that we're both Geminis. Double-natured. How apropos.
In case you were curious, I've covered Hayley's, Conner's and now my birthday on here... Hal's is in September, and last year it was extremely awkward, because I had still not yet come to terms with what it means to be Anne-Marie. Hard to believe how far I've come in just a year. Last year, I celebrated my own birthday by doing acid at an all-night party in Virginia Beach, after which Bryan and I woke up with a pair of Norwegian sisters. How things change.
That said, I mentioned my and Anne-Marie's star sign. I don't know if I'm still supposed to follow my own horoscope in this body, or what... I mean, assuming it isn't all mumbo-jumbo. For pretty obvious reasons I'm a little more open to the idea that there's something big out there ever since I woke up in this woman's body. So it was a little... weird... when I went online yesterday and read this:
For those of us born on: May 21
Happy birthday! In the months ahead you are going to need all your reserves of energy, at least certainly in the first few months of the coming year. There are strong possibilities of a move of some kind: changing school, career or maybe even a complete relocation. Thanks to the pesky influence of Mercury a number of things will prove to be much more complicated than initially thought. Romantic relationships may need careful handling. However, once everything settles down the rest of year looks like a process of collecting the rewards for so much hard work earlier. Especially well aspected are relationships with your immediate family and it may well be that you are the centre of a major family celebration towards the end of the year!
Is it just me, or is that kind of a bad sign? "Strong possibilities for a move of some kind" seems to refer to the Inn, but what could be "More complicated than initially thought"?? I already think it's pretty damn complicated! And that business about romantic relationships. Christ. Then again, I am looking forward to "collecting the rewards" of my hard work.
Anyway, I really just wanted to relax all day, especially after getting spooked like that. Like I said, it was a gorgeous day, and we've opened the pool up, so I put on a two-piece bathing suit and did some dives, then just lay out by it in the sun.
Then I heard a knock on the fence. "Hello?" I groaned. Donna.
"I hope you don't mind," she said, "I heard the splashing and I was wondering if you might want some company."
I say up and peered at her over the frames of my sunglasses. "I don't think that's such a good idea, Donna." Mentally, I added, Because I hate you.
"Oh come on now, Anne-Marie. Sorry - Todd. We don't even have to talk. I just want someone to lie out in the sun with."
I sighed. "Fine. But no Inn-talk."
"I went twenty years without saying a word about that Inn to anyone. I can manage." She took a seat on the cabana chair next to mine, and removed her skirt and top to reveal a bikini probably not meant for a woman her age (but I gritted my teeth to see how well she filled it out.)
The problem as I see it, is that any conversation we could have would be framed by the knowledge we have about each other - or in my case, the lack of knowledge, and the suspicion there's more to her than meets the eye. But she was good to her word and lay there quietly as I dozed off.
I was awakened a moment later to hear her adjusting the cabana chair to its horizontal position. But what I really noticed was that she had decided to go topless.
"Donna!" I cried out. "God, your boobs!"
She just looked at me nonchalantly. "What, is there a problem? You don't have to look. I mean, you can if you want, I don't mind."
I didn't know how to react. "Aren't you worried about someone seeing you?"
She looked around. The yard was pretty well-enclosed, nobody from the surrounding houses could see, and the backyard backs onto a ravine anyhow. "It's just you, and you seemed to be asleep. I suppose you're just going to live with tanlines?"
I adjusted the strap of my bikini top and found that the tanline had already started to set in. She turned her back to me. "Listen, I'm gonna lie on my stomach here. Would you get the sunscreen?" I reluctantly agreed. It was like a scene from a really cheap porno, and if I hadn't felt so emasculated I might've been turned on.
She lay on her front and closed her eyes. Satisfied, and kinda emboldened by her words, I removed my top, making sure covering was within reach in case someone came by.
Sleepily, she broke her promise. "So tell me... when you first found out you were a woman... did you spend a lot of time looking at yourself?"
It was an innocent enough question so I answered, "Not really. I mean, not at first. I didn't really want to see. Then as time went by I got used to it, and I got comfortable just being naked, or half-dressed, if I was alone. Then the thrill started to fade a little bit."
"Are you worried you won't like women anymore once you're a guy again?"
If my eyes hadn't been closed, I would've rolled them. "I still like women."
"Well a little birdie told me you'd been with Hal."
I tried to keep my cool and answered truthfully. "Hal has the right equipment to do the job, but I don't find myself getting really excited thinking about him all that much. It's just business."
She sat up. "What do you think of me?"
I opened my eyes and wrapped a towel around myself, feeling exposed. "I don't think you want me to answer that."
"Todd, I can take it."
I stared at her breasts. Then I glanced up at her face. I'd be lying if I didn't feel something. "You look really good... for your age."
She smiled and lay forward again. "Good genetics."
I uncovered myself and lay back again. "So what happened to the original Donna?"
She took a moment to respond and then said, "After we have sex, I'll tell you."
I didn't answer to that. She added, "Mind if I take a dip?"
Feeling somewhat amicable, I said okay, if she put her top on. She slipped it over her head and called me a prude.
I have a lot of mixed impressions of Donna. She's not such a bad person, I guess, just an irritating one. My judgment may be clouded by how good-looking she is, and up-front about her body. I'm still not in favour of her little scheme, but in a weird way, I identify with her.
I just don't want to end up like her.