J.T./Elaine: Three Dates

It's actually been four dates if you count New Year's Eve, but that's a thing we did with a group of people, and when I was stalling because the third date is often the sex date, it was easy to pick up the habit of counting from zero that comes from working with computer people all day.  If that first one was Date Zero, then the third was actually Date Two, and I didn't have to worry about being intimate with another man for at least another few days.  Of course, that just pushes things off...

Still, that New Year's Eve night was a lot of fun - though most of Elaine's girlfriends had couple-centric things to attend, Jezzie had seen the clips of me and Daryl singing karaoke at the company Christmas party and was in no way going to be my excuse for not meeting up for more of that, although she was willing to be my escape route if things went badly.  Which I figured was the best thing that could happen; it's kind of weird seeing Daryl outside a work environment, maybe I can say one of his friends is making me uncomfortable, and we agree that it was a bad idea, and I don't have to deal with Elaine telling me that not taking a chance with him would be very out of character anymore.

We have a great time.

Jezzie, it turns out, has never done karaoke either, but loves it immediately.  We're initially outnumbered four guys to two girls, but Daryl's friends are apparently charming enough that two girls they met at the bar join us, and there's eight of us drinking, singing, and laughing for three hours before we break for "Auld Lang Syne" at midnight and then apparently have another hour and a half in us.  Jezzie winds up hoping up with one of Daryl's friends, and the next time the girls get together, she's telling me that he was really skeptical about the whole karaoke thing, but had a good time, and that he was surprised Daryl found a girl as fine as Elaine at his work, what with his nerd job and all.

I feel weirdly good about the compliment; I may have inherited Elaine's shape, but I've put enough work into it to feel some ownership:  I've lost a pound or two off my butt, got a shorter haircut that I like, and even figured out enough about dressing myself and doing make-up that those early days of embarrassing myself on job interviews are something I can laugh at.  He's not entirely attracted to someone else when he looks at me, and him saying so makes me feel like I've done something right.

Still, I don't really acknowledge that we had a date that week at work, and when the team is talking about how they rang in the new year, I kind of make it sound like we just happened to be in the same place.  He seems to get the hint, not asking me out again that week, but come the next Monday, the 8th, he casually slides by my desk and mentions that he's got an extra ticket to the Bulls that night and would I like to go?

I immediately wonder what kind of vibe I'm giving off, because I do occasionally find myself about to respond when guys in the break room talk sports and then thinking about how it's not really in-character - I've picked up Elaine's workout routine, but there's no team logos on her gear or souvenirs in the apartment, and I don't dress in a "one of the guys" outfit almost ever - but I also really want to go.  I've spent a lot of Sundays just camped out at the apartment watching football and caught more basketball since becoming Elaine than maybe I did in the rest of my life, just for something to follow.  Is there something I'm doing that says "she's not like other girls", or am I just stereotyping?  Heck, maybe he's just figuring that he should find out if the girl likes sports early.

So I say yes, the seats aren't great, but there's expensive watery beer, we get to argue en route to the Bulls losing to Houston, and there's no ironic thing putting us on some sorry of Kiss Cam or anything like that.  We go out for a couple drinks after that, but I don't get drunk enough for more singing.  That's Official Date #1.

I spend the next week and a half lying and saying I've got a lot going on at home, but eventually I cave when he asks me out to a movie the next Friday.  It's not a great one - that "Proud Mary" thing with Taraji P. Henson - but it's kind of fun.  I'm not sure how much I should enjoy her playing this kind of role, in that I still have zero problem identifying with white male main characters, but I kind of do dig watching someone who looks like I do now kicking ass, especially when I'm just letting myself get caught up in things.  I kind of like that she mostly did it in comfortable clothes and shoes, too.  Official Date #2.

Then, at the end of January, I decided to dial back comfortable, because that was the third date.  It's a bit of a cliche that that's the sex date, but I'm kind of susceptible to those expectations; I grew up inside TV and movies, after all, and truth be told, I'm kind of not used to waiting for the third date as a guy.  And, I admit, after four months, I'm kind of curious - I've been intimidated by a couple things at the back of one of Elaine's dresser drawers, I've occasionally lingered in the shower, and I've been kind of surprised that what I've done with my hands hasn't really done that much for me.  Am I just too tentative, does knowing exactly what's coming kill the excitement, or (gasp!) am I just terrible at pleasing women and nobody has ever told me?

I'm 50/50 between anxious to find out and terrified, but I do things up nice, spending way more of Saturday afternoon than I ever imagined in a hair salon, putting on lipstick, putting on flimsy, lacy underwear and spraying some perfume at my crotch after really tidying up down there for the first time.  It's too cold to wear anything really skimpy, but I look pretty great, I think, and, hey, it's not like I haven't spent longer getting ready to shoot a two-minute scene in a horror movie (and wound up looking much less sexy).

And Daryl, darn it, almost looks even better when we met at the restaurant.

It's a pretty nice meal, high-end Japanese.  I never pegged him as a big sushi guy, but it turns out he's a not-so-secret big fan of all things Japanese, though it's not a thing he really mentions to a girl until he's really sure that there's something there.  I guess black nerds not only get it as bad as white ones in high school, they're often kind of invisible in pop-culture, so he often really felt like there wasn't a place for him, and so he kind of keeps a loud on his "otaku-ness" still.

As much as it felt kind of strange for him to be opening up to me like that, it got even weirder when the subject got to me in high school.  I hadn't really had Elaine coach me on that, figuring it was long ago not too come up.  I gather she was not unpopular - she's in contact with a bunch of people from that time on social media - and she's got a few mementos from then in her closet, along with a few more in her parents' basement.  But we got on the subject, and it didn't seem right to say nothing after Daryl said something kind of important to him.

So I improvised, only to find myself putting a lot more of myself into it than expected.  To Daryl, then, Elaine had been popular but busy, not just inside school but out of it, and her parents had tended to over-commit her so that they could kind of soak that up.  Then, come college, she'd gone from being an overachiever to just one of many girls who were good at something, and that was why she was writing emails and annoying people by filling their Outlook calendars instead of creating things herself.

That's not entirely my story - if nothing else, I didn't come close to making Elaine's parents nearly as selfish as mine had been, on the off-chance he might meet them - but it's a lot closer to being mine than Elaine's.  I don't tell it a lot in any form, because it doesn't tend to do me much good; people both think that everybody who works in show business is rich, which is not the case, and take a certain amount of joy in people who have success as a teenager coming back down to Earth.  So it was a bit of a surprise to find Daryl being completely sympathetic, saying that he does know what it was like to feel like your biggest success is behind you.

We keep talking throughout our after-dinner activities, walking around to kill time before some local band he likes plays at 10pm, and then after, we hang out in the bar, talking some more about work, "my" troublemaker sister, his friends, and feeling like you don't really fit in somewhere.  The funny thing was, it didn't quite leave us in a sexy place, especially since the conversation included an ex-girlfriend of his who kind of made him nervous about girls wanting to have sex with him because she saw him as a way out of something and then wasn't easy on his self-esteem in the breakup when he didn't become an Internet millionaire as fast as she wanted.  Maybe the real Elaine would have taken it as a signal to show him what it's like when a girl really likes him, but I didn't.

We kissed, though, and I don't know if it's because I'm black or a girl now, or just random transferred genetics, but I've got much fuller lips than I did before and he's a good kisser - it's the first time I've actually felt like there was a lot going on with my lips rather than their being an obstacle on the way to my tongue, at least to that extent.  It was definitely weird, but one thing I learned as an actor was that the person kissing you can be anyone if you either close your eyes or tilt your head so that you're kind of looking over each other - you can be kissing a mouth, not a man, at least as long as you don't think too much about how strong the hands on your butt are.

Maybe me not being ready for that much eye contact was a signal to him, too.  Didn't really think of that until I started writing.  Still, I can't deny that the end of Official Date #3 had me very curious to see what all the way is like - and I'm sure he's planning something special enough for Valentine's Day tonight that I won't be wearing a thong for nothing!

-J.T./Elaine

Bryan/Ellie: Jam sesh

So a while back I met Emily's brother Dennis who is kind of a musician, in the way that a teenage boy with a guitar is a musician. I made the mistake of showing off a bit to him, even though in this body I'm kinda terrible, and for a while he would ask if I wanted to hang out with him and jam.

Nothing ever really came with that, and anytime I'm over at Emily's to have a sleepover or whatever, if I'd see him he'd get kinda awkward. It happens. When you're a teenager there's no shortage of stuff to make you awkward, whether you've been transformed or not.

So last Friday night I was at Emily's place when she gets a text from her boyfriend Mike. They've been really off and on. She's really into him and he kinda plays it cool... which honestly isn't unlike me, but seeing it from this perspective, it seems unfair to her (especially since she gets my panties all worked up whenever she comes around, so there's I guess a bit of jealousy from me.)

ANYWAY what happened was Mike texted her and asked if she wanted to come over and do stuff. For a while it was almost like she was gonna blow him off and hang out with me, but I could tell she really wanted to go. Since I'm pretty comfortable at her place - hell, more comfortable than at Ellie's - it was okay that I stayed and finished the movie (Wall-E.)

As I was going, I ran into Dennis, who'd been in the basement. I was putting on my jacket, and he sidles up to me. "Listen I'm not a creeper or anything. It's still early, I've got some people downstairs you might want to meet."

There are times when I forget that I'm small and basically defenseless (I'm not much of a fighter, but I could get crazy against a dude like him.) So I began to trust him, but I told him that if anything went wrong I would tell Emily. He just looked at me and asked what she'd been telling me about him. I said it was hard to explain.

But whatever. As I mentally prepared myself for the worst, he led me to the basement, where he had his guitar on a stand, a bass leaning up against an old couch, and a small drum kit. Behind the drums was a girl Dennis' age, with moppish short brown hair and emo-glasses. Sitting across from them was a more conventional looking blonde girl on a cushy chair. She looked, and must've felt, somewhat out of place. Good figure, low-cut top.

He gestured to the drummer chick and then to the other, "Ellie, this is Leanne and May." May stood up and wrapped her arms around him. Girlfriend. Duh.

"Leanne and I jam together sometimes, and I thought that maybe you'd wanna join, since your night kinda got ruined by my sister leaving." He looked over at Leanne, "Ellie's pretty good at guitar for her age." He looked back at me, "Ever played bass?"

I rolled my eyes. I didn't really wanna be the cliche chick bass player.... as much as I love the Pixies, Smashing Pumpkins, and to a lesser extent Sonic Youth. Sure, I can play, but only bothered to learn as much as any guitarist who is actually good at that instrument.

Whatever. I slung the bass over my shoulder. It felt like a monster in my little arms (for those unfamiliar, bass guitars have considerably longer necks than real guitars.) We tinkered around, I didn't attempt anything tricky. It wasn't the same thrill as when I had the guitar in my hands but it was nice anyway.

Eventually May, who was probably getting tired of the scenario, looked at her watch. She noted it was getting late to Dennis and he took the guitar strap off his shoulder. Without much explanation, they hurried upstairs. "Uh, if you wanna play the guitar you can," he said leaning over the railing, "but if you break any strings you're paying."

I was going for the guitar when Leanne said "Mind if we take a break?" I said sure, but was a little disappointed I couldn't rip into some non-talkbox Frampton.

She went over to the mini-fridge and looked through it. "You drink?" She grabbed two bottles of cheap American beer.

"Sure."

She opened one and handed it to me. "Are you sure? I don't want to corrupt any little children." She smirked.

I laughed. "Believe me, I'm plenty corrupted already."

She grinned, "Oh yeah? you don't look like you've done much."

I joked, "Only to myself."

She nodded and sipped, "Good to keep in practice. So tell me... why'd you keep looking over at May?"

"Was I?"

"Dennis didn't notice 'cause he was in front of you, but I could tell. I figure there's two reasons. One is that you can't figure out why she's with him... because you want him." I shook my head. She sipped again. "The other is you couldn't help noticing her awesome chest."

My eyes darted right back over to her. She looked back at me.

"Look," she blushed, "You're really young and probably really confused, but I remember when I was your age. Figuring out what you want, why you don't see boys the way all your girlfriends do. Maybe you're not ready, maybe I'm reading you wrong."

"You're not." I told her abruptly, blurting out "I don't ever wanna touch a penis." (One that doesn't belong to me.)

She inched closer, and I closed my eyes. Oh God, the softness of her lips, the way her fingers brushed my thigh. I let myself enjoy it for just a second before something struck me and I jolted back.

"Oh, wow," I exclaimed, "That was... I mean, it was really sudden." But my mind had darted back to Ellie, to the Inn and how I would leave. I've said on this blog how I had feelings for Emily but I didn't mean to do anything about them, or anything at all. Because I know things are going to be weird for Ellie once we change back. But at the same time, the desire to feel something like that... was just overwhelming.

"Is something wrong?" she seemed sincere.

"I'm just... I'm.... maybe you're right. Maybe I'm not ready."

"It's okay," she leaned back a bit, separating the two of us further, "I'm kinda just got out of a thing, and I don't want you to think you're just a rebound. It's not, like, fair to you."

And I'm thinking: Well, in a few months, I'm going to be a whole other person, and that's not really fair to you, so I guess we're even.

"It was nice though," I said to comfort her. "And maybe sometime we can again. Just... don't tell Dennis, okay? Because then he'll tell Em, and I don't wanna deal with that."

She nodded, it seemed fair.

And then we started kissing again.

Ellie, Todd said you read this, and I'm sorry, I guess, but I couldn't help myself. A cute teenage lesbian (bi?) was coming onto me and I couldn't say no. Maybe that's how you ended up letting Todd Jones feel you up on your Aunt's couch. Let's call it even.

I mean, it's not like Leanne's gonna become my girlfriend.

Probably.

-Bry/El

Trip / Kat - Busy Week

I guess blogging is like dieting - once you stop, it takes such great effort to get back into it again. Speaking of which, I think I need to go on a diet - these clothes keep feeling like they're getting tighter every day.

Anyhow...

Last week was a whirlwind of activity. My sister decided to part with her kids for the week, so they can visit the farm. On top of all my chores around the farm, I ended-up with a fair amount of babysitting too. I'm not complaining though - I love them dearly, and keeping busy entertaining a 6 and 10 year-old kept my mind off of my own problems, for the most part.

Wednesday, one of my uncles stopped by on his way back from visiting his son last week as well. That was an event - It was pretty short notice, but we were able to get a decent supper put together for a handful of other family members who were available to stop by and visit. In all, we had nearly 20 bodies to feed - I think we did well for the short notice. Thankfully, we had only to worry about the main course, the sides and desserts were brought by some of our guests.

I can tell you that I don't have any of Kat's cooking skills. My gravy-making skills are still a bit lumpy. On the other hand, I think I've just about got the chicken-frying down.

My cousin Anna pulled me to the side during the night, she was a bit concerned that I... that Kat, hadn't let her know she was back. Anna's 25, and is a bit of a home body - but she's apparently been looking forward to going "clubbing" with recently legal-to-drink Kat. I feigned an enthusiastic approval for a Saturday night expedition, secretly dreading the event all the while.

Being Kat has felt a bit awkward ever since I woke up this way, but trying to figure out what I should wear and how I should look to go clubbing was likely the most confusing and trying thing I've faced since the day after I got home. I couldn't get Jadyn to answer her phone, and Kat's cell seemed to be turned off. I finally just hoped for the best and tried to look nice. I think it took an hour of applying and removing make-up before I got a look I was fairly happy with.

I guess I must have done okay, Anna never mentioned anything... and I felt like some piece of meat in the middle of a pack of wolves that my stomach turned. It took every fiber of my being to not just run out of the bar and lock myself in my room. I had to keep telling myself that this was all normal... that, for now, I looked like an attractive young woman... that this was something that I'd wanted, or at least wondered about for so many years... that every woman probably has to deal with the same thing, and that they all survived. I'm not sure that my attempts to bolster my own confidence were as successful as the alcohol. Anna (and probably every guy in the bar too), kept a cold beer in front of me... Or so I'm told. I don't remember much after the first couple shots of Tequila.

I find it interesting that I was drinking beer most of the night though - it's not something that I've been able to drink in the past... back when I was myself.

One thing that I remember from Saturday night is one of my friends... Trip's friend, Mike, 'pawing' me all night long. I know my initial reaction was a bit muted from what I'd like to have done - but not wanting to destroy Kat's social life, I just tried my best not to draw any attention to his random touches. Although I blame much on the alcohol - I still find it a bit disturbing that after awhile, I'm pretty sure that I was actually starting to enjoy being held and touched by him... and I really want to forget about the kiss. Don't get me wrong, my buddy Mike is a good guy for the most part, but he is an absolute dog when it comes to the way he treats women. I'd have knocked him out had I ever caught him doing to Kat what he did to me Saturday - and it scares me that I had no such thoughts Saturday night. Thank God Anna got me home before I did... well, I don't know... something completely stupid.

I'm going to claim that these memories had more to do with my being sick Sunday morning than the alcohol. I guess this was my first real hangover - I have NEVER felt as ill and wanting-to-die as I did yesterday morning. I guess this body just doesn't deal with alcohol like my old one did.

Today is going to be a long day... I swear, I think I still have a hangover.