Julia's message, as "Ken Johnson" was vague about who exactly "Ken Johnson" was, perhaps deliberately. Maybe she had explained in an earlier, now lost, e-mail, or perhaps she just didn't want to come out with it. It stood to reason Ken's a guy and maybe Julia finds that embarrassing. In any case, in my message to her I was upfront about wanting to know her situation, as it relates to our plans.
I have somewhat mixed feelings about the response I got. I was considering just posting the letter in its complete form here and letting you be the judges, but this is somewhat personal stuff and she never said I could, per se, so I'll just tell you what I think I can get away with.
On their Maine trip, which would've been mid/late-June 2008, Julia and Kalli awoke in the bodies of Ken and Sasha Johnson. When I heard those names I thought 'married couple' but no. Ken and Sasha were 16-year-old fraternal twins. How they arrived at the Trading Post is a story that makes me want to rant a fair bit.
Moving from Upstate New York to Washington, the Johnsons parked their kids with their Grandparents in Maine while everything got settled with their new home. Apparently Ken and Sasha weren't the most... well-behaved teens, and began raising hell pretty much immediately. Exhausted by the kids' late nights, rebellious behaviour and drinking/drug use (sheesh this sounds familiar) they offered the opportunity to pay for the kids' stay at, you guessed it, the Trading Post, where they will be trusted to look after themselves and free to basically raise hell.
Now here's where a red flag goes up for me. Every so often, after I was transformed, I wondered if maybe someone haddone this to me on purpose. Alia's parents, who were supposed to stay at the Inn, didn't care much for me, and I'd done a lot to push her to the brink over the years too. What if one of them knew the secret? What if someone planned to change me?? On occasion I've let paranoia creep in and entertained those thoughts, but I never really figured it was all that likely. But this? Come on, Grandpa and Grandma Johnson. I've got no proof but out of all the motels and lodges nearby, why this?
So not long after discovering their new bodies (a new gender for Julia, a new race for Kalli,) they were brought "home" by their new grandparents, who insisted there was nothing amiss with them. Not long after, they were shipped out to Washington, where they started high school again.
So the status report is this. They can't make it back out to Maine, because they have no way to get here. They also don't know the whereabouts of the old Ken and Sasha, who barely wrote anything in the way of notes, forcing them to figure everything out on the go. Lastly, they don't seem to want to come back, which also bothers me a little. I can understand to some degree if your body's been stolen, like Ashlyn or Art, or if someone's made it impossible, but Anne-Marie and Ellie are going back, and it looks like there will be a new Julia and Kalli this summer, which is a shame.
"Ken" says to me, they never really gave much thought to whether they could come back or how they might do it. They just went along with it, and apparently they made for better Johnsons than the old Ken and Sasha did. They are appreciating high school more than most teenagers do (and probably having less of a crisis than Bry is) and "Ken" didn't even mention whether he'd found it difficult to adapt to boyhood.
Of course I wonder whether a new reservation is even possible this close to the trip, I don't even know. I guess I just wanted everything to get back in its place. Maybe after a year some pieces just don't fit.
Well, if Ken and Sasha are fine with their new lives, then I guess good for them. I've got bigger fish to fry. (Literally, we're having seafood tonight and I should get cooking.)
-Todd/Anne-Marie
Showing posts with label Kalli. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kalli. Show all posts
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Friday, May 08, 2009
Bryan/Ellie: Whatever happens happens
1 AM and blogging. Seems like I only have time to think about my life when I should be sleeping. I guess that says something, but I'm not sure what.
I met "Kalli" - the real Ellie - for the first time at the funeral. She approached me, wiping tears from her eyes, and asked if she could speak to me in private, because she felt really vulnerable being there, being so upset, but not being free to say who she was. We went for a little walk. I got the sense that she wanted to take her mind off the sadness of the moment by having a sort-of normal conversation.
She asked me if she was missing anything interesting. I told her there probably wasn't anything she couldn't do without. I mean, it's only grade 9 (or "ninth grade.") I didn't really know what to say. I kinda wanted to apologize for the way I've been running her life, but the truth is, I'm doing my best and haven't got much to apologize for. But I didn't say anything, and she went on.
"So... what do you like better? Boy or girl?"
Something about the question struck me awkward so I didn't answer right away. I thought it should be obvious.
"I kinda wish the inn turned me into a boy," she said. "I mean everything's been so crazy, right, but since I know we're... going back... I feel like I'm missing out. That would've been so cool. Me with a penis." She snorted some laughter. "Guess I'll never know."
I look down, embarrassed, "I don't think you'd like it. I mean, I can't wait to get back, 'cause that's what I am. I think when your mind and you r body don't match up, something goes... freaky."
"Did you ever read the old posts on the blog? Like that chick Ashlyn. She was a guy, and she seemed to like the change."
"I don't think you're lookin' at it properly," I said, "She made an adjustment, which is really cool, because eventually she learned there was like no chance of going back how things were before. But ever since we figured out how to go back, I've been freaking out basically all the time, because I know I don't belong and I won't be here much longer. If I had to be you forever..." I sighed. "It would be different." I realized I never answered her question. "I like being me, because that's who I am."
"Don't you like anything about being me?"
By this point we were sitting on a bench by the parking lot. I slouched down and looked down at my breasts, at my hands, at my thin little legs. "I like being you sometimes... because Leanne likes you."
She stared off into space for a while and then said "No she doesn't. She doesn't know me."
"Well she likes someone. If I was me when I met her, she probably just would'a wanted to be my friend, call me a breeder and help me pick up other chicks. And that was if she wasn't a teenager. But because I look like you, she... she sees me in a way I wanna see myself." I can feel myself starting to cry a little bit, but I try to sniffle it back. Damnit, don't let this girl think you've gone girly.
"Well I'm really sorry about that," she grumbled, "I mean, you're gonna have to do something about it before we go, because I'm really not interested in that."
"How do you know for sure, though?"
She told me some things that I probably shouldn't put here. I don't think Anne-Marie reads the blog, but I wouldn't wanna betray Ellie's trust be talking about it here where it might get back to her. Suffice it to say it has to do with this Todd Jones guy and what Ellie may or may not be willing to do/already done with him. I told her it still wasn't concrete, and she just said that no matter what she wasn't interested in girls, and was upset at what I was doing with her body.
"Like two minutes ago," I snapped, "You were saying you wanted to try being a boy."
"Yeah, just for like, shits and giggles! That's different! If I was a boy and I liked girls that would be okay. And if you're a girl liking boys is okay."
"So it's not okay to like girls if you're a girl?" I'm pretty fucking outraged here.
"No I mean, it's not okay if you're me!"
I just stopped and buried my head in my hands, because there was no goddamn way we were gonna resolve this argument.
So I said "I guess it won't matter in a few months because you can go back to being you and blow whatever guys you want." (Oops, secrets out. Sorry I was just so pissed thinking back on the memory that I just... had to.)
"God Bryan, you're being a bitch here. You got me into this mess and if you don't do something to get out of it, that girl might really get hurt. You know what I'm saying?"
I got her drift -- if I leave it to her to end things with Leanne, she might be a little less nice about it. I didn't like hearing it, but I took it since there's nothing I can do. I wiped more tears away.
"Of all the bodies I could'a woken up in, why yours, goddamnit?"
She stood up to walk away. "I don't want to hurt you guys, Bryan. You seem like a nice guy and I'm sorry about whatever happened that you got so caught up with a teenage relationship. I wish we could've talked sooner, but I got a job in a supermarket a while ago, and that keeps me kinda busy."
My tears turned to laughter. She asked me what was so funny.
I told her, "I worked in a supermarket too. I think I still do, unless Amanda found me a better job."
Then she started laughing, and we laughed together a while, and she left. I went back in, and that's when I started thinking about my great uncle, and Todd told you the rest.
I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do. I've ended a lot of relationships - and had just as many ended for me - but never while it was going so well. Why does my best relationship in years have to be so....... fucked up?
I'm just saying if somewhere down the road, Ellie finds she really likes the feeling she gets from seeing other girls' breasts, I'll laugh my goddamn face off.
I guess what ever happens happens.
-Bry/El
I met "Kalli" - the real Ellie - for the first time at the funeral. She approached me, wiping tears from her eyes, and asked if she could speak to me in private, because she felt really vulnerable being there, being so upset, but not being free to say who she was. We went for a little walk. I got the sense that she wanted to take her mind off the sadness of the moment by having a sort-of normal conversation.
She asked me if she was missing anything interesting. I told her there probably wasn't anything she couldn't do without. I mean, it's only grade 9 (or "ninth grade.") I didn't really know what to say. I kinda wanted to apologize for the way I've been running her life, but the truth is, I'm doing my best and haven't got much to apologize for. But I didn't say anything, and she went on.
"So... what do you like better? Boy or girl?"
Something about the question struck me awkward so I didn't answer right away. I thought it should be obvious.
"I kinda wish the inn turned me into a boy," she said. "I mean everything's been so crazy, right, but since I know we're... going back... I feel like I'm missing out. That would've been so cool. Me with a penis." She snorted some laughter. "Guess I'll never know."
I look down, embarrassed, "I don't think you'd like it. I mean, I can't wait to get back, 'cause that's what I am. I think when your mind and you r body don't match up, something goes... freaky."
"Did you ever read the old posts on the blog? Like that chick Ashlyn. She was a guy, and she seemed to like the change."
"I don't think you're lookin' at it properly," I said, "She made an adjustment, which is really cool, because eventually she learned there was like no chance of going back how things were before. But ever since we figured out how to go back, I've been freaking out basically all the time, because I know I don't belong and I won't be here much longer. If I had to be you forever..." I sighed. "It would be different." I realized I never answered her question. "I like being me, because that's who I am."
"Don't you like anything about being me?"
By this point we were sitting on a bench by the parking lot. I slouched down and looked down at my breasts, at my hands, at my thin little legs. "I like being you sometimes... because Leanne likes you."
She stared off into space for a while and then said "No she doesn't. She doesn't know me."
"Well she likes someone. If I was me when I met her, she probably just would'a wanted to be my friend, call me a breeder and help me pick up other chicks. And that was if she wasn't a teenager. But because I look like you, she... she sees me in a way I wanna see myself." I can feel myself starting to cry a little bit, but I try to sniffle it back. Damnit, don't let this girl think you've gone girly.
"Well I'm really sorry about that," she grumbled, "I mean, you're gonna have to do something about it before we go, because I'm really not interested in that."
"How do you know for sure, though?"
She told me some things that I probably shouldn't put here. I don't think Anne-Marie reads the blog, but I wouldn't wanna betray Ellie's trust be talking about it here where it might get back to her. Suffice it to say it has to do with this Todd Jones guy and what Ellie may or may not be willing to do/already done with him. I told her it still wasn't concrete, and she just said that no matter what she wasn't interested in girls, and was upset at what I was doing with her body.
"Like two minutes ago," I snapped, "You were saying you wanted to try being a boy."
"Yeah, just for like, shits and giggles! That's different! If I was a boy and I liked girls that would be okay. And if you're a girl liking boys is okay."
"So it's not okay to like girls if you're a girl?" I'm pretty fucking outraged here.
"No I mean, it's not okay if you're me!"
I just stopped and buried my head in my hands, because there was no goddamn way we were gonna resolve this argument.
So I said "I guess it won't matter in a few months because you can go back to being you and blow whatever guys you want." (Oops, secrets out. Sorry I was just so pissed thinking back on the memory that I just... had to.)
"God Bryan, you're being a bitch here. You got me into this mess and if you don't do something to get out of it, that girl might really get hurt. You know what I'm saying?"
I got her drift -- if I leave it to her to end things with Leanne, she might be a little less nice about it. I didn't like hearing it, but I took it since there's nothing I can do. I wiped more tears away.
"Of all the bodies I could'a woken up in, why yours, goddamnit?"
She stood up to walk away. "I don't want to hurt you guys, Bryan. You seem like a nice guy and I'm sorry about whatever happened that you got so caught up with a teenage relationship. I wish we could've talked sooner, but I got a job in a supermarket a while ago, and that keeps me kinda busy."
My tears turned to laughter. She asked me what was so funny.
I told her, "I worked in a supermarket too. I think I still do, unless Amanda found me a better job."
Then she started laughing, and we laughed together a while, and she left. I went back in, and that's when I started thinking about my great uncle, and Todd told you the rest.
I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do. I've ended a lot of relationships - and had just as many ended for me - but never while it was going so well. Why does my best relationship in years have to be so....... fucked up?
I'm just saying if somewhere down the road, Ellie finds she really likes the feeling she gets from seeing other girls' breasts, I'll laugh my goddamn face off.
I guess what ever happens happens.
-Bry/El
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Todd/Anne-Marie: Loose threads.
As much as I feel like I know a lot about the people who came before me on this blog, I haven't interacted with many of them directly. So I feel like it would be out of line asking Jessica, a former professional detective, to help me seek out the original Julia and Kalli. I figure from her road trip stories she'd probably be good at it, maybe even dig it, but she's probably real busy with school these days. What troubles me is that I got so focused on undoing all the mischief of the Inn - not just to me, but to everyone - that I can't seem to accept the fact that they probably aren't going to appear anytime soon. So this means Julia and Kalli will have a couple new tenants in their bodies, even if all goes as planned.
Anyway, it'd be a big help for my own curiosity at least, to find these people and be able to say what's happening one way or the other. The investigative skills I learned in journalism are probably neolithic compared to the ones she learned as a cop. But here's what I've got.
to the best of my knowledge, Julia and Kalli are currently in Washington state under the surname Johnson. Now for starters, I can't go searching through through the Washington phone directory looking for all the Johnsons, even if I knew what town they were in, which I don't. Being on the other side of the country probably suggests they won't be making it out to Maine anytime soon, which means they're probably going to fall into that "forced to stay put and accept" category I've been working so hard to stay out of.
Which is what brings me to my next loose thread. Donna Hayes, my evil little enabler down the block. She was so intent that I not go back to Maine, but by the time I returned from New York she couldn't wait to hear me out.
With a fair bit of reluctance I found myself back in her kitchen, drinking her tea.
I told her, "If you want to save some time, there's a blog where some of us write. Maybe you could even... pitch something in?"
She pursed her lips and cocked her eyebrows. "Is that one of those internet websites? I don't know much about that," she smiled dismissively. "I'm so behind the times. Why don't you just tell me your story yourself."
"Okay then," I began, searching my mind for the right opening line. "I don't know if it's occurred to you how random the inn's transformations can be. Sometimes people gain a few years, sometimes they lose them. Sometimes they change race. And sometimes - shockingly frequently - it changes their sex."
I let it sit there for a moment. She nodded insistently. "Go on."
I couldn't believe she seemed so interested in what I was saying. So I continued. "My name is Todd Casey. I'm a 24-year-old man from Toronto, Ontario. Canada."
"You don't say." She didn't seem all that shocked.
"I woke up last summer in the body of your friend Anne-Marie. Until then I'd been poor, a freeloader, a slacker. I was comfortable being lazy. And now that I live a life where everything is given to me, and I can afford to be lazy... I hate it. All this luxury, it comes with dependence on Anne-Marie's husband. As crazy as it sounds, this entire experience has made me want to change my life - as soon as I get back to it. Taught me not to coast, that I should make something of myself, because back in Canada, I don't have someone to bring home the bacon for me."
She seemed confused, "So why don't you stay?"
"This might be hard for you to understand, Donna, but I don't enjoy being a woman. I don't enjoy being a wife or a mother or a homemaker or a soccer mom or whatever Anne-Marie is. Whatever I look like, that's what I'm not. And I need to go back to being what I am."
"A 'slacker'?"
"A man. An independent man."
"Well, if that's the way you feel - Todd, was it? - I wish you luck. I know now that I can't change your mind. Maybe if you lived as long as I have you'd see it form my perspective, but you've made up your mind and I respect that."
"Lived as long as you have?" I stood up, "Lady, you won't even tell me your real name or where you're from. How am I supposed to take your word for it?"
"You really want to know?"
"Yeah."
"Come back when you've done your little change. Come back when you're you again and I'll tell you. I'll tell you on one condition."
"What's that? Are you extorting me? You're way richer than me--!"
"No, I don't want money." She sipped, "I want to meet you. The real you. This Todd person you claim to be."
"Why?"
She paused a while, her face fading up in blush as she smiled evilly. "I want you to make love to me."
I gagged a little. I don't know why - I've had worse - but the fact that she was suddenly using my curiosity about her background to cheat on her husband was utterly disgusting.
"Forget it," I grumbled, walking out.
"What's the problem, Todd? Am I too much woman for you now? Rather wrap yourself around Hal's big, thick--"
"That's enough!" I shrieked. "I have fucked for a lot of reasons. Love. Gratitude. Revenge. Even one time - just once - money. But this is just sick. Why? Why do you want this? What is your purpose lady? Are you just messing with my head? You're a fucking bitch." I really laid into her. "You're insane and I'm leaving."
As I was slipping on my shoes, I heard an unnerving sound. Sobbing. I whispered, "Oh brother," to myself and turned. "What's wrong?"
"You want to know why? Because I'm an outcast, Anne-Marie." I wished she wouldn't call me that. "How long I've spent trying to build up this life, and tricking myself into believing these people knew me, liked me for who I am inside, not how much I'm worth. My husband married me so my daddy - sorry, Donna's daddy - would make him vice president. Now he's gone all the time. I'd divorce him, but we had a pre-nup and I'd get nothing. I'd be ruined, Anne-Marie, so I have to stay in this loveless goddamn marriage with a man who fucks around all week long in New York City while I stay at home and watch Soaps. This sounds sick, I know, but you're the closest thing I've had to a real friend in years, and I only realized it because you reminded me that I don't belong here. So go. Leave. I know I can't."
I didn't know what to make of it. If it was an act, it was Oscar-worthy. I felt really ill in my stomach at her words.
I thought it over. Maybe I could use a little practice before returning to Alia. Maybe I could convince Bryan to go in my place. It wasn't even about learning the truth as it was... pity. I felt sorry for this sad woman whose life has clearly not been satisfying, no matter where she came from. Goddamnit she was persuasive.
All I said was a muttered, "We'll talk about it later." And I left.
So that's the way things stand.
The sooner I can leave the Inn behind the better. It's brought out the worst in a lot of people.
-Todd/Anne-Marie
Anyway, it'd be a big help for my own curiosity at least, to find these people and be able to say what's happening one way or the other. The investigative skills I learned in journalism are probably neolithic compared to the ones she learned as a cop. But here's what I've got.
to the best of my knowledge, Julia and Kalli are currently in Washington state under the surname Johnson. Now for starters, I can't go searching through through the Washington phone directory looking for all the Johnsons, even if I knew what town they were in, which I don't. Being on the other side of the country probably suggests they won't be making it out to Maine anytime soon, which means they're probably going to fall into that "forced to stay put and accept" category I've been working so hard to stay out of.
Which is what brings me to my next loose thread. Donna Hayes, my evil little enabler down the block. She was so intent that I not go back to Maine, but by the time I returned from New York she couldn't wait to hear me out.
With a fair bit of reluctance I found myself back in her kitchen, drinking her tea.
I told her, "If you want to save some time, there's a blog where some of us write. Maybe you could even... pitch something in?"
She pursed her lips and cocked her eyebrows. "Is that one of those internet websites? I don't know much about that," she smiled dismissively. "I'm so behind the times. Why don't you just tell me your story yourself."
"Okay then," I began, searching my mind for the right opening line. "I don't know if it's occurred to you how random the inn's transformations can be. Sometimes people gain a few years, sometimes they lose them. Sometimes they change race. And sometimes - shockingly frequently - it changes their sex."
I let it sit there for a moment. She nodded insistently. "Go on."
I couldn't believe she seemed so interested in what I was saying. So I continued. "My name is Todd Casey. I'm a 24-year-old man from Toronto, Ontario. Canada."
"You don't say." She didn't seem all that shocked.
"I woke up last summer in the body of your friend Anne-Marie. Until then I'd been poor, a freeloader, a slacker. I was comfortable being lazy. And now that I live a life where everything is given to me, and I can afford to be lazy... I hate it. All this luxury, it comes with dependence on Anne-Marie's husband. As crazy as it sounds, this entire experience has made me want to change my life - as soon as I get back to it. Taught me not to coast, that I should make something of myself, because back in Canada, I don't have someone to bring home the bacon for me."
She seemed confused, "So why don't you stay?"
"This might be hard for you to understand, Donna, but I don't enjoy being a woman. I don't enjoy being a wife or a mother or a homemaker or a soccer mom or whatever Anne-Marie is. Whatever I look like, that's what I'm not. And I need to go back to being what I am."
"A 'slacker'?"
"A man. An independent man."
"Well, if that's the way you feel - Todd, was it? - I wish you luck. I know now that I can't change your mind. Maybe if you lived as long as I have you'd see it form my perspective, but you've made up your mind and I respect that."
"Lived as long as you have?" I stood up, "Lady, you won't even tell me your real name or where you're from. How am I supposed to take your word for it?"
"You really want to know?"
"Yeah."
"Come back when you've done your little change. Come back when you're you again and I'll tell you. I'll tell you on one condition."
"What's that? Are you extorting me? You're way richer than me--!"
"No, I don't want money." She sipped, "I want to meet you. The real you. This Todd person you claim to be."
"Why?"
She paused a while, her face fading up in blush as she smiled evilly. "I want you to make love to me."
I gagged a little. I don't know why - I've had worse - but the fact that she was suddenly using my curiosity about her background to cheat on her husband was utterly disgusting.
"Forget it," I grumbled, walking out.
"What's the problem, Todd? Am I too much woman for you now? Rather wrap yourself around Hal's big, thick--"
"That's enough!" I shrieked. "I have fucked for a lot of reasons. Love. Gratitude. Revenge. Even one time - just once - money. But this is just sick. Why? Why do you want this? What is your purpose lady? Are you just messing with my head? You're a fucking bitch." I really laid into her. "You're insane and I'm leaving."
As I was slipping on my shoes, I heard an unnerving sound. Sobbing. I whispered, "Oh brother," to myself and turned. "What's wrong?"
"You want to know why? Because I'm an outcast, Anne-Marie." I wished she wouldn't call me that. "How long I've spent trying to build up this life, and tricking myself into believing these people knew me, liked me for who I am inside, not how much I'm worth. My husband married me so my daddy - sorry, Donna's daddy - would make him vice president. Now he's gone all the time. I'd divorce him, but we had a pre-nup and I'd get nothing. I'd be ruined, Anne-Marie, so I have to stay in this loveless goddamn marriage with a man who fucks around all week long in New York City while I stay at home and watch Soaps. This sounds sick, I know, but you're the closest thing I've had to a real friend in years, and I only realized it because you reminded me that I don't belong here. So go. Leave. I know I can't."
I didn't know what to make of it. If it was an act, it was Oscar-worthy. I felt really ill in my stomach at her words.
I thought it over. Maybe I could use a little practice before returning to Alia. Maybe I could convince Bryan to go in my place. It wasn't even about learning the truth as it was... pity. I felt sorry for this sad woman whose life has clearly not been satisfying, no matter where she came from. Goddamnit she was persuasive.
All I said was a muttered, "We'll talk about it later." And I left.
So that's the way things stand.
The sooner I can leave the Inn behind the better. It's brought out the worst in a lot of people.
-Todd/Anne-Marie
Friday, March 20, 2009
Todd/Anne-Marie: Mystery of the bra
After we got home from New York things kinda took a turn for the lazy around here. That's what happens, I guess, you just formulate routines and get through the day. For the most part I've been getting up early, exercising, cleaning, cooking, watching TV... just being a lazyass pampered housewife I suppose.
And then one day, Hal decides to go fishing in the cushions of the couch, and what does he find?
A bra.
At first, he thought it was pretty amusing. "Honey, you're such a slob, I love you," blah, blah, gag me.*
(*I love late 80's valley girl slang, I have no idea why.)
But as he hands it to me, something immediately catches my attention... the fact that it's obviously not mine. I would know if I lost a bra in the living room sofa, and I know this is not quite Anne-Marie's size. There were only a couple of possible suspects as to the owner of the bra - it was probably "Julia," whom we'd hired to watch the house while we were in New York.
So I drove over there on the weekend, went up to her place, made sure Todd-2 wasn't around, and threw the bra down on her kitchen table. "Look," I say, "I'm a pretty open-minded person and all, and whatever you do in Julia's body isn't any of my concern, but for God's sake please don't leave your underwear in my furniture."
Seemingly unnerved, she glares at the bra a moment, then looks up at me with those big, brown eyes. God, Julia's a hottie. I think about what I've just said, then immediately smack my own face and correct myself. "I mean... your furniture. Oh, God, I mean, I know it's yours, I don't really think of any of this as mine... this is just very stressful."
"No, it's not that..." she says quietly, clearing her throat. "That's not mine."
I tell her again, "It's not mine."
She just shakes her head. She means it's not Julia's, either. She explained: Saturday night, when she was supposed to be looking after the house (the Adkissons have a cat and some fish.) "Julia" had to run some errands, so she had "Kalli" watch over the house for just a few hours.
We just sat there quietly a moment, realizing exactly what had been going on. About twenty minutes went by, neither of us hardly saying anything, just trying to figure out exactly how to deal with this, when "Kalli" and Todd-2 walked in the door, laughing. J and I were on the couch. "Julia" spoke up - "Hi Todd, could you, um, let us talk a while?"
"Uh, sure thing Jules," he left, uncertain exactly what was going on. He gestured at me, "Who's this? I'm Todd."
I gave him a firm, nonplussed handshake. "Anne-Marie."
"Are you two related?"
'Julia' - "It's complicated. Do you mind?"
"No, sure thing ladies," he said. "See you tomorrow Kal?" She nodded. He kissed her on the cheek as he left.
As soon as he was gone, I tossed the bra at her. "What's up, Kal? Thought you might want this."
She rolled her eyes and groaned. "Here we go."
"What do you think you're doing?" Anne-Marie/Julia started in, suddenly sounding very motherly, "He is way too old for you."
"Not that it's any of your business, Julia but we just went to the movies."
"What are you doing leaving your underwear at my house?" she continues. "You shouldn't be..." she let the ellipses complete her thought.
Ellie folded her arms across her chest. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm old enough to take care of myself," indicating Kalli's body.
I watched on as they proceeded to play out a typical-sounding mother-daughter argument, in the bodies and voices of these equally-aged girls. Apparently what happened in South Carolina is that they ran into Todd-2, who was looking to get back with Julia. Anne-Marie, however, was determined to stay faithful to her husband, and didn't want to complicate matters by taking on Julia's ex-boyfriend, so somehow, the affection gets shifted over to Kalli, and somehow nobody thinks at first what a horrible idea for a girl with the mind of a 14-year-old but a body a decade older to have a sexually experienced boyfriend, who would probably have some expectations.
Ellie/Kalli pleads innocent - they haven't had sex and she doesn't plan on it. I attest that all I found was a bra, which is hardly exonerating evidence and nobody's too thrilled about the idea of her letting him get to second base. She admits, yeah, it's been getting kind of heavy, but she never intended to go all the way, and was up front with him about it.
Then she did awful that thing ever teenage girl I've ever known does in an argument - takes it someplace else beyond reason.
"And so what if I did it, anyway?"
Now that's a Pandora's Box to open. As soon as Anne can say anything in response, Kalli is firing the salvo. "We've been living like this for months. I'm not the same person I was when I was Ellie, and you can't treat me like some dumb kid. Kalli definitely wasn't a virgin, so what point would there be in denying it, if I wanted it?"
Anne, suddenly overwhelmed, sat on the couch with her elbows on her knees. She collected her thoughts a moment before starting in, "You should be taking care of yourself... no matter whose life you've got. You've only known Todd [Jones] for a few weeks. If he's your first experience... and don't forget Kalli's experiences are not yours... it might affect you when we go back. These are just decisions too big for us to handle with lives that won't be ours forever."
I nodded along. Anne was seeming surprisingly wise.
Then Kalli pointed at me and asked, "Why is it okay for her to have sex with Uncle Hal?" I must've looked surprised for a moment, but she added, "Dude, I totally read the blog."
Anne sighs and says, "Because... It just is." Not really a good answer, but she continued. "Todd had experience enough to make the right decision, and because I know my husband, and trust him. We agreed."
"Weren't you worried she'd, like, fall in love with him because of the sex?"
I laugh quietly, self-deprecatingly. "Ellie, sex isn't love." It's the kind of thing a man is more likely to say than a woman.
Ellie got a little somber, sitting on the arm of the chair near me. "It's just not fair. I'm so free right now, and in a few months I have to give it all up and go back to the way things were."
I sit next to her and pat her shoulder. "I know it isn't fair, but you have a whole life of your own to go back to. You have awkward teen years to live out, and a terrible, terrible first time with a boy who is equally clueless as you to look forward to."
She smiled. "Todd, you're a goof." I've been called worse. "But I'm just worried that things aren't going to work out once we leave these lives. That's the big question."
I shrug and say that's a problem for Julia and Kalli to deal with. Ellie shoots me a look. "Didn't... Aunt Anne tell you?" I shake my head and look over at "Julia," who seems guilty of something.
Her voice turned grave. "Um, I guess I never mentioned it. Todd, I haven't been able to contact the original Kalli and Julia. We have no idea where they are, and we may not be able to get them their lives back."
Oh.
-Todd/AM
And then one day, Hal decides to go fishing in the cushions of the couch, and what does he find?
A bra.
At first, he thought it was pretty amusing. "Honey, you're such a slob, I love you," blah, blah, gag me.*
(*I love late 80's valley girl slang, I have no idea why.)
But as he hands it to me, something immediately catches my attention... the fact that it's obviously not mine. I would know if I lost a bra in the living room sofa, and I know this is not quite Anne-Marie's size. There were only a couple of possible suspects as to the owner of the bra - it was probably "Julia," whom we'd hired to watch the house while we were in New York.
So I drove over there on the weekend, went up to her place, made sure Todd-2 wasn't around, and threw the bra down on her kitchen table. "Look," I say, "I'm a pretty open-minded person and all, and whatever you do in Julia's body isn't any of my concern, but for God's sake please don't leave your underwear in my furniture."
Seemingly unnerved, she glares at the bra a moment, then looks up at me with those big, brown eyes. God, Julia's a hottie. I think about what I've just said, then immediately smack my own face and correct myself. "I mean... your furniture. Oh, God, I mean, I know it's yours, I don't really think of any of this as mine... this is just very stressful."
"No, it's not that..." she says quietly, clearing her throat. "That's not mine."
I tell her again, "It's not mine."
She just shakes her head. She means it's not Julia's, either. She explained: Saturday night, when she was supposed to be looking after the house (the Adkissons have a cat and some fish.) "Julia" had to run some errands, so she had "Kalli" watch over the house for just a few hours.
We just sat there quietly a moment, realizing exactly what had been going on. About twenty minutes went by, neither of us hardly saying anything, just trying to figure out exactly how to deal with this, when "Kalli" and Todd-2 walked in the door, laughing. J and I were on the couch. "Julia" spoke up - "Hi Todd, could you, um, let us talk a while?"
"Uh, sure thing Jules," he left, uncertain exactly what was going on. He gestured at me, "Who's this? I'm Todd."
I gave him a firm, nonplussed handshake. "Anne-Marie."
"Are you two related?"
'Julia' - "It's complicated. Do you mind?"
"No, sure thing ladies," he said. "See you tomorrow Kal?" She nodded. He kissed her on the cheek as he left.
As soon as he was gone, I tossed the bra at her. "What's up, Kal? Thought you might want this."
She rolled her eyes and groaned. "Here we go."
"What do you think you're doing?" Anne-Marie/Julia started in, suddenly sounding very motherly, "He is way too old for you."
"Not that it's any of your business, Julia but we just went to the movies."
"What are you doing leaving your underwear at my house?" she continues. "You shouldn't be..." she let the ellipses complete her thought.
Ellie folded her arms across her chest. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm old enough to take care of myself," indicating Kalli's body.
I watched on as they proceeded to play out a typical-sounding mother-daughter argument, in the bodies and voices of these equally-aged girls. Apparently what happened in South Carolina is that they ran into Todd-2, who was looking to get back with Julia. Anne-Marie, however, was determined to stay faithful to her husband, and didn't want to complicate matters by taking on Julia's ex-boyfriend, so somehow, the affection gets shifted over to Kalli, and somehow nobody thinks at first what a horrible idea for a girl with the mind of a 14-year-old but a body a decade older to have a sexually experienced boyfriend, who would probably have some expectations.
Ellie/Kalli pleads innocent - they haven't had sex and she doesn't plan on it. I attest that all I found was a bra, which is hardly exonerating evidence and nobody's too thrilled about the idea of her letting him get to second base. She admits, yeah, it's been getting kind of heavy, but she never intended to go all the way, and was up front with him about it.
Then she did awful that thing ever teenage girl I've ever known does in an argument - takes it someplace else beyond reason.
"And so what if I did it, anyway?"
Now that's a Pandora's Box to open. As soon as Anne can say anything in response, Kalli is firing the salvo. "We've been living like this for months. I'm not the same person I was when I was Ellie, and you can't treat me like some dumb kid. Kalli definitely wasn't a virgin, so what point would there be in denying it, if I wanted it?"
Anne, suddenly overwhelmed, sat on the couch with her elbows on her knees. She collected her thoughts a moment before starting in, "You should be taking care of yourself... no matter whose life you've got. You've only known Todd [Jones] for a few weeks. If he's your first experience... and don't forget Kalli's experiences are not yours... it might affect you when we go back. These are just decisions too big for us to handle with lives that won't be ours forever."
I nodded along. Anne was seeming surprisingly wise.
Then Kalli pointed at me and asked, "Why is it okay for her to have sex with Uncle Hal?" I must've looked surprised for a moment, but she added, "Dude, I totally read the blog."
Anne sighs and says, "Because... It just is." Not really a good answer, but she continued. "Todd had experience enough to make the right decision, and because I know my husband, and trust him. We agreed."
"Weren't you worried she'd, like, fall in love with him because of the sex?"
I laugh quietly, self-deprecatingly. "Ellie, sex isn't love." It's the kind of thing a man is more likely to say than a woman.
Ellie got a little somber, sitting on the arm of the chair near me. "It's just not fair. I'm so free right now, and in a few months I have to give it all up and go back to the way things were."
I sit next to her and pat her shoulder. "I know it isn't fair, but you have a whole life of your own to go back to. You have awkward teen years to live out, and a terrible, terrible first time with a boy who is equally clueless as you to look forward to."
She smiled. "Todd, you're a goof." I've been called worse. "But I'm just worried that things aren't going to work out once we leave these lives. That's the big question."
I shrug and say that's a problem for Julia and Kalli to deal with. Ellie shoots me a look. "Didn't... Aunt Anne tell you?" I shake my head and look over at "Julia," who seems guilty of something.
Her voice turned grave. "Um, I guess I never mentioned it. Todd, I haven't been able to contact the original Kalli and Julia. We have no idea where they are, and we may not be able to get them their lives back."
Oh.
-Todd/AM
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Todd/Anne-Marie: Why I was not in New York this weekend
Sometimes, I utterly forget that I'm married.
I wear the ring, I share my bed, I cook and clean for the guy, and yet it's remarkably easy for me to just push him out of my head when I need to. Like say, when I spontaneously promise Hayley a trip to New York on a few days' notice, along with a spa trip and whatever other tourist goodies might come her way.
It wasn't long before it dawned on me that it wasn't really my call. When Hayley went to ask her dad about it, he asked me to see him in the bedroom. I felt like I was called into the principal's office. I sat on the bed. He stood by the dresser.
"What's this I'm hearing about a New York trip? Hayley said you were taking her there this weekend."
Somewhat ashamed, I just looked down at my feet and said, "Maybe."
"That's... you can't just do that, Anne-Marie. We need to talk about this."
"Okay, so let's talk."
"You can't just go off on a trip whenever you feel like it!" he says. "Last summer you disappeared for nearly a month with my sister's daughter. Anything could've happened to you. We were so worried. And you've been making plans to go back there this summer."
He goes on and on and I guess I'm supposed to feel guilty, but from my perspective nothing's wrong. I was starting to feel really bummed out for being talked to in that way, but at the same time... I zoned out because it didn't really apply.
So I told him, "Yes, but can we keep this about New York?"
"I'm not made out of trips, Annie. You should've consulted me first."
"I'm sorry," I said, "I just... I panicked, because I realized, in case you didn't notice, we kind of forgot our daughter's birthday. I thought it might offset that a little bit."
"I just don't think we can afford it. Between this and your little Maine vacation..." he keeps bringing Maine into it. I want to deal with that at another time.
I start to reason with him, "Look. I've been cutting back spending. I haven't bought clothes or shoes in months." It's true, I've indulged in a little shopping since transforming, usually with "Julia," but for the most part I live on the cheap like I did when I was poor. "We've saved plenty to make both this and Maine work."
"Okay look, we'll go online, we'll find a Holiday Inn in Secaucus or something, and we can drive into the city next weekend. I don't know about this spa thing, but we can at least see a show or something."
I just look at him. "We?"
He laughs, "You didn't think you were gonna go to New York City without me and Connor, did you?" I guess not. "And we'll talk about Maine too. Could be very romantic." He kisses me on the cheek. I want to tell him, "Um, no, we will not talk about Maine, you are not coming to Maine." but at this point he left the room.
I guess it was a little presumptuous to assume I could make these plans without involving Hal. I don't mind him coming along to NYC, because now there's a chance I can get away and see those other nearby Inn folks I've been talking with (through the magic of Facebook, MSN and E-Mail.) But I really do not like the idea that he'll follow his wife to Maine. That's just asking for trouble.
Meanwhile in South Carolina...
From what I hear, "Julia" and "Kalli" escaped just in time to miss a massive storm in that area, flying into Logan a few nights ago (maybe they should've stopped in on Art and Ashlyn!) and driving the few hours back to our neck of the woods. Kalli's mom's angina flared up so she was called back home, and, having nothing better to do, went, with "Julia" as a secret chaperon. They came back one heavy. This is where it gets weird.
I don't know what has been running through Anne-Marie's mind since she became Julia, but she was certainly very concerned that I do my best to keep up her relationship with her husband. I've done my best and tried to put a positive spin on it, but it's still kind of a chore to get down with the guy every now and again. But it was all for a good cause.
Anyway, when "Julia" got back in town, she was immediately contacted by an old flame of Julia's - very unfortunately named Todd Jones (T2, or Jonesy for the purposes of this blog.) And for whatever reason, she decided that somehow it would be appropriate for her to bring this guy back to Connecticut, where she is a married woman living in another person's body with her similarly transformed 14-year-old niece. Doesn't this all sound a little inappropriate?
I don't know what to think. Is she banging this guy? And if she is, should I be upset? After all, I wish the new me would keep up relations with Alia alive, but s/he hasn't, and I just have to live with it. And she can't sleep with her own husband, and, what, should she be a nun? I guess not. It just pisses me off that there's not another option. Hal cheating on me with her sounds really good right now.
And what kind of example does this set for "Kalli," who for all intents and purposes is the same age as Julia? I feel like I'm the only mature one around here and that is not a good role for me.
Ugh, it's so frustrating.
And as if that wasn't bad enough...
Friday mornings I go to the gym. Last week, after my session, I was drying off from the shower and changing back into my day clothes... self-consciously trying to eyeball the nubile young ladies and re-create some of Bry's observations for my own (no luck) when I get cornered by who else but Donna, wearing her workout gear.
Apparently, she didn't take kindly to the tone I took in my voicemail. She gives me this stern look before just sighing. "Anne-Marie, I can tell you have something you want to get off your chest." I froze - as luck would have it, my hands happened to be cupping my breasts at the time. She continued, "I want you to know that no matter what, I'm your friend and I'm here for you. We disagree on some things, and maybe someday you'll see my point of view, but for now, I'd still like us to be close."
Despite knowing I am not the Anne-Marie she knew, Donna still seems to be treating me like the person I look like. It makes me wonder if Donna truly understands what the Inn does to people. I just shook my head and continued to dress. "Whatever."
"If that means unburdening yourself and telling me all about who you used to be, I'm ready to hear it. If it means helping you get through this, I'll be glad to."
I scoffed. "Is this, like, a joke to you? Are you messing with me? Whatever. If you want to talk, we'll talk, but not today." I just wasn't in the mood for her crap.
More later - I've got to start dinner.
-Todd/AM
I wear the ring, I share my bed, I cook and clean for the guy, and yet it's remarkably easy for me to just push him out of my head when I need to. Like say, when I spontaneously promise Hayley a trip to New York on a few days' notice, along with a spa trip and whatever other tourist goodies might come her way.
It wasn't long before it dawned on me that it wasn't really my call. When Hayley went to ask her dad about it, he asked me to see him in the bedroom. I felt like I was called into the principal's office. I sat on the bed. He stood by the dresser.
"What's this I'm hearing about a New York trip? Hayley said you were taking her there this weekend."
Somewhat ashamed, I just looked down at my feet and said, "Maybe."
"That's... you can't just do that, Anne-Marie. We need to talk about this."
"Okay, so let's talk."
"You can't just go off on a trip whenever you feel like it!" he says. "Last summer you disappeared for nearly a month with my sister's daughter. Anything could've happened to you. We were so worried. And you've been making plans to go back there this summer."
He goes on and on and I guess I'm supposed to feel guilty, but from my perspective nothing's wrong. I was starting to feel really bummed out for being talked to in that way, but at the same time... I zoned out because it didn't really apply.
So I told him, "Yes, but can we keep this about New York?"
"I'm not made out of trips, Annie. You should've consulted me first."
"I'm sorry," I said, "I just... I panicked, because I realized, in case you didn't notice, we kind of forgot our daughter's birthday. I thought it might offset that a little bit."
"I just don't think we can afford it. Between this and your little Maine vacation..." he keeps bringing Maine into it. I want to deal with that at another time.
I start to reason with him, "Look. I've been cutting back spending. I haven't bought clothes or shoes in months." It's true, I've indulged in a little shopping since transforming, usually with "Julia," but for the most part I live on the cheap like I did when I was poor. "We've saved plenty to make both this and Maine work."
"Okay look, we'll go online, we'll find a Holiday Inn in Secaucus or something, and we can drive into the city next weekend. I don't know about this spa thing, but we can at least see a show or something."
I just look at him. "We?"
He laughs, "You didn't think you were gonna go to New York City without me and Connor, did you?" I guess not. "And we'll talk about Maine too. Could be very romantic." He kisses me on the cheek. I want to tell him, "Um, no, we will not talk about Maine, you are not coming to Maine." but at this point he left the room.
I guess it was a little presumptuous to assume I could make these plans without involving Hal. I don't mind him coming along to NYC, because now there's a chance I can get away and see those other nearby Inn folks I've been talking with (through the magic of Facebook, MSN and E-Mail.) But I really do not like the idea that he'll follow his wife to Maine. That's just asking for trouble.
Meanwhile in South Carolina...
From what I hear, "Julia" and "Kalli" escaped just in time to miss a massive storm in that area, flying into Logan a few nights ago (maybe they should've stopped in on Art and Ashlyn!) and driving the few hours back to our neck of the woods. Kalli's mom's angina flared up so she was called back home, and, having nothing better to do, went, with "Julia" as a secret chaperon. They came back one heavy. This is where it gets weird.
I don't know what has been running through Anne-Marie's mind since she became Julia, but she was certainly very concerned that I do my best to keep up her relationship with her husband. I've done my best and tried to put a positive spin on it, but it's still kind of a chore to get down with the guy every now and again. But it was all for a good cause.
Anyway, when "Julia" got back in town, she was immediately contacted by an old flame of Julia's - very unfortunately named Todd Jones (T2, or Jonesy for the purposes of this blog.) And for whatever reason, she decided that somehow it would be appropriate for her to bring this guy back to Connecticut, where she is a married woman living in another person's body with her similarly transformed 14-year-old niece. Doesn't this all sound a little inappropriate?
I don't know what to think. Is she banging this guy? And if she is, should I be upset? After all, I wish the new me would keep up relations with Alia alive, but s/he hasn't, and I just have to live with it. And she can't sleep with her own husband, and, what, should she be a nun? I guess not. It just pisses me off that there's not another option. Hal cheating on me with her sounds really good right now.
And what kind of example does this set for "Kalli," who for all intents and purposes is the same age as Julia? I feel like I'm the only mature one around here and that is not a good role for me.
Ugh, it's so frustrating.
And as if that wasn't bad enough...
Friday mornings I go to the gym. Last week, after my session, I was drying off from the shower and changing back into my day clothes... self-consciously trying to eyeball the nubile young ladies and re-create some of Bry's observations for my own (no luck) when I get cornered by who else but Donna, wearing her workout gear.
Apparently, she didn't take kindly to the tone I took in my voicemail. She gives me this stern look before just sighing. "Anne-Marie, I can tell you have something you want to get off your chest." I froze - as luck would have it, my hands happened to be cupping my breasts at the time. She continued, "I want you to know that no matter what, I'm your friend and I'm here for you. We disagree on some things, and maybe someday you'll see my point of view, but for now, I'd still like us to be close."
Despite knowing I am not the Anne-Marie she knew, Donna still seems to be treating me like the person I look like. It makes me wonder if Donna truly understands what the Inn does to people. I just shook my head and continued to dress. "Whatever."
"If that means unburdening yourself and telling me all about who you used to be, I'm ready to hear it. If it means helping you get through this, I'll be glad to."
I scoffed. "Is this, like, a joke to you? Are you messing with me? Whatever. If you want to talk, we'll talk, but not today." I just wasn't in the mood for her crap.
More later - I've got to start dinner.
-Todd/AM
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