I spent the rest of my time in Maine just trying to get used to walking around the world like this. I would have loved to go in the ocean, but after trying on Meadow's bikini, I thought "There is no way I can go out like this." I want to try new things, but let's build up to that, hm?
I did wear the swimsuit as underwear though. I mean, you're in a beach town -- bikini tops are bras for all intents and purposes, and I could cope with that under my clothes, rather than the actual ones I was left. My top layer was just a tank top and jean shorts. Them being like a 1" inseam is about as girly as I was ready to get, showing off these long, long legs.
Charlene/Ja'dejah braided my hair and advised on other things. I skipped putting on makeup because, well, would you? I look fine without it, but I've seen pictures of Meadow all done up and wow. Knowing I could look like that is messing with my head.
So we did the town -- Jennie, Jeff, Charlene and I. Ricky even joined us for dinner, grumbling the whole time but at least showing the best side of himself I've seen. I could tell that I was getting a lot of looks. Coming from being a small guy, I don't tend to shrink myself, so I guess people aren't used to seeing a tall girl clomp around like she's, well, exactly 5'11.
If anyone hit on me, I'm too dumb to notice, but having such a big group was probably a shield.
We had a benefit, in that Meadow, Stella and Darla became locals, a middle-aged couple in their 40s and their high school-aged daughter. I went and saw Meadow at her new place of work and we sat down to lunch.
"I'm so sorry for staring," she said, "I just... I'm not used to it yet, you know? You ever look at a picture of yourself and feel embarrassed because all you see is your flaws? Well, this is the opposite of that. I feel like I'm seeing what other people see when they see me... it's... I mean, I'm gagged."
Is gagged good? I made a note to check later.
She said she could tell I was a guy. My posture, my bearing. I asked her if I should try to be more feminine, and she said she honestly didn't know. "You should be whoever you feel like you are."
She said she wanted to be there for me, but she couldn't run my life for me. I said it was my #1 priority to get things back to normal for her, so I didn't want to screw things up badly. but it was also my mission to taste life, and I was going to try to have fun and not sit in a bedroom and cry. She admitted that sounded fine.
She asked about getting myself back to normal. I said that was also a goal. But privately, I've read a bit of this blog and I'm seeing that sometimes people just will not give you your body back. I'm a 21-year-old guy with no attachments. I think there are a few people who would take that and run, which is scary... and really puts into perspective how much I should have tried to do with my life. (Hey, I was trying, I just got sidetracked into this!)
She said she would send me some job opportunities she thought I could do with her resume. She literally just moved into an apartment and making rent is going to be tricky.
I had to leave for Massachusetts soon after. Jennie and Ricky too, since Stella was there for the same reason as Meadow was, and Darla is her sister who came along for the vacay. That means Jennie also needs to find work, and Ricky... I don't know what he's got to do.
Oh, and then the minute I got in the door of my "new" apartment, I went to the bathroom and discovered a trickle of blood down my leg. Meadow has a supply of tampons, but I'm really not keen to try to get those "in there" so I had to go to the pharmacy and figure out how to navigate the feminine care aisle. I bought the pack with the bunch of different sizes, but so far I've only needed the light ones.
I sure didn't feel "sexy" like that! But hey, that's life for half the population, right? (Or whatever percent gets periods, I'm too tired to do the math.)
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