It's fun to be a girl. Sometimes.
I'm having a very interesting experience walking around, wearing another person's clothes, being talked to like I'm her. People seem a fair bit more excited to see me this way than as a short, sweaty, greasy 21-year-old guy. I didn't feel like I mattered much then. Now, when I get to the front of the line for coffee, the person serving me, whether they're a guy or a girl, seems a little happier to see me. Just because I'm... whatever I look like.
That's cool.
Other stuff, like private stuff, is a little more of an adjustment that isn't always cool, but I'm learning to live with it, you know. I don't hate any of it, it's just different from what I know.
Jennie had told me not to play with my hair so much. I'm not used to it being so long, but if I keep touching it it's going to get all greasy. She's crashing with me because Ricky had to go off and live Darla's life, and Jennie was not particularly excited to stay in her stepfather's orbit anyway. I have a couch, and I need someone to keep me grounded and walk me through girl stuff, help me dress myself and just generally be around. Show me what make-up is like.
It's a bit like having a girlfriend, except without any of that stuff. Which I guess is what makes her a "girlfriend" in the way girls mean it.
I've had girlfriends before. I actually dated one girl for two years before my mom got sick. Then we kind of had to make a choice and we decided it was best to split up and let her go live her life. I went on a few dates over the last few years that didn't amount to anything but the occasional hookup. I didn't think I would be doing anything like that as Meadow. I mean, it's too complicated to think about.
Then last night I'm trying to get to sleep... I've been having trouble getting comfortable and ignoring certain things about my body long enough to relax. Then I hear a click, like the front door is opening.
Someone has the key.
"Elias!" Jennie calls out.
"Who are you?!" a man's voice squawks.
I dash out of bed. I don't even know what I'm thinking. Partly that, as long as this guy doesn't outweigh me by 100 lbs, and doesn't have a gun, I can probably take him down before he knows what's going on.
Facing a random intruder in your apartment in the middle of the night is definitely not a fun time to be female.
As soon as I get to the living room I see a guy with short-ish dark hair and a huge bag over his shoulder standing there frozen near the doorway and Jennie moving toward the bedroom. The fog clears up and I realize I know who this guy is.
"Sorry Medz, I thought you'd be alone," he says.
I'm trying to steady my heartrate and get into "Meadow" mode. "It's after midnight... what the hell are you doing here... Francis?"
So let's back up.
When I went and saw the real Meadow, she noted to me that she had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy named Francis. A couple of years. Heck, they were living together. He was going to come to Maine, actually, but instead he wanted to go to an artist retreat in Austin for like the whole summer, and they had a fight about it and she blocked him. That's how Stella's sister ended up coming. Anyway, Meadow had flagged it to me as something that was probably going to come up, but later, like in August or September when he came back from the retreat and maybe would want to get his stuff from the apartment. She described it as though it was a break-up I would have to navigate.
I didn't expect to see him already, and I definitely didn't expect him to just barge in in the middle of the night.
He explains the "art retreat" was a total scam, and that he bailed after a few weeks, so he figured there would be no problem coming home.
All I can manage to say is "But we're... like... broken up." I mean he was blocked on Meadow's phone!
"Oh, come on Medz, we've had worse fights than that." I guess they weren't really on the same page of this so-called break-up.
He went on. "You wanna kick me out of my own house at almost 1 AM?"
I'm desperately uncomfortable. I'm frozen. The decent part of me doesn't want to turn this guy away but it would be weird and wrong not to. But I can't explain it!
I look over at Jennie, and she's giving me this look like get this guy out of here!
"I... I guess not," I said. "I don't know. I'm really confused. And tired."
"Aw, babe," he says, dropping his bag and crossing the room to come toward me. He's a little taller than me but I feel good about the height difference. I flinch a bit as he tries to kiss me, but our lips did brush together. I've got my arms folded across my ribcage.
"Let's just go to bed, talk in the morning," he says.
"I... I..." I stammer, "Can you sleep on the couch?"
Both Francis and Jennie are like what?
"There's just a lot of... unresolved... whatever-ness... I'll sleep better with J--Stella in the room."
He seemed disappointed, but agreed to it.
With the door to the bedroom closed, Jennie asked "What the hell are you doing?"
"I don't know, I panicked," I said. "It's super late, and this is complicated, and I need to talk to Meadow about this."
"You can't be that guy's girlfriend!" she said. "You're not a girl!"
"Apparently I don't have a choice!" I said.
We rolled over and turned off the lights, sleeping back to back.
In the morning I messaged Meadow for an emergency Facetime. She seemed as exasperated as I was.
"I should break up with him, right?" I asked. "You thought you were broken up anyway."
"Yeah..." she said, seeming regretful about it. "I mean... would it be nice... if... I could have another chance with him when this is all over...? But... I couldn't ask you to..."
"Yeah," I said, "That would be..."
She crinkled her face a bit in frustration. "Just... let him down easy... he needs a chance to get back on his feet, you know."
"I don't know how much time we have for that, but... sure, I'll try."
I went out to talk to him and found him eating a piece of toast.
"Babe," he said, "Aren't you working today? Shouldn't you be in your scrubs?"
"Oh, yeah, I, uh, quit my job."
"What, why?"
"It's a long, long story. After we broke up, I decided to make a fresh start."
"You quit the job you spent years training for?" He squinted at me. "Who are you?"
"I'm... Meadow...!" I sputtered, "I just needed a change, okay?"
"Okay, so, what are you doing for work? How are you paying rent?"
"I... I don't know yet."
"Well, then it's a good thing I came back."
"Francis..."
"My friend Tommy's gonna set me up as a bartender, maybe you can be a waitress or something. We can scrape together enough to afford this place, if the tips are good."
"Francis, no, I need space... our fight...."
"Babe, my name's on the lease, I've got nowhere to go, and you're gonna get kicked out if we don't find some work."
"I... but..."
Without saying 'My name is actually Elias' there really didn't feel like a way to win that argument.
Then he came over and gave me another hug. "Whatever you're going through, we'll get through it. If you don't want to be a nurse anymore, I'm here for you. Okay?"
And God help me, but the way he was looking at me... I never had anybody look at me that way before.
"Okay, yeah," I finally said. "We'll work... something... out."
He hugged me again, then he kissed me, and I kind of reared back so he got my cheek/jaw instead of my lips, and muttered something about not being ready for that.
This all might be a little less fun than I thought it was going to be.
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