Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Judith/Tyler: Strange dreams

Ugh. I had a pretty important meeting that I nearly slept through this morning... a consequence of my new responsibilities at work. I'm supposed to be arranging this 30th Anniversary Party for like 200 people (it's pretty small potatoes considering the company routinely does 1000+, but considering I'm a novice, as is Judith, 200 is a good place to start.)

I don't always remember my dreams, but occasionally I have one that is vivid and leaves me feeling freaked. First of all, in any one of my dreams I could be in any of the bodies I've inhabited over the years, or a combination. But in this one I was Judith. I was on top of a very tall building. There's a shadowy figure waving to me from the next building over. I don't know who it was, but I felt very compelled... I had to get to them. The only way over was a tightrope, so I start walking it... in heels. Of course I lose my balance and land, crotch-first, on the rope, and I have to keep my legs clamped on it to scootch forward, but I never quite make it. I could feel my hands gripping the rope, shaking, the wind blowing my hair... the sun was coming up and by the time it was daylight it was... well, daylight, and I woke up, almost late for my meeting.

I have been in a daze all morning. Not that I necessarily think it means anything, but it just left me feeling... strange, afraid, sad, haunted. After the meeting, which I was barely mentally present for, I called and left a message on Kitty's voice mail at work, saying I just wanted to talk, which I realize was a mistake because it makes me seem a bit sad and pathetic, and like some kind of emergency happened.

I dunno. It's a weird thing to bring up in a post, but I needed to get it out there.


PS I just realized in the first draft of this post, I put Judith's name first instead of mine. Leaving it that way, but please chalk it up to disorientation and nothing else. I'm still me, even if what it means to be me has changed.

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