Dunno if anyone felt like I left a bit of a cliffhanger in my last post, but after that I had a few things to figure out for myself and I didn't want to check in again until I at least tried to deal with them. It also didn't help that a few days later I got a period so bad I didn't feel like doing anything at all. I cramped up so bad all I could do was lie in bed and moan about my cursed fate. Seriously, I really want to see the upsides of being magically transformed but that's a pretty massive bringdown, having a few days like that. I wonder, do women have pissing contests about who has the worst periods? They can't all be 100% supportive, right? you just know if men got em we'd constantly be one-upping each other. "Bro, I bled so much yesterday it was like frickin' Game of Thrones over here. Total Freddy Kreuger action here."
Also we wouldn't have to pay so much for tampons. Looking into one of those re-usable cups, but I dunno if I'm gonna be around long enough for it to matter...? Hmm. Seems like a practical solution, though.
Anyway, amidst the sexual confusion and the bloody mess that was my second-ever period, I decided the best way to find answers was to meet up one-on-one with Shayla. I felt like if I was ever going to find a test-case for whether I could still consider myself into girls, it would be this absolutely gorgeous creature.
I can't even over-emphasize her hotness. She is a few inches taller than me, with long dark hair, a whole Kardashian thing going on, honey-brown eyes and a golden complexion, and of course, that glorious rack and nice round ass. I Facebooked her the day after the party to see if she wanted to arrange an outing - like it was no big thing - and it took us over a week for her schedule to clear up enough.
Honestly, I've read enough of this blog to know that I was against the wall here. Guys become women and succumb all the time to their hetero lady desires for men. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but if there's any part of Joy that could be into girls... I would like to find it. Even if most of her is into guys. I can deal with that later.
So she told me she'd like to meet at her favourite lunch spot. I told her I needed a reminder where that was, and she already seemed to think I had gone cuckoo, but complied. It wasn't that far of a walk, and it was a nice day, so I set out on foot...
Big mistake. In my eagerness to look like a bombshell for Shayla, I had worn strappy three-inch stilettos that looked real fancy, but chafed at all the straps, pinched my toes into blisters and hurt my ankles to walk in. I was exhausted by time we sat down, sweating my make-up off. My back was also achy from lugging too much stuff around in my perch, whose fell right between my breasts and bounced and rubbed against them. My hair was pulled back in a clip, messily. I felt like a mess already. Not an ideal impression. She arrived after me by car, looking gorgeous, in a tight black dress with her cleavage on display. And I immediately got excited: was this for me?
I'm not stupid enough to think that Shayla secretly harbors feelings for Joy. She has a boyfriend she's obviously very into - watching them at the BBQ really made me want to gag - but I thought at this point maybe I could get some privileges. Say we go to the gym and shower together, or try on outfits for one another. Just while I figure out exactly which side of the equation I want to fall on.
But I soon found out it really wasn't anything to get excited about, despite the view. We sat down to eat and she yammered on and on about all the stuff she had been up to in the past year: trips she and her guy had been on, her job, her catty co-workers, and people Joy is supposed to know. I found myself glancing over at her breasts hopping to feel that ping of excitement a man gets, but the experience was tainted - which I should have expected. If I was losing interest while I had her in a bikini, why would it hold my attention in everyday clothes (albeit ones that were sexy in their own way.) My impulses felt like they were traffic jammed. I felt so neutered and detached from that male feeling. I wanted to urge my body to have a reaction but I couldn't.
I found a few thoughts flickering in my head. One: I felt way less attractive than I normally do. I felt invisible to the waiter, even though I, too, was done up as best I could be. I felt I had a lot yet to learn about style and fashion, if I wanted to become a superwoman of Shayla's stripe. I felt like, as a mere Pharma Rep, she was underselling herself, that with a body like that, if she applied herself, she cold make any man do anything. Suddenly I felt it unfair that I hadn't ended up as Shayla - with wicked curves and big bouncy tits. I'm just slender, petite, pretty-in-her-on-way Joy. What I could do with that bod.
To top it all off, I felt annoyed at every mention of her boyfriend. I felt like I - as Simon - was as good a man or better, but never landed a chick as hot as her. Sure my looks were not in her league, but I had plenty in the bank, and great prospects. I would'a treated her right, and now I didn't even feel that interested.
Everything felt gray and cold. Like, I've defined my life for so long by the pursuit of success in business and with women, and now I was basically disqualified from the latter and feeling like I was going to have to work harder - not less - at the former.
Then something weird happened. Shayla noticed I was seeming a bit down and asked "Honey, what's wrong?" I whipped up some story about feeling insecure about the future, not mentioning my looks or hers, and she leaned over the table and gave me a big hug and said she was sure I was gonna be fine, and suggested we treat ourselves to mani-pedis. I almost didn't, thinking That's too girly, but I wondered if I could call anything "too girly" these days. It would be a new experience.
While we sat and had Korean ladies painting our fingers and toes, Shayla admitted she noticed something seemed off about me - I didn't seem to have the zest I usually did, based on my behavior and how I was not putting as much effort into my look, and told me if I ever wanted to open up about what happened, she would be there for me. I felt both warmed, and actually a little judged... I was dong my best, and somehow it's not enough? If only Shayla knew I was new to all this!
I got home later than planned and found Treena on the couch watching Netflix. She asked how it had been and I told her it was mixed reviews. I didn't get the results I wanted... in fact, I'm very soured on dating girls overall. Does this mean I'm "into" guys? No. Not actively, I'll tell you that. I think it will take a lot of convincing to give up that particular aspect of my man card.
Besides, I'm real busy these days. I'm going to start applying for jobs soon, and I've still got to spend my days in contemplation of lacy thong underwear, A-line skirts and 3" heels, determining exactly what kind of Joy I am.
Treena muttered something under her breath and left the room. I swear it's like she looks for reasons not to like me, and is trying to make me not like her either.