Jordan/"Missy" Yuan-wei: Early Homecoming

I'd figured on my next post being about the strangeness of being back in college again, but it's been both strange and familiar enough that I'm still not sure I've got anything to say about it yet.  Similarly, I didn't expect to make a trip back to New York for a few weeks or even months, because it really wouldn't do to get homesick this early, and, hey, if I were in Benny's shoes, I don't know if I'd want to have me or Annette around.  But he's not me.

He emailed Benjamin while I was in Hong Kong, asking if there was anything else he needed to know, also mentioning that this year's big North American Chinese Invitational Volleyball Tournament (NACIVT 71) was being held in New York and the team that he and Max were on had registered.  It's not a big deal, he said - they would be a low seed - but maybe, if he had some folks like us in town for the weekend, it would help him feel less like an impostor in the middle of this very Chinese-American event.

We hemmed and hawed about it - even if Benny didn't think it was going to be weird, it was going to be weird, Benjamin had pavement to pound to find a job, and I had no idea how busy school stuff was going to keep me.  But it was a hard invitation to refuse, especially since I knew Mom, Dad, and Max would be there, and even if I hadn't seen them much over the past year or so, I didn't like the feeling that they'd been cut out of my life just like that.  Even if I didn't talk to them, just to see them might be a big thing.

Once we decided we were doing it, Benjamin asked if we were going to be flying first class, but I don't exactly know what sort of charges on this credit card will make Chen-ai freak out and cut me off.  You hear stories about Chinese kids coming to America and just spending stupid money without bothering to go to classes at all, but that's mostly mainlanders, and while I didn't see anything in Hong Kong to imply that the Lee family put a particular value on thrift, I'd hate to blow it on the first week.  I did spring for the Acela train, since I have done the Chinatown bus before and... No.

Saturday

Benjamin came over early to help me pack, asking what our itinerary was.  Leaving Saturday and returning Monday apparently does not mean two changes of clothes if you're a girl like Yuan-wei - it means at least five, as you'll need day stuff, night stuff, and contingency night stuff.  Fortunately, some of that stuff doesn't take up much space, which is kind of nerve-wracking on its own, but it meant bringing an actual suitcase rather than a backpack.

The train ride was pretty uneventful - not that much faster than the bus, or even the regular train, but much more comfortable.  I also booked us a decent hotel - not flashy, but in midtown, and not a place where we'd feel uncomfortable getting in late.

Still...  After we got off the train and walked there, we stopped while still across the street and looked up.  I turned to Benjamin and started the question we were both thinking.  "You don't think...?"

"Cursed?  No way!  This is right in the middle of Manhattan, not some small town on the coast of Maine!  You couldn't hide that, right?"

"Nah, you're right."

"Still...  Ladies first, especially if they're paying for it."

Near as I can tell, there were no ill effects.

After getting our things stowed, we took the subway down to Chinatown, and I kind of enjoyed the trip, telling Benjamin how, although my family would come there to shop, we actually lived at the other end of the "Orient Express" in Queens.  It was kind of fun to walk to Seward Park and point stuff out; we really didn't have the chance to do that much when we were living on the other end of the island.  Okay, maybe we had chances but I was never in any mood.

We got there and asked about the Queens Kings, got a schedule, and found out that they'd be playing in an hour or so.  We walked around, scoping things out, Benjamin texting a bunch.  When we got to the court where Benny & Max would be, we set up a few yards away from where my parents and Kareena were, where we could sort of keep an eye on them without necessarily being with them.  Still, the fact that they were standing together had Benjamin leaning in to comment.  "Must be working out."

"Well, it had better."

"Quiet, rich sexy bilingual girl."

I shushed, although I whooped a little when it was time for Max and Benny to come out.  More, I'll have you note, than Tina Chen, who was there but sort of stood with her arms folded, looking angry.  I'm guessing that "Jordan's" new Hindu girlfriend was not a hit with her.

Anyway, I was never really into 9-man, as I wasn't athletic even as a kid, but it's a pretty good game, and Jordan really seemed to have improved the team.  They won, and as they came off the field, Benjamin grabbed my hand to head in Benny's direction.

(Shit, that looks ridiculous, but I can't call him Jordan yet.  I just fucking can't.)

He staggered a little bit when he realized who we were.  "Benny...  I didn't think you'd come."

"Benjamin, these days."  He smiled.  "And this must be Kareena."

"Uh, hi.  Sorry, I'm just meeting Jordan's friends, and I don't think he's mentioned you."

Benjamin froze, so I jumped in.  "Call of Duty co-op.  Killed a lot of nights together, until he started finding something better to do." I reached out my hand.  "Lee Yuan-wai, although I go by 'Missy' here."

She seemed to like Benjamin more than me, even though I'd tried to look pretty unthreatening, from flip-flops to light make-up.  Maybe on some level she recognized me as either old-Jordan or Deirdre, or that Benjamin had her lover's true face, or that the version of Ravi that really dug her and was eventually honest was underneath.  Or he's good-looking and I'm a pretty girl in her boyfriend's life she didn't know about.

We faked small talk for a little bit, and then Benjamin got a call.  "Hi...  You are?  Cool, we're at the other corner; Missy's in the cute yellow dress.  See you in a few!"  She hung up, and then gave us a look that screamed "teenage girl" to Benny and me.  "So, that was another member of our, uh--"

"Party?"

"Yeah, our 'party'!  She's from Philly and -- oh, there she is!"  Benjamin reached up a hand to signal a woman who stood out, and not just for being white in the middle of a big Chinatown event.  She was hot, in her mid-twenties, wearing tight shorts and a t-shirt with a plunging neckline to show off some pretty nice tits.  "Hey, Tori - don't think I've ever seen you off-line!"

"Well, I stick close to home."  She looked around and started pointing.  "Benjamin, Missy, Jordan, Kareena?  What about, uh...?"

"Chris and Ahmir?  The other members of our, uh, gaming party said they'd meet up later if that was okay."  He turned to Benny and looked apologetic.  "Hey, I didn't mean to derail this, but we so seldom get to meet in person, so I kind of texted everyone I knew in the area, and when Tori said she'd be in Jersey for the weekend, well, I kind of didn't want to pass up the chance to meet her.  You mad?"

Benny looked about as mad as one could be when a girl who looks like Tori just comes over to talk to you rather than vice versa, which is a pretty small amount.  "I just didn't realize it was going to be a big thing, was all."

"I know, I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself!"

"Well, I've got to get back with the team; we've got another match, but I'll see you all after."

He didn't quite run away, but he made some haste, and then Kareena turned to us, looking amused and skeptical.  "So.  Gamers."

I don't know how much Tori played, but Benjamin mostly just went for casual off-line stuff, so I stepped in.  "Yeah, we've been playing together for a few years, although the new campaign has been kind of tricky without good old JordoNYC, but I can't blame him for staying offline so much now that I see you."  I felt like I was repeating myself, but I really didn't want Kareena thinking of me as competition when I spent time around Benny.

"You just don't, I don't know, look that part like Jordan used to."

That stung a bit, but I tried not to let it get to me.  "That's what folks told me, but sometimes looks are deceiving."  Needing to improvise, I grabbed Benjamin's hand.  "But it led me to this guy, and we've sort of been together for a year now."

"Really?  You must have just been out of high school!"  I didn't see it going that way, since Benjamin doesn't look that much older than he actually is - I think his driver's license has him born in 1991 - but, hey, if it shifted Kareena's attention from me...

Kareena's phone rang, which was a nice interruption, and we went our separate ways.

Saturday evening

There are a million great restaurants in New York, but somehow we wound up in one of those Times Square places, seated at a table for six, although initially it was just me, Tori, and Benjamin.  She leaned over the table and raised her voice a bit to get heard over the noise.  "So I thought I was cool with being a girl quickly, but look at you, actually choosing it and wearing it so well!  I'm jealous!"

"Well, I didn't entirely choose it--"

"Girl, that dress is choosing it."

"Really?  I wasn't going for sexy."

"There's more to being feminine than being sexy, Missy, and you might not quite be a natural, but you're learning."

"Well, I've got a pretty good teacher."

''Heh, I could have used that at times. Along with everything else - you really hit the jackpot!''

I shrugged - what do you say to that? - and she somehow shifted conversational gears in a way that I was never good at to talk to Benjamin. ''And how are you doing? I remember when I found out that Willy was keeping my life, and even though I didn't have as much to lose as you did, I was devastated. Are you okay?"

"I don't know... I mean, it's been a year since I was that person, and this is exciting.  I miss my mom, but a lot of the other things, like college and stuff, I never really had."

"Good attitude! Hey, here comes Benny!" she stood and waved the guy at the door over. When he got there, she asked if he would rather be called Benny or Jordan in groups like this.

"Well, I'm not in many of them, and I've gotten pretty used to Jordan, but... I guess it would be nice to hear the other one again. Unless it's too confusing?"

I jumped in, saying it wasn't too hard to tell "Benny" from "Benjamin". It made him look at Benjamin weird again, them me. ''How did this not drive you nuts?"

"Hey, you made me pretty fucking hard to recognize.  Usually that tops out at a new hair color, from what I've heard."

''Heh, I suppose that's true. So, about earlier, are you two...?"

Benjamin quickly shook his head no. ''Everyone thinks we are, because they were, but you can't come into a relationship halfway and have it be real, right?"

"No, but sometimes I worry about what I'm not telling Kareena. At least you guys wouldn't have that."

Tori leaned in toward Benjamin and kind of purred. "Don't make assumptions about his plans... maybe Benjamin would like to play the field a bit?"

Benjamin almost choked on his beer, and from the way he squirmed before Tori smiled and turned her attention elsewhere, I'm guessing that Tori grabbed his knee under the table, if not something a bit higher up.

After a few minutes of small talk - Tori had evidently adopted the Phillies enough that I, as a Mets fan, could do a bit of smack-talking - the server brought both our appetizers and the last couple members of our group.

Erin hasn't posted much, and Rosie not at all, but they were a funny looking pair. Whether or not I'm shorter than Erin is as Chris depends on my footwear, while Rosie/Ahmir is almost a foot taller, but Erin gives the impression of being bigger in some ways.  She was the one who reached out her hand to introduce herself, seemed really curious about what it was like for me seeing Benny take things up that I hadn't done before, like 9-man, and then asked the group if any of us had experienced any sort of muscle memory or other skills that seemed to come with the body. She was kind of disappointed to hear that not only did Benny not speak Cantonese, but he had really felt at sea in his first class. Tori mentioned that she hadn't been able to do hair at all when she first entered this life, and quickly stopped trying.

"Well, bummer. No shortcuts, eh?" We all shook our heads. "Okay. I do have one question for 'Benjamin' specifically: Do you spend, like, an hour on your hair before heading out to do stuff? I swear, I'm so used to make-up and trying on different outfits and stuff that I must have brushed this five thousand times because it felt like I wasn't doing enough. And Rosie doesn't even have that!"

We all chuckled - Rosie had come out of the Inn with a shaved head, although a month or two worth of growth had come in. She didn't seem terribly fucking amused, though.

''How can you all joke about this?"

Tori shrugged. "Because it's funny. There's this whole list of things you assume and then they aren't true and you fall on your face, but sometimes it turns out that the bad things aren't true, either. And once you decide that this is your life, the differences become really funny. And that kind of applies to the people I know who have gone back. I know this guy who spent eleven months as a girl, and he laughs so hard whenever he sees some dude get all uncomfortable around feminine health stuff, because to him it's just like toothpaste now. Once you know who you're going to be-"

"But we don't know! You all had people steal your old lives-"

"Benny and I didn't," I interjected. 

"You kind of did! He changed so much that going back seemed wrong! And what if things go wrong? Like, what if it doesn't work out with him and Kareena, or the real Missy decides being a housewife isn't for her? You'd have to give them their old lives back, right?''

"Maybe, but I can't worry about that now, or I'd never fucking do anything!"

Benjamin grabbed my hand to calm me down, and then got us onto another subject: New sexes, ethnicities, and all aside, how was everybody enjoying New York? That got Benny talking about how he had found work at a gym that the team's coach managed, while I talked about some places I really liked and Benjamin did the same.  Erin wasn't quite taking notes, but she was certainly paying attention.

That took us through dinner, at which point ton said "speaking of things to do, I've got a friend of a friend who can get us into a pretty great club. You guys in?"

Benny demurred, saying that he had another match on Sunday and, besides, Kareena would already be wandering what was up. Erin was interested, but even if Rosie was saying she might, I could tell they were going to have to keep convincing her all the way to the door. 

Thinking of the door, I laughed bitterly.  "'Yuan-wei' just turned twenty, and I haven't even thought to look for any sort of fake ID yet.  Goddamn it, this wasn't a problem in Hong Kong!"

Benjamin laughed and hoisted his drink. "Well, at least I'm not underage like this!"

Tori looked more disappointed. ''Aw no, I wanted to party with my new former-guy friend! A girl as cute as you - and I'll bet you've got a killer dress back at your hotel room -should still set in, though! Wanna try?"

I kind of did, but... "Not tonight; you guys have fun.  I'll make sure to be better prepared next time."

Tori said she was holding me to that, and us we went to head our separate ways, Benjamin came over and said that if I'd rather do anything else, she was down for it. I told her to go have fun - Tori obviously wanted him grinding on her, and the new guys clearly needed a bad example to learn from.  I'd catch the new Jackie Chan movie, which wasn't playing Boston, just in case our paths crossed the next time I was in Hong Kong, as apparently happens on occasion. He thanked me for continuing to be a dick.

As expected, the movie wasn't very good, and I sighed a little looking at the dress I had packed for clubbing, not quite sure whether I had missed out or dodged a bullet.

Sunday

That was an even tougher question when I saw Benjamin the next morning. We were going to hit one of his favorite brunch places, but the way he looked as he opened the door suggested we should hit a place with Bloody Marys instead. "Tori really did a number on you, huh?"

''She's had practice," he groaned. "You should learn from her. That thing where she seems to be matching you drink for drink but somehow winds up the one loading you into a cab despite being a petite little thing is something you should know."

''At least she put you in that cab."

"The lady's a gentleman."

Whatever state she had been in when Benjamin left her, she was also a bit hung over when we met up at Seward Park for the next day of 9-Man.  Oh, she looked good in her plain white T-shirt and knee-length jean shorts, but she was accessorizing with dark sunglasses and a giant iced coffee. She started to say something, then just motioned to a bench.

We kept it pretty quiet for a while, as the sun was feeling pretty merciless. Given that 9-man is generally played in parking lots and other asphalt surfaces - unlike regular volleyball, you can play on a bounce - it was likely to be a rough day.

We hung out like that until it started to get crowded, when we wandered back over to the court and Tori nodded at my/Benny's group. "Check it out; Kareena decided to bring the heat today."

I glanced over and she had, decked out in running shorts and a sleeveless, midriff-baring top to match. The earrings and hair a bit more elaborate than a ponytail contradicted the "just out for a run" look a bit, but she didn't look tarty or anything.

Benjamin rolled his eyes. "You girls give yourselves way too much credit; it's just a hot day where she's trying to keep cool."

I shook my head.  "Anyone else, I'd probably agree, but you forget I knew her for a year before going to the Inn. She was pretty conservative clothes-wise, even in the middle of a heat wave that might actually compare to what she grew up with in India. She's sending a message, and it looks like she's delivering it in person."

Benjamin did a bit of a double-take at that, and before we knew it, Karena was standing next to us; those long legs can cover some ground. ''Hi; can we talk? Maybe over there?'' She dropped her voice a bit. "Jordan's parents."

I wasn't sure what that was about, but we moved over to the bench we'd been on before. ''First, I want to apologize for doubting you yesterday; Jordan says he never would have had the nerve to, well, let things with us happen if not for you guys."

That should have made me feel good, but I couldn't help but think of how it severely understated my contribution.  Benjamin must have seen that on my face, because he jumped in. ''That's us, pep-talk masters! Although I think we just gave him the last push he needed."

Uh-huh. I guess there have been more disheartening Inn-related fictions. though.

"Anyway, thanks for pushing him, although it's still kind of a weird situation - my folks are I not /I pleased with me leaving his roommate, and some of the talk at dinner about how Max should have known his last girlfriend was no good because she'd been seeing someone else when they started going out... well, we're probably going to wait to tell then the whole stay of how we met for some time!"

I snickered a bit. "I imagine so!" Truth be told, though, I was kind of wondering about Mom's & Dad's pickiness. I couldn't remember ever experiencing it. Had it been there all along and I didn't see it because I was the one they might think was too good for some girl, or was it the opposite - that they had higher standards for Benny than me?

Kareena then said something about wishing she had joined us last night, although Tori assured her that it was a night full of boring gaming staff and in-jokes that we barely got. Then Benjamin gave an example that sounded like just any nerdy thing, but which he knew from the past year that Kareena was into - old-school Doctor Who or something - and they started chatting away while Tori and I watched the guys play and I refused to tell her which one was my brother. I like her, but there's weird drama when she sets involved with guys.

The match ended with Max and Benny on the losing team, so Kareena ran off to tell her boyfriend that he was great anyway... with Benjamin awkwardly shaking his hand and then just continuing to sit there. 

It took a minute for the scene to register with me, and then I burst out laughing.  "Tori, I think that Benjamin really likes Kareena!"

"You mean... Aw, our little girl is becoming a man. Or at least, a heterosexual one!"

Benjamin had turned red. "Shut up, guys! what am I supposed to do with this?"  He did a quick nod toward his groin in case someone didn't get it.

We looked around; there was a pretty good crowd. "Just wait it out," I said, "though this can't be your first random boner."

Tori giggled and said she didn't think that there was anything random about it. Benjamin flashed her the stink-eye and and said he'd had morning wood, but you could generally take care of that under the covers. I shrugged and said he was going to have to wait it out.

Tori took our leave of us then, saying she really did want to see the extended family and, besides, it wasn't going to get any better than this.  Benjamin flipped her the bird, and I joked that this is when you know you've made a good friend quickly. He didn't disagree.

I did my best to help, talking about non-sexy things, and when Benjamin was finally feeling ready to stand, we decided to head out.  It seemed Kareena and company weren't done with us for the day, though.  She, Benny, and my parents were watching another match that some of my old neighbors were involved with, and while I was trying to think of a good way to come introduce myself, Benjamin was apparently checking out the horizon a little further out and saw something that made him start running.  I looked up at the path he was following and picked up my pace once I saw why.

Ravi.

By the time I got through the crowd, Benjamin had apparently already introduced himself, and while the argument wasn't heated yet, I could see it was on the way there, with Ravi saying he didn't care that Benny and Kareena hadn't told my parents everything and that Benny should have thought of that before stealing his girlfriend, with Benjamin answering that he didn't seem to be all about maintaining relationships when he was fucking Gary's ex.

Probably not the best time for me to butt it, but I did anyway, pushing them away from each other and saying this was not the time and place, and that my parents didn't need any part of what was...  Well, not even between Ravi and Benny, because the situation was resolved, and it was time to accept things and move the fuck on.

It didn't even take him a second to realize who I was, and he said that was rich coming from me, because if I'd have been so willing to accept things a year ago--

I cut him off.  "Nothing would have changed except that we all would have spent the last year even more miserable.  You wouldn't have had the excuse of Deirdre not being around when you wound up sleeping with Gary's ex - and you would have, because I can't imagine deciding to actually act like your fiancée - so they would have been left an even bigger mess.  Everything up here would have played out the same, except Benny probably gives me my life back and I'm stuck in a fucking love triangle with you and Kareena while Annette winds up with this life but having no way to navigate the Chinese part of it.  How the hell is that better?"

"I could have gotten Kareena back afterward."

"You're fucking gay!  Seriously, do you realize how much more fucking sense your life makes if you just accept that?  I wasn't exactly in any position to act jealous, but he--" head nod toward Benjamin "-- hooked up with some pretty sexy guys when he was you!  You could probably even be friends with Kareena again, and you must notice how much happier she is with someone who actually wants her rather than seeing her as an obligation or a way to avoid facing what's goddamn obvious!"

That's when I noticed he was clenching his fist.  "What, trying to decide which one of us is the guy you can hit?  Do you think that's going to impress Kareena at all?"

He opened his hand, but didn't look like he was particularly buying what I was selling.  "It's pretty rich to get a lecture on taking what we're given from you.  Guess it's different when the Inn makes you pretty and rich."

"Hey, she was pretty as Deirdre!"

I smiled a bit at that, and smiled at Benjamin by way of thanks before turning back to Ravi.  "Yeah, this does make it a little easier,  But so fucking what?  It's the right thing for me right now, just like staying in New York was the right thing for me a year ago.  I probably got lucky there, but if you think leaving my life behind was an easy decision, before or after Yuan-wei was part of the equation, you're out of your damn mind.  So why don't you spend some time deciding what's best for you rather than bitching about other people who have already done so?"

And then we stood there, Benjamin texting something along the lines of "Ravi's around and starting shit" to Benny.  Eventually, Ravi turned and left, saying we'd be gone tomorrow.

"Man," I said, "dude turned into a fucking creep."

Benjamin's nice, so he tried to make apologies.  "It's got to be weird to come back to a life that's not as you left it.  I mean, you can't expect everything to be the same, and the three of us did sort of leave his the biggest mess."

I grunted, saying I could use some lunch.  So we hit up an authentic Chinese restaurant, which was a little surprising to Benjamin, who still equated "Chinese" with "General Tso's Chicken", and he wasn't sure what he thought of it.  I had to admit, I had found myself with a bit more of a taste for it after spending a week in Hong Kong.

I wish I could say we put all that behind us and had fun for the rest of our stay, but both of us were kind of seeing Ravi out of the corner of our eyes for the rest of the day, so we opted to stay in for the evening and then took the train "home" to Boston fairly early on Labor Day.  And I guess I am going to have to think of this city and Hong Kong as home now - there just doesn't seem to be as much of a place for me in New York any more.

-Yuan-wei/Missy/Jordan

Jordan /"Deirdre": Beach Day

If you had told me a year ago that I would ever wind up in a bikini, I would have called you a damn liar, but that happened Sunday. It was weird.

I blame Benny and my brother Max equally. When we showed up at my house with Benny looking more fit than I usually am, Max decided to put a call in to the coach of his 9-man team to see if they had any openings.  There were, although he was skeptical that I would be much of an addition. Then Max called "me" and Benny, feeling kind of bored after the seasonal job he picked up for December ended, decided that it sounded like fun, and when the coach saw how Benny had not only remade my body but apparently picked up some pretty decent volleyball skills while no-one was looking, he started thinking that maybe "Jordan" could play.

At first I didn't give it much thought - as you can maybe tell from how he never posted here, Benny hangs out with us but also pretty much does his own thing; I half suspected I'd get my life back and find out I've got a girlfriend that I'd somehow never seen before. I find that a little less likely to be the case now, because a few days ago he came home from practice and said that since we've all made our back-to-normal reservations at the Inn (August can't come soon enough!), maybe I should get to know the guys.

I didn't really want to, since I was figuring that it would make the most sense to have "Jordan" quit the team before Benny left for the Inn, but even in that case, those guys would think they knew me, and I didn't really want some chunk of New York's Chinese-American community to think I was a flake when I "forgot" them. Besides, now that my contract job is done, I've got a bunch of free time on my hands too, and there really is a limit to how much Xbox you can play, especially when you have a girl's voice.

Of course, his next day with the team is at the beach, rather than on asphalt, so a swimsuit is in order.  At least, it is according to Annette, who overhears the conversation and makes sure that she pitches the idea while his still there and can say that, well all the other girlfriends will probably be wearing one, like he knows and like I'm really his fucking girlfriend.  Annette sees me about to say that more or less verbatim and takes a different tack, saying that if I'm at the beach, I might actually feel like going swimming, so why not be ready?

Dumb reason, I guess, but as this whole year spent as someone other than ourselves winds down, Annette starts to talk about learning something from the experience, not necessarily in terms of a moral lesson, but just practical stuff like "the guys who say they need to spread their legs out on the bus or crush their junk are full of shit" or that it does take longer for women to get in and out of the bathroom.  Maybe knowing what it's like ("it" covering a lot of territory) might be useful someday!

It sounds a lot better when she says it, I guess.

So, on Friday, I headed out to the shopping center where she works at Ravi's dead-end job and we stopped in a department store before her shift. They had a brand-new display of ladies' swimwear up, and having one-pieces with Marvel characters and Mets branding made me look through them for longer than I probably would otherwise. I didn't go with any of them - but got a simple yellow one, along with a blue two-piece. I didn't really want that one, but Annette somehow talked me into a pair of short-shorts using the "you don't want 'your' girlfriend to look like some sort of frump, do you?" logic and then pointed out that the one-piece would look kind of weird sticking out of them.

Trying them on wasn't as stressful as girls make it out to be - they're not sized as precisely as bras and I'm not fucking worried about guys thinking I'm fat. I have put on a little weight since this happened, but not a lot - that time I got sick didn't really seem like something to fight through, and though I still really like ice cream, the main effect seems to be that I'm softer all over, with a less bony ass and something approaching a real B cup up top.

As if a shopping bag full of girls' beach stuff wasn't enough, Annette also suggested that maybe it was hairdo time, though she left me to my own devices there.

---

All that in hand, I got to experience making a guy late on Sunday. Anybody who wants to snicker at that without ever having shaved his or her legs can bite me.

At the time, putting the swimsuit on wasn't a big deal; it was just like putting on underwear, and actually kind of more comfortable; since I hadn't gone for just triangles, it was a little looser than usual. Almost more like guys' underwear, in a way; when I took a step, I didn't feel a "covered/uncovered" line across my cheek.  Once I had shirt, shorts, and sandals on, I didn't think much about it.

Benny did have a little fun making the "bae made me late" explanation when we got to the beach, but it's not like anybody there got why it was supposed to be funny. His team wasn't even in the first match, so it didn't really matter.

They were in the second, and I must admit, I enjoyed seeing that "I'' was playing but Max was on the bench to start the day. All of you who don't have little brothers and think I'm terrible for that can bite me.  I was starting to get into it when Annette and Kareena showed up.

"Just had to get a look, huh?"

Kareena apparently thought I was grunting at her instead of "Ravi", and while she didn't seem to understand my tone, she didn't show much sign that it made a difference. "Are you kidding? Ravi said 'secret Chinese volleyball' and I couldn't resist."

Now, 9-man isn't exactly secret, but we don't go around telling folks who aren't Chinese-American about it. It's basically volleyball, only with nine-man teams that don't rotate positions. You also get one bounce, although that doesn't mean as much on sand as asphalt. In organized leagues, the bulk of the team is required to be of Chinese descent, and the rest should be at least part-Asian. Benny really loves it, saying it's better than regular volleyball, but it's never been a big deal to me.

The ethnicity thing did make it kind of weird, at least for me that day. Benny-slash-Jordan is a pretty good looking guy, so a lot of the Chinese girls were looking at him, and then at me, only there was resentment during the latter.  Tina Chen, in particular, cheered really loud whenever Benny did something good, and if I wasn't as loud, would give me dirty looks for not being quite so enthusiastic, until finally she started walking toward me saying something about a "ginger slut". I wasn't thinking about getting into a catfight much - though the thought of adding that to my "experience list" had a little appeal - but I must have stepped the wrong way because Kareena pushed Tina back and Annette led me the other way. "Trust me," she said, "this is not as sexy as it looks."

I shrugged. "Tina never gave me the time of day in high school," I said. "but I am going to fuck that bitch so hard when I've got my life back!"

"It's not like she'll know."

"Like I'll be defending Deirdre's honor."

Annette sort of rolled her eyes, but didn't say much after Tina "accidentally" spilled two whole large iced coffees on me, drenching all my clothes, just as the match was ending. Benny came over to apologize, saying he didn't know what was with that chick, asking if we were ready to go home. I started to say yes, but Kareena asked Benny how long he'd been playing. He looked at me, but I just sort of gave him a "what do you think" look, and he said just a few months for 9-man, but he'd always played volleyball. Kareena said she never would have guessed, then asked how good he was. He shrugged, and then she grabbed the ball, found a net that was still up, and asked them to leave it up. Then she pulled her dress over her head to reveal a pretty serious one-piece, the kind which you associate with professional athletes became it just looks fucking frictionless, and somehow makes a girl look sexier even though it's covering everything up and holding it in place rather than showing off the goods.  I knew Kareena was too good for Ravi before, but, damn, I was feeling some severe envy of Ravi here, and Annette revealing that he is gay just made it seem like even more of a waste.

I was staring enough that I almost missed her asking the rest of us for a game. "There is no way that you got that good in just a few months, and I want to see what's up for myself. You guys too-"she pointed at me and Annette. "If you guys have been holding out on me..."

It sounds threatening written down, but she was smiling huge while she said it.  Ravi was never a never a really physical person, and Annette probably only a minor upgrade on that account, so I wouldn't be shouted if this was the first outing they had gone on where the athletic part of her really got to come out.

Annette and I gave each other a "you arguing?" look and started walking to the court, sort of pairing up boyfriend/girlfriend, and just as I was getting in place, Tina Chen decides to plow into me with a couple iced coffees, spilling them all over us.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"You don't think I did that on purpose , do you?" Then she proceded to take her shirt off and look at it with a fake pout. "It's ruined!" Addressing Benny much more than me.

My sane first impression was just to say "what-the-fuck-ever" and let it go, but Kareena and Annette were both giving me "bitch should not be allowed to get away with that" looks and I figured I should take my cues from them, but that wasn't it. Tina had been like this her whole damn life, and I didn't really want people thinking that "Jordan" wasn't worth fighting for.  So I took my own shirt off, threw it in her face, and said she could wear it. For added emphasis, I dropped my shorts, shoved them off to the side, and then turned to Benny. "Are we going to play or what?"

Tina may have made some sort of remark about my-shash-Deirdre's breasts, but I tuned it out because my head was full of "you're practically naked on the beach where everyone can see and set at you are you insane?!?"

It may seem hard to believe after a year, but I haven't been undressed this much outside the bathroom very often.  At first, I'd look in the mirror and want to put something asexual on, then I was sharing an apartment with Benny and Annette, and who knew how they would react to me being a tempting target right in front of them? But now here I was, looking like the sort of girl who just whipped them out in front of everyone, a quick breeze reminding me that my ass wasn't entirely covered and I was showing some cleavage, after a longtime wearing loose swim trunks and a t-shirt at the beach.

Annette and Benny looked shocked, but Annette recovered quietly, telling Benny to serve the ball. He did, we started playing, and I maybe couldn't quite put it out of my head, but soon enough Annette and I were expending a lot of energy just trying to keep up with Benny and Kareena, who are good at this and barely seemed to sweat despite it being about eighty.

I think Benny and I won - the scoring got a little fuzzy - and that was pretty impressive, because Annette at least has some size on her side as Ravi and I was having occasional "what if my boobs pop out?" thoughts, even though Annette had assured me that it wasn't an issue with that sort of bikini.

Kareena was impressed by "the new Jordan", which I guess is probably better than the same assessment from the likes of Tina Chen. It still kind of sucked to hear, as I was on the subway with them while Benny went to meet up with Max and the rest of the team, so I was hearing it as "no offense, Deirdre, but I never thought your boyfriend could be bothered to get healthy and do something that didn't involve a keyboard." So that part sucked.

Still, if it means I've got a shot at even the Tina Chens of the world, I kind of can't wait to look like that in a few weeks.

-Jordo

Arthur/Penelope: No time to get used to it.

People were looking for answers all day yesterday. I wish I'd had more to give them, but I wanted certain ones myself. It looks like I won't get those until I actually track Jeremy down and choke them out of him.

The last thirty-six hours or so were just crazy, though. I didn't sleep at all Wednesday night, waiting to see who I'd become and then reacting to it, and then it seemed as though everyone needed their hand held at some point during the day, and I was elected. I've been writing little bits of this for the past two days and haven't had a chance to post it until finding some Wi-Fi at the SF airport while waiting for a cab to take me "home".

I guess it was sort of logical that people would look to me; there were four of us who had been through this process before, and one slipped out early in the morning, probably returning to his life without much fanfare. That left Jeff, who despite having actually managed to get what he wanted out of the Inn this time, is a 19-year-old kid, and Drew was giving the new person who looked like him (henceforth "new-Drew") a lot of one-on-one time. That left me as the sole person available who wasn't panicking and looked like she might be somehow authoritative. It's weird; I don't look that much older than I did as Liz, but the extra bulk and height seem to make up for it and then some. I haven't had time to measure myself yet, but I've got to be pretty close to six feet tall. I suspect most people were operating on the instinct that the tall woman who stays calm is mommy, and mommy knows everything.

I don't know everything, obviously, but I was able to at least impart what we had discovered: That the changes that the Inn had made to us could be reversed by its own mechanism, but you had to be careful - it seems to work by proximity to where the last person was, not assigned room, and you would have to co-ordinate with the person who would become you sometime in the next week - and as you can see, that's not always reliable.

I must have said that two dozen times yesterday, which is remarkable since there were only thirteen people changed. I won't get into details on everyone, just that it looks like this Paul Miller guy apparently wasn't full of shit like we initially expected; there are folks running around with IDs that say Paul Miller and Ivumi Saito. Also? Dealing with the airlines is a pain in the neck. Drew/R.J. and I got pretty darn hosed buying tickets to get out to SF; we paid through the nose and got charged for the tickets they hadn't used two weeks ago besides. At least we didn't have to deal with a rental car - R.J. had dropped that off at the Portland Jetport; some people here are dealing with two weeks of rental fees for a car that had just been sitting in the parking lot.

With yesterday mostly devoted to other people, that made today the first day of the rest of my life, I guess. It was a beautiful day, at least - the sun was shining when I woke up at ten o'clock and the weather report was saying it might hit ninety degrees, so I put a bikini on under my t-shirt and shorts just in case I wanted to do some beach stuff before leaving Old Orchard Beach. I spent the next hour writing a letter to Liz - fortunately, there's not much to tell in this situation; she knows everyone she's going to meet back in Boston. I also sent a couple text messages while I still had Liz's phone. Then Jeff, Drew, new-Drew and I went to the Oceanside Lodge to sign out.

I should have mentioned this last year, but either the people there know something but keep it under their hats or the thing which keeps people from believing us covers them, too. I suppose I could get away with signing "Elizabeth Lee", but Drew as he is now signing something "Daphne" is a stretch. But they look at it and react normally, and they acted just like everybody else when new-Drew tried to say who he really was: "Yeah, right" followed by them acting like he hadn't just said something strange.

Just as we were walking away from the counter, a stylish young woman entered and asked if she could pick up her keys for the Trading Post. The man at the counter said that check-in time was three o'clock; the woman said she'd wait and took a seat in the lobby. I looked at her over my shoulder, and after we were a few steps away I said that might be Liz.

None of them believed it, and I said they were probably right. She looked kind of like how Lyn described Liz/Marie, but what were the odds? Jeff said I might want to go in and talk to her, just in case.

"Are you kidding? What would seeing me like this do other than make her feel guilty. Might as well let her just get back to her life."

Jeff and new-Drew parted ways from us then; they wanted to get on the 1:05 train to Boston because they'd managed to find a 4:30 flight to Detroit. That left us with a couple hours to kill, so we went back to the beach.

By a stroke of luck, we found the same two guys we'd seen two days ago. They didn't recognize us, of course, but were still looking for a game. Their eyes widened when I doffed my clothes and they saw the AVP logo on my suit, joking that they were glad they hadn't decided to put money on the game.

Not that they would have done badly. I may have inherited Penelope Lincoln's physique, but not any sort of talent as a volleyball player. Barring Wednesday, I hadn't played in a while, and my reactions were all off from the new body anyway. I backed into Drew several times because I expected my strides to be a foot shorter and didn't know my own strength while serving.

Being able to jump up and spike the ball hard into the ground is awesome, though. Even if I missed half the time, I never got tired of it.

Eventually, Drew said we were going to cut the train close and we shook the hands of our new friends and congratulated them on a good game before getting on the train and heading back to Boston.

We got into Boston right on time at 5:30, thinking it might be tight making our flight. Still, I spent a couple minutes looking around the station before I saw who I was looking for. "Lyn! Over here!"

I guess she's not used to responding to that nickname, especially from a strange voice; she didn't look my way at all. I let my long legs carry me across the crowded area and tapped her on the shoulder. That made her look at me. "Do I know you?"

I was expecting that. "Yeah, you do. It's me. Arthur."

She had the look for a second - the look that says this is impossible - but she fought it off and gave me a hug. "I'm sorry," she said, "I've been reading the blog and should have recognized you. And I'm sorry that you're not yourself again, or at least R.J."

"Hey," I said, "don't worry about it. I'll live."

"Good. My god, you're so tall. I think you might be taller than my boyfriend."

"And would you believe she's got heels in her suitcase??"

Lyn laughed at that before asking if she could treat us to dinner. I told her I didn't have time, that our flight left at 6:40, but I just wanted her to know what I looked like now, and make sure she believed me. She thanked me for that and said she wouldn't keep me. I leaned over to give her another hug.

I hope I didn't make her cry again - saying goodbye twice is kind of mean, but it's important that she believe in me. You can't take anything for granted in our lives.

-Art

Arthur: The New New Me

We didn't see anybody check in yesterday, but the veterans all gave each other a knowing look last night, when Trip's friend went into his room and didn't come out when he did. There were a couple other guests with us at the back entrance at the time, and they probably just thought it was a "good job Trip" thing - Jadyn is kind of cute, after all, now that I've had a chance to see the girl he talked about in his entries, if only in passing. I'd make a play for her, given a chance.

Which I won't have.

Jeff, Drew and I had a good last day as Brianna, Daphne, and Liz. It was a fairly sunny day, so we hit the beach. It wasn't quite nice enough to just wear the bikinis, but that seemed more a matter of etiquette than anything - the gauzy matching skirts we were wearing with our blue (me), green (Drew), and red (Jeff) swimwear didn't do a whole lot more than keep the breeze off our butts, but that's something. Drew's also covered Daphne's scar.

Jeff wasn't too sure of it at first; he came out of the Inn wearing a t-shirt. Drew wasn't having much of that - if we were letting it hang out, so was Jeff. He reluctantly removed it and tucked it underneath the strap of his bikini bottom. "I feel so exposed."

Drew smirked. "I bet you've been to the beach without a top before. Trust me on this - ever square inch that swimsuit doesn't cover sends a stronger message that you're not afraid and have nothing to worry about. Guys will want you, but they don't want to blow their chances by ticking you off."

"And where'd you gain that wisdom?" I was a bit skeptical, myself.

"St. Croix."

"On an office assistant's salary?"

"Hey, Daphne had some vacation time I couldn't roll over - we're going to talk about that policy when I'm myself again - and I wasn't anxious to spend the holidays with her family. Fortunately, the 'new Drew' felt the same way, so we booked a vacation at a big, non-cursed resort."

"Good deal."

"I enjoyed it. Now, let's see what's going on."

The answer: Not a whole lot. It was Wednesday, after all, before Memorial Day, but we did find a couple college guys setting up a volleyball net. They waved, Drew waved back, and we started talking. They were both juniors at the University of Maine, up in Orono (which I gather is somewhere near Bangor). They asked if we wanted to play, and we were up for it.

Sure, we said, but the teams were uneven. Drew said to just hold on a second, and started jogging back to the Inn. I could practically hear the guys thinking that they hate it when girls leave but enjoying the view as they walk away. I asked if they were thinking that, and one of them confessed. "Why, are you guys...?"

"Nah," Jeff said, "we just know how guys think."

In a few minutes, Drew came back with Darren. They'd gotten along pretty well the other night, and he seemed happy to let Drew lead him by the hand. Then we just had to choose up sides; it was clear Darren wanted to be with "Daphne", so I played with the guys; Jeff didn't look like he'd be comfortable. And, hey, if I were them, that's the way I'd want it; Drew and Jeff have more to jiggle than I do.

We weren't keeping score, but I think my team probably won most of the time.

We went back to the pier and got some ice cream after that, then spent the rest of the afternoon doing our individual things before meeting up for dinner: I was reading, finishing up a book I didn't figure to take back to California with me. Then, as I said, we saw Jadyn and Trip drive back in with a full truck and retire to his room.

I decided to stay up this time, in part just to gather information, and in part because I was worried about clothes digging into me as I was sleeping. Like Jeff said last year, we did start to feel a little something at around ten o'clock, not really like an itch or a rash, more like electricity in the air. Jeremy (or whoever was calling on his behalf) had been telling the truth about one thing; it was just a bit short of half past two when things really started to happen.

One of the things I'd always wondered about with this place is how it seems to disobey the laws of thermodynamics: After all, matter can neither be created nor destroyed. This place flouts that law, and it's the strangest thing I've ever felt. When you eat, you feel the new weight collecting in your stomach, but this was like a thousand tiny IVs were attached to my body, some penetrating deep, pumping more material into my body that was instantly assimilated, like it was naturally part of me.

You can imagine how excited I was - I was getting bigger! I felt my panties getting tighter, so I quickly threw off my nightshirt and pulled down my underwear. That was a little dizzying, as it was like the floor was pulling away. I could see the muscles in my legs expanding, along with those in my abdomen, and what part of my arms I could see.

And along with my breasts.

At first I thought I was just getting well-defined pecs, or at least hoping as much, but I wasn't feeling anything much happening between my legs. Besides, my nipples were getting even perkier, almost pointing upward. I could feel more weight on my head, too - apparently my hair had grown. I also noted that my skin had gotten a little darker.

Sighing, I opened the door to the bathroom so I could take a look in the mirror. What I saw was nice - this girl was tall and healthy-looking, with a perfect tan, light brown hair, wide brown eyes and perfect teeth. She looked like she spent a lot of time in the gym, but it didn't leave her looking mannish, just strong. She could kick those guys' asses at volleyball, and look good doing it.

Some pounding at my bedroom door interrupted my reverie. I ran back into the bedroom and picked the nightshirt off the floor. Where before it was like a tent that went down past my knees, I felt it clinging to my body and barely hugging my bottom. I grabbed the front and opened the door, quickly transferring that hand to my shirt to make sure that both front and back were covered.

I only had to look up at the man standing there because grabbing the shirt had me hunched forward a little, which was very nice. He was a good-looking guy, aside from the panic in his blue eyes - jet-black hair, a broad hairless chest, a firm jaw, nice lips. He had a nice voice, too, as he said my name like it was a question.

"Yes..." It's tough to tell what your own voice sounds like, but this one didn't sound bad. "Who are you?"

"Drew! I didn't change back, even though it's all my stuff in the room! What the hell's going on?"

"I don't know! Look, just turn around so I can put something on and we'll go see what's up with Jeff."

He complied, and I grabbed the bag marked "Nell Lincoln" and put it on the bed. As expected, it was full of women's clothing that would fit this tall frame. I quickly found a sports bra and matching panties, a t-shirt, and a pair of jean shorts and got into them. I found an envelope with a letter and a wallet, too; I put the letter aside but quickly opened the wallet for a glimpse of the driver's license. That was my new face, all right. I quickly noted that Nell was short for "Penelope" before slipping it in my pocket. "All right," I said, grabbing my key, "let's go."

I tried not to look at the bulge Drew's new equipment was making in Daphne's pajama bottoms as we walked down the hallway to Jeff's room. We seemed to be the only ones still awake, judging from the lack of shocked noises coming from the other rooms. I knocked on Jeff's door and was pleased to see a nineteen-year-old boy open it. His eyes darted between us. "Art?"

I gave a quick wave. "Could be worse," I said.

"Yeah, you could be me. Hi, I'm Drew."

Jeff's eyes bugged. "How...?"

"I don't know! I talked to the guy who was me, and he said everything went well. He even sent video! It was this place's lobby!"

Jeff is a smart kid and made the leap quicker than I did. "He wasn't in the room. You're room's close to the lobby, but what if it's closer to--"

"--mine." Drew looked away from Jeff to me, and then the three of us broke for my room. We dumped the other bag out over my bed. Drew snatched at the wallet that fell out and opened it.

"That's me," he said, "Richard John Hobart of San Francisco, California."

I gave him a pat on the back. "I'm so sorry. But look, that means someone else in this building has turned into you. We just have to talk to him, get things in place."

Drew took a deep breath and let it out. "Right. But in the meantime..." He reached for the letter that had fallen out of the bag. I reached for mine.

To the new Nell:

Arthur says that the MPs will be here soon, so I'll have to write this quickly. If I'd known what he was capable of, I would have just slept with the bastard.

Your new name is Penelope Lincoln, but everyone calls you Nell or Nelly. I played volleyball and lacrosse in college and volleyball as a pro for a little while, at least until I messed up my ankle. You can find all that on the internet. I'm working as an on-air personality for CalSports right now, doing play-by-play and postgame interviews during San Francisco Dragons lacrosse games. If I understand correctly, you should get this before the opener on June 2nd; I don't know how long George (that's my boss, George Wilder) will believe I'm too sick to travel otherwise, especially without some sort of insurance claim filed. I also do some speaking engagements.

Anyway, I was at this place because I didn't sleep with a drunk member of the Raiders public relations department a few months ago. He apologized by giving this reservation he wouldn't be able to use to my agent R.J. (as you might guess from the bags being in the same room, he was more than that). It was at a good time, between the NLL and MLL seasons, so we took it. From what I got out of him on the phone, Arthur thought you might be more agreeable.

I probably shouldn't refer to him as Arthur; he says he was originally this Jeremy Boyd person I've become, until someone reminded him that he'd be considered AWOL for six months as soon as Jeremy reappeared. Hopefully I'll be able to work something out that doesn't involve ten months in the stockade. That doesn't look too likely, though.

Enjoy my life. I think it's a pretty good one, and I hope you and the new R.J. make as good a team as we did. Maybe when I get out of the stockade, we can compare notes.

- The Old Nell

Drew said his letter told a similar story - R.J. has actually become Stephen, the guy who wound up with Jake/Ashlyn's life, after being pulled in by "Arthur Milligan". I must say that it's just fantastic to see what that bastard is doing with my good name.

We've spent that last four hours doing internet research on our new lives. I don't think we know nearly enough to drop into Nell and R.J.'s lives seamlessly, but it'll do.

Now someone's screaming. Time to go act like we know what's going on.

-Art