Toby: Dunia's Amigas

One thing about my schedule as a flight attendant being kind of random and longer than the number of hours I get paid for is that it makes finding time to hang out with Dunia's friends and family difficult.  I missed the family gatherings for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and though I talk with her friends online (at first at the real Dunia's prompting but more on my own these days) I don't see them in person very often.  I've gotten better at it (there was apparently a thing going around group texts back in October that Dunia had become a high and mighty bitch because I didn't compliment someone on her new hairstyle because I didn't recognize her with her new hairstyle), but I stopped worrying about it after a while, just thinking about the number of high school friends I've drifted away from since graduation even though we still live pretty close to each other.  It just happens, right? 

Maybe.  But other things also happen, like New Year's, which Dunia and her friends have been ringing in on the beach since high school.  Even though I've been living here and flying to other warm-weather cities for a few months, it hadn't totally sunk in that it was still summer weather - in my head, it just hasn't gotten cold yet.  But right around Christmas, I started getting texts from Ceci, Danica, and Ines asking what my schedule was looking like, and after a quick check in with Dunia, I checked her social media history and saw that they did in fact hit the beach every New Year's Eve. 

In bikinis. 

Now, I've gotten kind of used to having a Dunia-shaped body by now.  I still have a minor panic attack on the first day of her period, but what i see in the mirror or while taking a shower every morning doesn't shock me, and I've more or less of come to accept that what's in the closet makes a certain sort of sense.  It's hot enough that you want some skin exposed to sweat from, the colors I thought were ugly at first look pretty nice on my darker skin, her wedge sandals are comfortable and give me a little extra height, and I'm even okay with my breasts being pushed up and together by her bras and halters.  The heels do make my ass sway, but I keep telling myself that it made Dunia feel confident and maybe I'll feel the same by the time spring comes. But I still mostly avoided even touching the drawer with swimsuits or the racks with club stuff.

No avoiding it, though, and I knew from experience by then that a girl takes a while to get ready, especially given that I still do a lot step-by-step from checklists on the phone rather than having any real instinct for it.  I spent a couple hours painting nails, doing makeup, and fixing with my hair before sending outfits to Dunia and being told that she wouldn't necessarily have chosen the belted skirt and crop top combo herself, but that it was probably okay for someone as nervous about things getting loose or coming off as me.  By the time I was done, Ines arrived to pick me up.  Ceci was already in the passenger seat, and Danica would join me in the back. 

They hadn't seen Dunia/me for more than a passing word since September, and wanted to know all about the glamorous life of a flight attendant, so I could supply plenty of small talk amid all their relationship drama.  They pulled no punches when it came to how their ex-boyfriends were pigs (you hear about how guys have no idea how dirty or frank girls talk when we aren't around, but it's still an earful!) while also making insinuations about what Dunia's man was doing while overseas.  I defended him, although I've only really talked with him online, tentatively because his hours don't really line up with Dunia's and I'd rather consult her before saying something that could mess things up.  Maybe he's dumb enough to cheat on Dunia (not getting into the looks I've inherited, she's pretty cool), because I can say from experience that guys will do really stupid things if the opportunity comes, but if Dunia doesn't think so, I'm not acting like I think so. 

At least it let me say "I've got a boyfriend serving overseas and I don't think he'd like that" more that night than I had for the rest of December.  Most guys were pretty chill about it - there were a lot of girls in the club showing way more skin and looking more eager to hook up than I was, including Dunia's friends.  Ceci seemed to be the one most eager for some sort of rebound fling, to the point where Ines was asking me to help keep an eye on her, while Danica was more looking for the best dancer, because she's really good, like she seems to almost get bored just casually bopping around and shaking her butt.  She's got an eye for the guy who can pick her up and spin her, for example, and sometimes the rest of us would just stop what we were doing and watch. 

By the time we headed for the beach, there were a couple guys in tow - Ceci hopped in her new friend's passenger seat and I moved up front so Danica and her guy could make out.  That left me chatting with Ines, who seems pretty cool, before we got to their favorite public beach. 

I had enough rum in me (aside from Dunia being Cuban-American, it's something I don't feel too girly ordering but which doesn't seem too masculine for her) that I was pretty bold bringing my handbag with the little green bikini into the bathroom stall.  I figured that I'd put on bra and panty sets dozens of times by this point, and the only difference was that I just wouldn't continue getting dressed.  But by the time I had my hand on the door latch so I could go to the sinks and touch up my makeup, I either suddenly sobered up a bit or something, because even with a matching wrap on my hips, my ass suddenly looked twice as huge and inviting as usual, my boobs seemed super bouncy, and the thought that any of the knots I had twisted myself to tie in ways you don't learn in the scouts could either come loose on their own or at a guy's slightest pull was echoing through my head.

Didn't happen, thankfully, and we had a good time - we don't really have food trucks in North Dakota like they do here, there was a lot of great music, and there were fireworks.  I guess that's more "big city" than Miami particularly, although we probably wouldn't have been wearing swimsuits if I'd wound up in Minneapolis!  I did kind of find my head spinning because of it, though:  Girls in bikinis was always exciting and full of potential and distracting (Ma would go on about how I shouldn't let them distract me or make me give into temptation), and here I was, walking around the beach, getting fried plantains and the like, and it's kind of a head-trip that I'm hanging around with three girls who are acting like it's not really sexy at all most of the time, just talking about their lives, and the fact that I can sort of slip into just chatting and not really be thinking about what dudes are thinking of the show I'm offering, or even feel like I'm putting myself on display, but then I'll notice just how amazing Ceci's rack is and look away embarrassed and wonder if guys are looking at my ass.  I mean, obviously, some are, because they will come right up and tell me, sometimes in Spanish, which sounds even weirder, but more on that another day.

It was probably the most fun I can ever remember having on New Year's Eve, though, even if it did end with me being driven home by a very hot girl while we were both wearing bikinis but nothing beyond that.  Apparently Dunia coming home practically naked isn't a big deal to her Dad, who was asleep in the recliner until I maybe closed the front door too loud, which I guess isn't a big deal, but, like aren't fathers supposed to be more paranoid about their daughters running around half-naked?

Anyway, I'm glad I did it, and I'm feeling less nervous about answering Dunia's friends' texts now, even if my weird schedule legitimately has me not able to meet up with them that often.

-Toby/Dunia

Rusty/Monica: Is it weird to celebrate the anniversary of the Inn changing you?

Dad and Katey and I are already celebrating two birthdays each, and while I don't really look at the blog much beyond seeing if anyone commented on my posts, I do see that the folks who change at this time of year don't exactly seem happy about it, so maybe last night's thing was in kind of bad taste?

The really weird thing is that it was Dad's idea.  I don't think he's really become happier to be Emilia in the last couple months, even now that she's not scared of what's between her legs, but she really wants me and Katey to be reassured that she's not mad at us for wanting to stay like this, so I think she kid of overdoes it sometimes.

Sometimes I think she's kind of screwing with us.  Like, she apparently likes the beach now?  I mean, she says she liked going to the beach back when she was a teenager and loved spring break in college - she was in a fraternity! - but do you suddenly just wake up and decide you like walking around in a bikini, even when it's ninety degrees out?  Especially since I don't think that she's going to Coney Island or Fort Tilden or other places with friends from work or book club or the like - just me and Katey, and sometimes Omar, and I don't know that asking us to put lotion on her back is meant to make us feel uncomfortable because the girl who just undid the back of her top is our dad, but...

(Also: I never thought of New York as a place with beaches, but then again, it is all on islands except the Bronx)

I do kind of appreciate that she did this; I was kind of nervous about being on display at the beach even if I don't have any problem with workout clothes that just cover what's necessary and sexy outfits generally.  but apparently I'm okay if it's just a way to hang out with my family and friends, get in the water, get some sun (with appropriately slathered on sunblock, because apparently Dad doesn't sunburn despite being a natural blonde while I sure do) and not, like "here's my whole ass, come and get it!"

Last night, though, was kind of crazy; Dad had bought us matching outfits, like whole matching outfits with shoes and handbags, brought us to the sort of club that was usually not her thing, and did a champagne toast before hitting the dance floor.  We mostly danced with each other, but she didn't often say no when a guy bought her a drink or asked her to dance.  Around 1am, she was starting to stumble in her heels and didn't really look like she was having fun any more, so we loaded ourselves into a cab.  She insisted on getting an ice cream cake saying "Happy Inn-iversary" on it out of the freezer and making sure we each got a piece before going to bed.

She was really hung over this morning, and Katey and I told her she didn't have to do stuff like that or pretend she was really into taking up how the original Emilia was apparently kind of a party girl, and she swore up and down that she just wanted to mark the occasion and that she wasn't doing anything she didn't want to do.  "I'm an adult woman who used to be an adult man, and I know what i'm doing," she says.

I didn't believe her this morning, but now I'm kind of wondering after writing this if the reason this all seems in bad taste is that celebrating one year doesn't just mean celebrating how Katey and I have done well as grown-up women, but also that Dad is kind of no longer Dad, that he's becoming someone different that likes guys and treats us like friends or sisters rather than her kids and that maybe we won't be able to turn to her to know what we should be doing.  Katey doesn't seem too worried about it, and neither does Dad, so maybe it's just me.

-Rusty/Monica

Andi/Andy: Back!

Well, back in Old Orchard, at least, although we should be back to ourselves soon enough.  Since the luggage we found in the room belongs to a guy, the plan is for Andy to stay at the Inn first, and then when he turns into this "Arnold" person, I take over the room, turning back into myself as soon as there are 13 guests (which seems to be how it works), then having him take the room, and become himself again when the curse hits again.  Kind of sucks for Arnold, who's going to have like two months of his life being out of circulation and a lot to explain when he eventually gets it back, but you can only plan so much where there's a cursed inn involved.

While one of us is at the inn, the other is staying at a place a mile or so down the road.  It's a suite, but most of the time, only one room will be occupied for the most part, because Mom and Dad can't get enough time off between them to have one of them there all the time.  Mom flew out with us to check us in, but both she and Dad have in-person commitments for their work today, so we've been on our own since she got into the Lyft for the airport this morning.

Are we excited?  Hell, yes!  Mom and Dad aren't exactly over-protective, at least not when we're ourselves, although they've been keeping a closer eye on us this year than they might have otherwise, although once they saw that we didn't need help or excuses and weren't going to screw up each other's lives just because we got mad about something, they stepped back a bit.  Still, when we got back to the hotel room after dinner, she sat us down and pointed out that she and Dad were putting a lot of trust in us, even though they knew how important this was to us.  She said they were going to be checking the activity on our debit cards and to call immediately if there was any problem.  But when she left, we seemed to be in a different world.

We spent the morning sort of looking for stuff to do on our phones - there's an amusement park and the beach, but what were we going to do here for six weeks?

Our first stop on our own was the hot dog truck, and we waited until the line was finished before we walked up.  Krys was working, and she looked at us for a few seconds before her eyes lit up.  "Andy and Andi!  You made it back!"  Before we could even consider ordering, she was out the back door and hooking her elbows around our necks, even if it meant pulling my head down.  Then she looked back and forth.  "Your folks?"

Andy said they had to work so we were on our own.  She was like "really?", then whipped out her phone, took a selfie with the three of us, and sent it off to Cary, saying some people have guardians who trust them, although she also said he wasn't really that bad.

We all looked each other over.  She'd gotten taller than Andy was/I should be, especially with her shorts cut off about as high as they could be.  She still had the freckles, and had a red ponytail coming out the back of her baseball cap.  And then there was the way her t-shirt hung.

She caught me looking and laughed.  "Hey, I'm not gonna be mad - a spent a while with a dick, too, ya know!"  Andy and I blushed, which just seemed to encourage her, clasping her hands and twisting them so that her arms pushed her breasts out.  "I don't think they're done growing yet, but even if this is as big as they get, it's such a relief!  So many redhead white girls wind up 'petite' and 'slender', by which they mean 'flat', and that wasn't me!"

Someone walked up to get a hot dog, so she ran back into the truck, served the customer, and came back out.  I had to admit, I was kind of amazed at how loose she seemed.  We'd met her last year, while we were stuck in Old Orchard while waiting to get our bodies back, and while Mom and Dad weren't entirely comfortable with us hanging out with someone who was really in her late 20s, she was also the only person we could hang around with who would believe who we are.  It was kind of weird spending time with her - it must have been like sitting at the kiddie table and being expected to have something in common with the pre-teens for her, except that when she forgot she should look at us as kids, she and I had actually did a lot of the same things in school.  Andy, not so much, but he found her super-cute, even if she scared him.

We lost touch after the Inn screwed us up and we went home; most of what we wanted to text each other about was weirdo transformation stuff and neither of us were really good at explaining the messages when the phone notified us - and, again, Mom and Dad thought me having a friend twice my age was weird.  So I hadn't really seen any pictures or talked much until we got there, and was kind of surprised at how everything seemed to be coming so natural to her now.

I told her that and she laughed.  "Well, Cary says I never really grew up the first time, which pisses me off sometimes, but I dunno, I did go through a bunch of men and never lasted at a job and spent a lot of time drinking and smoking weed and never settled down.  Maybe he's right, and I just needed my body to get to where my head is at.  I dunno.  It's funny, though - I decided to become Mackenzie after Jonah stole my life so I could have a sort of second chance, but it really feels like I'm just getting that second chance now, y'know?"

I didn't, really, but I was glad things were starting to work out well for her.  It got busy for her again soon, but she gave us some tips for what to do with the afternoon and said we should hang out with her and her friends tomorrow.

I really hadn't realized how badly I'd wanted someone I could talk to about this that wasn't Mom and Dad.  I've gotta remember not to fall out of touch with her when we're just two girls who had some weird experiences.

-Andi-with-an-I

Jonah/Krystle: Beach Body

Jordan's employers gave her enough time away from her workstation last week to get out and about, which meant a few pictures and videos on social media as she tried to learn to surf like a real California girl - she really seems to be having a ball!

After one which was just her kind of just lying on a surfboard in her bikini, leg dangling over the side, I DMed her saying I didn't know how she was able to do that with such confidence - Calvin had invited me to go with him to the beach for a few days and was a nervous wreck.  She says it's no big deal, especially if you've got something like surfing or whatever going on instead of just sitting there, and it's not like we didn't used to go shirtless.  Sure, I say, but it's different when you've got stuff hanging out rather than the bits that needed covering being safely in the middle of some baggy trunks.  She asks if I've been slacking off some we stopped going to yoga together, and since I got that message while changing for the climbing wall, I send her a selfie. See, she says, I've got nothing to be ashamed of.

Believe it out not, I'm inclined to agree.  It's taken me something like four years to really feel good about this body, but I'm really confident these days.  My boobs are finally back down to their pre-pregnancy size, which is not always easy to deal with, but I'm kind of forgetting what flat feels like.  I've also become kind of a gym rat, not just from climbing with Calvin, but also going with Momma Kamen - her doctor told her to make some changes, but because she's apparently been the type who prioritized looking after her family more than herself (and burned what calories she needed to by running after kids and grandkids), she won't think to hit the gym unless Klara or I go with her.  So we do - well, I do, mostly, with Auntie Klara watching little Moira - and now she's got a lot more stamina and I've got abs.

Not the sort of chiseled six-pack I wanted as a teenage boy, of course, but enough that I don't look scrawny.  My legs are really toned, too, and arms have some real definition.  I don't look masculine, and Calvin will attest that I don't feel that way (and, yeah, maybe getting a little better at the giving and receiving physical pleasure also has me feeling better about my body).  I've found a hairstylist who gives me a natural look that I like, and I've even started wearing the tops that show a bit of cleavage at work.  I guess feeling like I've made my body a certain way makes me a little more comfortable using it rather than hiding it.  I even got a kind of warm feeling when the original Krystle made a comment about my muscles being gross on Facebook; I'm never not going to feel guilty about taking this life from her, but it makes me feel more like myself and not an imitation.

So, like Jordan says, I've got nothing to be ashamed of, but I still get some anxiety around Calvin's successful white friends, and being more or less in my underwear didn't feel like it would make things easier.  But it has been a really hot summer, and the pictures he showed off the little cottage his family had on the Cape looked nice.  Completely un-cursed, too, although that didn't really enter my head until someone asked me when the last time I went to the beach was.  It looked like a good time, so why not?

It was a big surprise for Moira, who has never been to the beach before.  She wasn't thrilled with getting into her car seat - she's a city girl who expects to either be carried or in a stroller (or tries to run up and down the subway cars) and this thing where she gets strapped in and faces the back of the car while Mommy and Calvin are up front for an hour or more is some garbage as far as she's concerned, even if she does eventually fall asleep.  For as crazy as the terrible twos can make you, though, there are also the moments when you get her out of the car and take her around back of the house and her eyes go wide, and then she turns around and says "Mommy, it's a sandbox with no box!"  Then she runs to the water and giggles when it's cold on her feet.

In no time whatsoever, she's letting me change her into a bathing suit and excited about the bag of new plastic beach toys.  She's kind of impatient while I change, which gives me relatively little time to really fret about how even a pretty modest one-piece exposes half my butt cheeks.  Well, never I never complained about seeing that sort of thing before, and I could throw on some shorts if need be.

Moira loves the beach; she'll dig in the sand and splash and pick up the wet sand by the water and just throw it back at the ground for hours.  After a while we blew up a floatie and that, also, was the best.  Being part of that is amazing in a way that's hard to explain, and it made Calvin smile too.  My girl is amazing.

She crashed after a few hours, and I got a chance to stroll down the beach while Calvin tried to put the fire pit his father bought together.  The change from the city was something I didn't really know I'd needed, but the sound of the waves and them lapping at my feet was kind of beautiful.  Of course, during the summer, you're not really going to be alone, and a three-year-old crashed into me a few houses down.   His mom came over to apologize, but lot up when she heard my name.  "You're Cal's girlfriend!  He's said so much about you!  I'm Annalise; he's been my summer neighbor since we were nine."

We chatted for a while, until her husband came out and gave me a weird look, like I didn't belong in a place with summer neighbors.  I headed back "home".

Despite Annalise's skepticism Calvin did manage to get the fire pit together, and actually grilled some acceptable steaks and baked potatoes with it, though Moira was initially skeptical about his insistence that he burned the hot dogs he made for her on purpose.

After she went down for the night, we sat out on the porch, and I mentioned meeting Annalise, saying she seemed nice.  He said he had been looking forward to introducing all his friends the next day but Annalise was definitely the one to meet first.  I mentioned that, seeing as this was his parents' place, there seemed to be other people for me to meet, but didn't push too much.  He's meet Momma Kamen and Klara, but not my real family, so I can't really demand more.

I murat have looked a bit tense after that, because he asked me if something was bothering me as we went to bed, but that wasn't it.  This was the first time we were sharing a bed while Moira was in the next room.  He asked if that meant we should be quiet, but I pointed out that we'd tired her out pretty good.

When getting ready to go to the neighbor's the next day, I saw with a bit of dismay that I had spilled some wine on the swimsuit I'd worn the previous day, and with no time to wash it, that meant going with the bikini.  That one is bright green, tends to squish my breasts together, and has dangling ties that I was sure Moira would pull on in just the right way to get me in trouble given half a chance.  A pair of shorts and a loose t-shirt covered it up quick, and who knows, maybe I could just stay in that all day.

It was not to be; I made it a couple hours, but then Moira was like "come swim, mommy!", and you can only put up a fight so long, especially in front of other parents, so off comes the outer layer, and then it's time to ignore the jokes about "so that's why Cal's hooking up with a single mom!"

I try to smile like a good sport, making it about the work I've put in rather than what I've stolen in my head.  I say under my breath that people used to pay money to see this body naked so they're lucky to see this much for free, but not too loud, because there's no need for Calvin and his friends to think of me that way, especially when it wasn't me. 

It's just a couple people, though, and the kids make it easy to put that out of my head.  Annalise apologizes for the boys being idiots, and says she's jealous of Moira being so fond of the water - her boy is about a year older but still scared.  I say that's just Moira; she's generally fearless, probably from spending so much time around her cousins and trying hard to keep up.

It wasn't that much of a pep talk, but it's not like she knew I needed one or that I'd be watching her as we got out of the water and noticing that she walked around like wearing a bikini on a beach was no big deal.  I've got to admit, it felt kind of nice to actually feel the sun and breeze on my upper body, and I was able to eventually work my way up to running around or playing volleyball without worrying that stuff would fall out.

Without a nap, Moira crashed hard when we got back to the house, and so did I, which means we didn't have much time to talk.  Sunday wasn't really a big day for discussion either, as we went into town to eat at this clam shack that Calvin probably thinks is twice as good as it actually is because he associates it with summer vacation, along with some frozen custard that actually was pretty great.  Moira saw a kite in a shop window, so we got to discover that none of us know anything about flying kites before packing up the car and heading back to Boston.

Once Moira was napping, I turned to Cal and tried to give a playful smile that girls who don't have a bunch of impossible secrets wear.  "So, did you and Annalise ever hook up?  She was really nice to me but who you're dating seems kind of important to her."

"What?  No!  She's actually more my sister's friend, and that would have been weird."

"Uh-huh.  So, do they think you dating me is weird, or am I okay?"

"Like I care what a bunch of people I see one weekend a year thinks of who I date."

That was kind of nice to hear.  "Well, I'm sorry if I was weird.  I just feel like I don't know what to do most of the time.  Like, I want to be more fun, especially when we're out together, but don't know how."

He looked a bit uncomfortable.  "Is this because you and I, uh..."

"Because we're different?  Nah.  It's all me."  Am I bad for liking how flustered he gets when he has to stop and consider how being white and coming from a family who can afford a vacation home can put me on the spot?  Because I kind of do like it.  It makes me think he might do okay if he wound up at the Inn and had to live a different life for a while.

"Well, it just so happens that girls who love sports, don't know how sexy they are, and are great moms are just my type."

I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder, not sure when I really started liking the sound of stuff like that rather than playing along, and let him drive us home in warm silence.

-Jonah/Krystle

Jordan /"Deirdre": Beach Day

If you had told me a year ago that I would ever wind up in a bikini, I would have called you a damn liar, but that happened Sunday. It was weird.

I blame Benny and my brother Max equally. When we showed up at my house with Benny looking more fit than I usually am, Max decided to put a call in to the coach of his 9-man team to see if they had any openings.  There were, although he was skeptical that I would be much of an addition. Then Max called "me" and Benny, feeling kind of bored after the seasonal job he picked up for December ended, decided that it sounded like fun, and when the coach saw how Benny had not only remade my body but apparently picked up some pretty decent volleyball skills while no-one was looking, he started thinking that maybe "Jordan" could play.

At first I didn't give it much thought - as you can maybe tell from how he never posted here, Benny hangs out with us but also pretty much does his own thing; I half suspected I'd get my life back and find out I've got a girlfriend that I'd somehow never seen before. I find that a little less likely to be the case now, because a few days ago he came home from practice and said that since we've all made our back-to-normal reservations at the Inn (August can't come soon enough!), maybe I should get to know the guys.

I didn't really want to, since I was figuring that it would make the most sense to have "Jordan" quit the team before Benny left for the Inn, but even in that case, those guys would think they knew me, and I didn't really want some chunk of New York's Chinese-American community to think I was a flake when I "forgot" them. Besides, now that my contract job is done, I've got a bunch of free time on my hands too, and there really is a limit to how much Xbox you can play, especially when you have a girl's voice.

Of course, his next day with the team is at the beach, rather than on asphalt, so a swimsuit is in order.  At least, it is according to Annette, who overhears the conversation and makes sure that she pitches the idea while his still there and can say that, well all the other girlfriends will probably be wearing one, like he knows and like I'm really his fucking girlfriend.  Annette sees me about to say that more or less verbatim and takes a different tack, saying that if I'm at the beach, I might actually feel like going swimming, so why not be ready?

Dumb reason, I guess, but as this whole year spent as someone other than ourselves winds down, Annette starts to talk about learning something from the experience, not necessarily in terms of a moral lesson, but just practical stuff like "the guys who say they need to spread their legs out on the bus or crush their junk are full of shit" or that it does take longer for women to get in and out of the bathroom.  Maybe knowing what it's like ("it" covering a lot of territory) might be useful someday!

It sounds a lot better when she says it, I guess.

So, on Friday, I headed out to the shopping center where she works at Ravi's dead-end job and we stopped in a department store before her shift. They had a brand-new display of ladies' swimwear up, and having one-pieces with Marvel characters and Mets branding made me look through them for longer than I probably would otherwise. I didn't go with any of them - but got a simple yellow one, along with a blue two-piece. I didn't really want that one, but Annette somehow talked me into a pair of short-shorts using the "you don't want 'your' girlfriend to look like some sort of frump, do you?" logic and then pointed out that the one-piece would look kind of weird sticking out of them.

Trying them on wasn't as stressful as girls make it out to be - they're not sized as precisely as bras and I'm not fucking worried about guys thinking I'm fat. I have put on a little weight since this happened, but not a lot - that time I got sick didn't really seem like something to fight through, and though I still really like ice cream, the main effect seems to be that I'm softer all over, with a less bony ass and something approaching a real B cup up top.

As if a shopping bag full of girls' beach stuff wasn't enough, Annette also suggested that maybe it was hairdo time, though she left me to my own devices there.

---

All that in hand, I got to experience making a guy late on Sunday. Anybody who wants to snicker at that without ever having shaved his or her legs can bite me.

At the time, putting the swimsuit on wasn't a big deal; it was just like putting on underwear, and actually kind of more comfortable; since I hadn't gone for just triangles, it was a little looser than usual. Almost more like guys' underwear, in a way; when I took a step, I didn't feel a "covered/uncovered" line across my cheek.  Once I had shirt, shorts, and sandals on, I didn't think much about it.

Benny did have a little fun making the "bae made me late" explanation when we got to the beach, but it's not like anybody there got why it was supposed to be funny. His team wasn't even in the first match, so it didn't really matter.

They were in the second, and I must admit, I enjoyed seeing that "I'' was playing but Max was on the bench to start the day. All of you who don't have little brothers and think I'm terrible for that can bite me.  I was starting to get into it when Annette and Kareena showed up.

"Just had to get a look, huh?"

Kareena apparently thought I was grunting at her instead of "Ravi", and while she didn't seem to understand my tone, she didn't show much sign that it made a difference. "Are you kidding? Ravi said 'secret Chinese volleyball' and I couldn't resist."

Now, 9-man isn't exactly secret, but we don't go around telling folks who aren't Chinese-American about it. It's basically volleyball, only with nine-man teams that don't rotate positions. You also get one bounce, although that doesn't mean as much on sand as asphalt. In organized leagues, the bulk of the team is required to be of Chinese descent, and the rest should be at least part-Asian. Benny really loves it, saying it's better than regular volleyball, but it's never been a big deal to me.

The ethnicity thing did make it kind of weird, at least for me that day. Benny-slash-Jordan is a pretty good looking guy, so a lot of the Chinese girls were looking at him, and then at me, only there was resentment during the latter.  Tina Chen, in particular, cheered really loud whenever Benny did something good, and if I wasn't as loud, would give me dirty looks for not being quite so enthusiastic, until finally she started walking toward me saying something about a "ginger slut". I wasn't thinking about getting into a catfight much - though the thought of adding that to my "experience list" had a little appeal - but I must have stepped the wrong way because Kareena pushed Tina back and Annette led me the other way. "Trust me," she said, "this is not as sexy as it looks."

I shrugged. "Tina never gave me the time of day in high school," I said. "but I am going to fuck that bitch so hard when I've got my life back!"

"It's not like she'll know."

"Like I'll be defending Deirdre's honor."

Annette sort of rolled her eyes, but didn't say much after Tina "accidentally" spilled two whole large iced coffees on me, drenching all my clothes, just as the match was ending. Benny came over to apologize, saying he didn't know what was with that chick, asking if we were ready to go home. I started to say yes, but Kareena asked Benny how long he'd been playing. He looked at me, but I just sort of gave him a "what do you think" look, and he said just a few months for 9-man, but he'd always played volleyball. Kareena said she never would have guessed, then asked how good he was. He shrugged, and then she grabbed the ball, found a net that was still up, and asked them to leave it up. Then she pulled her dress over her head to reveal a pretty serious one-piece, the kind which you associate with professional athletes became it just looks fucking frictionless, and somehow makes a girl look sexier even though it's covering everything up and holding it in place rather than showing off the goods.  I knew Kareena was too good for Ravi before, but, damn, I was feeling some severe envy of Ravi here, and Annette revealing that he is gay just made it seem like even more of a waste.

I was staring enough that I almost missed her asking the rest of us for a game. "There is no way that you got that good in just a few months, and I want to see what's up for myself. You guys too-"she pointed at me and Annette. "If you guys have been holding out on me..."

It sounds threatening written down, but she was smiling huge while she said it.  Ravi was never a never a really physical person, and Annette probably only a minor upgrade on that account, so I wouldn't be shouted if this was the first outing they had gone on where the athletic part of her really got to come out.

Annette and I gave each other a "you arguing?" look and started walking to the court, sort of pairing up boyfriend/girlfriend, and just as I was getting in place, Tina Chen decides to plow into me with a couple iced coffees, spilling them all over us.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"You don't think I did that on purpose , do you?" Then she proceded to take her shirt off and look at it with a fake pout. "It's ruined!" Addressing Benny much more than me.

My sane first impression was just to say "what-the-fuck-ever" and let it go, but Kareena and Annette were both giving me "bitch should not be allowed to get away with that" looks and I figured I should take my cues from them, but that wasn't it. Tina had been like this her whole damn life, and I didn't really want people thinking that "Jordan" wasn't worth fighting for.  So I took my own shirt off, threw it in her face, and said she could wear it. For added emphasis, I dropped my shorts, shoved them off to the side, and then turned to Benny. "Are we going to play or what?"

Tina may have made some sort of remark about my-shash-Deirdre's breasts, but I tuned it out because my head was full of "you're practically naked on the beach where everyone can see and set at you are you insane?!?"

It may seem hard to believe after a year, but I haven't been undressed this much outside the bathroom very often.  At first, I'd look in the mirror and want to put something asexual on, then I was sharing an apartment with Benny and Annette, and who knew how they would react to me being a tempting target right in front of them? But now here I was, looking like the sort of girl who just whipped them out in front of everyone, a quick breeze reminding me that my ass wasn't entirely covered and I was showing some cleavage, after a longtime wearing loose swim trunks and a t-shirt at the beach.

Annette and Benny looked shocked, but Annette recovered quietly, telling Benny to serve the ball. He did, we started playing, and I maybe couldn't quite put it out of my head, but soon enough Annette and I were expending a lot of energy just trying to keep up with Benny and Kareena, who are good at this and barely seemed to sweat despite it being about eighty.

I think Benny and I won - the scoring got a little fuzzy - and that was pretty impressive, because Annette at least has some size on her side as Ravi and I was having occasional "what if my boobs pop out?" thoughts, even though Annette had assured me that it wasn't an issue with that sort of bikini.

Kareena was impressed by "the new Jordan", which I guess is probably better than the same assessment from the likes of Tina Chen. It still kind of sucked to hear, as I was on the subway with them while Benny went to meet up with Max and the rest of the team, so I was hearing it as "no offense, Deirdre, but I never thought your boyfriend could be bothered to get healthy and do something that didn't involve a keyboard." So that part sucked.

Still, if it means I've got a shot at even the Tina Chens of the world, I kind of can't wait to look like that in a few weeks.

-Jordo

Arthur: The New New Me

We didn't see anybody check in yesterday, but the veterans all gave each other a knowing look last night, when Trip's friend went into his room and didn't come out when he did. There were a couple other guests with us at the back entrance at the time, and they probably just thought it was a "good job Trip" thing - Jadyn is kind of cute, after all, now that I've had a chance to see the girl he talked about in his entries, if only in passing. I'd make a play for her, given a chance.

Which I won't have.

Jeff, Drew and I had a good last day as Brianna, Daphne, and Liz. It was a fairly sunny day, so we hit the beach. It wasn't quite nice enough to just wear the bikinis, but that seemed more a matter of etiquette than anything - the gauzy matching skirts we were wearing with our blue (me), green (Drew), and red (Jeff) swimwear didn't do a whole lot more than keep the breeze off our butts, but that's something. Drew's also covered Daphne's scar.

Jeff wasn't too sure of it at first; he came out of the Inn wearing a t-shirt. Drew wasn't having much of that - if we were letting it hang out, so was Jeff. He reluctantly removed it and tucked it underneath the strap of his bikini bottom. "I feel so exposed."

Drew smirked. "I bet you've been to the beach without a top before. Trust me on this - ever square inch that swimsuit doesn't cover sends a stronger message that you're not afraid and have nothing to worry about. Guys will want you, but they don't want to blow their chances by ticking you off."

"And where'd you gain that wisdom?" I was a bit skeptical, myself.

"St. Croix."

"On an office assistant's salary?"

"Hey, Daphne had some vacation time I couldn't roll over - we're going to talk about that policy when I'm myself again - and I wasn't anxious to spend the holidays with her family. Fortunately, the 'new Drew' felt the same way, so we booked a vacation at a big, non-cursed resort."

"Good deal."

"I enjoyed it. Now, let's see what's going on."

The answer: Not a whole lot. It was Wednesday, after all, before Memorial Day, but we did find a couple college guys setting up a volleyball net. They waved, Drew waved back, and we started talking. They were both juniors at the University of Maine, up in Orono (which I gather is somewhere near Bangor). They asked if we wanted to play, and we were up for it.

Sure, we said, but the teams were uneven. Drew said to just hold on a second, and started jogging back to the Inn. I could practically hear the guys thinking that they hate it when girls leave but enjoying the view as they walk away. I asked if they were thinking that, and one of them confessed. "Why, are you guys...?"

"Nah," Jeff said, "we just know how guys think."

In a few minutes, Drew came back with Darren. They'd gotten along pretty well the other night, and he seemed happy to let Drew lead him by the hand. Then we just had to choose up sides; it was clear Darren wanted to be with "Daphne", so I played with the guys; Jeff didn't look like he'd be comfortable. And, hey, if I were them, that's the way I'd want it; Drew and Jeff have more to jiggle than I do.

We weren't keeping score, but I think my team probably won most of the time.

We went back to the pier and got some ice cream after that, then spent the rest of the afternoon doing our individual things before meeting up for dinner: I was reading, finishing up a book I didn't figure to take back to California with me. Then, as I said, we saw Jadyn and Trip drive back in with a full truck and retire to his room.

I decided to stay up this time, in part just to gather information, and in part because I was worried about clothes digging into me as I was sleeping. Like Jeff said last year, we did start to feel a little something at around ten o'clock, not really like an itch or a rash, more like electricity in the air. Jeremy (or whoever was calling on his behalf) had been telling the truth about one thing; it was just a bit short of half past two when things really started to happen.

One of the things I'd always wondered about with this place is how it seems to disobey the laws of thermodynamics: After all, matter can neither be created nor destroyed. This place flouts that law, and it's the strangest thing I've ever felt. When you eat, you feel the new weight collecting in your stomach, but this was like a thousand tiny IVs were attached to my body, some penetrating deep, pumping more material into my body that was instantly assimilated, like it was naturally part of me.

You can imagine how excited I was - I was getting bigger! I felt my panties getting tighter, so I quickly threw off my nightshirt and pulled down my underwear. That was a little dizzying, as it was like the floor was pulling away. I could see the muscles in my legs expanding, along with those in my abdomen, and what part of my arms I could see.

And along with my breasts.

At first I thought I was just getting well-defined pecs, or at least hoping as much, but I wasn't feeling anything much happening between my legs. Besides, my nipples were getting even perkier, almost pointing upward. I could feel more weight on my head, too - apparently my hair had grown. I also noted that my skin had gotten a little darker.

Sighing, I opened the door to the bathroom so I could take a look in the mirror. What I saw was nice - this girl was tall and healthy-looking, with a perfect tan, light brown hair, wide brown eyes and perfect teeth. She looked like she spent a lot of time in the gym, but it didn't leave her looking mannish, just strong. She could kick those guys' asses at volleyball, and look good doing it.

Some pounding at my bedroom door interrupted my reverie. I ran back into the bedroom and picked the nightshirt off the floor. Where before it was like a tent that went down past my knees, I felt it clinging to my body and barely hugging my bottom. I grabbed the front and opened the door, quickly transferring that hand to my shirt to make sure that both front and back were covered.

I only had to look up at the man standing there because grabbing the shirt had me hunched forward a little, which was very nice. He was a good-looking guy, aside from the panic in his blue eyes - jet-black hair, a broad hairless chest, a firm jaw, nice lips. He had a nice voice, too, as he said my name like it was a question.

"Yes..." It's tough to tell what your own voice sounds like, but this one didn't sound bad. "Who are you?"

"Drew! I didn't change back, even though it's all my stuff in the room! What the hell's going on?"

"I don't know! Look, just turn around so I can put something on and we'll go see what's up with Jeff."

He complied, and I grabbed the bag marked "Nell Lincoln" and put it on the bed. As expected, it was full of women's clothing that would fit this tall frame. I quickly found a sports bra and matching panties, a t-shirt, and a pair of jean shorts and got into them. I found an envelope with a letter and a wallet, too; I put the letter aside but quickly opened the wallet for a glimpse of the driver's license. That was my new face, all right. I quickly noted that Nell was short for "Penelope" before slipping it in my pocket. "All right," I said, grabbing my key, "let's go."

I tried not to look at the bulge Drew's new equipment was making in Daphne's pajama bottoms as we walked down the hallway to Jeff's room. We seemed to be the only ones still awake, judging from the lack of shocked noises coming from the other rooms. I knocked on Jeff's door and was pleased to see a nineteen-year-old boy open it. His eyes darted between us. "Art?"

I gave a quick wave. "Could be worse," I said.

"Yeah, you could be me. Hi, I'm Drew."

Jeff's eyes bugged. "How...?"

"I don't know! I talked to the guy who was me, and he said everything went well. He even sent video! It was this place's lobby!"

Jeff is a smart kid and made the leap quicker than I did. "He wasn't in the room. You're room's close to the lobby, but what if it's closer to--"

"--mine." Drew looked away from Jeff to me, and then the three of us broke for my room. We dumped the other bag out over my bed. Drew snatched at the wallet that fell out and opened it.

"That's me," he said, "Richard John Hobart of San Francisco, California."

I gave him a pat on the back. "I'm so sorry. But look, that means someone else in this building has turned into you. We just have to talk to him, get things in place."

Drew took a deep breath and let it out. "Right. But in the meantime..." He reached for the letter that had fallen out of the bag. I reached for mine.

To the new Nell:

Arthur says that the MPs will be here soon, so I'll have to write this quickly. If I'd known what he was capable of, I would have just slept with the bastard.

Your new name is Penelope Lincoln, but everyone calls you Nell or Nelly. I played volleyball and lacrosse in college and volleyball as a pro for a little while, at least until I messed up my ankle. You can find all that on the internet. I'm working as an on-air personality for CalSports right now, doing play-by-play and postgame interviews during San Francisco Dragons lacrosse games. If I understand correctly, you should get this before the opener on June 2nd; I don't know how long George (that's my boss, George Wilder) will believe I'm too sick to travel otherwise, especially without some sort of insurance claim filed. I also do some speaking engagements.

Anyway, I was at this place because I didn't sleep with a drunk member of the Raiders public relations department a few months ago. He apologized by giving this reservation he wouldn't be able to use to my agent R.J. (as you might guess from the bags being in the same room, he was more than that). It was at a good time, between the NLL and MLL seasons, so we took it. From what I got out of him on the phone, Arthur thought you might be more agreeable.

I probably shouldn't refer to him as Arthur; he says he was originally this Jeremy Boyd person I've become, until someone reminded him that he'd be considered AWOL for six months as soon as Jeremy reappeared. Hopefully I'll be able to work something out that doesn't involve ten months in the stockade. That doesn't look too likely, though.

Enjoy my life. I think it's a pretty good one, and I hope you and the new R.J. make as good a team as we did. Maybe when I get out of the stockade, we can compare notes.

- The Old Nell

Drew said his letter told a similar story - R.J. has actually become Stephen, the guy who wound up with Jake/Ashlyn's life, after being pulled in by "Arthur Milligan". I must say that it's just fantastic to see what that bastard is doing with my good name.

We've spent that last four hours doing internet research on our new lives. I don't think we know nearly enough to drop into Nell and R.J.'s lives seamlessly, but it'll do.

Now someone's screaming. Time to go act like we know what's going on.

-Art

Arthur: Well, I guess we learned something today.

The day started amusingly enough, with Drew trying to talk Jeff into wearing a bikini.

"Are you kidding me?" The three of us were at a local spot, happily doing the "calories be damned" thing, and Jeff almost ruined it by nearly spitting his grapefruit juice all over my omelet.

"No. Why? Those baggy clothes don't do that great a job of hiding what a great bod you inherited from Brianna. You should get some use out of it. Let some guy come up and treat you to something. Observe how tongue-tied they get around you, see what feels good. Know what the girl is thinking when you're back looking at them from the outside."

"That's sick."

"What's so sick about it? It's still your body, just rearranged, right? You were the one who was awake when we changed last year and told us it wasn't like your soul was pulled out and deposited somewhere else. You're a woman for the time being--"

"I'm a girl. Not a woman, a girl. Brianna just had her sixteenth birthday last June. She's younger than my sister. Are you certain you want to keep going on about how hot a high-school sophomore looks?"

Drew paused, and extended it by taking a sip of his coffee. "Maybe I shouldn't. But you're only, what, two or three years older than her? If you saw her lying on the beach in a bikini, would you think it was sick?"

"If I knew what I know, yeah."

"What's that?"

"That these tits you think are so awesome? They're fake. They were a birthday present from Brianna's parents." I stopped eating, but Jeff kept going. "That's why Brianna was spending the summer away from home - so that her friends wouldn't realize this wasn't anything but a growth spurt."

The table got very quiet. It took a while before I decided to break the silence. "That," I said, "is fucked up." Drew agreed. "I thought having to work for a complete simpleton who everyone thought was me was bad, but, that..."

"Yeah, it sucked. I mean, I put up more of a fight than Brianna did - there's a guy paying for a bunch of expensive dental work who can attest to that - but... Well, remember how I said I'm not letting anyone go back there? That's why."

"Damn." Drew used his fork to push some scrambled eggs around his plate, but didn't pick any of it up. "Look, Jeff - you live in Michigan, right? And so does Brianna?"

"Uh-huh."

Drew put his purse on the table and started rooting through it. "Here's my card. After we're all changed back, I want you to to make sure whoever winds up as Brianna gets it. I don't practice family law, but I have an old law-school buddy who does. If the new Brianna was an adult before the change, we'll make sure she's legally emancipated. If not, we'll find a way to have your father appointed her legal guardian."

Jeff took the card "Thanks. I... I don't know what to say."

"Don't worry about it. It's a fair price for a little perspective."

It got quiet again, so I decided to lighten the mood a little. "So, you kept your old business cards?"

"Ha! No, not quite... I was working as my own assistant, and when 'Mr. Dawson' wanted more, I tacked an extra box onto the order. It's amazing how much security you can get out of a simple piece of paper with your real name on it."

"I wish I'd had some of those. When even my own sister was calling me Bree... Well, you know I freaked out. When I finally shook it off, I was just going to book a room here and hope for the best."

"Ah, I didn't have that problem. Me and 'Mr. Dawson' were able to come to an arrangement pretty quick." He put down some money to cover the bill and stood. "And with that, I am out of here. I am going to enjoy the beach even if you two aren't."

Jeff and I ate for a bit longer, but soon started heading back to the Inn. I was still a little surprised by some of what Jeff had said.

"You really would have just thrown the dice?"

"Yeah. It was pretty bad. Although there are some things that might be worse."

"I can't imagine."

"Well..." He looked around, making sure we could talk uninterrupted. "The person who became me? She was a seventy-year old grandmother. You'd think turning young would be great, even if you changed sex, right? But her mind was starting to go, and even if her brain turned younger just like the rest of her, I guess once the decay starts..."

"My god." The idea of living another fifty years like that, and subjecting Jeff's family to it...

"Yeah. At first, she was okay, but it got worse. It wasn't until almost the last minute that she decided that was no way to live, and that forcing her life onto someone potentially much younger than herself was even worse."

"How'd you find out all this?"

"It was in the letter."

"You've read your letter?"

We were just outside the Inn at this point. He stopped to get his key. "You haven't? Why not?"

"I don't know. I just haven't. It's... you know, it's not what we do."

"Well, why wouldn't you?"

I had no good answer for that, so we went to my room and opened the closet. I looked at the suitcases and got a sinking feeling in my gut. I hadn't thought they looked familiar, but I hadn't given it much thought. But as I knelt down to look at them, I got a sinking feeling, which threatened to become nausea as I looked at the tag on the first one. "R.J. Hobart"

Jeff scootched down next to me. "Who the hell is R.J. Hobart?"

"I don't know... But I'm going to find out!"

I pulled out my cell phone out of my purse and dialed Jeremy. It was only about seven or eight in California, so it went to voice mail, so he got a bunch of screaming voice mail about wanting to know who the fuck R.J. Hobart was and what the fuck he was doing in our fucking room. I was just hanging up when Jeff told me to ask about Nell Lincoln.

Jeremy got more profanity.

I hung up, and dropped to the bed. Jeff sat next to me and gave me a pat on the back. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." I took a deep breath and tried to think logically. "Maybe he stayed in a different room. He said room 9 specifically..."

We knocked on doors. We only covered ten rooms, but none of them had "Arthur Milligan's" luggage. A couple people aren't here yet, and one guy just told us to buzz off.

Jeremy has yet to call back, despite repeated calls. There's only ten people in the hotel tonight, so it doesn't look like I'm going to change tonight. Which is good.

I'm not sure if I can handle another new life.

-Arthur