It's... it's me.
I'm going to try to write this as quickly as possible, but I don't want to skip over anything. I haven't even gone to check on Alia, because I'm really, really nervous about this whole thing. I stuck my head out the door but there's been no commotion in the hallways. I've heard a couple people in their rooms, but it's hard to get a fix on who's doing what.
It hasn't been easy since coming to the Inn. Knowing that the change was coming eventually, and then finding out about Alia, I found it really hard to fall asleep. Part of me didn't want to, I wanted to know what the experience was, because I hope never to have it again. Part of me thought it would be too horrifying to contemplate, although when I read Brandon's post a few days ago, I felt a bit bolder about it.
Incidentally, the very first night we were here, Bryan saw me changing into my nightie, and asked me why I was even bothering. I said it was for comfort, and she balked -- when that change happens, what's gonna happen to the clothes I was wearing? Nightgown, panties, bra, possibly wrecked when my body gets bigger. I'm not a huge guy, but I don't wanna wreck any of Anne-Marie's clothes. So we both slept in the nude, which was uncomfortable for me on both the physical level (it's been quite chilly here at night) and the "dude cover yourself up" level, because in case you forgot, Ellie's still 15 years old, although Bry's back to his old attitude, joking around about his body and being really cavalier about it.
Well it happened a few hours ago. I was jolted out of a not-so-deep sleep by what felt like the weirdest massage/acupuncture/tattoo sensation, all over my body. I flopped out of bed and flicked on the light switch, scurrying to the washroom to get a better view of what was happening to me.
It was... not so slow as to be imperceptible, but not immediate either. My hair had already reverted to a shorter male cut (not really resembling the one I had had when I was last male) and my face was starting to follow suit. Bry joined me, already standing tall alongside me - I guess we had both grown. We looked like mutants for a moment, trapped between sexes, as the flesh on our breasts flattened and hardened. I couldn't bear more than a glance at my genitals, honestly, that shit was scary. It was like watching an alien birth. We didn't converse, except for exclamations of "Oh God, this is fucked up, this is so weird!" in slowly transitioning voices.
And then... it was over. And suddenly instead of a woman and her niece we were just two guys standing naked in a washroom.
Overcome with joy and exhaustion, we stood there looking at ourselves in the mirror. Looking at each other. We hugged.
I mean hey, I've been pretty intimate with a man for the last six months. I think I'm beyond calling "no homo" for crossing swords with my best friend on an occasion like this.
We started going through our luggage, looking for appropriate attire for now. Sweats and that kind of thing. In my Anne-Marie bag, I had my The Clash t-shirt, the one Alia gave me years ago, that I brought to Connecticut, never washed, pulled out every couple weeks when I needed a fading, fleeting reminder of Todd Casey.
For a while we stayed speechless, humbled, relieved, only barely managing to howl with a satisfied laughter or cheer of "Oh man... it's over... it's final over." We went out to watch the sun rise over the Atlantic while the rain continued, and try to figure out what to do about Alia. So far, no clue. Right now I'm trying to gather my thoughts, find the exact words I would've wanted to hear last year, and of course, taking the time to blog it out.
Bry, in his inimitable way, tried to cheer me up by saying "Hey man... maybe she got hotter."
I smiled and put my hand on his shoulder. "That's not possible, man, but thanks."
I figure I'll go over there pretty soon. Alia's kind of an early riser, even on vacation. I don't know whether I should hope she's already seen what's happened, or if I would want to be there for her immediate reaction. Either way it feels like it's not going to be a fun conversation.
But, well, I guess it'll be over with soon.