Tori: Dive in

It feels a little insensitive to be posting about my relationship while there are people now posting on the blog who are -- essentially -- me, two years ago.

But I'm not that person anymore, and I can't promise any of you will be in two years, and I certainly can't promise any of you will be where I am in two years. Truthfully, I hope you all get your bodies back, and that if you can't, well, you would be very lucky to enjoy your lives as much as I do mine.

What I'm saying is, if you're new to this... maybe skip this entry. I'm supportive, but I do live my own life.

And that life has taken me into the awkward early phases of my nice new relationship.

We fumbled a bit on the follow-up. I'm used to being the girl now so I just expected he would call me, and I kept having to remind myself "Okay, he's just waiting a few days," like all guys do. But I was hoping he would skip over that because we're friends already, we're close, we should be past that.

I mean hell, right? This isn't some blind date, this isn't meeting and flirting and playing a game of who can seem cooler and make the other one want you. Right? We should both know the deal. We're us. We should be solid. But somehow, we can't get around the communication difficulties.

So Raine, still house sitting for her parents, hosted the annual pool party. I invited Mae along, but she pointed out that Raine's younger brother was her ex, and that might not be a great scene. Fair enough. I let her have the apartment for the day. In the end it was a smart idea, because Ed was there with a girl and I didn't want to see Mae's reaction to that.

I had asked Alex along too of course, and he gave me a strange wishy-washy answer. It's always hard to get him to come out to events involving Raine, Danny and others. I don't know why. I try to incorporate him into the whole group of friends, but he's resisting. So just as I'm ready to get mad at him, he says he promises to show up, later.

This was an irritating compromise, but I went with it, muttering angrily to myself. It feels like there's still a lot I don't know about his life or what he's doing when I'm not around. I try to push that out of my mind, not to be a clingy girlfriend or anything but I have a right to know, don't I?

So I got there around 1 in the afternoon and spent much of the day snacking and lying poolside in my bikini, wishing I had a man to lavish attention on me while I fine tune my tanlines and people horse around in the pool, including much of our social circle, Sara and Thom, and a few people I should know better by now but haven't made an effort, people left over from the original Tori's life.

We drank, we ate, I avoided going in the pool because I wasn't having much fun and just wanted to relax. Eventually I got pretty drunk and fell asleep. By the time I woke up, it was sundown, everyone had moved inside to dry off and eat more.

Alone in the backyard, I decided to dip my toe in the pool. It was nice. I walked over to the diving board and leaped in feet first. Very refreshing.

I pulled myself out and did a few more dives. It was in the course of this that my bikini top came... untied. Maybe my dives were just too intense.

I decided, hell, I'm alone out here, why not? I fished my top out and slung it onto the pool side and began doing topless laps.

Just then, I heard the gate open, and who should appear but the man himself, Alex.

I immediately pushed myself up against the edge of the pool to coyly guard my bare chest. "Well look who finally decided to show up?"

"Just like I said I would," he said with a smirk.

"Why not dive in? Water's nice."

"Oh I don't know..." he said, "I just ate a few hours ago, and they say you're supposed to wait 12 hours after eating to prevent cramps."

I laughed, "I think you got that turned around."

"Maybe. Why are you alone?"

"I keep asking myself the same question, especially when I'm supposed to have a boyfriend."

"Ooh, good one."

"If you see him, let him know I'm waiting."

"Maybe he just doesn't like swimming."

"Does he likes these?" I asked and backed away from the wall to give him a peek.

"He does..."

"Then maybe he should come in and get a better look."

"Or maybe he could wait for her to come out..." and with that, he picked my bikini top up by the strings and flung it further away from the pool.

I screamed out, "You jerk! Now I'm never coming out."

"Well then you're gonna get all pruney."

Slowly, I pulled myself up onto the ledge and let him get a good look at me. "Happy now?"

"Much happier..."

"I can tell," I said, looking down at the bulge in his shorts.

I was shivering, so I pressed myself against him. As he went to kiss me, I held my hands against his chest...

And pushed him right into the pool. Shoes, jeans and all.

He stayed under for a moment, then when he finally surfaced, started splashing, crying out, "I can't swim, I can't swim!"

A moment of panic seized me and I jumped back in the pool. "Don't struggle!" I said, pulling him back over to the shallow end. "You can stand now. Is that better? Oh, God I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, yeah," he gasped. "I mean, don't worry... I was a lifeguard." He said with an evil grin.

"You asshole!" I dunked him down under the water. He struggled a moment, then started tugging at my bottoms. That was when I let go and raced over to the deep end.

He followed, unbuckling his wet pants and tossing them and his shirt over to the poolside area. When he came over to me, I was ready to stop playing. We started to kiss, floating in the water. With the water, he gave my boobs a really authentic motorboat. Things were going even further when I heard the back door slide open.

Raine appeared before us. "Sorry to interrupt... but there's big news. Thom and Sara just got engaged!"

I stopped what I was doing and pulled myself out of the pool. "Oh my God I'm so embarrassed, Raine would you hand me my towel?"

Without averting her eyes from me, she chucked a towel my way. "Jeez, Tori, such a show off."

I dried off and went in to congratulate it. It was such a weird moment, because I've known them and loved them since I became Tori, I've seen the entire span of their relationship... in fact, it was at Raine's house that I walked in on them having sex before they even had a relationship!

But for the rest of the night I was quiet. As much as I enjoy my life, I wonder what's going to happen down the road. Suddenly all the stability I thought I had was shaken up because I realize I can't go on like this forever. Tori's only 24, but I'm nearly 30 and I just... well I need to go back to enjoying what my life is like today instead of worrying about the future.

I was a bit quiet. I let Alex drive me home and asked if he wanted to come up. He declined, but I reminded him that having a girlfriend means you should want to spend more time with her. He said sorry for being awkward about it, and agreed to come up, but we didn't do anything by watch a movie on the couch and make out some. Mae was already asleep. He went home around 1.

Greg/Alexis: Name Calling

Something I've learned from being now 4 different people in my lifetime is that somethings take longer to get used to than others. I think the central theme of this blog was originally how difficult it is to get used to living life as the other sex, and I'll admit, that was probably the biggest and most obvious thing to get used to. Things just feel different and it takes awhile for it to be 2nd nature. It definitly is for me now. I've been female for a long time now and I think if I woke up tomorrow in my old body I'd find it weird as hell.

Body shape is a big difference too. I've been all shapes and sizes. From Priya (Tiny), to Deb (Flabby) To Alex (Fit) and each time you have to react to your body parts being different sizes even though their functionally the same as the ones you had before. Butt size is a big thing. Sitting down is something we all take for granted and we all have this expectation of when our behind is going to hit the chair. If its higher or lower we're slightly surprised. When you all of a sudden lose or gain a few inches/padding to that area, the whole thing changes.

The physical stuff is easy compared to the mental stuff. Youre brain eventually gets used to the neural patterns and you start to adapt to the new shape. But the mind itself doesnt change, or at least not critically. Sure it's flooded with a new batch and level of hormones to deal with but it's still you inside.

What got me thinking and musing was something that happened today. I failed to turn and answer when "my" name was called by someone who knows me. A name is a pretty personal thing. Its drilled into your head you whole life. For 20+ years people called me Greg and I still turn and look when people call it out in public. You cant imagine how hard it is to subconsciously answer to another name out of the blue. This was especially hard when I was a teacher and one of the kids would keep saying "Ms. Patel" 2 or 3 times before I remembered "Oh wait, that's me".

I was reminded of this phenomenon when I was out shopping today, buying groceries even though I have a full time job (*coughs* lazy wife *coughs). When someone practically screams in my ear "ALEX"

I turn and see a woman about my age and height wearing a low cut tank top, blue jeans, designer glasses and a very short haircut reaching over to give me a hug. Clearly this was some friend but I had not idea who. I know its mean to stereotype but she looked like a lesbian, was she an ex? Was she a friend, I know that a lot of times gay people form a tight community. I went into my now familiar "youre-supposed-to-know-this-person-so-fake-like-you-do" mode.

"I havent seen you or Sharon since you went on Vacation, I thought maybe you two liked the coast so much that you moved there"

I chuckled awkwardly "Yeah, but I couldnt leave the excitement of Vermont behind"

We chatted for about 15 minutes while I finished my shopping (she followed me). I managed to BS my way through it. Basically told her that me and Sharon were both really busy with work and regrettably weren't socializing lately. She gave me a few facts about things and people I had no idea about before we parted with her saying that we should totally play tennis sometime.

I called the real Alex later that night after she had put her new kids to bed and she had me go through her facebook friends and link her to the profile of the woman I met, which is brilliant.

Apparently the woman is named Annabelle Maclean and she's a college friend of Sharon and Alexis. Gay, yes but totally platonic with the both of them. Turns out she and Alex are occasional tennis partners. Alex recommended that I hang out with her because she's fun as well as the fact that being social hermits for a year would be pretty damaging to their lives.

I think I'm gonna take her up on that advice because I'm starting to get cabin fever. Malinda may still be getting used to the whole new body new life I'm scared to impersonate someone but this isnt my first rodeo. I'm ready to meet new people. When I decided to become a "Traveler" and take on a new life and body every year I did it so I could have new experiences and meet new people, something I'm not doing a lot of living with a wet blanket like Malinda.

So this weekend I'm going to play tennis, poorly. But I'm going to enjoy myself. Ive actually been dying to test the athletic potential of this body so this will be good for me.

Also on a blog note, I held off on posting the last couple of weeks because Alia told me that there were new writers sending her emails. I wanted to give the readers time to get used to their stories as well as for the writers to be able to post their stuff without it being buried once they got their acccounts.

To our four new "victims" I say welcome and hopefully this is only a one year adventure for you all.

-Greg

Lisa: Eve

I didn't ask for this did I?

Okay, I feel shitty, like I don't have a right to complain because, look at what just happened to two of my best friends. To be honest, I'm kinda jealous of them, because if you had to be someone else, wouldn't it at least be interest to turn into the opposite sex? They get to learn so much. What do I get? A big reset on my life. They're at least in control. If I have to be "Eve Christopoulos" I have to go to school, live in a dorm with other people and basically give up control.

Okay, my real life isn't anything to be jealous of, but I'm worried I'm just gonna tread over the same path as I did before. Maybe I'll make the most of this opportunity. Maybe I'll waste it. I don't feel good. I don't want to get this girl stuck in a rut but I have no idea how to do things differently.

But we're all sort of forming a support system for each other. Shaun stands on his own... regular guy as regular guy, a shoulder for me to lean on. Zane leans on Anthony: Anthony seems to have the "girl" thing in hand, or at least is hiding his own panic well. He's such a "together" guy that losing his body barely flapped him. Anthony has me to look to as a role model, if he needs it. We sat down and he asked me some very forthright questions about what to expect. I gave him my best answers on how to treat his body. We're sisters now. "Charlotte's" Blackberry was already exploding. We need to get to California pronto, it seems.

To say nothing of the rest of the people here, meeting new "spouses" or saying goodbye to their own loved ones. We're one party that became another party. That's... something to be grateful for I guess.

Then I look back over at Zane and I think how dumb it is for me to complain. Sorry, buddy. I'm here for ya.

Zane: I guess this is what it's like

No choice but to get used to it now... ladies, I'm one of you.

That's a freaky thought. I've had a week to get used to it, but it still doesn't make sense to me. I wake up and I think I'm still me for a split second, then my hand reaches over and pats my breast and... woop. There it is.

I was the last one to open up a suitcase. Anthony was first, showing what a good sport he is. Also he needed to find a pair of glasses because I guess his girl-body has vision problems. Shaun and Lisa followed suit because even though they're in strangers' bodies, they're not all that different. I just laid in bed all day overheating in my sleepwear trying to pretend it was all some sick dream.

Before I even read the letter I was not a fan of this chick. She did not pack any jeans or slacks or what I would call "sensible" underwear. I guess it's too much to ask that a girl wear boxers, but all I'm left with are these little triangles of fabric. I looked at these things thinking "these things are gonna choke me to death down there" but no, they slipped on nice and snug. There was nothing really "guyish" to wear, it was all summer dresses, light, billowy, flauncy things with girly patterns on them. Anthony convinced me to put one one just to see how it felt. I felt like a guy in a dress. He said I looked fine but I felt ridiculous. I'm not used to showing a lot of skin, so these wee thin straps over my shoulders, and the way it just barely comes up over my chest... I look down and I can see right down between my... my thingies.

Boobs.

I don't want to have them.

I love them, I do, on women. They're great to look at and I can't deny the longer I have a set of my own the more I cup them and rub them and smoosh them, but then a feeling goes through my body and I remember these are ATTACHED to me and that's not right. They feel inconvenient to jam into these stupid bras and dresses, even though they're not that big. They're just these little bobbles of flesh that bounce a bit when I move too quickly.

So let's talk about this woman. Clara, 24... a model from California. And I would think "Hey if I have to live someone's life, it seems really easy to be someone who's just hot for a living." But it sounds like a lot of stress, because half her letter to me was intricately describing her lifestyle, workout routines, diet, beauty regiments, blah, blah... as my eyes scrolled down this lengthy list of directions on hos to be this girl, I just felt sick. Like I wasn't in charge of anything anymore. Claustrophobic. She's in control of me. There's nothing I can do.

We're going to California tomorrow and I'm taking a break from writing out my own letter to let you know about me.

Anthony: Straightening out the chaos

None of us can seem to put this situation into words. Having pored over this blog for the past couple of days, I sense you all have as good of an understanding as you can as to what has just happened to us. I wish we had had any sort of warning, but how can you? Especially since, so they say, anyone told about the curse will be in disbelief.

I was running in control mode all day Sunday. Realizing my body had changed, I suppose, sent me into a headspace of solving problems and making sure everything was OK with my friends. I knew I was a female now, but I didn't let that register with me until it was okay to indulge a little personal panic. I had to keep calm for everyone else. The first thing I did was check on Zane. He was understandably freaks. He had been changed, like me, into a girl. At first I thought all of us had been changed into opposite-gendered bodies, but when I visited Shaun and Lisa, I found that was not the case. And so the mystery of the Trading Post Inn began to unravel. Before long it was something we could wrap our heads around.

That doesn't mean I like it, but I can't deal with that right now. Before I can worry about myself, I need assurance that everyone is healthy and safe and... I don't know, adjusting, if need be.

After I confirmed what had happened with Shaun and Lisa, we went about figuring out the missing pieces of our "new lives." Lisa and I have wound up in the bodies of a pair of sisters, albeit ones separated by ten years. Lisa is a girl named Eve, who is going into her first year at college. "Doug" you already know about, and Zane is his "sister," a woman named Clara.

I've been keeping an eye on him. For the first day he didn't move much, probably as much due to hangover as to shock and not wanting to "deal with it." Finally, when he drifted back asleep I sneaked back to my own room.

I was reluctant to go rooting through this woman's luggage, but I knew nothing I had was going to fit me. Her figure is very... womanly and I was embarrassed to stay in my own clothes as long as I did because it must have looked pathetic. Even so, I had a hard time imagining myself picking out an outfit.

Her name is Charlotte Christopoulos, "Ceecee," a junior modelling agent. Clearly not a model herself. When I finally got a look at myself naked, I was not thrilled.

I don't want to use the word "fat." I'm a sensitive guy and I know that women come in all shapes. "Fat" implies there's a giant gut bulging out, just rolls everywhere. "Curvy" is the correct term... she's got a bit of a belly curving over the waistband of the underpants, and a very wide set of hips... a big bum to sit on... but that's what they say "real women" are supposed to look like, isn't it? It comes with a very large set of boobs hanging down, blocking my view of my feet. When I found a bra to wear, the cups were 34-F's. And I think it may be too small. I wedged my tits in and they really felt like they were on display... I really understand why they call it a "rack."

I tried to squeeze myself into a set of jean-shorts, but that wasn't comfortable... they rode up in the front which is not only tight, but unnatural feeling for me as I'm used to that area featuring very different geography, of course.

With a sigh, I switched out for a skirt and tanktop, walking and sitting awkwardly the rest of the day. Zane took a look at me and asked how I could be wearing these clothes, and I said there wasn't much option and he was going to have to deal with it sooner than later. Weakly, he looked up at me and asked, his voice taking a girlish tone, "Is it gonna be okay?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I think so," not sure whether I believed it.

Shaun: Tell me what to do

The others are too freaked out to talk. Once we found out this e-mail was connected with this blog I asked "Alia" to refrain from posting any of our correspondence until we had our own accounts set up and were ready to talk.

I think I'm probably the only one who's in a place to say anything, so here's what happened.

Lisa and I were in bed Saturday night. I was already asleep, she stumbled in drunk. I offered to take the floor, but she was pretty belligerent, saying "Head to toe, we're going head-to-toe. Go back to sleep." Right.

We wake up at the crack of dawn when she falls out of bed. I hear the thump and when I look over, I see her on the floor... I mean I don't see her, but I see her hand waving, "It's all right!"

She pulls her up and suddenly I get a glimpse of her and something's not right. "Lisa," I say, "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," she says. We come face to face, and she gives me this look like she doesn't know who I am.

Neither of us had any idea what the other person was looking at. So there was this initial reaction of "Who are you, I'm me, what are you talking about, what's going on..." I guess it hit us differently than the others, because even though the faces in the mirror were different, they weren't drastic changes.

The girl I was looking at was now a much younger form, thinner and perkier, with long dark hair rather than Lisa's shoulder-length blonde do. My own face had changed pretty noticeably, too. Somehow, my beard had shaved itself off overnight, like her I lost a few years off my skin and face... my hairline moved forward some, my hair lightened from its chestnut brown tone to a lighter, more gingery tone. At the time, the changes were strange enough, but we didn't sense the full depth of the weirdness going on until we heard a knock at the door. We stopped in our tracks, silently wondering if we would open it to find answers. Instead, more questions.

What I saw was a short, round-figured woman with rosy cheeks, with similar long dark hair and features to Lisa's. She looked back and forth between us. She turned to me and asked, "Lisa?"

I pointed at the girl by the bed. The woman in the doorway seemed struck. Seeing them side by side, they were clearly sisters. The older woman looked up at me gravely. "Shaun."

"Yeah. Do we... know you?"

She hesitated a moment before identifying herself as Anthony. I didn't want to believe it. Whatever had happened to us had affected everyone else at the inn similarly... even more strangely at that. My best friend for a decade, a former collegiate athlete, standing before me as a woman half-dressed in ill-fitting men's sleep clothes. I was too stunned to ask him anything about what had happened. I didn't know if he could answer, I didn't want him to.

He sat on the bed and swept his long locks out of his face. "It doesn't make sense." He had clearly already been thinking a while. "Between me and Zane, we both changed into... we're both like this, I thought you guys would... I mean, the pattern doesn't add up. I thought everyone was being changed... like this."

"You're a girl." Lisa finally said. Anthony nodded without glancing over.

"How did this happen?" I blurted out, trying to be constructive.

"I don't know," Anthony said, "I'm not sure it matters. I thought we were being changed randomly, but looking at Lisa... there's a similarity there, right?"

"Right," I answered back.

Anthony began to deduce there were specific people we had become, and that was when Lisa remembered the bags. I can't believe she hadn't mentioned them earlier, the mysterious discarded luggage in our room's closet. There was only one set, though. We opened it up to find it was a man's... mine. In it were, of course, better-fitting clothes, and a number of personal papers, and a letter attempting to explain the situation.

Now that I know this e-mail is connected to this blog, I don't need to explain to you how the wheels in our heads started turning. It quickly occurred to me that I was being told about my new life.

The man in question is Doug Green, a manager for Home Supply Depot from Santa Monica, California. There weren't too many extra details beyond that, aside form the fact that his wife is back there waiting for him.

That made me have to sit down. On first reading it, it just seems like somebody's life is being described to me. It isn't until you get to a detail like that that you pause and realize you're being told about the life you are going to lead. Just a few weeks ago, my fiancee broke my heart. Now I'm suddenly a married man? Heavy.

I'm trying not to show my emotion in front of the others, though. As soon as we became aware of the situation it was clear, even before we found out about their letters, that Anthony, Zane and even Lisa had more on their plate. But I can't help but admit to you that it's a lot to digest.

So I'm keeping my mouth shut a little, out of respect. We're just waiting to figure out what our next move is.

ZANE - WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

OKAY OKAY OKAY I'm sobered up a bit now. It's nearly 5 AM and I'm afraid to leave this room so I thought I would send you another e-mail kindly asking WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???

I was feeling weird until I passed out. I was asleep for maybe an hour when I heard a knock at the door. I stand up to answer it and my legs give out from under me. My clothes feel baggy, but I hold my waistband and slowly walk across the room. When I open the door I'm looking down at this chick dressed a guy's t-shirt and boxers. I can barely see her in the darkness and for a second I think it's Lisa, but Lisa's blonde.

"Hello?" I say in a whisper, my throat scratchy from all the drinking I did last night.

"Zane?" she asks.

"Uh, yeah?"

"So it happened to you too."

"What happened?" I'm totally confused what this chick is going on about.

"This happened." She pokes me in the chest and walks past me into my room. And where she poked me, it feels soft, kinda spongy, kinda like... well, like a breast. Like a girl's breast.

I look down and I can kinda see them and I can kinda feel them hanging off my chest but they're not... I mean, I can't tell if I feel anything different. She walks through to my washroom and turns on the light and I just keep asking myself "Do I know this lady? What's she going on about?" rather than, you know, noticing what's going on with me. That happened a second later when she said "Come look, you idiot."

I follow her because I think something sexy is going on, or I'm having a really lucid, really freaky dream. She's staring at herself in the mirror. I turn and face the reflection and

THAT'S NOT ME.

I gasp. "What the FUCK." Suddenly I notice how squeaky my voice has gotten. Way too high.

In the mirror, I see us clearly. She's short, her head only comes up to my neck. Long dark hair, squinting at herself. I don't have time to really look at her face because I'm too busy looking at mine or at least where mine is supposed to be. But I don't see me.

I see a chick.

She's tall and thin and... pretty, I guess, but she's ME. I moved my hand in front of my face and it was like... like I was watching somebody else.

She was a girl though. Me. I'm the girl. I cup my hands over my breasts and I feel them... they can move and everything. They just barely fit in my hands but it's like I have my own tits growing off me! I scream out "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHO ARE YOU??"

And she looks up at me, totally calm and everything and goes "Zane. I'm Anthony."

Bullshit.

She doesn't look like Anthony. She doesn't sound like Anthony. She's dressed in his clothes but...

but...

shit. I look at myself again. I don't look or sound like me. Something happened.

I back away. I don't want to look. I don't want to see anything.

She starts pacing back and forth like Anthony does. Talking very confidently.

"Okay, let's get a handle on this. Overnight, we, our bodies, have been transformed."

"We've been transformed??" I repeat, not believing this shit.

"It's the only... explanation. It sounds crazy, but we're in our own rooms. I was in bed when it happened. Something startled me and I just woke up like this. In my own room, still in my own clothes. Zane, we've turned into girls."

I stare at her. "This is what I'd look like as a girl?"

"That's what you DO look like. Zane. This must have happened to everyone here."

"Well what about the girls? Did they turn into guys?"

"Potentially," he says. Or she says?

"Well do you think there's a way to undo this?"

"I don't know. How would I know?"

"I don't know! You seem to know what's going on!"

"Just because I'm calm, don't misunderstand, Zane, I'm just as confused as anyone. But freaking out isn't going to do us any good. Something happened to us that's beyond explanation. We might be stuck, or we might just need to stay like this for a little while."

So I'm asking YOU, TRADING POST EMAIL to please EXPLAIN THIS SHIT TO ME.

Ugh I can't even look at my dainty little hands while I'm typing this. Fuuuuck.

Zane - Werid stuff

Okay so I'm a bit drunk so if i can't type my bad. Im usaully way better even when im drunk but my fingers feel weird. this whole place feels wierd. um. where Do i begin?

this E-Mail, like I never heard of a n independant cutsromer sevrice e-mail. I couldn't finf any reference to this email on the trading post site, so I dunno who you work for but let me tell yuo about my weekend.

Maine makes people do weird thigns. Take Lisa who's NEVER shown any intesret in me before. Weve known each other for years, years and if anthing, she's gotte nless intersted in me over time! She doesn't believe me but I told her she still looks like when we were in college. Last night we got to drinking and while Shaun and Anthony were off playing darts, me and her were going beer for beer pounding local brews and after about six she was looking really good, so I lean over and I dothe thing where I sweep some hair out of her eyes. Classic.

So she leans in and kisses me and we walk back up the beach to my room because shes sharing a room with Shaun. I thought that meant she was ghooking up with him!

But we get back to my room and start getting busy, but the second I get my hand up he shirt she backs off. "Sorry" she says, "but I need to stop before we do something I regret." Bleh. That sucked. Its been way too long since I touched breasts.

Anyway, Maine does weird things to people. Maybe it's the ocean air making people horny. Maybe that's just the alcohol. When I started this I could barely type (I'm writing in on an iPhone) but now my fingers feel less clumsy. Must be sobering up.

The people next door won't stop murmuring. That's another tyhing. These people, I hear their voiced all night I can barely sleep.

I think something made me sick. Maybe it was that local beer, or there was bedbugs in the sheets. I feel like I've got a rash -- can't stop scratching my arms and my scalp... but I don't feel any bumps.

I feel like I've got the most epic case of BSTL (Balls Stuck To Leg) ever. The rain is making it humid and my hair is getting all frizzy, I feel like I've got a cough stuck in my throat. Take a deep breath hold on. I cant get comfortable in this bed its wreckerd my back my muscles are all tense.

hold on I don't know how to end this email

Lisa- Regrets

Dear Trading Post E-Mail,

Is it weird that I suspect you're not actually affiliated with the Inn? I hope not, because I feel kind of bold tonight (although that may just be the Crown and Coke I have sitting on the nightstand) and I wanna spill my guts a little.

My friend Shaun tells me he said a bit about what brought us here. About how his fiancee broke up with him before the wedding. When he couldn't get rid of the reservation, I came along because I needed to get out of my rut, but truth is, it's just reminding me about some mistakes I've made.

My time to get married came about five years ago. I was in my 20's and had been seeing him for only a year, so I thought it was too soon even though I really liked him. He took my rejection pretty hard, but I tried to keep the relationship going... he apparently never got over it. Over-emotional, which was his main failing, but otherwise he was a solid guy. Good job, nice hair, great car... guh, I'm driving myself crazy just remembering him.

It was dumb of me to turn him down, but I thought he'd propose again in time, when we were more certain. Our relationship lasted a few months more, then he decided his heart wasn't in it and off he went.

Now, of course, I realize my mistake. I haven't dated anyone seriously since him, and he's married with a kid. That could be me by now!

Well, that's my spilled milk to cry over.

I came along because I was hoping to meet someone. You never know. But it's hard to find guys to chat up when you're constantly surrounded by your male college friends.

It's getting brutal, but even Zane is starting to look decent to me. Shh, don't tell the others. Even Shaun, if I didn't know he would read too much into it, might deserve a pity fuck. But I've never been that girl to any of them, and that's a good thing.

Except now that I need something easy and fun.

Even if I end up regretting it later... which I almost certainly would! Oooof, I have said too much. Blame it on the drinks!

Shaun -- Trip of Fools

Dear Trading Post Inn: Screw You.

This has got to be the worst trip ever.

A little background. Last Christmas, I proposed to my longtime girlfriend. We set the date for September. Unfortunately, our work schedules basically made honeymooning impossible, so we booked this non-refundable vacation in Maine as sort of a pre-honeymoon. It was going to be us and her brother Anthony and his girlfriend Rebbecca. Anthony and I are very close, he was going to be my best man. He's a really together guy, a VP for a Travel Agency. Very organized, and once you get to know him, pretty funny. We went to college together, and he introduced me to his sister.

Then in July -- as in two weeks ago -- she calls it off. Five years together gone because she's got cold feet. No matter how much I beg and plead, she won't hear me out or take me back. I guess you can't force someone to marry you if they don't want to.

So after all this grief and heartache and trying to figure out when I can get my stuff, I'm stuck with these tickets and reservations I can't seem to get rid of. Logic dictates they would just hand the reservations off to anyone else or, you know, just have some vacant slots in their stupid hotel, but no, apparently logic doesn't apply in Maine and I am honor bound to keep the reservation. Even if I don't show up, I'll be billed. That's bullshit, I'm sorry.

But here I am anyway on my lonely little non-honeymoon. Since the reservation was for two, I decided to invite my old college friend Lisa. She's cute and everything but I never really thought of her that way. Still, I know she's had a few negative experiences, so she keeps elbowing me and reminding me she's not a rebound. Yeah, Lisa, I know.

To top that all off? Anthony's girlfriend got food poisoning and her last-minute replacement, keeping with the "college reunion" theme, we brought our other buddy Zane along. He's had a rough time of his own, being unemployed for the last three years, aside from piecework and shit jobs. It's nice to get "the gang" back together, but under these circumstances, it's depressing as hell.

But I guess it could be worse. The weather's mild. We still all get along well. The beds seem comfy enough. The place has a certain rustic charm. I just need a lot of beer from now until we go home.

At least someone slipped this e-mail address under my door. Sorry for ranting, but you did say to "open up" about my Inn experience!

Yours,
Shaun Moran

Todd: Hit the Road

Wow, long time no see!

It isn't that my life has been exceptionally interesting, quite the opposite. All spring I was finishing up at University, chasing after that pesky BA that's eluded me for nearly a decade.

And now that I have it... I don't really know what to do with my life. I still work at the store, I still play the occasional gig with Bry and Shelby, but all that... that's not a long-term plan. We can try to make the music thing work, believe me nothing would please me more, but all we can do is keep plugging along.

Sometimes Bry and I joke about going back to the Inn -- when Alia and Shel aren't around (since Shel wouldn't get it, and Alia woudn't hear of it,) -- and waking up in the as people who already have their lives laid out. That's the fantasy, that someone would tell us how to live and who to be. Isn't that pathetic? Well, the grass is always greener, because we already lived those lives, and we hated them.

But just when things were getting rough, and Bry was attempting to re-open contact with Ellie, this opportunity came up, not unlike the one that brought us to Maine to begin with. Our band -- the one that barely rehearses and didn't have a proper name -- was asked to fill in as an opening act for this local pop punk band that's touring the Northeast.

It seems like a pretty good deal, and it's been a lot of fun, but to make it worth our while we've had to book a few gigs of our own. We called up contacts, did exhaustive searches, and barely scrounged up enough gigs that we will have a reason to keep being out there until September.

The problem is, when people want to book you, they want a name to go along with it. This has been a point of contention between the three of us. Until last month, when Bry had a burst of inspiration. He chose something that meant a lot to both of us, as well as carrying meaning for people like Shelby who don't, and never will, know our true story.

Our new band name? Somebody Else.

I'm checking in quickly, because we hit the road for the border tomorrow morning. The tour's already passed through Southern Ontario, Mississauga, London, we just finished the Windsor show... we'll be swinging through Michigan, Ohio... obviously, there's a "zone" that extends westward from Maine and we'll be in Inn country most of the time, including stops in Philly and New York later this month. We'll be heading deep into New England, so any of you fine Inn folks that want tickets to a show, don't hesitate to ask.

I'll try to keep you updated, but it's hard enough getting time to sit down and think about any of this, let alone write about it. Still, I figure I owe it to myself and you guys to chronicle this new adventurous phase of my life.

Rock n' roll
-Todd

Greg/Alexis: Killing it with Kindness

Once upon a time I was engaged to be married to my soulmate and if I had never had my life stolen by a cursed Inn, I would today be just past my 1st Anniversary. I dont know what married life is supposed to be like, but Amber and I had been living together for a long time and I knew how to successfully cohabitate with someone that you love.

My current situation, while legally a marriage, is not at all one. I dont expect it to be. It's what I like to call a "marriage by magic". We're to strangers thrown together and told to play like we love each other. Thats a difficult thing to do and I dont blame Malinda for hating it. A commenter told me that I should try being nice to Malinda. Which is what I was going to do anyway because I've dealt with a situation like this before.

My freshman year at the University of Chicago I was assigned a roommate blindly. Turns out mine was a Japanese student named Tashiro, who spoke broken English when he spoke at all and was very cold to me for the first two months.

After a long cold war of silently hating each other, Me and Tosh bonded when I bought a new video game system. Turns out he was really into video games and we were both really competitive. After countless all nighters full of mountain dew and vodka we finally had something to unite us. Tash and I stayed friends throughout college and even emailed after he went back to Japan to work for Nintendo. Now all I need to do is find that common ground with Malinda.

Tash's animosity stemmed mostly from the culture shock of going from Japan to the American Midwest. I think Malinda is going through similar shock going from Bitchy Texan to Gay Artist. Finding common ground with Malinda is difficult thought because she treats me with uneasy precaution. Ever since she found out that I was born male, she thinks I'm on some mission to live out a male fantasy of having lesbian sex with her, so every nice thing I do to her she immediately thinks I'm hitting on her. So any gesture of bonding and kindness has to be done innocuously and totally platonic.

This means the obvious flowers, candy, clothes and makeup are out of the question, which sucks because all girls, even me, like those things. On Last Sunday I decided to to a barbecue, which is a Texas tradition I think. I was grilling the meat but whenever I asked for her help or suggestions she kinda blew me off. Didnt seem to impressed with the meat either.

On Wednesday I tried to do "movie night" where I would bring home some free ice cream and we'd sit in front of the tv in our pajamas and watch a crappy chick flick, something that worked quite well for female bonding when I was Priya. Turns out I underestimated Malinda and she apparently hates chick flicks.

On Friday I made a little progress, I convinced her to leave the house. I think she got tired of being cooped up inside the house was getting to her so we went to see a movie. Captain America isnt as terrible as it looks or sounds and apparently she likes the superhero genre. We talked about movies on the way there and even had a normal convo during the movie. Altough at some point I think she thought it was too much like a date and closed up again. We rode home in silence. Still, baby steps.

Im still exiled to the couch but I'm working on moving a cot or something to her studio that she isnt using. Hopefully I'll find some common ground for us

-Greg.

Tori: First Date

Reality check: I've been a girl for two years now. When this started I was scared of my own body, but by now I've learned what feels good, how to treat it right, and most importantly how to dress it.

Or so I thought.

Let me tell you, it was an ordeal trying to figure out what to wear for my first date with Alex. Last week, Philly was right in the middle of a heatwave that made my hair frizz out to epic proportions and made me want to wear as little as possible. But I had already embarrassed myself by being too forward with him. I want to show him I'm not rushing things but I'm also, well... good to go.

"I say slut it up," Mae advised me. She was lying on my bed reading Reddit on her laptop. Mae has been staying with me all month. Mom and dad thought it would be good since it'll be like a vacation and I live closer to her summer job. She's staying in Raine's room right now, because Raine is house-sitting as she often does in the summer. Mae has been a good houseguest, because unlike whenw e lived together our schedules don't clash and every so often I let her drink.

In response, I flung one of my bras at her. She plucked it off her head and held it to her own chest. "Wear a push-up bra so he doesn't realize you have wee-boobs."

In the past year or so, Mae has become one of the few girls I know that could get away with describing my rather ample chest as "wee." No, the girls aren't huge, but I know if I was still a guy I'd be hypnotized, and plenty guys are. Hers, though, have gotten almost unwieldy. In fact, her "growing up" years have been pretty good to her. What I envy about her is that she's embraced her body-type, that she's good-looking without being sticklike and knows it. She's a bit cocky about it perhaps, but her confidence is healthy. If I had been able to choose which girl to be, I would probably rather have landed in her body.

But of course, I have to live with what nature -- or rather a cursed Inn -- gave me, and you know, I haven't gotten any complaints yet. It's a lot of work, though.

Sadly, all that fretting got me only to the point where I admitted simplicity was best. I put on a black miniskirt and a white tanktop with a light overshirt and prayed for no pitstains.

The date itself... was fine. I don't know. He arrived at my door and I wanted so badly for it to have a "big date" feel, but it was really just like going to hang out with a friend. We went and saw X-Men at my insistence since I'm way behind on my summer comic book movies. It was probably the best X-Men movie since the first one. He got his arm around my shoulder, which I liked, but I was so engrossed by the plot that I completely forgot to make out with him.

After that, the date started to get... weird. We were having trouble breaking out of our "friend" zone. I mean, we've hung out plenty, but we just couldn't shift from buddies to... well, more.

Drinks helped with that. We went to the bar and I ordered, instead of a girly drink or cocktail, just a beer. I don't love the taste of beer, so I had to pace myself so I wouldn't try to throw myself at him again.

It worked. We began to loosen up, share a bit more. Alex, as much as I feel safe opening up to him (as much as I ever open up to anyone who doesn't know my secret) is hard to crack open himself, but he let it slip about how he used to be really awkward on dates and deep down inside was still the kind of guy who didn't know why anyone would want to be with him.

Awwwww!

I did want to jump him then and there, but... again, self-control was key. I wriggled in my seat and decided to play coy for once in my life. I smiled. I laughed. I played with my hair and touched his arm.

Suddenly I looked in his eyes and I felt it. That spark we'd been missing. It's like I switched something on inside him.

Suddenly I realized I really was the one with the power. He was the one fumbling with his words and awkwardly trying to make jokes to impress me. And I've had that before, with Buddy, but this time, with the attraction I had for Alex, it was... it was something else. Guys, it was hot.

He drove me home, and walked me to the door. "We should call it a night," I said, "We've got work tomorrow."

I could feel the desire - I think - burning inside him. How hard it was for him to walk away. But it was all he could do to pull me in for a goodnight kiss.

I think I'm winning at dating.

I watched him walk back to his car, and drive off. I went up to my apartment and saw Mae there on the couch watching Insidious. "How was the date?" She asked with a mouth half-full of popcorn.

"Fine," I sighed. "I'm going to bed now."

And I went to bed, but it was a good long while before I went to sleep. A gooooood long while.

It's hard holding back, but totally worth it. I'm doing this right. This is good.

Greg/Alexis: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

The other day I was struck by the realization that this is my 4th body in 4 years. 4. Im pretty sure thats a record on the Trading Post Inn blog, and probably in the top 10% of human beings all time. Changing into someone else is something that most humans would never and could never think about dealing with, and here it is basically my midsummer routine.

Ive gotten used to new wardrobes, new voices, new hairstyles and makeup patterns, new cars, new cities, new friends, and new tastes. I think though, the thing that I hate having to deal with each time is having to get used to a new job.

I really wish I couldve swapped into a rich person where I didnt have to work. I wish I couldve gotten off easy as Todd did when he was Anne Marie. I would love a year off, sitting around doing nothing. (Although from what I can tell, Todd did that before he was Anne Marie too). Malinda got off easy. Her job title is offically "artist". No kidding, that's what Sharon's tax returns say. She paints things and sells them locally. She isnt exactly successful but it seems to be her calling. I wouldve loved to be able to paint all day. Although any art I made would probably come out dark and strange considering all I've had to deal with in my life.

Anyway, back on point. Alexis' (Im gonna use her full name despite the fact that nobody else does because there's another Alex in another posters life) vacation time finally ran out and I had to go back into her job at McAllister Dairies.

M.D. (Not the real name by the way, but close. I dont want this blog appearing on the companies google hits) is not just an ice cream maker as I originally thought, although that is their best selling product. Apparently they also do cheese and milk etc. because apparently dairy and maple syrup are what keep Vermont afloat. Anyway, this is a dairy corporation, and its offices are headed in Burlington.

Alexis' official title is "Chair of Information Technology" because she is apparently a whiz with electronics. That is why I took as much vacation time as possible, because this job scared the heck out of me.

When I was Priya I was a teacher, and yeah that should be more scary than IT, it was only kindergartners and I had a couple months to practice. (and I did a bang up job, Priya tells me).

Dee's job was basically processing paperwork for a major state university. Not exactly high level thinking (which is why Dee did it I bet). I mastered that within a week.

But IT, I was not prepared to deal with all kinds of networking, software, and hardware issues that may arise with over 100 computers. I mean, Im a child of the 90s and came of age on the internet. Heck, I'm blogging. I'm computer literate, but not even close to as advanced as Alexis and her computer science degree. You should see her home computers, theyre amazing. Besides the expensive alienware laptop with a biometric thumprint lock she has a top of the line office computer and one of the coolest gaming computers I've ever seen.

Anyway, after reading as much as I could on the internet, I took the Range Rover into work. IT is a small office on the 4th floor with about 5 people including Alexis. They're all nice guys, and I say nice guys because they are all male. Dorks is the word to describe them but they are nice dorks, and clearly there is no sexual tension in the room. Apparently they are all aware of my orientation and totally cool with it, makes for a relaxed atmosphere.

The first day was a major relief. Turns out Alexis' job as IT Manager is mostly management. Any and all computer problems are delegated and assigned to one of the other workers and they take care of it. Its mostly records and payroll and reports. And since I managed a whole damn hotel in a previous life, 5 geniuses is a cakewalk.

Anyone British and or worldly enough to know where my post title comes from sees the parallels. "Have you tried turning it off and on again" is a catchphrase from and English comedy called "The IT crowd" which is about a woman who knows nothing about computers who manages her lovably nerdy friends in the IT department. My life is not nearly as comical as hers but its nice to know that I'll be able to BS my way to a paycheck and not have to deal with living on the street.



On the whole Malinda front. I'm still exiled to the couch, and I say that not because I wanna sleep in the same bed as her, because I dont. Sharon's body is gorgeous but Malinda is on my nerves so much that the attraction is nullified. I'd at least like 3 days of the week though.

She's stopped randomly crying, at least from what I've seen. She doesnt paint though, so she spends most of her day watching TV and spying on her old life via Facebook. The place is pretty dirty though because she DOESNT clean. I dont know if she was dirty before, had a maid, or just doesnt care in this life, but I dont know if I can work 40 hours a week plus pick up after her.

I'll giver her a little more time to get over it though. Ive got enough to worry about without starting a confrontation.

-GregAlexis

Tori: Go For It

I spent a few weeks being more confused about Alex (my Alex, not Greg's now body, obviously!) What was clear was that I was into him. What wasn't clear was what steps to take.

I've never been in this situation since being in this body. It's not hard for me to get guys' attention, and usually it was unwanted, but it was there when I needed it. I'd be lying if I didn't say my attraction to Alex was part of my decision to end things with Buddy. I thought I caught a hint of it here and there but since I broke up with Buddy, he's been pretty distant and I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if "reading guys" is something they teach girls in school, or if they're normally this baffled. I used to think we were pretty straightforward, but I don't know what to do.

I tried to keep things "business as usual" but interacting with him on a regular basis was getting painful. Whenever he would crack a joke, I'd try to laugh extra hard, and if a girl passed and he turned his head even slightly my chest would heat up with jealousy.

I was folding laundry Monday night, and I just... lost it. What am I doing here? Why am I living this life, wearing panties and having boobs and painting my nails, if I'm just going to sit around not getting what I want? I'm not just John Clifford with a pussy.

So I formulated a plan to drag Alex out to a club. I hate those places, but it's a good place to just get drunk and let yourself go. In general I don't dance, but I decided to wedge my tits into a nice tight dress and dragged him out for the night.

The plan... and I'm not proud of this... was basically just to get drunk and throw myself at him. But the more physically aggressive I got, the more he backed off. By the end of the night, I was feeling frustrated. I wondered if I had just messed up the entire situation. Not only that, but I had really made an ass of myself, pretty much making my attraction to him too obvious to ignore. I woke up the next morning feeling like a total asshole.

For a little while after that, I tried ignoring Alex altogether, but he came and broke the ice.

"So listen..."

"Look, you don't need to say anything. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't be so reckless with my friends. I hope I didn't embarrass you too much."

He chuckled, "You didn't. Not too much. I mean, I could've done with less groping." Oh man, did I grope the hell out of him. "But Tori, we're friends, so a little craziness is allowed."

I felt my throat get thick and my chest heat up again. "Friends," I repeated the word. "Look, Alex, I don't know what you're thinking, but I might as well tell you..." I began to tremble, I had to stick my hands in my pockets and slouch over like I was a teenage boy.

"This is embarrassing. That was my really sick way of trying to tell you I... like you."

Ugh, God, I felt like such an idiot. Very high school. Junior high, even.

He briefly seemed like he was taken off he guard, but quickly composed himself like he had been expecting this. "Yeah. I kinda figured. And I mean, Tori, you're great." Wince. "I love spending time with you." Teeth clench. "But I know you just got out of a serious relationship and I'd hate to think you're just jumping into something because it's convenient."

My feelings of fear and hurt were suddenly replaced with a need to defend myself. "Relationship? Buddy? That was... not as serious as you'd think," I kinda lied, but it was definitely problematic. "Alex, I've spent a lot of time by myself. I know what I want. I'm not rebounding. I actually... I mean, part of the reason I broke up with him was because I didn't want to leave you, because I... I'd like to be with you, okay?"

"You're sure about this?"

"Absolutely." I gulped. Part of me still worries this is a huge mistake.

"Let me think about it," he said.

The weekend passed, and I still hadn't heart from him. It was agonizing. I just kept freaking out and trying to reassure myself, preparing arguments if he came back saying we should just be friends... that if this was our friendship I was prepared to end it because I know I couldn't keep going. I don't know, it seemed drastic, but I was worried something drastic would be necessary.

Then today, while I'm at work, he texts me (from elsewhere at work) "So... dinner Thursday night?"

ASDFGHJGGG UNFF YES please.

I've never been this excited for a guy. Buddy took me a while to warm up to, and Leo was just a business arrangement. This one... I don't know, there's something special about him.

Greg/Alexis: Phone Calling

So once Malinda and I settled in at the apartment, me basically just started taking inventory of all the things in our new lives. The distraction seemed good for her. I have to keep remembering what it was like for me when I first changed, but even then it was into someone I knew. She's a total stranger, and thats gotta be difficult for her.

The first morning after a nights sleep on the Barco's very comfy couch the first thing I did was pick up the phone and dial the number I had for Selena Bookman, of Minneapolis. She wasnt really Mrs. Bookman, she was in fact the real Alexis. A young boy picked up the phone.

"Hello"

"Hi, I'm looking for Selena Bookman"

"Who's calling"

"My name is Alexis Barco" (I figured that would let her know what this is about)

I heard a door shut on the other end and a hushed voice saying "Who is this?"

"Alexis Barco" I reply, not knowing who it was at first

"Yeah, But who are you REALLY?" she asked

"Among other things...Greg Schmitt, from Chicago"

"A man....thats surpising" she said almost as if she didnt expect it.

I gave her my life story, told her about all my inn visits and gave her a link to the blog. She gave me a lot of insight into her life.

Both her and Sharon are from Vermont originally, although different parts. They met in college at U of V. Alexis had been a lesbian all her life and her parents were cool with it, it was something she had felt from a very young age etch. Sharon was more of a popular girl type who had dated guys up until she met Alex, fell in love, and realized that she had been lying to herself for years.

Alex was apparently a tomboy/geek. She had played hockey in college and had a degree in Computer Science. Sharon was the girlier of the two and her degree was in Fine Arts. After college they stayed in Burlington, got married, and Alex took a job as an IT manager while Sharon pursued her painting.

Fast forward to this summer when they were on a road trip through the New England coast and they stopped at the wrong inn. Alex is now playing house in Minnesota with two teenaged kids and a husband who I can tell she resents.

Sharon, on the other hand, wound up in a truck driver named Jack, based out of Rochester, NY. The former cheerleader apparently isnt handling being big and burly very well. Apparently they talk online but not much to avoid arousing suspicion. There is a definite melancholy tone when she talks about her. I can relate, although at least they know who they are, unlike me and Amber were.

We talked over a few more details and I gave her a quick play by play on how to get her life back and she seemed relieved at that. She had to go to some household stuff so I let her go and went in to talk to Malinda.

"You should call the real Sharon"

"And say what?" She asked rolling her eyes

"Youre body is OK what do i need to know to pretend to be you?"

"Being a lazy ass artist isnt a really complicated life, I dont think I need her to explain that to me"

Her denial was starting to get on my nerves, but again, not everyone reacts as well as us bloggers do. I think all the authors on here share the same level headed pragmatism. Clearly Malinda didnt.

I called the number I had for Jack the Trucker but it went to voicemail so I left a message.


That brings us today when I was checking the comments on my last post. A reader named Kiai posted this.




From prior posts here it's clear that brain-patterning trumps prior preferences, big-time. Your new wife is in for a rough landing as that soaks in. Be ready to catch; maybe even ready to get her on a 72-hour watch. Anybody know of a counselor or therapist who's been through the Inn? She might need somebody who can discuss the true issues with her. I suggest getting in contact with the original Alex first thing; she'll be a lot more knowledgeable about BLGT resources in the hometown.

Working marriages are inclined to be person-to-person, not type-to-type. Check your premises: is her original hardcore-lesbian, or 'bi and married for love'? How about the original Alex? You need to know so you know what to expect.


The first thing I did after reading that was shut the bedroom door, lock it, and look up some internet porn, you know, for science. Sure enough after a few minutes of watching some girl on girl action I got a little turned on. I then tried a few stills of naked women and felt something similar to what I felt towards men in my last few bodies, so yeah I'm totally gay now.

Which means that Malinda is probably gay now, and she was brought up in an environment where it wasnt very OK to be gay. When she read that comment she chuckled sarcastically.

"I'm not gonna need therapy" she said, clearly resolved to make it through the year chaste.

I will be keeping an eye on her, because I dont want her to kill herself.

I might want to do it myself...

Mostly Kidding, Greg.

Greg: Directed by M. Night Shamalayan

I think I spelled his name right. For someone who was Indian for a year I can't spell Hindi worth a damn. Anyway the title refers to the massive twist that my current Inn caper took last week. I waited a few days to tell you because 1. I had to organize my thoughts, and 2. Tori was working on a big sensitive post and I didnt want to steal her thunder.

Anyway, I didnt find the elusive Alex that first day, even after I asked every male I saw. Which made me worried he had left already. Resigned to the fact I was going to be here awhile and didnt have any clothes that fit me, I headed into town wearing baggy sweatpants tied with a belt and an oversized tshirt. I looked ridiculous but a tourist town like Old Orchard beach sees all sorts of people who need clothes for whatever reason.

I headed to one of the shops and picked out a few shirts, panties, bras and shorts after trying them on. (Size 6, 36B in case you were all curious) as well as a pair of flip flops and made my way back to the inn and did vacation stuff, keeping an eye out for any newcomers.

I chatted up the girl who had been helping the other guests out that first night. She was in her early 20s and had just gotten her correct body back. Her name was Helena and she headed back to California on Friday. When I explained my situation she was like "Oh, Youre Greg!" because she apparently is a lurker on this blog. I told her she shouldve added to it but she said she wasnt much of a writer. She offered me condolences over all that happened and asked me a few questions. I almost feel like I shouldve autographed something for her.

Everyone else was slowly coming to grips with what happened and were leaving for their new lives. I told everyone about the blog because apparently it offers a blueprint on how to get your life back. After a few days of vacationing still no Alex.

On Sunday morning It was nothing but me and Malinda, my neighbor who was a total bitch to me and had turned into an even prettier girl than before. She didnt have a note to go on and seemed really upset about the whole thing. I went to my room to blog about the whole lack of Alex thing when I read the comment on my last post.

"Alex=Alexandra?"

I had never thought of that. I ran outside and persuaded a grumpy Malinda to come into my room and try her thumb on the locked laptop. She rolled her eyes and looked annoyed when her thumbprint didnt work.

But mine did.

I know, I shouldve tried it sooner, but its hard to be logical around here sometimes.

The laptop opened turned on and the desktop background was a photo of my body and Malinda's body at an amusement park. "So I guess were sisters or something" Malinda remarked.

The only file on the desktop was a video labeled "Inn instructions for new Alex and Sharon"

When it opened there was a webcam vlog style video of a woman in her 30s and a big hairy man in his 40s. The woman did most of the talking because the man was crying and sobbing off and on, being hugged and consoled.

Apparently Malinda and I are now Sharon and Alexis Barco (Respectively) of Burlington Vermont. And they are not sisters, they're married.

Ill pause a moment while you all react. A little part of me that was still male geeked out at a strange teenage fantasy come true. Lesbians! Yay!

Malinda, however did NOT have a similar reaction. I had to pause the video because she got up, screamed, looked at me and kept saying "ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. Im not some (D word for lesbian thats not polite to repeat)"

She went into her room and I finished the video for more details. They Barco's had been married for about 6 years, been together for 10. Alexis was the head of IT at an ice cream company (not that one) and Sharon was an artist. Apparently Alexis, or Alex as she went by was a big techno nerd and thats why she had something like a biometric locked laptop. (Thank god she's not a spy)

They had stayed in the same room but it had only been single occupied the previous time, meaning they wound up in separate lives. Alex became a stay at home Mom in Minneapolis who had been given a Mother's Day vacation to Maine. Sharon had turned into a big burly trucker who was staying at the Inn while his truck got fixed, and from her body language she hated everything about her new body and life.

I pitied them, but soon got the luggage combos unlocked my clohtes, which were pretty tomboyish. I wheeled the suitcase for Sharon into Malinda's room and sat down on the bed next to her. She seemed wary of my touch so I didnt put my arm around her.

"It's OK, its only temporary, its easy to get your body back"

"How do you know" she snapped "And why would you go back to your old body, this one is so much better"

I then proceed to come clean about my history. How I was a guy who turned into his fiancee's best friend. How I then lost said fiancee' when the person in my body ran off with my secretary. How I spent the last year in the body of that person, and now how I was playing musical bodies for the forseeable future.

Malinda couldnt get past two things. First that I used to be a man and second that I knew what the Inn was going to do and didnt tell her. I tried to explain the curse but she was pretty upset.

Apparently Malinda was from a rich conservative family out of Highland Park, Texas. (Suburb of Dallas) Fresh with her degree from SMU she had decided to take a year off and travel America, and she landed in the wrong place at the wrong time. I left her to go through Sharon's things and started formulating our exit from the Inn.

Burllington isnt far from Old Orchard Beach but it's a long drive without a lot of Insterstate. The Barcos had driven up in their Range Rover and it was parked outside, ready to be driven home. I packed up all my Dee clothes and wrote my note. I then turned in, waiting for the long ride home.

The next morning found Malinda very much in denial. She seemed to be of the impression that she was going to just assume her old life. It took a lot of convincing and a lot swearing and a lot of crying to get her to write a note and get into the car.

We rode home in silence, mostly because she saw me as her captor or something. She did read the blog though, on her new body's Droid (I think she misses her iPhone). I didnt receive much feedback because she started from the beginning and read through the first year or so. She did let out a grossed out gasp when she read about Arthur having sex in Liz's body.

Finally, exhausted we made it to Burlington at about 9pm. The Barco's had a pretty nice condo that they owned. We put our stuff away in the bedroom and I began to take my clothes off and crash on the bed when Malinda looked at me like I was crazy.

"Uh uh, just because the real Sharon is some deviant doesnt mean I am, now get your butt on the couch"

I hadnt planned on trying anything, but I'm not gonna start fights with this person. She's still in a fragile state and I dont want her throwing anything at me.

The couch was comfy enough anyway. After this blog post I'm gonna get more familiar with the new life.

-Greg/Alexis

Tori: Father's Days (part 3)

In case you missed it, tonight I'm double-posting the last couple parts of my "Father's Days" story, so scroll down!

The next day I went to the hospital. I didn't think getting in to see my dad would be easy, but it was surprisingly not a big deal. Now, it's not like they just let strangers in to see patients, but Willy had sent advance word that "a friend of his" would be by to drop off a card he'd written. The thing is, there wasn't a card... but there was a letter.

When I couldn't sleep the night before, I opened up my laptop, and started composing some thoughts. I'd transcribe the letter for you here, but it was obviously very personal, and frankly kinda rambling. But I guess after all this time I still wanted to get some stuff off my shoulders, clear the air with him. Even though I've gotten pretty good at writing about myself through this blog, when I started thinking back on my old life, it came out confused and clumsy. Eventually I ended up writing a short note, from Willy's perspective, about how no matter the differences between us, no matter how far away I am, I'm still a part of this family, and even though we had problems, I'll always love and appreciate everything he and mom did for me.

And that part's true, and it was very difficult to get out. I printed it at a copy shop and left space at the bottom to add the personal touch... my signature, "JHCliff--" so he'd know it was from me. I haven't signed anything that way in years, of course, but surprisingly my hand made the signature exactly how I remember it looking.

When I got to the room, I found my dad resting. I said I wouldn't be more than a minute, I guess figuring I'd read the letter out and be, even though he was asleep it was going to be a token gesture on my part. But when I got in there, I was just, so overwhelmed by the sight of my dad, the unstoppable tough guy in a hospital bed. It stopped me cold.

I set the letter on the side table and took a seat next to him.

"Guess you can't hear me, huh dad?" No response. "Maybe I shouldn't talk. It's not like you're in a coma or something. You need rest." Again, he didn't flinch. I crossed my legs and straightened out my skirt... I had dressed formally.

"I never thought I'd see you like this. I never thought I'd see you again at all, and I'm sure you never thought you'd see your son looking like this. I sure as hell hope you can't hear me, dad, because I haven't admitted who I am... who I was... to anybody in a long, long time. Christ, Dad, if you could get a good look at your boy now, you'd have another damned heart attack."

I put my hand on his and watched him breathe a moment.

"It was exhausting being John Henry Clifford. Trying to be the good son, but having no clue how to live up to your expectations. You never really made me feel like it was okay that I wasn't the same as Bret. That I was shy. That I wasn't athletic. And when he went off to war and I didn't... it was like there was something wrong with me for not joining up. God, it's no wonder Willy knocked him out. But none of that's your fault. I don't blame you. You just wanted what was best for me, and in the end... I think I've got it."

"I was put in a bad situation, dad. Something happened to me that was beyond my control, that I never asked for. I know it seems like I should be embarrassed, but I like to think you'd be proud of me, for handling it so well. Making the best of a bad situation. Maybe you'd be shocked to hear that somewhere along the way I went from putting up with this life, to preferring it. I like myself better this way, dad. I won't apologize for that. But I guess we'll never know how you'd feel, because even if I could tell you where I've been this year, you'd never believe me."

I dabbed my eyes, which were slowly tearing up. "Sorry I'm getting so emotional here, dad. PMS is rough and I've had a weird week."

I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I left the note by his table, and walked out of the room.

In the hallway, I ran into my mother. It's weird being looked at by your own mom like you're a stranger, but I nearly called out "Mom!" but managed at the last moment to change it into "Mu-issus Clifford!" She leveled her eyes at me trying to figure out how she was supposed to know me.

"I'm Tori. I'm a friend of your son's. I actually came to Thanksgiving once."

"Oh! Of course, dear. You were dropping something off for Johnny."

"Yes, yes... dropping something off for Johnny. Look, I'm sorry about what's happened here. Can I buy you a cup of coffee?"

"Oh, that's not necessary."

"Please, you've been through a lot this week. I won't let you say no."

My mom's a woman that understands a thing or two about hospitality. We went down to the cafeteria and I bought her a tea and we chatted only as long as the walk back up to my dad's room.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked eagerly.

"He'll live, they say, but if the bastard doesn't change his diet he won't have much time. I guess that's where I come in. I love him, you know, but he can be stubborn."

"Hah! Tell me about it!" I said, as if I was supposed to know the man.

"He'll put up a fight, but if he wants to live, he'll change. It's just a matter of making him want to change."

"I'm sure he'll find his way," I told her.

She nodded along, then asked, "So how exactly do you know my son?"

"That... is a really long, complicated story." Fortunately by this point, we had reached the room, so I excused myself.

Alex and I got some lunch and set out for the road home. Once we were in the car, I decided the time was right to clear some stuff up with him.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked timidly while I was driving. "What's your deal, man?"

He glanced at me. "My deal?"

"Listen, I don't wanna pry... I mean, I am, but only because I really just don't know. You know my friend Danny, right?"

"Sure... the gay guy."

"Yes. He mentioned, after I introduced you, he'd met you before."

"Really..."

"And he implied there was some kind of history between the two of you. But he's never been specific as to what."

Alex rolled his eyes some and finally relented. "It's not what you're thinking."

"I don't know what I'm thinking," I said.

"Well whatever happened, it wasn't anything serious. It was a very G-rated... thing."

"But what was it?"

"It was two guys meeting. One gay, one... not sure."

That gave me pause. I don't think I've ever met a man who would admit to something like that.

I stayed quiet. He continued. "It was at a time when I had reason to doubt... who I was. Who I am. What I want. I'm only telling you this because I feel like you'd understand."

"Why would I understand?"

"I don't know, I just... get this sense about you. Your story about how you couldn't be a baseball player. Going from dating popular guys in high school to dating someone like Buddy... that's not the same, but I think you get a sense of how someone changes over time."

"Uh yeah, definitely," I said, as if he should know my real past.

"So I'm telling you this in confidence." He went into a bit more detail about a period of his life, a couple years earlier, when he had just arrived in Philly and needed some company, and wound up, of all things, hanging with a mostly-gay crowd. I won't share the details, and I guess as far as Danny's recounting of the situation, there was a misunderstanding because of how unseemly he made it out to be. And for all I know, Alex is still covering for something.

But this left me with one question. Why didn't he like Raine when I set them up?

He said with a knowing smirk, "She wasn't into me and I wasn't into her. Two people don't have to want to fuck just because they're opposite sex and single, you know." He said it kiddingly, but it's something I've had weird time realizing since I realized I like guys... I haven't been "just friends" with one (straight and unattached anyway) since when Buddy and I were "just friends" he was pretty upfront about wanting to date me. Alex's words here seemed to indicate that's how he sees me, though.

Since "activating" this part of my life, I've jumped from Leo to Buddy, and maybe if I were someone else it would be healthy to be on my own for a while. But I've had plenty of time in my life to be alone.

It would probably be healthy just to have a male friend and not feel obligated to want to be with him, but at the same time, it hurts. There's nothing "keeping us apart" like attachments or orientations or distance... just a lack of interest on his part. Feels pretty familiar. Like rejection.

We got back to Philly and while I felt like I had managed to get some closure with my old life, my new one is still a wide open mess.

Thanks for listening. While I was typing up this long-ass story, I set up a Twitter account for some of us at the inn (we'll see if anyone else is interested in sharing) just for little thoughts between posts, updates... if any of you are on there, if you wanna follow us, it might be nice to interact that way because we don't always get around to replying to blog messages. For those of you still reading, it means a lot to us! (As specially since, as Greg seems to be finding, this story never seems to end!!)

Tori: Father's Days (Part 2)

The night that I heard about my dad's heart attack, the first thing I did was price a bus trip to Buffalo. It's expensive to get there from here, as well as time-consuming, which is why I didn't keep close contact with my old body.

Unfortunately, I simply did not have the time or money to do that. I was desperate to get to Buffalo, though, and at 7 hours, the Mapquest-plotted course was looking a lot more realistic than the 15-hour one suggested by Greyhound. I ran down the list of people I knew who might be willing to help me. My first call? Alex.

I've only known him a few months, a lot of which I haven't really blogged about, but he and I had this instant connection I can barely describe, so I was hoping I could trust him to help me with this and not ask too many questions about why.

It took some convincing. I had to deal with a lot of awkward questions like "Who do you know in Buffalo?" and "Why do you need to drop everything and go now?" I think part of the reason I asked Alex was that since he hasn't known Tori all her life, like say Raine or Sara, I could roll back on the fact that there are simply things he doesn't know about my life.

So I told him it was a favour for a friend, who couldn't make it. I had to deliver a letter, in case "his" dad didn't make it. "That's quite noble," Alex said, "Y'know, I'm a sucker for a good story. This'll make me feel like a good guy."

I smiled at him, "You are a good guy."

He gave a weird, self-deprecating wink, "Sometimes it's hard to convince myself of that."

There were other reasons I wanted to spend all this time with Alex. Even though we hang out a lot, I still don't feel like I know who he is. He lets me talk on and on about my relationship problems, my issues with finding work (prior to him hooking me up with my current job,) and anything that bothered me about anything, but when I turn the conversation over to him, he gets gives the bare minimum. "How's life?" "It's all right." Etc etc. I feel awkward making myself an open book and yet being unable to pry anything out of him.

We hit the open road Friday after work. I had to break the silence to get my mind off my dad. About forty minutes out of Philly, we get to talking and I ask what he wanted to be when he grew up when he was a kid.

"I don't know," he chuckles self-deprecatingly. "Not this, I don't think. I mean, I like the job and everything, but I guess I wanted adventure, I wanted to be rich. Indiana Jones. I didn't see myself hunched over a computer."

I smiled. "Yeah, I guess I didn't either."

"Yeah, there never was an IT Girl Barbie was there?" Before I could respond he flipped the question back to me, "So what did you want to be?"

I sighed, "For a while... this is embarrassing, but when I was really young, I thought it would be fun to be a baseball player."

He did a double take, taking his focus off the road so he could share his look of skepticism. "Uh, what?"

I started to reformat the story so that it fit into my backstory as Tori. It turned out not to be that far from the truth "I mean... when I was really young, before I realized it wasn't really an option, you know? As I got older and my body developed... the way it did... that idea sorta faded away."

"You never talk much about your past," he pointed out.

"Neither do you."

"Touche."

"Were you popular in high school?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess so." I recited unenthusiastically. This is the part of being Tori I hate, having to pretend the life I read about in her diaries was mine. "Lots of friends. Dating. Boyfriends. Sexual exploits behind the bleachers. Stuff I'm not really proud of."

"I always wondered how a girl like you wound up working with computers. Most of the hot girls I know can barely download apps for their iPhones."

I blushed a bit. Even after this time, it gets me that I'm 'hot.' "Something changes along the way," I said. "Being hot isn't a job, at least not one I was interested in. I spent a lot of time trying to find myself."

"Well I'm glad you did," he glanced over at me, "Otherwise we wouldn't be here, would we?"

"No," I breathed heavily, "I suppose not."

I was feeling it. I squirmed in my seat. He was doing something to me, something Buddy and Leo didn't quite. He can command a conversation and make me want to know spill my guts without ever saying much about himself. This whole time I've been Tori I've been the one on guard and suddenly I just wanna let it all out. He has so much more confidence in himself than Buddy, so much more charm than Leo.

Much of the rest of the ride was spent talking about work and singing along to the radio. We arrived in Buffalo after dark. I wanted to go straight to the hospital but it was way too late for that, so we checked into a motel and I brought him to my favorite neighborhood bar for a drink. The place hasn't changed, it was like stepping back into 2008. I tried to shrug off any discomfort.

We were done our first pitcher when I spotted a familiar face glancing my way. It was Justin, my best friend for years. I don't know how long he had been watching me. Suddenly I felt like I had been punched in the gut. It was one thing to be here among all the familiar buildings. It was another to come face to face with someone from my past, although I guess that was why I was there to begin with. I just wasn't prepared for it yet.

I excused myself during a lull in the conversation and crossed the bar to see him. He noticed me and got this awkward deer-in-headlights look. His eyes fixated on my breasts until I started talking.

"Hi there," I said nervously. "Justin, right?"

"Yes, yeah." I wasn't the only one who was nervous. "I'm sorry, I just can't remember where I know you from."

That hurt a bit, but I guess it was fair. He met me in this body once, a year and a half ago, at Thanksgiving just after I had transformed and was pretending to be "Cliff's" date so I could get one last look at my family. He and Willy set up a cruel trick where he would come in and pretend to hit on me, and then reveal he knew who I was. It was cruel because at the time he was going with a really great girl named Randi, and because Willy should have sensed how deeply uncomfortable that would be for me.

I reminded him of where he knew me from, and he nearly spat his drink out when I mentioned the name Cliff. "I haven't talked to that guy in forever."

"Yeah, he's been over in England for a while I guess."

"Sure, I guess, but even before that. Dude was getting weird. He was a really cool guy, but sometime after that Thanksgiving, he totally cracked."

"Hm. Maybe you just don't know the whole story."

"Oh yeah? What's the whole story?"

"I'm not saying I know, I just think maybe he was ... 'cracked' ... before that. Probably cracked before I came along."

"Well he hid it. Still, whatever happened, he got the balls to leave this place, which I'm kinda proud of."

"What does that mean?"

"So, his brother's a soldier. Been to Afghanistan and everything." (It was actually Iraq but whatever.) "They never got along. Total opposites. His brother, Bret, was actually a dick because, Cliff was kinda nerdy his whole life and Bret was the fave. Then, I guess right before he leaves for England, he decides he's sick of Bret's crap and picks a fight with him right behind this bar. And he knocks him the fuck out!"

My eyes widened. Willy could not have made a more out-of-character moment if he'd tried. I had my problems with Bret but I never would have let it come to blows, especially because I knew he could kick my ass. "Bret knocked Cliff out?"

"No!" Justin swigged, "Cliff knocked Brett on his ass. One punch. I never saw anything like it."

One punch?? I didn't know what to say. I stammered to change the subject. "Hey, wh-when, uh, last time, um, back then, you were dating this girl, um, how's that... uh, are you still together?"

He got real sullen and turned back to his beer. "Nah, that ended a while back." I didn't press him for details. I thought it was sad, though. I liked Randi a lot, even if she was indirectly responsible for me going to the Trading Post Inn (I don't hold that against her.) I actually liked her when she and I first met, and I always thought maybe if Justin hadn't been more charming, I might've had a chance. But I was probably too much of a geek for her, and now my life's taken the direction it has.

I felt bad for Justin though, in that moment. I know he really liked Randi, and I felt sorry I couldn't be there for him when the relationship ended. I guess that's how girly I've been because comforting someone wasn't really my forte when I was a guy, that wasn't how our friendship would've worked, aside from, I don't know, going to a strip club and watching Star Wars to get his mind off her.

I decided I wanted to keep him company and express my sympathies. He asked what I was doing in town and I said I was just passing through on an errand and I remembered this bar. He said that was lucky for him, and there was some cool stuff he could show me if I wanted.

Oh my God, I realized. My best friend was putting the moves on me.

I felt like an idiot. It was warm, so I was wearing a top that showed some cleavage. I was bending over him at the bar. For fuck's sake, you'd think I'd know what effect this body has on guys. I began to fidget.

I couldn't bring myself to shut him down cold like he was just "some guy." This is someone who was friends with me for years even though we could've been in totally different crowds - Justin was a good athlete in high school and well-liked, and he always tried to include me in shit. I've always felt like I owed him a debt.

I don't know what's wrong with me, that I even briefly entertained the idea. He was just so sad and he was such a good guy to me as Cliff. I knew this would cheer him up, but is that really who I want to be? Alex, a guy I really like, was sitting just across the bar from me, and whatever lies in his murky past, I didn't want him to see me going home with some random dude I apparently met.

It would also be such a bizarre experience being with this guy I've known forever, without him knowing it was me. I couldn't imagine all the hidden layers of awkward that would occur if I let him put his dick in me. It didn't feel fair to him. Shit, we used to watch scrambled porn together in his basement, back in the day.

He looked at me expectantly as all these thoughts went through my brain. "Listen, I appreciate the offer... but I don't think this is right. I'm not looking to... I'm not up for anything right now. I hope you understand."

I was about to back away, when I felt his hand enclose around my wrist. He looked up at me with these utterly pathetic eyes. "Please. Just let me buy you a drink."

Doing my best not to lose my shit on my former best friend, I said in a calm, measured tone, "Justin. You should probably let go of me. Right now."

Alex appeared behind me. "You heard her."

"What are you, her boyfriend?"

"I'm her friend," he said sternly.

Justin's eyes shifted back and forth for a second. Thankfully he didn't hesitate in releasing his grip. My heart was pounding.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to get so carried away."

"Yeah..." I sighed and backed away, as Alex kept himself between me and him. When we were a safe distance away, her asked, "What was that?"

"It was a misunderstanding," I told him, "Maybe I'll tell you the whole story sometime." Probably not.

We settled up and found our way to a motel. Having dragged Alex all the way out, I insisted on paying for the two-bed room we ended up getting, but Alex wouldn't let me. What is it about being a girl that makes guys want to pay for stuff with you? (Oh yeah... boobs.) Sometimes that's really inconvenient.

I tried to lie back and go to bed, but I was having difficulties. I guess ever since 2009, I've had problems falling asleep in strange beds... for fairly obvious reasons, I should think. (It took ) The only times I've slept well in strange rooms is when I'm "with" someone, and that sure wasn't happening.

After a few hours of tossing and turning, it was nearly 4 AM. Finally, I permitted my hand to travel south. Now, I've done this plenty of times, but rarely with someone else in the room, especially if they're not my current partner, but it wasn't that long ago I had gone on a stealth mission with Buddy in bed next to me anyway.

I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow to muffle any inadvertent sounds that might squeak out of my face, hiking my butt in the air. The danger definitely added to the sensation. I suspect he may have heard anyway, because I heard him tossing and turning, but at that point I couldn't break away from my deed. Maybe he got a show. He didn't say anything about it the next day.

It helped me relax, although it was still a long while before I got to sleep. Probably around 5 AM. Thankfully, Alex let me sleep 'til nearly noon, which I really needed. I woke up and looked over at him, reading one of George R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones books. He gave me a "Morning sleepyhead" and asked what we were doing today.

I responded by rolling over and trying to fall back asleep. When I finally realized this was pointless, I began to plot out the day... and severely doubted that I had the balls to go through with what I was planning.

Greg/Sharon: Answers and Questions

So its a little after 5am on Wednesday morning and I'm happy to say that the curse kicked in a few hours ago. Those of you astute enough to read the title will know already that I'm still female, having turned into the body of Sharon Barco.

I knew the change was going to happen tonight. Ive been doing a modest headcount the whole visit and last night we finally hit lucky number 13. I dont know what exactly causes the curse to kick in, but I stayed up all night waiting for it, like a kid waiting for Santa in a weird twisted way. Its nearly impossible to fall asleep anyway around here when you know whats going to happen. Most nights I drink heavily to fall asleep, but not last night.

Around 2am I felt that "hard to describe unlike anything else" feeling of the changes starting, and I did what so many of us Inn veterans do and I stripped naked and ran to the bathroom mirror.

The first thing that happend to me was the rapid weight loss, meaning that whomever I was turning into was smaller than a size 16. Wrinkles, stretch marks, and cellulite were also disappearing so they also took better care of themselves or were younger.

I got about two inches taller but it stopped there, and the sagging off my breasts disappeared. When they stopped in a more perky position is when I realized that I was going to stay female.

My hair actually got a little shorter, which was surmising. As Dee i'd been wearing it about shoulder length curly in the back, very easy to style. This time the hair went halfway up my neck in almost a Bob haircut. It also turned a light brown and all my gray went away :).

Then of course came the awkward slightly painful experience of having your face change. Its almost like having to sneeze but the sneeze never comes. Or an itch that cant be scratched. You figure everyone's face is different and there are a lot of bones and muscles and tissues that gotta be rearranged. The eye color is the weirdest one of all. It doesnt happen all at once though, like it gradually changes. Mine went from greenish to what people call hazel. Once it was all done I was much younger looking. No crows feet or laughlines and very nice teeth.

This whole time the pounds were just melting off. You cant imagine how big of a relief it is to be fat for a year and then just to see it go away. It wasnt just losing weight though, I gained a little muscle tone. Definitely could see some definition in the legs and butt as well as the arms. But the best part of all was the abs. I'm now the proud owner of a six pack.

After the tingling sensations stopped I looked myself up and down. I'd say my age is a little under 30, much younger than Dee but slightly older than Priya or my original self. Still white, but slightly tanner than before. Clearly lives a fit lifestyle and completely hairless except for a "landing strip". No kids, or at least I dont think so. There were no stretch marks or lines that would indicate something was living inside of here.

I was broken out of my exploratory daze at around 4 am from the screams and shouting and general hubbub in the commons. This meant I had to get dressed, which posed a problem. I discovered yesterday that the biometrically locked laptop belonged to Alex, only his thumbprint was gonna get me the electronically recorded note that included the combo to their luggage. I wonder if their spies, I dont look that atheltic but I could see myself as a spy now.

Either way, I'm not getting dressed until I find Alex's body. So I put on a Dee nightshirt that covered everything but fit miserably and went out to calm everyone down and tell them what was up. Only when I got to the lobby I discovered that someone was doing just that. Apparently I'm not the only veteran here and this younger looking guy was giving out instructions on what to do. Eventually everyone headed back to their rooms to look at their notes.

I knocked on Albert's door and a man about my age opened. "Hi, I'm Dee from next door, or I was last year...its a long story. I suppose youre wondering where your note is..."

He looked at me puzzled. "No, Ive got my note. Says Im someone named Neil Pane from Arkansas. I cant go to Arkansas, Ive got a family" I reassured him and sighed, figuring that bitchy girl next door (whose name I learned was Malinda or Mal or something) was Alex. But when I knocked on her door a woman opened the door, looking distraught.


"Hi, I dont suppose there's a 'man' in there" I ask

"No, I'm not that kind of girl, who the hell are you?" She asked, looking pissed off in a mannaer that told me it was Malinda in there

"Dee, from next door"

"You mean the old chubby lady? Man did you luck out" she said in a patronizing way.

I was mildly offended but wished her good luck, I have bigger things to think about.

I went back to the room and began this post...I'll start looking for Alex's body in the morning. Hopefully he doesnt panic.

-Greg

Greg: 1 week down

So, with the first week of my Trading Post Inn reservation in the books, I now find myself in the body of.....Dee.

Yep, we haven't had guest magic number 13 arrive yet, which is strange because it didnt take this long my first two visits. I got to Maine late night on Tuesday, and found it to be pretty much deserted, just me, a single guy in his 30s, and a middle aged couple. I didnt say much to them but they didnt appear to be aware of what awaited them.

I, on the other hand, am only partially aware of what awaits me. The first thing I did when I got to my room was to check for luggage, but my closest had two suitcases. One belonging to Alex Barco and another belonging to Sharon Barco. The tags had the same address so I presume that they are some kind of couple. I didnt find anything more out because they didnt leave a note other than a post it saying "info stored on laptop". The suitcases were combo locked and I couldnt go through them, and the laptop case was next to them.

This is where it gets ingenious/tricky. The laptop had a special add on to it that in order to get access to it you had to put your thumbprint down and have it read it. Obviously, no one was going to get that information without Alex or Sharon Barco's thumbprint, meaning that until I possessed either of their forms. (I hope they arent spies, Id be a terrible spy and wind up geting captured or killed)

That leads me to the next big puzzle of the week. Which one will I be. From what we've learned over the past 5 years of this blog, the magic doesnt turn you into the person who slept in that room previously automatically. It turns you into the person who was sleeping nearest to where you slept, or something.

So while my room had two occupants last time, this time it only has one. Meaning I'll turn into one of Barcos, and someone else in the near vicinity will turn into the other.nThis means Ive taken great interest in the two rooms adjacent to mine, because in all likelihood, whomever stays there is going to wind up being my spouse.

The room to my left filled up the day after I got here. A guy by the name of Albert Connell. Albert doesnt know that the Inn is cursed. I found this out by talking to him around the hotel. He's in Maine trying to expand his business in the northeast or something. He's from Ohio and and has a wife and two teenagers back home. Its hard hearing his story, because I now that in a few days he's gonna be ripped away from his family and replaced with God knows who. I dropped hints at what happens but he didnt seem to notice, so this is clearly his first time here.

The room to my right didnt become occupied until this weekend. I havent done much talking to the girl who's staying there because she appears to do most of her communication in text form. She's actually really cute. Blonde, cute little body. Drives a nice car and has an iPhone. She looks to be about 24. Old enough to be out of college, young enough to still have sorority letters on her totebag. She gave me the brush off every time I approached her, apparently caring too much about her tan to bother with talking with older people. I kinda hope she turns into a fat person.

Of course, this is all speculation and this place has done nothing but send me curveballs. As of Monday night there are 9 people staying here. I thinks the economy is causing attendance to dwindle. If we dont have 13 by Saturday night Im tempted just to put an ad on Craigslist or something, because come hell or high water I will be getting out of this body.

Stay tuned

-Greg