Cliff/Tori: Mounting awkwardness

Feeling a bit overexposed (so to speak) with Thom last week may be the least of my concerns. Tori's best friends Sara and Raine are back in town after getting home from their trip to Europe.

I've done as much research as I can, reading old Facebook wall posts and photos. Have I ever mentioned how weird it is to have all these photos of the girl I look like, with these people I don't know, smiling and laughing? It's creepy. I've gotten used to seeing the face in the mirror, but there's still that constant reminder she's not really me. I guess that's kind of a good thing.

Sara is small and Filipino, but very boisterous. Raine is a bigger girl, taller than I am now and a fair bit heavier. I wouldn't say she's fat, but she and Tori are definitely not the same clothing size. When I used to go drinking with Justin, Raine is the kind of girl I'd be asked to entertain while Justin hit on her better-looking friend. I never really minded either, because the, um, bigger girls are usually friendlier (not always! They can be bitchy too, but usually they were nice.) Sometimes they'd even want to make out, but I never went all the way with them because well... I guess I just never asked.

So they came over yesterday, but we ended up leaving because Mae was watching movies with her friends. We went over to their apartment and sat out on the balcony.

It was the first time I've ever felt like I was... undercover, I guess, in the world of women. It was the first time I got hear conversations women have when men aren't around, because for the most part I'm only with one other person at a time, like Alia or Mae, or else with the parents or something.

I guess it wasn't that far from what I was expecting, but I felt so out of place when they started pressing me. Last they heard, Tori was with Rob, and they wanted to know about all this stuff I wouldn't want to talk about even if I knew (like say, how is the sex.) And then when I said I didn't wanna talk about it, they got all offended and surprised like that was the first time Tori had ever been shy about this stuff, and maybe it is. I just tried to play it off like Rob and I weren't really "together" by this point. They then proceeded to dominate the conversation with stories about guys they'd met in Europe. I wanted to ralph.

Then they started talking about this pool party Raine's family was having, and her family and Tori's family (and Sara's family) go back a fair way so of course I have to come, and the whole family is gonna be there too so there's no really good way to get out of it. It feels like it's just going to be the big preview of how things are going to be from now on, being forced to go do things with people I don't really know, and... pretend to be this person.

It's times like this, I think what it would be like to move away from this city. Besides Alia there's nothing here for me (as Cliff.) It's just that, if I want to enjoy the security of Tori's family, I have to accept the awkwardness.

Oh... man. So, it's this Saturday. I figure if I can survive this, I'll be in good shape to understand what this whole "Tori" thing is gonna be about for the next year.