Rusty/Monica: What's a good costume idea for Katey's party?

Not for me - I binged She-Hulk a couple months ago and took a friend of Razzy's up on her offer to help us out by having her make me a bodysuit that looks a little sturdier than swimwear that I can wear under one of my sexier work outfits that's starting to show a little wear.  I'm not saying I've actually picked a time when I'm gonna Hulk out and shred the suit, but if I do, it'll go out with a bang, and it won't matter whether or not the green makeup will wash out.  Am I kind of teasing Dad here, considering she still grumbles about putting makeup on when going to work or on a date?  Maybe a little!

I'm actually asking for her and Jonah, mostly, because their discussions on the topic have not gotten exactly heated, but it's been more of a thing than you might expect.  The invitation Katey and Omar sent out for their "Halloween Housewarming" party specified no repeats, less because we've kind of tended to see what was already in the closet from the original girls' college days but because one of Omar's friends apparently wears the same thing every year and I guess there's some weird story to it that makes everyone uncomfortable even if no-one wants to confront him about it. Katey figured this would solve the problem without that guy feeling targeted, but now I guess some of them are being sticklers about it and Dad feels pressured. 

Which wouldn't have been a big deal - even without a semi-pro friend-of-a-friend, it's not like places selling costumes are hard to find in the City - but Jonah thought it would be fun to do a couple's costume.  Sounds good, except Dad's a busty white girl who tends to think like a middle-aged man and Jonah's a black man who still thinks like an older white woman at times and, as a result, a lot of what they see in the costume shop seems to baffle them or feel like "not quite us".  I've told them that they're a natural basketball player and cheerleader, but that just makes them grumble like they'd have to act the parts all night.

I'm looking forward to it, though - Katey and I text a lot and see each other at trivia every Monday, but I've missed having a chance to just hang out with her or do something on a whim.  I'm not going to monopolize her on Saturday, but if the party's mostly Omar's friends, maybe we'll be able to chat more.  She's teasing me about wanting to see what they've done with the place I found for them, and I've gotta admit, I kind of do.  It's surprisingly satisfying to get paperwork signed when people are excited to move in, and I don't find myself sorting on the office wondering how that cool woman from a couple months ago was doing, but they were never my brother and I kind of wonder what Katey's place is like, as opposed to Kutter's.

And then, after that, I suppose it's time for Dad and I to really get serious about finding someone to fill her old room.  Rent's going to be a little tighter this weekend!

- Rusty/Monica

Rusty/Monica: Anyone looking for a place in Brooklyn?

Because, yep, Katey moved out this weekend.  It happened crazy fast - I refreshed a browser screen at work saw a really good spot show up at the top because the expected tenant had bounced their deposit check, and had Katey and Omar in the next day.  They loved it and signed a lease immediately.  We were packing stuff in boxes practically before Dad had time to freak out.

Not that there was a whole lot to pack; we didn't buy a whole lot we intended to keep that first year because we were kind of broke and didn't see a whole lot of point in buying stuff we'd just be leaving behind, and since then, most of what Katey has bought for herself was clothes and any bigger purchases between the three of us would just stay in the apartment for me and Dad and whoever takes the empty room.  That kind of threw Dad, because I guess when she moved before, there were always boxes of books and records and videotapes, but Katey and I don't have a lot of physical media despite her and Jonah saying we'll regret that someday.

I was kind of surprised just how many outfits Katey had picked up over the last year and a half, though.  She's not some never-wear the-same-thing-twice girl, but she does hands a tendency to buy one or two new things before she and Omar go on vacation, and I guess they add up, and they've gotten nicer, enough that she put a bunch of them in cardboard closets so that they wouldn't get wrinkled rather than folding them up, and those looked like kind of a pain to move around, in part because she would take one side and Dad the other, but they're not the same height so Dad lifting her end would tilt it so it bonked Katey on the head, and then she'd jerk her end up so Dad could see how it felt.

One we got everything down to street level and Omar and his friends arrived with the moving van, Katey shifted to basically directing traffic to let the boys do most of the lifting.  Dad apparently thought that included her and me, and while I did okay - all that time in the gym does pay off, and most of them have already struck out with me enough that wearing the same lycra I jog in didn't draw much comment, especially once they were sweating a bit themselves - she kind of overestimated herself, and looked worn out by the time the truck was empty.  We work out quite a bit together, but it's mostly yoga and the like for these days, and I think she mostly does that to hang out with me.  Even with a good sport top, she really doesn't like running, and weights frustrate her. 

Of course, we were all kind of tired at the end of the day, not surprised that Katey and Omar just wanted to stay in, get the bedroom set up, and pass out.  One of Omar's friends nudged me when Dad hugged Katey tight and said to call her if she needs absolutely anything, asking if they'd ever been more than just friends or roommates, and I said it was hard to explain.  She did pull me in close as we left and took the train back to Brooklyn. 

I'd been downing a lot of Monsters over the day, so I sprinted for the bathroom when I got home, and when I got back out to the living room, Dad had taken off her white T-shirt and was lying down on the couch in her bra, a bag of ice on top of one of her breasts and a beer in her hand.  "You okay, Dad?"

She chuckled.  "Not entirely sure I'm an 'okay dad' right now.  I spent the whole day kind of pretending that I was moving Kutter into college, figuring that would help make me a little more okay with it, but it's like every corner of a box, everything poking out of a box, and every countertop at an odd height decided to punch my right tit, just to remind me that you guys don't need my help and are better at all of this than me.  I can haul piles of books and boxes of beer bottles around at work without bruising myself, but it's like I kept forgetting I was Emilia and had these things today."  She took a drink and sighed.  "I was kind of worried about you doing this first, you know?  You're so outgoing and impulsive and seemed to really get into being Monica before either Katey or I did, I figured you'd be leaving us behind."

"Ah, it's not like Katey's leaving us behind - we're going to see her at trivia tomorrow, even!"  Still a little wired, I started moving around the apartment before stopping at Katey's door.  "What should we do with Katey's stuff?  Like, the original Katey's?"

Dad got up and left the ice on the couch, walking over to have a look over my shoulder.  There was a fair amount still in there, stuff Katey had inherited but didn't care enough about to bring with her.  "Man, I dunno.  Doesn't seem right to throw it away or put it on Marketplace, but you'd think they'd have come back or sent some word if any was important to them."  She stretched and yawned.  "Well, I'm beat.  Am I still Dad enough to tell you not to stay up too late?"

"You can say it, but I have got a lot of caffeine in me."  She laughed, and as I turned around, I hugged her from behind.  "I'm glad you're not moving in with your boyfriend yet."

She reached up and mussed my hair.  "Oh, Jonah and I are a while from that, Rusty.  But don't worry, by the time we are, I'm sure you'll be ready to be on your own!"

And maybe she's right, if only because she was in the shower forever this morning even though she doesn't have to be at work until 2pm!  On that level, it's kind of a shame we probably can't afford this place on our own for very long!

-Rusty/Monica

Rusty/Monica: When are folks ready to move out?

Or, I guess, when are other people ready for them to move out?

I've spent a lot of the past few months dealing with students and folks who recently finished college or high school looking for apartments, because while the more senior people at the agency say I'm closer in age and experience to these potential renters than anyone else, I'm pretty sure that it's also a matter of them looking for places with low rents and deposits, so the commissions are smaller for the amount of time put in.  I get it - I've probably got years before I'm handling the multimillion dollar penthouses in the luxury high-rises - but I feel like I'm ready for something a little bigger.  Dad says to be patient because sometimes paying your dues can take years, and maybe outright skipping most of high school and college has me more impatient than I should be. 

I was talking about that while hanging out on the apartment with Katey a few weeks ago and had to pause the game because I got a call from someone who decided, yes, they wanted that place in the Bowery and I had to immediately send a follow-up email in the hopes I was able to lay a claim before the other dozen agencies that the landlord was listing with.  I told her afterward that it was a pretty basic place so I wouldn't get that much from it, so before unpausing the game, she went to get a beer from the fridge and asked me if it only went one way.  Did I just have to limit myself to the studios I was assigned, or could I start with a client and find them a condo? 

Because she and Omar were looking to find a place. 

That stopped me dead in my tracks.  "Have you talked to Dad about that yet?"

"Why, do you think she's got a line on a place in Manhattan with parking and enough space that Omar and I can both work from home without driving each other nuts?"

"I just mean--"

"Relax, I'm not asking you to keep this a secret or anything; I'll tell her soon.  I just figure it's better to present it to Emilia as something that's already in the works, you know?  Maybe bring her along when you show us someplace nice, because you know she's going to be weird about it."

"I guess, although, it does seem kind of like a big step."

"Is it, though?  Omar and I have been dating a year and I spend one or two nights a week at his place anyway, plus vacations.  And before you say I'm really just 18, that means I'd have been moving away for college soon enough anyway.  Hell, original-Katey had a bunch of friends who got married straight out of high school!"

"I suppose.  Uh, I guess I can see what we've got in our system if you send me where you want to be and your price range."

"Great!"  She chugged the rest of her beer, burped, and then headed back to the couch so we could start playing again.

I got a text from her the next morning when I happened to be at my desk, so I did a quick search and looked through what I found.  There were a few places, but one thing I've learned is that everyone overestimates what they can afford in Manhattan at first.  I emailed her some listings, she sent back "ouch!" and then nothing and I thought that might be the end of it, at least until a week later, when Dad and Jonah were sitting in the living room as I returned from a run, and asked why I hadn't told them about Katey looking for an apartment. 

"She said she would" didn't go over well as a response, but it was kind of all I had.  "You said you were going to treat us like grown-ups over a year ago, and I see grown-ups looking for new places all the time!  And don't you like Omar a lot more than his roommate who is always staring at your boobs?"

"Yes, but...  You girls have been so successful, but you're still so young and inexperienced!  I can really use your help convincing Katey to wait a bit."

"Hey, I want Katey to stay too, but--"

Jonah have me a stare.  "But you need the commission?"

"No, I want the commission!"  Dad and Jonah didn't laugh.  "But I can't say no, or half-ass this, can I?  Like, it's starting to feel weird to call her either my brother or my sister, but saying she's my friend or roommate doesn't feel right, and if I won't come through for her, she might, I don't know, start feeling like I'm less than even that, and move out without us being involved."

Dad didn't like the sound of that and told me she was sure Katey wouldn't hold that against me, just that it was tough to think of being in this together when that might mean splitting up.  By the end of the evening, she had more or less decided that what really bothered her was keeping secrets, and I guess that I felt the same way.  I think Katey was actually kind of relieved that Dad found out as well, because Dad did have a lot more experience in finding a place than she or Omar did. 

It also took a lot of pressure off when I did start showing Katey apartments. I was lucky the first time was just her, because she got to giggle at me in my blazer, pencil skirt, and heels, carrying around a case full of stapled printouts and sounding really rehearsed as I unconsciously forgot who I was talking to and slipped into my salesgirl voice.  It is kind of funny - I actually do want to be a lot more honest and forthcoming than typical with her than anyone else, but you fall into habits.

Of course, the third time she did it, I pulled out my phone and opened her employer's YouTube channel so that I could play back how she sounds when she's pitching the fourth amazing discovery of the summer, and we called a truce. 

Omar came with her after that, and while the vibe was different - he wanted to help his girlfriend do a friend a solid but also wanted to make sure I knew that he was doing that and he wasn't going to accept anything less because of that, which is fine.  Omar can be intense but like I told Dad, he's cooler than a lot of other guys he hangs around with.  I think he was also a lot more realistic about what this was going to cost than Katey, considering that they basically were looking for a three bedroom because I'd they were both going to work remotely, they needed to do it without bothering each other, especially if Katey was going to be streaming that day.  He's also been living in a fancier part of town than we have. 

I've got to admit, I don't know if either Dad or me is ready for Katey to move out, but seeing her and Omar look at places and talk about what they'd do with them, I think she actually may be, and i hope I'm helping her find a good spot. 

- Rusty/Monica

Rusty/Monica: Can they just put you on the jumbotron like that?

I never really thought about it before, even though Katey and I used to scream and try to get the camera guys' attention when we would go to a game as kids.  But it's kind of weird, right, that they'll just try to get 40,000 people to stare at you while you're minding your own business?

See, the girls and I have sort of been experimenting with being Yankees fans.  We didn't have a lot of time to really think of sports or treat New York as home a couple years ago, and last year Dad pointed out that not only was Queens closer to where we live in Brooklyn than the Bronx is, but just choosing to root for the Yankees is kind of front-runnung and phony, and we really didn't want to feel phony, so basically said we were Mets fans whenever it came up (which wasn't often) but didn't really have many chances to go to games anyway, so it didn't really matter.  But Katey's boyfriend Omar is a Yankees fan - I guess it's a Manhattan finance bro thing - on top of the Mets kind of being an embarrassing disaster.  Dad kind of picks up on the mood at the sports bar where she works, so we've kind of been vibing with the Yankees lately, even during the ugly losing streak and Judge going down.  It doesn't come up a lot, because people don't assume girls like sports and I'm as likely to wear some of the Dodgers gear that I inherited from the original Monica anyway, even though most of it has gotten worn enough to be replace over the last couple years.

Anyway, a few days ago, Omar got 4 tickets from work and Jonah had something else, so I actually got to come along rather than being left behind while the two couples went on a double date.  It was a really nice day, and we dressed for it with bare shoulders or lightweight jerseys and shorts - not like booty shorts or anything, but cut well above the knee like girls' shorts are.  Normal stuff. 

We take the subway, which Dad hates, sometimes because she's not really a city girl at heart and would rather drive even if we can't afford a car, and sometimes because guys seem to really enjoy being packed into a tight space with her.  Then there's a security line that's longer than you'd find at the airport, only it's outside so you get all sweaty.  Despite that, we're kind of excited, because the Red Sox are in town and that's a thing even though Razzy and all the other locals act like it's not, but were sure a lot more upset than usual when the Yankees lost on Friday. 

We try to just hang out and chat, which you can do at a Mets game, bit is a lot harder at Yankee Stadium because there's something on the loudspeakers all the time, which Dad uni l insists on yelling me is not normal and not right.  I wind up talking to Dad a lot more than Katey and Omar, who are as glued-together as usual, but that's okay, because we're both really busy lately:  Everyone who just graduated college is trying to find an apartment in the city, and the bar she works at is getting mobbed on nights the Knicks play.  We barely see each other at home right now, so it's really nice to just hang.

A few innings in, someone tries to squeeze past us without saying "coming through!" so Dad's hot dog with a whole ton of mustard gets squished into her jersey.  She takes it off with a sigh, because she's got a camisole on underneath, and we both know that the getting-hit-on is about to go way up.  It's been going on all afternoon, including a couple of guys who kept asking if we'd changed our minds every time that snaking security line had its passing again (which, admittedly, is kind of a good bit), but after a while, it kind of tapered off, because everyone within a couple rows has shot their shot, and even the guys who don't want to take no for an answer have someone with them saying "dude, she's not interested, let's just watch the game!"  So it picks back up again, and then stops, to the point where we're not really thinking about it when a song comes on between innings, and we bop around a bit, not seeing that there was someone with a great big camera near our section, and suddenly we're on the big screen and don't realize it until we look up because people are whooping.  Dad turns away, embarrassed, and I try to save face by doing an exaggerated bow, but now a lot more people are trying to find us and try their luck.

By and large, we're able to turn them away with some combination of "got a boyfriend" from Dad and "just here to watch the game" from me, but one guy gets real persistent and Katey, annoyed and thinking she's helping, cuts in with "hey, fuck off, she's ace!"  Dad and I groan and she's surprised, asking "what?", just as the guy says "are you sure, or maybe you've just never met the right guy!"

So then we get into the "yeah, I'm sure" / "showin' a lot of skin for someone who doesn't want to attract attention!" / "it's eighty degrees out" / "and the makeup?" / "none of your business, but I like looking nice when I'm out with friends!" / "oh, so maybe you're a dyke!" / "just fuck off!" / "fine, bitch!" exchange, which I've been in more than I'd like and which Dad has witnessed on occasion, but apparently Katey hasn't really noticed, and was actually kind of surprised that there's this extra level of guys pestering you beyond what she's experienced.

It's kind of weird posting about this during pride month, because you're supposed to let it all out, even if it's mostly an absence of stuff to let hang out.  Still, sometimes it can feel less like you're not really different but just experiencing straight things to the minimum degree and aren't really queer (that thing about having been a guy until you stayed at a magic hotel aside, which is kind of ridiculous to say), and since most of the time you can just say something like "nah, I'm not looking to hook up tonight" and it's not untrue, but it's really frustrating, because I know I'm just putting it off a lot of the time.

It doesn't really bother me most days, but yesterday got to me, maybe because of the Pride thing and maybe because we were just trying to have fun at the ballpark and a thing I always thought would be kind of cool just made it harder.

-Rusty/Monica

Rusty/Monica: Was the Inn our last family vacation?

It probably would have been anyway, considering the way that a couple kids not much younger than I really am were staring at their phones and rolling their eyes when their parents were trying to point things out while I was waiting for Katey on Tuesday, their southern accents making them as tourists.  I don't think Katey/Kutter and I were like that much, but maybe Dad sees it differently. 

We were shopping because Katey and Omar are heading to Cabo San Lucas for a week and Katey wanted a few sexier swimsuits and outfits.  She's been upgrading her wardrobe ever since her promotion, but a lot of it has been stuff for work or more casual, and she said she wants to look like a sexy woman instead of a sexy girl.  It felt kind of funny to be shopping for that after work, in our blouses, pencil skirts, and heels, but I get it; I kind of feel like I'm cosplaying a real estate agent sometimes, and a lot of her co-workers aren't quite so worried about the impression they give, because we kind of overshoot the mark. 

For a while, she didn't really seem to know exactly what she was looking for, which was why it was kind of funny to see her come out of a changing room in a red dress, grinning.  "I like this one!  It makes me look like I have tits!"

"What are you talking about?  You've got really nice, perky breasts!"

"C'mon, Rusty, you know 'perky' means 'small'!"  She took a look at her profile in the mirror.  "Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being able to go without a bra some days, but it seems like all of Omar's buddies have girlfriends with bodies like Emilia's, and you know everyone's going to be flashing cleavage all the time in Cabo!"  She gathered her hair up in her hand, trying to see how the dress would look with it up without actually making a bun.  "You don't get it, you can just be the fun and naive girl when hanging out with friends, but every time I go quiet because I just don't have college or some other experience to talk about, it makes me look, I don't know, insubstantial.  I know the way I dress doesn't change anything, but at least I don't double down on it."

"I suppose, although, don't you feel a bit weird going off to another country with someone?"

She shrugged.  "Not really.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I love you girls, but it feels really nice to be Omar's girlfriend first and foremost sometimes, you know?  Just having someone accept you at face value and love you for it."  She pulled me into the changing room, where she unceremoniously dropped the dress and started putting on a swimsuit.  "You know what's weird?  Emilia and Jonah.  Like, they'll be out on a date with us and I know they're having a good time, because Em really can't fake anything after a couple drinks, but then by the time we're on the subway their demeanor totally changes, and then we get home and Emilia's popping a Bud Light and falling asleep on the couch watching some basketball game.  Jonah's like that too, he's actually got a locked cabinet with romance novels, and, I mean, maybe I spend a lot of time with writers and editors, but the symbolism is kind of on the nose, right?"

"Hey, it works for them, right?"

She shrugged, and started trying on another swimsuit.  "Does it?  I mean, I kind of figure that you've got to figure out who you are now and commit to it.  Be the chick who likes sports, or the guy who reads Nora Roberts, or whatever.  Like, would they even be together under normal circumstances?"

After that, we were checking out and going to another store, so the subject kind of got dropped.  She's been posting a lot of beach pics since Thursday, though, and really seems to be having a great time with just herself and Omar.  Dad's making a good show of being cool with it, and she and Jonah are talking about maybe doing something like that once the academic year is over, although I can't tell whether they really want me along as a third wheel or not, even though they say so.  And if they do, does that mean that maybe Katey has a point about them not really being into each other as opposed to being the best people they can fake it with, or maybe even the best people they can convince themselves that they're faking it with? 

It might not matter; I'm not exactly established enough at the office to take two vacations this summer, and Monica's parents are talking about something in Europe in late June.  I gather it's something the whole extended family does every summer, even when Monica was in college, with me begging off last summer because things were kind of tight understandable but unusual. 

It's kind of tempting - I actually really like hanging out with Monica's cousins at holidays, and her family is actually really cool.  I like going back and forth with them on social media, and they've actually been a supportive of all the crazy ways I've upended this life and come out as ace and stuff over the past couple years.  It might actually be kind of fun to take a big vacation with them every year!  It's just the idea of doing it with them instead of Dad and Katey that's kind of weird. 

Well, not something I really have to worry about today, I guess.  

-Rusty Monica

Rusty/Monica: Is dying my hair really unprofessional?

It looks really silly writing it out like this, but Dad, Katey, and Jonah all think I look silly, and it was kind of impulsive, but I think it works for me and it's not some crazy blue color or anything, and I just felt like changing things up a little.

It wasn't really a hard holiday season, really - Dad, Jonah, and I went out for Thanksgiving dinner while Katey went with Omar to his family, and then I went and visited the original Monica's family again for Christmas.  They're nice folks to be connected to on social media but once a year is kind of the right amount to see them.  Monica's an only child but has a bunch of cousins, who are cool, and her parents are nice.  Having a mom and a dad feels almost excessive in some ways, although they're not being my mom and dad makes certain things weirder.  Like coming out as aro-ace.

They probably would had an easier time with it if I'd told them I was gay, or trans, or a 16-year-old boy who had been turned into a copy of their daughter by a cursed Inn a year and a half ago.  People really don't get it when you say you're not interested in having sex or particularly worried about pairing up, because it seems to occupy a really staggering amount of most people's thoughts, especially once you say it's not a big deal.  I kind of get it, because I did think about girls a lot before becoming one, but sometimes it feels like it makes people dumb or crazy. 

Of course, that means I was the odd girl out when hanging around with Katey, Omar, Dad, and Jonah on New Year's Eve.  We had fun bar-hopping, but being with two couples meant every guy and a surprising number of girls thought they were helping by hitting on me, like I needed someone to kiss when the ball dropped and wanted to start the year with a stranger grabbing my butt.  Anyway, after the ball dropped, Katey and Dad both decided to start the New Year's at their boyfriends' places and I went home.  I hadn't even gotten out of my party dress when I saw we were out of toothpaste, so I went back downstairs to grab some from a convenience store, then grabbing a couple Monsters so there'd be a couple in the fridge when I woke up, then somehow winding up in the beauty aisle, seeing hair dye was on sale, and grabbing a box.

I wasn't dumb enough to try it before going to bed, but did decide it would be a fitting first thing to do in the new year, so I went for it.  It's a pain in the neck and I went to my phone at one point to see what it would cost to have a salon do it (not cheap!). But once I got all the foil things out and took another shower to rinse, I looked in the mirror and really liked what I saw.  I was just getting out of the bathroom when Dad came home and stopped dead in her tracks.  "What have you done?"

"I dyed my hair red!  Not, like, fire-engine red, I'm still pretty obviously a brunette, but now you guys can call me Rusty again!"

"It's a little late for second thoughts about being Monica, isn't it?"

"I'm not having second thoughts; it's just that I just spent a week in California and seeing pictures of her on the wall, and afterwards talking about Monica's family and Monica's old friends, I kind of thought it was a shame I couldn't really get people to call me Rusty, or that it would be weird to suddenly ask to be called Nicky or whatever, then when I saw these on sale...  Well, I was a little drunk, but it still wasn't a bad idea!"

"Not a bad idea?  You've got to find a real estate broker who will hire you and sponsor you for your license, and you've decided that's the time to look less serious?"

"It's not a big deal - like, someone meeting me for the first time might totally think it's my natural hair color, even though I look a little Asian!  It might help me stick out!"

She just shook her head, taking off her heels and only half-closing her door as she changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants.  "I just don't see why you'd do it!  It's one thing to try to do all this nonsense with your looks for work or to get someone's attention, but you think you don't care about guys and this isn't the sort of thing that seems likely to make a positive difference."

I left to go to the gym while Dad tried to figure out how to find bowl games on streaming, and when I got back Katey was there, and she just didn't seem to think the red suited me.  Neither of them has started calling me Rusty again, though it's just been a couple days.  The folks at work barely noticed, though, and I haven't had an interview since doing it.

I dunno, I kind of like what I see in the mirror right now, but is this a crazy thing to do while trying to get a new job where folks will treat you like a professional?

- "Rusty Monica"

Rusty/Monica: Does this count as a long-term plan?

I've enrolled in a new class.  Not a language one - I'm kind of getting nowhere with Korean and while I'm going to keep plugging away at that, I'm guessing it probably wouldn't be a great idea to try to learn something else on top of it - but studying for a real estate license.  Basically, I really enjoyed working in sales with Dragon Energy, in part because it got me out and about in the city, as opposed to sitting at a desk and making phone calls all day. 

The class is on the same building as the language school - I'm not sure how many times I started at the sign over the past few months without thinking that it might be fir me - so it's really convenient.  On Fridays, I finish work at about six, run out to grab a slice, and then head back in.  Even if you're calling me 23 rather than 16, I'm still the youngest person in class by a lot.  About half the class is recently-divorced women from Long Island, one of whom did not take me saying that it was either this or medicine well at all, because I guess her ex is a doctor who cheated on her with a pharma girl.

It's kind of nice to have something to do on Friday nights when Katey and Dad are out with their boyfriends.  I'm starting to think that I'm the "A" part of LBGTQIA+, and that the original Monica was too.  A few of her college and high school boyfriend have messaged me about getting lunch or a drink while they were in the City for a meeting or convention or something, and they all seem to like Monica and wish it had worked out, but they just weren't a physical match or something.  A couple apologized for being impatient because she wanted to take it slow, or getting the wrong idea because she liked running around campus in skimpy workout clothes.

I haven't really talked about this with Dad and Katey, specifically, because I'm not totally sure.  Like, I'll be runningin the park and someone will make me turn my head, but it doesn't feel like desire so much as appreciation, I don't think.  Dad's not sure i can tell the difference, and maybe she's right, but it just doesn't ever feel important. 

And it's important to them!  Things are going surprisingly well with Dad and June/Jonah. Dad still really doesn't like getting dressed up or made up, and she's always really embarrassed when she doesn't get home until the next morning, like she wouldn't enjoy being with someone who was a woman for decades and really knows what's going on inside her. 

And I want Dad to have fun and be happy, but it's kind of making me feel like a fifth wheel.  J/J joined the trivia team yesterday, and Katey is always flirting with Omar during trivia,  so i feel a bit left out.l, kind of wondering if the original Monica would let folks at her up because it made hanging out with her friends easier. 

Anyway, it's nice to have something to do on Friday night, and I really do think being a realtor could be a really fun job! 

- Rusty/Monica

Rusty/Monica: What should I call Dad's (potential) boyfriend?

I know that what I'll call this guy if things get serious won't matter for a while, but for some reason I can't stop thinking about it.  Nothing may wind up coming of this date they're on, because she's Dad and not really sure this is a good idea, but this feels a bit different than Katey & Omar, in part because she had to be talked into it. 

And also because the guy hit on me first, although that's mostly because Dad didn't want to come to Annette's little get-together.  There's not a standing thing where all the Inn People who have settled in New York get together like in Boston, but she tries to make sure there's one before the place opens for the season and one after the end, plus this one so that the folks who are coming here for school or the like know there's people who will have their back on a weird situation.  I'm always down to meet new folks like us, although Dad is really trying to focus on being Emilia rather than hanging onto her old life, and Katey and Omar had something else to do, so I went on my own, which meant I didn't really know anybody there.  There were a couple dozen of us, which seemed like a lot to be in one place, but New York City is huge, and I seldom remember how huge until something like this.  Most of them were cool, although the guy who just walked away when he found out I hadn't actually been to college can get bent.   The lady who owns a café in Brooklyn wanted to know why I never got around to selling her energy drinks, but I wound up spending most of my time hanging around with Ryan, who is 24, gay, and funny, especially when he does something dorky and jokes about it being a hangover from spending last summer as a suburban dad. 

I was saying something to him about how great it was to get to know people like this without there being any sort of pressure to pair up when someone tried to hook up.  A good-looking guy, tall, black, mid-twenties or so.  He said his name was "Jonah", or "Junah" if you wanted to get cute, on account of how he used to be a lady named "June".  He'd spent his first few years after visiting the Inn going to college in the city, thought the first girl he dated was The One, which was probably some sort of reaction to how his ex-husband had used the Inn to abandon her, and now she was coming back for grad school once that fell apart, because he really wanted to do something this time around rather than just being a housewife.

He asked about me, but as soon as I got to my age was like "Oh, you're young-young!", then apologized, though I said it wasn't a big deal.  I was in the middle of some story when I remembered I had pictures on my phone.  He had me stop at a beach one, like who's that?, and I snickered, saying it was my Dad.  He nodded and said Dad was hot, and was she seeing anyone?  Ryan jumped in and said I should totally set them up, because it would be a perfect yin-and-yang thing. 

I figured what the heck, had Jonah pose for a picture, and sent it to her, saying he'd like to meet her.  He texted that he wasn't ready to date, and for some reason I said that he might be a good place to start, since he used to be an older woman, so he'd understand when she was nervous and they wouldn't have to pretend. She didn't respond right away, so I had Jonah give me his number, and mostly hung out with Ryan for the rest of the evening. 

A couple days later, though, Dad asked if I still had his number.  Katey was spending Labor Day Weekend with Omar on Cape Cod, which was nice for her but has both of us like, holy shit, this is serious, and with a lot of guys hitting on her in the bar that night, I guess she figured she ought to take matters into her own hands rather than wait for someone to bowl her over like I am, especially since she figures matches that fit this well weren't going to come along that often. 

Katey and I kind of figured Dad would get cold feet by the time they were both free this afternoon, but it seems to be the opposite - they've apparently been texting all week, and while Dad is dressed pretty casual, it's the sort of casual where she spends an hour trying to figure out which pleated miniskirt and babydoll t-shirt look best together and trying every shade of lipstick the original Emilia left her to find one which wasn't too much. 

She apologized for all the fuss, because she still really didn't like doing all this girl stuff, and kind of hated that she was setting an example about being so worried about what some man thinks about your appearance, which is funny, because Katey and I are way ahead of her in girl stuff and haven't had problems with that.

Anyway, at some point Katey made a joke about whether Jonah is going to want us to call him "Mom", and it's really sticking with me.  Like, we appear to be about the same age, but Jonah isn't just Dad's real age, but old enough to be his mother, so our grandmother, and, I dunno, that feels like it deserves a Mister or Grandma or something, right?  Especially when it's just us and we don't have to pretend we were all born within a few years of each other.

I'm definitely overthinking this. I know.  But if Jonah winds up being around more, it's something to think about, right?

-Rusty/Monica

Rusty/Monica: Is it weird to celebrate the anniversary of the Inn changing you?

Dad and Katey and I are already celebrating two birthdays each, and while I don't really look at the blog much beyond seeing if anyone commented on my posts, I do see that the folks who change at this time of year don't exactly seem happy about it, so maybe last night's thing was in kind of bad taste?

The really weird thing is that it was Dad's idea.  I don't think he's really become happier to be Emilia in the last couple months, even now that she's not scared of what's between her legs, but she really wants me and Katey to be reassured that she's not mad at us for wanting to stay like this, so I think she kid of overdoes it sometimes.

Sometimes I think she's kind of screwing with us.  Like, she apparently likes the beach now?  I mean, she says she liked going to the beach back when she was a teenager and loved spring break in college - she was in a fraternity! - but do you suddenly just wake up and decide you like walking around in a bikini, even when it's ninety degrees out?  Especially since I don't think that she's going to Coney Island or Fort Tilden or other places with friends from work or book club or the like - just me and Katey, and sometimes Omar, and I don't know that asking us to put lotion on her back is meant to make us feel uncomfortable because the girl who just undid the back of her top is our dad, but...

(Also: I never thought of New York as a place with beaches, but then again, it is all on islands except the Bronx)

I do kind of appreciate that she did this; I was kind of nervous about being on display at the beach even if I don't have any problem with workout clothes that just cover what's necessary and sexy outfits generally.  but apparently I'm okay if it's just a way to hang out with my family and friends, get in the water, get some sun (with appropriately slathered on sunblock, because apparently Dad doesn't sunburn despite being a natural blonde while I sure do) and not, like "here's my whole ass, come and get it!"

Last night, though, was kind of crazy; Dad had bought us matching outfits, like whole matching outfits with shoes and handbags, brought us to the sort of club that was usually not her thing, and did a champagne toast before hitting the dance floor.  We mostly danced with each other, but she didn't often say no when a guy bought her a drink or asked her to dance.  Around 1am, she was starting to stumble in her heels and didn't really look like she was having fun any more, so we loaded ourselves into a cab.  She insisted on getting an ice cream cake saying "Happy Inn-iversary" on it out of the freezer and making sure we each got a piece before going to bed.

She was really hung over this morning, and Katey and I told her she didn't have to do stuff like that or pretend she was really into taking up how the original Emilia was apparently kind of a party girl, and she swore up and down that she just wanted to mark the occasion and that she wasn't doing anything she didn't want to do.  "I'm an adult woman who used to be an adult man, and I know what i'm doing," she says.

I didn't believe her this morning, but now I'm kind of wondering after writing this if the reason this all seems in bad taste is that celebrating one year doesn't just mean celebrating how Katey and I have done well as grown-up women, but also that Dad is kind of no longer Dad, that he's becoming someone different that likes guys and treats us like friends or sisters rather than her kids and that maybe we won't be able to turn to her to know what we should be doing.  Katey doesn't seem too worried about it, and neither does Dad, so maybe it's just me.

-Rusty/Monica

Rusty/Monica: Is it time to find a new job again?

Things aren't exactly going poorly at the language school or anything, but the three of us got a new lease to sign a couple weeks ago that has the rent going up, and I don't know that I've got that kind of raise coming.  We signed it, and Dad's taken on a few more shifts where she can, but she's also been applying to a lot of jobs that match Emilia's degree, saying that it's not just about making it to summer any more - we've got to be looking at careers.

I'm kind of not sure what kind of career you shoot for with a Political Science degree, though.  I've looked at a lot of the textbooks I inherited from the original Monica, and I'm not really feeling a lot of interest.  I'm not sure she did, either - there's a lot less yellow highlighter in them than in Emilia's and Katey's.  Dad says that's not unusual, that working on the other side of this process, as a manager, it kind of didn't matter what you actually studied, that employers just wanted to make sure you were capable of handling challenges, and that for most graduates, specific majors really don't matter, unless you find the thing you really love through it.  Razzie kind of takes it further, saying that employers don't care what you major in, just so long as you've got enough student loan debt to be afraid of quitting.

The thing is, everyone says that being a salesgirl is a dead end, but I really loved selling Dragon Adrenaline!  I'm not saying I was a true believer in the product or anything, even if I did like some of the weird Chinese flavors, but it was really fun to travel to all the little stores, give out free samples, get to know the managers, all that stuff.  There's a lot more sitting in the office at the school.

Maybe I should go for one of those pharma-girl jobs.  It seems kind of intimidating - I'm not sure I could bluff my way through how effective drugs are with actual doctors - and it also seems like there would be a lot more travel, which means a car and not having Dad and Katey for help.  And...  Well, from what I gather, a lot of these girls are looking for ways to skim off the top or for husbands.

And I am really not looking for a husband!  Sure, I've been Monica almost a year, but it's still really weird watching Katey make out with Omar, although at least he's being kind of cool about me noticing that another girl was staring at his buddy Rodrigo during our third date and finding an excuse to slip into the ladies' room and say that it wasn't going to work out so if she wanted to make her move in the next few minutes, I wouldn't actually be upset.  Rodrigo is actually a pretty good guy, and maybe I wouldn't have been looking for an off-ramp if Katey and Dad hadn't both been going on about this being the sex date, but it all felt weird.  Like, the first date was sort of a fun hang-out with Katey and Omar, then the second was a double feature at the NewYork Asian Film Festival and then talking at a bar afterward, but I wasn't exactly excited when he kissed me at the end of the night, and then on the third date, he was counting down or something.  I enjoy hanging out with him but I feel like I'll enjoy hanging out with him a lot more if we run into each other a couple months from now and aren't thinking about whether this is going to get us laid or evaluating each other as potential lifetime partners.

Still, the money's really good in that business, and maybe that's the important thing to think of right now.

-Monica (or Rusty)

Rusty/Monica: Should I be hornier than this?

Dad, if you weren't telling the truth when you said you were going to stay away from this site now, I need you to stop reading and tell me so we don't both die of cringe!

...

...

Well, Dad, if you are, that's on you.  To the rest of you, hi, I'm Rusty, although my hair hasn't had a bit of red in it since I turned into Monica last summer, and I imagine you guys have all been reading my dad's posts about me and her and Katey.   I just found this card with instructions for how to set up an account for this in the back of a drawer while the three of us were trying to figure out what changes we need to make to the place now that we know we're going to be staying and aren't planning to go back, and figure that folks who have been living new lives for almost twenty years (wow!) might have more to say than Dad or Katey or even Annette (Annette - this is not for Katey and Emilia!).  It's got to go better than it did on reddit, at least!

Let me explain the subject - I don't know if Dad just found this too embarrassing to talk about or didn't know, because her bedroom is on the other side of the living room from me and Katey, but it's an old building and the walls are thin and our beds are kind of against the same wall because that's where the one power outlet is on each side, and so, uh, I knew she had started playing with herself just a couple weeks into this whole thing.  It kind of shook me, because I was still feeling kind of guilty about seeing Monica naked when I changed clothes or took a shower and trying to hold off how often I went to the bathroom so I didn't have to wipe.  Obviously, as my Dad will tell you, I developed an appreciation of my body soon enough, but even when I decided to see what the big deal was a couple months in, it felt good, but I never looked at a guy and thought that I wanted him to do that to me with his dick.

So, fast forward to a couple weeks ago, first trivia night after we decided we were staying.  There's a guy, Omar, who has had his eye on Katey ever since we started, and he seems nice enough, but as soon as he says hi on the way to his table, Katey immediately starts flirting back, and by the time the evening is over, they've arranged an actual date for the next night.  They've gone out another couple times since then, and Katey stayed over the last time.  Dad stayed up all night and I'm kind of glad I'd already headed out by the time Katey got home, because they were still staring daggers at each other a day later.

So, the next day, I get off work a little early, coming in quietly enough that the moaning going on in the bathroom doesn't stop, but when my phone buzzes, it's a text from Katey, and I stop dead as I realize that those noises are coming from Dad!  Like, Dad hates being a girl - we know she's just staying like this because she knows Katey and I were really reluctant to give up what we'd made of ourselves since coming here!  She still needs our help getting dressed and made-up if there's a private event at the bar or something, and is just absolutely miserable every time her period comes around.  She comes out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel which she clutches a little tighter on seeing me, asks how long I've been there, and winces when I say long enough.  Then she starts in on how she's sure this must be quite a surprise, but she did say that this was our lives now, and while she's kind of worried about Katey dating someone who has so much more experience than her, she also knew that was going to be part of our lives now, so she has to accept it and move on too.

And, like, sure, but she was really into it, after not wanting anything to do with it for the whole time we've been these girls!  I told Katey about it later, and she said that maybe Dad's just been holding it in for months, and finally letting it out was what made it sound like such a big deal.

Okay, maybe.  But I really don't feel like I've been holding back!  I tried again after talking to Katey, and I couldn't even get myself to come, though I suppose it takes practice the same way it probably takes practice to get that out of your partner.  I've been looking at this blog a little, and it seems like most guys who get turned into girls are attracted to guys and dating and having sex, if reluctantly, months earlier than me.

It's trivia night tomorrow, and Katey says one of her boyfriend's teammates is really into me and I should give him a chance, and, sure, why not, I actually do really like meeting new people - I think it's kind of why I'm good at both this job and the last one even though I'm probably way too young to be talking to some of these folks as equals - but I don't really think anything's going to come out of it.  Should it?  Like, what's everybody else's timetable of going from straight guy to straight girl?

- Monica but you guys can still call me Rusty

(I'm assuming the original Monica was straight; her social media since junior high has her dating a lot of guys and there was nothing in the letter about secretly liking girls, and even if she didn't tell us where they were going, she didn't seem to avoid telling me anything the way original-Katey did!)

Jordan/Yuan-Wei: Back... Home?

Man, am I not sure what to fucking make of the week in New York culminating in Max's wedding after flying up from Krystle's.  Like, I know you can read a lot of worry about how all the Inn stuff affects everything in her posts, but the experience of it, for me at least, was how much a lot of that didn't fucking matter.  Krystle wants to include what to all outside appearances are the parents of a babydaddy who quite notably isn't there?  Friend she really never hung out with that much is important enough to be one of the bridesmaids?  Absolutely random teenage white girl shows up?  Well, Krystle's family and Gabriel's family all start from the premise that these people are important to her and make room.  If there's gossip, it's well hidden.  It wound up being a really loving, accepting atmosphere, and they respected the entirety of what got Krystle and Gabriel there even if they didn't know it.

Back home...  Not quite.

It wasn't a race thing, I don't think, unless highly-assimilated third-generation Chinese Americans are unusually eager not to stand out, which I don't think is really a thing, although, granted, the past week or so has been a pretty shitty time for folks on a tourism visa like me to stand out.

And I get it beyond all that.  Max has gone through the Inn experience, and sometimes it means he gets me and sometimes it means he absolutely cannot understand how I could willingly give Benny my life or stay as Yuan-Wei.  I suspect things getting serious with Dominic kind of rattles him more; it's one thing to make use of your clitoris while you're stuck with it, but something else to put yourself on the wife & mom track Krystle is on. 

(And, yeah, just going with "Krystle" from now on.  She signed papers saying she wanted her name to be Krystle Potts, and who am I to argue?)

Still, I dunno, they could have not sidelined me.  Mom says it would have been easier if Dominic had come so we didn't have to insist, no, I wasn't an ex-girlfriend to Pei Pei and her family. 

On the plus side, I had a lot of time to hang out with Annette, who, as you may have heard, is doing really well, especially considering how volatile the publishing industry is.  She's managing editor of a small imprint, just moved into a bigger apartment, and wants to know all about Dominic because she is very single right now.  She had more restaurants she wanted to show me than I figured I had times free to eat. 

First up was her wanting to know how authentic a Chinese restaurant was (not bad, but honestly fancier than I tend to go for; I like holes in the wall).  She'd found a couple other really nice places, too. 

Thursday's big surprise was that we weren't alone - there were three young women joining us:  Emilia, Katey, and Monica, formerly known as Aidan, Kutter, and Rusty.  Apparently, Annette had seen some anxiety start to build in Katey a couple weeks after she came into her office to say she was staying on, all of her, which makes some sense, because one and a half Inn cycles passing is about when you realize, holy fucking shit, you have made a huge decision that is going to change everything forever that you can't take back.

I didn't have a whole lot of upbeat advice, being a couple of days into my family treating me like a not especially close friend even though they know who I am, but I think I was pretty honestly able to say that they'd push through it, that while the Inn doesn't seem to do much to the part of your brain that makes you good at math or the like, it does appear to reshape the parts that control physical attraction and gender identity, and once you realize your brains are part of your bodies and your bodies aren't things you are in but things you are, you can decide what to do with them.

They're good kids, all three of them, and, yeah, that kind of includes Emilia; she may have 40-odd years of experience but she's got the body language of a freshman that would set off some of my old fraternity brothers' predatory instincts, not quite comfortable in her own skin and always fiddling with her clothes, afraid they're making her look too inviting.  She knows that she's pretty and has a great body but mostly sees it as a target as opposed to a tool she can use.  Good dude, though, and she had questions about what adopting various local teams said about you. 

It's funny how obviously her girls are teenagers once you know their stories, though.  Monica is ready to bust with pride at every bit of responsibility she's shouldered and her jaw drops when you tell her something she feels she should have pieced together herself; Katey has a sort of innocent look that makes the occasional wise-ass comment stand out and has a bit of an attitude about the areas where she knows more than her dad, but she's a good kid at heart. 

Annette apologized for springing them on me when they left, saying Monica especially was curious to meet other folks who had stayed at the Inn while Katey and Emilia were trying pretty hard to act like they were just normal girls. 

Okay, you're all probably thinking, enough fucking sidetracks, what about the wedding?

It was pretty good, actually, once I got over where I wanted to be.  Threat of rain had us moving inside, and sitting on folding chairs rather than pews or benches was kind of odd, but fine.  Mom and Dad found chances to wave and say hi whenever they could, and for as much as part of me resented Pei Pei for taking my brother and family from me, she's pretty and smart (some sort of research scientist), and didn't seem like she had anything against me when we talked to each other.  Which I probably should have expected, instead of just letting my worries about what her being part of the family meant to me.  My kid brother may often be a dumbass in the way kid brothers are, but he's not stupid and our parents would have put their foot down if Pei Pei didn't measure up to their expectations!  We'll probably never be buddies, but she's okay. 

The reception was nice, too, even if I was on the outskirts compared to the test of my family, but that also meant no awkward small talk with Benny, filling out a tux like i never did and living my best life as someone's personal trainer.  Folks did notice the empty seat next to me, but as I told Dominic when I got home, I could have gotten laid a lot of I wanted to, because I fucking rocked my qipao and I'm already a good-looking chick from Hong Kong whose perfect English and job in the movie industry makes me pretty damn fascinating to any single guys in their twenties and thirties (and older in a couple cases), especially with a story about my boyfriend being worried about ICE, which was weighing on a lot of Chinese-American minds that had not forgotten being treated like shit during the pandemic.  Lots of ways to get people's attention.

At some point Kareena came by and asked if we could grab lunch the next day, and I said of course before a second cousin saw us together and remembered that I had been at her wedding to Benny/"Jordan" as well, thinking it was weird that I had been in Kareena's bridal party but now was attending a wedding on this side of the family, and I just sort of shrugged and said I was on the continent and hate to miss a good party before getting dragged onto the dance floor.

Kareena, if you don't remember, was originally my roommate Ravi's girlfriend and arranged fiancée, but while I was Deirdre and Annette was Ravi and Benny was me, she and Benny formed a connection, which is what led me to roll the dice and wind up as Yuan-wei ten years ago.  She's gorgeous and smart and otherwise terrific, way out of my fat, angry old ass's league, and kind of finds the whole Inn scramble romantic and exciting.  I was pretty happy when she texted me a cool spot to meet at the next afternoon, and a bit relieved when she arrived alone, saying Benny was putting in some overtime.

Not that he wasn't going to be part of the conversation; after a bit of catching up and her quizzing me about Dominic, she took a deep breath and laid it out there.  "So...  Benny and I aren't getting any younger, and we've talking about starting a family for a while, but it's kind of weird for us, considering.  Both my parents and yours have been on us about it for a while, with mine shocked I don't have a couple kids already and yours more understanding but still wanting grandchildren.  What do you think about that?"

I sat and thought for a second, not sure I'd really ever considered this possibility, before answering.  "I guess I think it's up to you.  I'm the one that walked away from that life and that DNA so you two could be together, and--"  Something clicked.  "Oh, shit, I've been moaning so much about being pushed aside for the last few days that I never thought of how that might make things easier for you to just get on with your lives!"

She shook her head.  "It doesn't, actually.  Benny - well, Benny's been more self-conscious about being Chinese-American since the pandemic, and he's kind of worried he doesn't have it in him to raise someone else's kid.  He's talked about making the guy who's living his old life an offer to be a sperm donor, and though he's coming around to believing me when I tell him that that would make me feel like we were raising someone else's kid because I love who he is now, body and soul, it feels precarious, you know?"

I kind of did, but still felt confused.  "I get it, but I don't know if there's anything I can do.  Like, it's tough for me to be less threatening on the other side of the world, unless you're telling me you're going to block me on social media and ask my family not to mention me--"

"No!  The opposite!  I need you to be part of this!  I think we all need to remember that we were always going to be an unconventional family and it's okay.  I know things were always going to be weird between you and Benny, but he's going to need to be able to talk to you about what things were like for you growing up and what comes from having Jordan Chang's DNA and that you'll be supportive but have no claim."  She took a breath, embarrassed about the outburst.  "Look, neurology isn't my specialty, and we don't know how that Inn affects people, but lately I sometimes wonder if he's got more of what I think of as the old Jordan in him, especially as you don't seem nearly as insecure as you were as a guy, or maybe it's just the past ten years, but I think he kind of needs your approval."

I leaned my head back as she fidgeted a bit.  "Ugh.  How the fuck am I ever expected to be the mature voice of reason?"  Not the first time I've asked that.  "I mean, obviously I'll support whatever you do.  And for what it's worth, the wedding before this was someone who got knocked up by someone living her original life in a pretty harsh situation, and you'll never see anyone who loves her daughter more.  You'll be okay."

"I hope so."  We stood and hugged, and she said we really should talk more often, even without all the other stuff, and I agreed.

By the time I got on the plane the next day later - with security being really weird, what with all that was in the news over the weekend - and certainly by the time I arrived back in Hong Kong, I wasn't so sure.  Is it selfish to try to maintain these old connections, especially when I've got a pretty good life here, or is it necessary?  I kind of wonder if that week in New York was so stressful in part because I sometimes let my original life stay at the back of my mind for months at a fucking time.  Is this place home now because I can sort of be at ease here without handling multiple sets of expectations?

Also, my being away for two weeks for friends' weddings has apparently led to Dominic thinking things while alone in our bedroom, and, honestly, he had better not fucking propose any time soon because I do not have the mental bandwidth for what our wedding would look like while I'm trying to catch up at work!

-Jordo

Emilia: And I Guess That's That

Just got confirmation - the folks living our old lives did not return to the Inn, but folks changed, so now they've got another set of new people in their lives and we can't go back to become ourselves again.  Me and my sons Kutter and Rusty are going to be Emilia, Katey, and Monica for good, or at least as much as anything can be "for good" with unexplained phenomena out there that can change every aspect of your life.  The kids and I are all kind of terrified, but there's a kind of relief in only having to worry about one life again.

Up until the last minute, I didn't think it would turn out like this.  Annette and others warned us things go wrong fairly often:  She says she knows through her friend Jordan that there are people out there who think the Inn has a purpose and that purpose is to mix people up, injecting new perspectives into different parts of society to hopefully break down barriers, and they maybe try to keep that happening.  They aren't really that effective, most of the time, and she thinks it's more like that whatever spell or curse is on the Inn was originally trying to fill a hole but is in a constant state of turning around, seeing that the dirt they used to fill that hole has created another hole, and then trying to fill that.  But, as she pointed out, we were in an uncommonly good position - we could get to the Inn and if anything looked off, we could just walk away, knowing we could handle these lives and nobody was coming back for them.

It didn't get that far, though.  The three of us all talked to our counterparts in our old lives after the talk, and just like the kids, they all felt like they could not just make do in their new lives, but thrive, once they realized that nobody was counting on them going back.  For new-Aidan's kids and mine, the past year was such a huge part of their lives and memories that going back might be stranger than staying put, and she felt like she had more regrets and things holding her down in her real life than as me.  Once we knew that they would take care of our old identities, rather than random people skipping in and out, it felt easier to stay these girls.

And I soon realized that's where the kids' heads were at, and it was me who had to adjust my thinking.  I knew that they could readjust, just from how well they adapted to being Monica and Katey; kids are adaptable and their generation seems to be more flexible in terms of identity than mine was.  They at least have the vocabulary for it and often examples in their own lives of people who are different, more than I did at their age.  Kutter and Rusty have had that flexibility tested more than most, but they've been able to accept their situations as they were rather than just rejecting them.  Even though they are still my sons when we're at home, they are not pretending outside of it, but just living the lives they have.

I needed to stop looking at them just as the boys they should be, or the men they could be, but the women that they are.  And they're incredible.  If I had always had daughters like Katey and Monica, I would be so proud of them, and I'd want to see them continue to pursue what they love, and trust them to know who they are.

So we're going to do that.  I'm still very nervous about it, because even if they have the bodies of 23-year-old women, they are still only 16 and 17.  I can tell myself that the teenager as something distinct from adults and children is a relatively modern invention, that a hundred years ago they would be considered adults, and that we still kind of glorify boys that age who lied about being older to serve their country or are otherwise whiz kids who dropped out of college or even high school to get a head start on their ambitions, but they are still probably going to be naive and inexperienced relative to their peers in many areas.  

They're going to need a big sister as much as a father, and so as a father, it's my duty to be that big sister.  So that's where I'm focusing my attention, making sure that Emilia is the most supportive sister and best friend that Katey and Monica can have.  I'm also going to try to be the best Emilia I can be, because if I do my job supporting the kids (bear with me, I can't quite call them just "roommates" yet), they're going to build lives of their own and I'll have to do the same.  I've got a full life as Emilia ahead of me, probably more time than I've had as Aidan by the time I reach its end.

I'm not even going to try to be the Emilia I see in her old social media, super outgoing and feminine, playfully posting pictures in swimsuits and microskirts.  I'll probably a dork who likes things that were before my time, prefers beer to cocktails, gets season tickets to the Mets or the Yankees when I can afford it, and a bunch of other male-coded stuff, and enters into relationships with men very tentatively, at least at first (although I still have a hard time seeing that changing).

But I'm also going to try to do that on my own, just being the Emilia that comes naturally, as opposed to worrying about being an "Inn Person", or looking over my shoulder to see if I'm doing it right, so this is my last post on this blog, barring emergency.  I want to thank everyone who has given me advice and encouragement along this journey, and for everyone else in this situation, I hope that we all find a way to be able to live and thrive as ourselves, whether that's our original lives or who fate allows us to become.

-Emilia

Aidan/Emilia: The Talk

Even before typing out that last entry, I taped notes saying "Family Meeting Wednesday Evening - Very Important!" to the kids' bedroom doors, pre-ordered some pizza, and then went into my bedroom to write something and wound up asleep fairly soon after.  I had an early shift at the bookstore, anyway, with a little bit of time to buy some extra soda after work.  The kids arrived back from work at around 5:30, and asked what was up.

I felt like I should have a presentation ready, but it hadn't seemed appropriate the night before.  "Okay.  As you guys know, our reservation at the Inn starts on the 5th of June, just a little more than two weeks from now.  New-us will be arriving there Saturday morning, which is a risk, but they're trying to minimize you guys having much to make up in the last few days of the school year after their 'family emergency'.  Have they been sending you classwork to catch up with?"  They nodded; as I kind of expected, Kutter was nodding along more with the details.

"Okay, so, that leaves a question of what we do.  I'm working two jobs part time, so I can probably say that I've got a family emergency back home and they'll either say they're sorry to lose me or ask me to say when I'm back.  You two, though..."

Rusty groaned.  "Ugh, I can't wait to get home, but i kind of hate the idea of quitting.  Seems like that's what makes sense, though."

Kutter nodded.  "Yeah, the folks in the office are going to think it's weird if I quit, especially if the new Katey sticks around the city but doesn't find something soon, but I've really only got enough PTO to get through us staying at the Inn, let alone for the person who turns into Katey--"

Rusty rolled her eyes.  "You've got a chart, don't you?"

"It's a perfectly reasonable thing to figure out!"

I held up a hand to keep this from going further.  "I'm glad you guys decided this on your own, because, obviously, I can't really tell you to quit your jobs."  There was an awkward silence as I decided whether I should just stop there and accept a good outcome, but I couldn't quite do it.  "There is one more thing you should know, Kutter, about your job:  If you don't quit, Katey will almost certainly get an official  promotion to Social Media Manager."

The kids both started talking at once, to me and each other, the gist being that this was amazing but how did I know.  I have them a just-the-facts version of my conversation with Annette.  Their eyes bugged at actually knowing another person who had stayed at the Inn, and they wondered if that meant Kutter had vibed with her in some unconscious way. Eventually, though, Kutter turned to me and asked why I was telling her this; wouldn't she be better off not knowing? 

"Maybe, for you, for now.  But you'd have found out someday, and I don't know if you would forgive me for treating you like a child after how much I've counted on you acting like a mature adult for this whole stretch.  I'm not sure I can carry that around, myself."

Kutter nodded, dejected, and it was quiet before Rusty interjected.  "Like, don't let me stop you!  I know you really want this!"

I shook my head.  "No.  We're not going home and having a series of strangers posing as Kutter until they graduate college, and we're not leaving your brother here on his own."

"Fine.  I'll stay too."

Kutter turned her head.  "You can't do that - think of all we'll miss!"

"What?  Prom?  Taking six years to get back to the point where we'll be able to apply for jobs we love and already know how to do?"  Rusty tucked a bit of hair that had fallen in front of her face as she whipped it between me and Kutter behind her ear.  "And that's if we can get back to this point, assuming other-Kutter and other-Rusty haven't left our transcripts a mess but it doesn't matter, because student loans and scholarships are no longer a thing!"

I folded my arms.  "Rusty, there's no need to panic about that.  The girls have been doing great filling in for you, and I will make sure you can attend college."  She looked down a bit, knowing this was true.  "But why this sudden change of heart?  Were you just telling me what I wanted to hear the other day?  Are you just telling Kutter what she wants to hear now?"

"No, I just..."  She sighed.  "I don't know, I'm usually pretty excited about being myself again, but then I remember how I used to get picked on just for being short, and wonder if it will be worse if I can't shake a bunch of Monica habits or if I'm not ready for how people think of me after a year of other-Rusty.  I guess I want to go back but wouldn't exactly be upset if I couldn't."

"Okay, I understand that."  I turned to Kutter.  "And how do you really feel?"

"Kind of the same?  I mean, yeah, I'm tilting a little more to wondering what that new job would be like, but half the time I feel like I'm not qualified for what I do and that would just be even more.  Still, though, I want to be myself again.  Sometimes I feel like I'm losing who I really am inside Katey, or wondering if there's no 'who I really am' because I'm not really imitating some real Katey, but just being myself, and that's kind of scary.  But, also, if it turned out that other-Dad didn't want to break up with her new girlfriend, I could manage."

I admit, I groaned at the thought of just how long my counterpart had kept things going with a co-worker I hadn't been particularly fond of.

"Anyway, you always said a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, and I have to admit, what you're saying makes me wonder which is which in this case.  Maybe I should ask Ms. Grayson how likely things are to go wrong with the Inn, in her experience."

That caught me a bit flat-footed, because for as much as I've learned to fake being Emilia well enough, it's never seemed like the better option for me individually, let alone for us as a family.  That they could suddenly see bright futures as Katey and Monica made sense, though, and I wondered if I would feel the same way if I hadn't been looking for things I could easily leave behind from the start, or if a good situation had found me.

At any rate, I expected to come out of that family meeting with definite plans of how to leave these lives behind, not a promise to ask Annette and any other Inn people what seemed like the right move over the next few days.

-Aidan/Emilia

Aidan/Emilia: Under Our Noses All Along

I had just gotten behind the bar for happy hour last night when someone vaguely familiar came in, sat down at the bar in front of me, and nervously ordered a beer.  She took a couple of quick sips, looked up at the TVs without actually watching any of them, then drained the glass, banging it down on the coaster. 

Odd, I thought.  "You want another?"

She shrugged.  "If I have to in order to sit here."  I said it wasn't that busy yet, and she nodded silently a couple times before chocking her head.  "Do you recognize me?"

I looked at her for a couple seconds.  Not a regular, more a downtown type, thirty-ish, wearing a jacket that matched her skirt and camisole, nude stockings, and knee-high boots with two-inch heels, the sort of outfit that Kutter tended to favor these days, and that's what did it.  "You work with Katey; I saw you at trivia a couple weeks ago."

She named and and reached out her hand.  "Yes!  I'm Annette Grayson, and I need to talk about your son!"

My brain froze as I shook her hand.  "Nice to meet you, but, uh..."

"Katey's your son Kutter, right, and you're Aidan?  I don't have the wrong Emilia, do I?"

"No, that's me, but how?"

She grinned nervously.  "I stayed at the Inn about ten years ago, just before starting college.  Spent a few years as a couple different guys until I get back to my real life, putting it on the blog, though I basically stopped once my life got normal and I figured this maybe shouldn't be the first thing someone sees when they Google me.  Then my friend Jordan forwards me one of your posts talking about Katey's boss Ms. Grayson like 'this you?' and I'm like holy shit, we've had a teenager running our office for the past seven months!"

I give a pinched grin.  "Well, you could have had me."

She shall as she shrugged.  "I mean, her social media skills were a lot better!"  She paused for a second.  "Is it weird that I'm calling her 'she' and 'Katey'?  I mean, I try to respect everyone's identity--"

"They'll be shes for the next few weeks."

"Right.  Anyways, it just made me more impressed with her, and as you know, we all love her, and, well, the boss wants to promote her to social media manager for us and two other imprints."

That stopped me kind of flat.  "Oh. Wow."

"I know, right?  And I can't think of any reason he'd believe for why he shouldn't!  Katey has been fantastic and deserves this, but the next Katey could be a cranky septugenarian who just gave up her landline a year ago.  I don't know how much you know about the publishing business, but that could be a huge hit to us."

"So, what are you saying, that you want Kutter to stay?"

"No, of course not!  If anything, you should probably convince her to give two weeks' notice before she's offered the job. I mean, I'm her boss, but I'm terrible at that part of the job - the last time I suggested that someone might want to investigate an alternate career track given how volatile publishing is, we nearly wound up in arbitration - and, I don't know, maybe as her dad you've got some easy of putting it that makes her feel more mature..."  She groaned and looked at the ceiling for a moment.  "I sound ridiculous."

I shrugged.  "It's hard not to sound ridiculous when talking about that place."  She was looking at her glass, so I asked if she wanted another beer or something stronger. 

"Oh, this calls for whiskey." I obliged, and she downed it and twisted her face.  "I shouldn't be dumping this on you, this is part of my job, not yours, but you know what the fucked up thing is?  I would totally keep Katey on, even knowing what I know.  How irresponsible is that?"

I didn't have an answer, and enough other people were coming in that i couldn't stick by her part of the bar and talk to her.  A couple drinks later, she left, putting a fifty-dollar tip under her coaster. 

I've got no idea how to talk to Kutter about this.  It feels like it should be straightforward, but who knows how she's going to take it? 

-Aidan/Emilia

Aidan/Emilia: Please let us change back before swimsuit season.

So I got back from a shift at the bookstore the other day, and my younger son had left her bedroom door open, posing in front of the mirror in a string bikini, taking selfies and then staring at them critically. 

I tried to sound cool with it.  "Beaches open already?"  Surprisingly, she actually yipes, puts a hand in front of her groin and the other arm across her breasts, and quickly slams the door with her body.  This seems kind of unusual - Rusty certainly likes showing off her "Monica" body, and we'll all kind of run through the apartment half-dressed when we're in a rush - so I rap on the door.  "Everything okay?  I didn't mean to catch you by surprise."

She opened the door with a crop-top and jeans clearly just quickly pulled on over the swimsuit.  "No, it's fine, I just didn't think you'd be home for another hour."  She grabbed a glass of water and took a sip.  "I guess some of them never close, but Razzie's been talking about it finally being bikini weather, so I wanted to check and see if I could pull it off before she says we should hit the beach some Saturday or something."

"Really?  Don't take this the wrong way, but this doesn't seem like the sort of thing you usually worry about.  I really wish you would, but if it's suddenly a problem, I have to wonder if something's up."

"Nothing's...  I mean, nothing's happened to me or anything, it's just that wearing a bikini means my whole butt is out there and I can't see if it looks weird, and the top feels different from a regular bra, and, I dunno, it kind of doesn't feel like I'm wearing underwear but does feel like it could all come apart.  Sure, if someone unties something without me noticing and gets pictures of me naked, it won't be my problem for long, but, like, it feels kinda precarious."

I nodded.  "Well, first, your butt doesn't look weird.  Speaking as your gym buddy, you've got a great butt that you've put a lot of work into."

"Eww, Dad, gross!"

I raised my hands.  "Hey, like I said, that's your roommate and workout partner Emilia talking!  But as your dad, I can give you the old lectures about peer pressure and not doing anything you're not ready for.  And I'm sure Monica left you a one-piece swimsuit or two, maybe stuff for actually swimming laps or the like."

She nodded.  "Oh, yeah, she did, but I kinda wanted to try all the sexy stuff before we turn back.  Have a bunch of photos on a thumb drive saying I killed it later, and it feels good, you know?  Not so much folks saying I'm pretty, but that I chose a nice outfit or that I must work out."  She paused.  "You think I'll still like working out when I'm myself again?"

I nodded.  We'd been given the lives of three healthy and attractive young women, but there was a lot that we now know took effort despite having taken it for granted before, and compliments, especially when they come from (other) women can feel pretty good even if I feel like Emilia's genetics are doing most of the work.  "I don't know how much is that Monica's body is an endorphin factory and how much is that being her put you in a spot where you discovered you can like it, but I figure you might."  I paused for a second, wary of the next question.  "Are you going to miss being Monica?"

She shrugged.  "I mean, sure, but not the bras and periods and heels.  God, I can't wait to stand to pee again, even if the lines weren't so much shorter.  I'll probably really miss everything in the city, and Razzie and Chandra, and bar trivia.  It feels crazy that I'm going to have to wait years for people to treat me like an adult again!"

I had a brief thought about Rusty and Kutter throwing who was responsible for paying rent in New York in my face if I ever tried to impose a curfew.

"But, I've got to admit, when I'm doing Korean lessons or watching other people in class, that kind of feels right, you know?  Like where I should be.  And there's so much Monica probably learned in school that people expect me to know, and I'll sometimes hear from other-Rusty and freak out because I'd forgotten something or someone. I'm kind of ready to be done."

I gave her a big grin.  "You've got no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that, given how well you and Kutter have done and how quickly you adapted!"

- Aidan/Emilia

(That said, she went out to run laps around the park in just her sports bra and spandex shorts this morning!)

Aidan/Emilia: Happy Birthday... Katey?

A thing I didn't really bring up during the Taxes post is that, while filling out forms, we were reminded that we'd missed Monica's birthday in early March and that Katey's is the 28st of April.  I asked Rusty if she wanted to do something for it, but she said no; she'd just celebrated her real birthday, after all, although she did have some fun with how she's older than Kutter right now.  

Indeed, we'd all more or less figured it was no big deal, just making a couple of jokes in the morning, until we got to trivia that night.  Trivia's been a bit odd since Rusty was laid off from her old job; she still counts Razzie and Chandra as friends, but that they stayed while she was pushed out stings.  It's not making it better that things are actually looking much worse, and the company may just collapse entirely, although maybe it will be different when things do entirely fall apart.  The point is that we were all focused on the weirdness on Rusty's side of the table that we were completely blindsided when Lettie brought a lot of other folks from the office to sing "Happy Birthday", present her with gift cards, and then bring out a birthday cake at the midway point.

I don't think I've seen the particular expression on Kutter's face before, either as Katey or her real self - blushing red; eyes shut, covered, and pointed down; whole body quivering in a way that could be laughing or crying; but beaming wide.  The hair kind of shielding the sides of her face adds something to it that maybe it wouldn't have as a guy, perhaps.  She seemed deeply embarrassed that people would be giving her that sort of attention but appreciating it.  It made me feel pretty good because while Kutter's never exactly been what people call an introvert, he was never really one to find himself at the center of a circle in school or at camp or anything.  He's always been dependable and funny and able to poke back at me and Rusty, but sometimes I kind of think that people, maybe including me, took him being organized and conscientious for granted.

The affection from her colleagues seems pretty real, too - I already knew Lettie, but had only heard about Max, Jen, and "Ms. Grayson" second-hand - and, meeting her, I kind of get why Kutter can't quite bring herself to use her given name, even though I know I'm older and more experienced than her; she's friendly but always seems a step ahead of you - and it was kind of fun to have a cheering section.  Admittedly, I'm none too fond of Ms. Grayson's boss, who was paying entirely too much attention to my and Chandra's chests.  Though, I must admit, I often figure better me than the kids when we're out together.

After trivia, I wasn't surprised when her office-mates wanted to take "Katey" out for a few more drinks, and I kept myself from saying something like "be safe!" as she walked off, because that's a Dad thing to say rather than a roommate thing.  I still waited up for her after Rusty hit the sack, though I've got the excuse of how neither the bookstore nor the bar every wants me in as early as the kids' jobs do.

She came in at 1am or so and plopped down next to me on the couch, kicking off her heels.  "Oh my god why is tequila?"

I laughed before asking if she was going to be okay for work the next day.

"If I'm not, the folks at work have nobody to blame but themselves.  But I'll be fine.  It is my job to make the coffee and to order the coffee and there is going to be so much coffee."

I chuckled.  "Eh, they'll cut you some slack; they really seem to like you."

"Nah, they like Katey.  They like the girl I'm pretending to be.  But they'll have another one in a month and a half and won't know the difference, right?

"Hey, near as I can tell, Katey is about ninety percent Kutter, which isn't ideal, but pretty good.  Folks will definitely notice the difference."

"Well, maybe I should make it easy for them, tell them I have to move back home.  Wouldn't be a lie!"  She got up from the couch and then stood very still for a moment.  "Then again, they might throw me another party."

I laughed and waited for her to be done with the bathroom and flopped down into bed before doing the same myself.  So far as I can tell, they both managed to get to work OK this morning.

-Aidan/Emilia

Aidan/Emilia: Life & Taxes

Has anybody else ever blogged about how the Inn tends to change people in the middle of summer, disrupting their lives enough to trigger a job change or even a move, meaning that there's a lot you don't necessarily know about half the previous year when it comes time to file "your" taxes?  Probably not, because it's neither traumatic nor sexy, but it is a real pain in the neck. 

I must admit, I was kind of slow on the uptake, because it didn't really occur to me that the kids were not going to be my dependents until I started filling out forms.  Then it just sort of gets bigger and bigger.  I had never given much thought to the insurance card in my wallet, since I inherited a pretty darn healthy shape and have not had to go to the doctor, but it turns out that Emilia was on her father's insurance, so I have to get in touch with him to make sure I get sent the proper paperwork.  I had to dig through her computer to find out about the work study job she had during her senior year and get in contact with the University to get the pepper forms forwarded on. 

(Did these girls ever fill out change of address forms after graduating?  Now that I think about it, I don't remember ever seeing anything forwarded to this apartment, but figured maybe that was just kids their age doing everything online and not having mail to forward.) 

Rusty's situation was about the same as mine - part-time job we had to dig up, health insurance through Monica's parents, basically the same sort of deductions for rent.  She absolutely could not believe that all of this information got sent to the government, then back to us, and then that we had to check their math and send it back or else they'd just keep the extra money that had been deducted or gave penalties.  This is, to be fair, the correct reaction.

Katey's situation was a bit trickier - she was on her parents' health care but Kutter had picked up the company's when she started her job, and Katey, having apparently been dead-set against asking her parents for help, had worked a lot more during college, including for a place that had gone out of business, and either despite that or because it was a lot to keep track of, some of her records were sketchy (if there's any one thing that makes us remember that we are still ourselves deep down, it's that Katey was not nearly as detail-oriented as Kutter).  Tracking some things down took effort, and after the way Kutter's Christmas visit went, Katey's parents were less eager to help than Emilia's and Monica's. 

There was also the matter of what to do with the money that had been anonymously deposited in or bank accounts for the first few months, which amounted to just enough for each of us that it had to be included.  All told, we each wound up receiving refunds, although not really enough for any of us to splurge on anything.  Or, more likely, the next group, since the odds that these would be processed and deposited before we returned to the Inn was slim even before the cuts at the IRS.

Rusty did some math and figured the time spent on it was not exactly a great hourly wage, and asked what would happen if we hadn't bothered and just let the federal and state governments keep the excess.  Probably nothing, I said, but there might have been trouble if the deductions had been a hundred dollars off on the other direction, and it wouldn't be fair to let the next people living these lives catch that. 

This process all got started because the woman living my life sent me a message asking if I had anything other than my main W-2 to worry about.  She works in finance in her real life, and was at a big New York firm one upon a time, so my family's taxes was basically nothing difficult for her.  But, on the flip side, I do appreciate her making sure it would be nothing difficult for me. 

- Aidan/Emilia

Aidan/Emilia: Ladies Out Celebrating

I wasn't expecting the kids to come into the bar on Valentine's Day, although I'm not sure what else I expected them to be doing.  Neither has a boyfriend (or a girlfriend, I suppose, although they certainly seem to talk about how their bodies react to boys a lot more than how they react to girls); we've all collectively decided that would be a bad idea which was only underlined when we booked our return trip to the Inn in June after making sure that the folks living our lives would be there during the two-week block before us, and they've co-ordinated with the folks living their lives, whose forms have been in limbo since September.  It must be a nightmare to becomes yourself again if you get changed early in the summer!

I didn't quite know what to expect for business that night aside from that.  As I said before, it's kind of guy-coded and not exactly a date location, and on top of that, that weekend was kind of a sports dead zone:  Football over, baseball just starting spring training, the NHL and NBA both doing all-star breaks of sorts which didn't have much on tap for Friday night, and New York City generally has enough big-league action that the only people really watching college sports are alumni and those who also have a gambling app open on their phone.  Still, it was a big going-out night, we had some live music, and folks were looking to fill seats.  I'd expected to be waiting tables, but they've started to like me tending bar.  I'm friendly enough that guys hang around but I'm not one to play favorites or get interested enough to ignore the other customers, and i still jump a little when someone slaps my ass on the floor. 

I was kind of in the zone when Kutter and Rusty came in, found a couple empty seats, and ordered their first beers.  I made a comment about "Galentine's Day" and they asked if I'd just made it up - I think a couple girls their apparent age might have got it but they were about ten when Parks and Recreation ended and never wound up binging it - and they said they were celebrating "Monica's new job".

I must have looked pretty surprised, because Rusty had just been laid off a couple days before.  Her employers had said something about having to tighten their belts with the upcoming tariffs and congestion pricing, but Rusty said she hadn't been landing a lot of new accounts lately; they'd evidently found everywhere in the city that was interested in stocking Chinese energy drinks and expanding into Long Island or Connecticut had diminishing returns.  She'd seen it coming but thought Razzy or Chandra would be let go, but apparently it was last in, first out. 

I'd underestimated how good she was at that job, as it turns out; at some point in the last six months, she had knocked on the door of not just every bodega, but every small business that night have a refrigerator in their break room, including one of those language schools you see advertised on the subway.  She mentioned that she was being laid off during her last call, and they said they had an opening for someone to work the phones and also handle bookings for corporate clien.ts.  They already knew and liked her, and while they couldn't offer the commissions that the beverage company could, the base salary was about the same and she'd be eligible for free lessons.  There is really only time for one session between then and the return to the Inn, she figured she should at least come out of this knowing the Korean alphabet and how to say hello, please, and thank you.

It was kind of interesting observing them on a night out mostly without me - they weren't dressed as sexy as New Year's Eve, but showing a bit more cleavage and leg than when it was all three of us, but they weren't really teasing.  Their attention was mostly on each other, although they were polite when someone paid them a compliment or tried to but them a drink, saying they were just into hanging with their bestie tonight.  A couple made comments about them being more than friends, and Rusty started to respond to the first with something along the lines of "you have no idea" before Kutter kicked her in the shins and said not to encourage anybody.  Rusty got the message and said something along the lines of it being gross, and Kutter responded that it was obviously the case, but there was actually a phenomenon where siblings who had never met or who were separated long enough to not recognize each other were actually more attracted to each other than random people until they found out and society's incest taboos kicked in, and something like that could be at play with the three of us, although maybe in the opposite direction.  Rusty rolled his eyes and asked why Kutter would even be reading anything about that, and she said it was to make sure nothing like that happened.

I'm taking it as a sign of maturity that Rusty did not immediately start acting like Kutter was her girlfriend afterward.

Striking maturity, really, because Rusty's sixteenth birthday was just a couple weeks later, and we celebrated with go-karting and video games at a huge warehouse of a building just outside of Brooklyn, and while I'd been bracing myself for the kids to want to go in rompers or something, it was loose t-shirts, slacks that didn't shrink-wrap themselves to our butts, sneakers, ponytails sticking out the back of baseball caps.  There were bar areas, but we never went there all night.   It wasn't even a bit my idea, either - I asked Rusty what she wanted to do for her birthday, and that's what she said.  I didn't bring it up afterwards - I'll admit, I'm kind of worried that questioning it might make her think she should be even more all-in on being an adult woman until we go back, or being scared at just how well they can partition their lives - but it was really nice to feel like I was doing normal stuff with my teenage boys, even if the kart's seatbelt did find a way of digging into the valley between my breasts.

-Aidan/Emilia